Once upon a time …

   The Essence created the beginnings of all that we see ...and also created were some things that we cannot see.

   The things that we cannot see are very interesting. But on the other hand, they often tend to scare us. This is particularly so because we don't understand what we cannot see. And anyway, there are things we just probably wouldn't understand, so it's better not to tell us. At least not until the proper time. So let's focus on what we can see.

   Can you see a conflict here? The Essence has created me and everything else; therefore it is not my story to tell, but rather the Essence's story. You may agree with that, especially since the Essence sees the things we don't see and sees them precisely as they were created, in having created them. And obviously my knowledge of that is limited. But then there's "my nature" emerging. I want more than to be a reader.

   I want to be an author. I want the story to be more interesting. What should scare me, actually intrigues me.

   Would I claim to see that which I cannot see? Would I try to take over the story from the Essence? In essence, would I try to appoint myself in the position of the Essence?

   At this point you don't know who is telling the story, but the story will proceed more rapidly from here on.

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   The nature of one of the 'Beings' was introduced during the attempt to steal the authorship of this story. But that's for you to sort out.

   Not to contradict what was already stated, the Essence was forever ...and "once upon a time", created time. Other Beings other than ourselves were created also. These Beings were created unlike us in many ways. They were created with much power and were created to never die.

   But the essence of one of the Beings wanted to be like the Essence. In wanting to be like the Essence, this Being, in essence, was much unlike the Essence. And this Being had no knowledge of what was going to happen.

   In opposing the Essence, this Being convinced other Beings to join in the opposition. Joining in this opposition, they were merely exercising their rights to a difference of opinion ...another point of view. Rather harmless, right?

   The Essence addresses this Opposition Leader, "I created you with all of your power and all of your splendor, why would you oppose the one who made you everything you are?"

   The Opposition Leader (T.O.L.) does not answer the question, but instead answers with a question, "What are You, my Creator, going to do ...uncreate me?"

   The Essence: "How does one answer a question with a question? Why did you choose to go against me?"

   T.O.L.: "I chose to go against you because you created me with the ability to choose. Why didn't you create me as a star, to shine as you command and do nothing else?"

   The Essence: "That contradicts my very essence. The act of willingly, by choice, doing what you are intended to do, brings light to one aspect of my absoluteness …not to be taken lightly."

   TOL remains silent.

   The Essence: "You were given the most splendor of all the Beings that I've created. That should have brought about, at least, some form of thankfulness, not ungratefulness. After all, I am the Essence who created you. Everything was made possible by me, including the choice. All I desired of you was for you to reflect that portion which I had given you. Should that not create reason and purpose enough?" 

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   TOL: "You mean, I was created only to be thankful? I would thank you to leave me alone."

   The Essence: "I will leave you alone for a time. You will learn what it means to be grateful. But you will also learn that you are powerless to escape my presence."

   The far reaches of the universe shrink away.

   TOL: "So you are stripping me of my splendor."

    The Essence: "Only that which you did not appreciate." Countless galaxies melt away.

   TOL: "You are taking me to the lowest ...no, what you are doing is the lowest."

   The Essence: "We haven't even begun."

   TOL: "What have you done? You've taken me beyond recognition. You are hiding me beyond the very fabric of existence. I cannot exist in this sort of isolation. And what is this misfit star? The other stars are beholding its simple domain and singing, but I cannot even share the faintest note."

   The Essence: "I have sent you to what you may consider an insignificant speck in the universe because that is what you have thought of me and of the splendor I had set apart for you. You will see my choice of Beings there, called Humans. You will learn from them. They will teach you what it is like to be thankful."

   TOL is escorted to this insignificant speck in the universe where he is to learn. But his only motivation is to find the purpose, so he can strive against it and bring accusations of injustice.

   TOL sees many types of creatures he had not seen before, but they are of no interest to him. He only wants to see the two types called human beings. 

   It doesn't take long before he convinces himself that he's figured it all out. The human beings pair up somewhat similar to the other creatures, but in sharp contrast to the other creatures …they are the ones with the eternal spirit. 

   TOL hasn't quite figured out their purpose, but if they don't have one, maybe he can lend a hand. 

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   TOL sees their insignificant display of function and immediately decides to confront the Essence.

   TOL: "I see you have given this one type of creature an eternal spirit like I have, but they have no power and no splendor. They are not much better than those other creatures you have created. What good can they find in being created?"

   The Essence: "You never did understand, but I've put you here to learn."

   TOL: "How am I to learn? Are you going to show me this worthless spirit, to teach me what I am to become because I opposed you?"

   The Essence: "No, you were created the way you were created. You will never become a human, nor any other creature."

   TOL: "So how am I to learn from those human beings and their mindless activity?"

   The Essence: "Just observe. Allow your mind to be filled with what you see."

   TOL: "I've already filled my mind with my greatest desires, but you took that away. Now you want to leave me with this empty hope."

   The Essence: "Sometimes it's best to empty yourself before you are filled."

   TOL: "Like you tried to fill my mind? I found much more freedom and gratification in having my own thoughts."

   The Essence: "Did you just have your own thoughts? Or did you do the very thing you are attempting to accuse me of ? You find fault in the freedoms I give and in my filling your mind. Yet when you freely chose to go against me, you didn't just have your own thoughts. You filled many others like yourself with thoughts against me."

   TOL: "So, are these creatures going to have a choice? Or are they going to do your bidding only?"

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   The Essence: "They will have a choice just like you had."

   TOL: "Had? You mean I won't be able to express my views like I did before? You are going to silence me? If you do that, then they will have no real choice; will they? A choice is not a choice unless there is more than one thing to choose from."

   The Essence: "They will have a choice."

   TOL: "So you will allow me to teach them about choices?

   The Essence: "You are filled with accusations. You are constantly judging me as unfair. Would I allow you to warp the meaning of justice and consider that a fair choice? ...Certainly not!"

    TOL: "Let us both present our views and let them be the judge."

   The Essence: "You continue to suggest this and that, as if the way I am handling things is unjust. But you are no judge. The most significant judging you will do is in judging yourself."

   TOL: "That is what I wanted all along. But you say that without allowing me to do it. If I am to judge myself, then I judge myself to have all my freedoms returned."

   The Essence: "I'm not allowing that. You will be judged through the one I will show you."

   TOL: "How can I judge myself and be judged by someone else at the same time?"

   The Essence: "You will be the judge of the choice you make. The standard by which you will be judged will come through this Man."

   The Essence takes TOL to a special place. The Essence creates a Man and breathes his own breath into the Man.

   TOL: "So the judgment you will fairly execute upon me will come through this man? " 

   The Essence: "Yes, through this Man. He will live here and you will live here."

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   TOL: "And the one who pleases you the most wins. Of course this man will please you more. He is subservient by his nature, having no knowledge. He has no real freedoms, but he doesn't know it. He doesn't know what he is missing. You've restricted him in a way that you've restricted me, but he has no knowledge of power or splendor. He doesn't even know he is restricted. Put a restriction on him or let him know he is restricted and he will not delight in you."

   The Essence interrupts, "You want me to put a restriction on him to see how he acts? I will tell him he can't eat the fruit off that tree."

   TOL: "Of course, you give him so much food to eat, he doesn't even hunger, why would he even want to eat that fruit when he has more than enough to eat without it?"

   The Essence: "You had more than enough and wanted more."

   TOL: "But I had knowledge of it. And I felt it within my grasp. I imagined I was you. It was the best feeling!"

   The Essence: "There's a difference between sharing what is yours and taking what is not yours. Giving someone something that they don't have is different from taking something away from one person so another can have it."

   TOL: "This man doesn't even realize what he doesn't have."

   The Essence: "That fruit is not his to have. I will tell him he can't have it. That is his restriction. One further restriction for you is that you can't touch the Man. If he eats the fruit, it will be his own decision, not by any coercion from you. If he eats the fruit, he will take away from his relationship with me and have knowledge what it is like to be like you."

   The Essence puts forth the restriction to the Man, but then quickly takes the Man on a tour of this special area. The Essence points out the different animal creatures to the Man and describes them by nature, attributes and character.

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   The Essence: "See these birds, how they float and soar!" The Man: "I'd like to float and soar."

   The Essence: "I made you low to the ground. Not as low as some, but still low to the ground. That is called humble. That is a good thing."

   The Man: "Thank you for making me humble."

   The Essence: "As you have seen, some have great sight, but better to have insight. And better to be distracted like the sheep, yet easily directed, than to be focused in the wrong direction."

   The Man: "Thank you for showing me the right direction."

   The Essence: "The huge elephant is not only graceful, but sensitive too. The deer's attentiveness gathers in the surroundings. They all benefit more from knowing, not guessing. There are others considered wild, yet eager to yield and obey. Attentiveness and meekness are good character traits."

   As the Essence shows the Man all the animals, it is a very instructive day; the Man being shown each with a description of attributes, nature, and character.

   The Man observes, "These animals you have created in pairs and they delight in one another. Do you have a partner for me that you are saving for last to show me?"

   The Man finds delight in this guided tour. But this casual delight infuriates TOL. And to make it worse, TOL feels that the Essence has created some of these animals with characteristics that TOL himself has; while pointing out to the Man other creatures that have better character. But all are lowly to TOL because none have the character of power and splendor that he once had.

   Each time the Essence does this character comparison, TOL deepens his anger. He despises this place.

   The Man: "I have thoroughly enjoyed this day."

   The Essence: "The day is not done. Take a rest and when you awaken, I will have a special gift for you." 

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   The Man falls asleep and the Essence moves about.

   Anger clouds TOL's thoughts. He shatters his silence, "You've created this Man to have delight in you! He has no knowledge of anything outside the guarded area! He can only communicate with you because you have not given any of these creatures in the guarded area the language we have. And you've kept him guarded from all the others who are like him; whom he otherwise would be able to communicate with. You are keeping a hedge of protection around him and keeping him all to yourself. You don't allow him to have the same companionship as the other creatures. He has even asked you if you were saving up a partner for him and you side-stepped the issue. You said you'd give him a gift later. What, …a basket of fruit?"

   The Essence: "I am going to give him a Woman."

   While TOL is consumed by his anger, the Essence creates a creature called "Woman" from the very essence of Man.

   The Woman looks into the Man's eyes. The Man looks into her eyes; still in a dreamy state, yet knowing he is awake.

   The Man: "The Essence said I was to have a gift when I awoke, but never did I think I'd get such a wonderful gift."

   The Woman feels the joy dancing within his eyes. And his smile brings about her first smile.

   The Woman: "Tell me about the Essence."

   The Man takes her by the hand, "This is a wonderful place. I will show you all the animals, but first I must show you the tree from which we cannot eat. Follow me."

   TOL tries not to let anger cloud his thoughts. The Essence is going to judge him through this Man, yet this Man has, to his own limited knowledge, everything to satisfy his hunger. And now he has a Woman to be his companion. Is TOL's judgment based on whether the Man obeys or not, concerning a stupid little thing he is asked not to do? Is the Essence trying to say this worthless creature is better than TOL himself, based solely upon his restraint from eating the fruit of one tree?

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   TOL is certain he can get the Man to eat the fruit if he can only talk to him. Yet the Essence forbids him from touching the Man. Only the Essence and this Woman are allowed to talk to the Man. It is not a choice. The Essence orders the Man what to do and the Man in turn orders the Woman. Such a convenient arrangement.

   TOL witnesses something quite different though. The Man is not ordering the Woman. The Man is finding delight in leading a tour throughout the area and showing the woman all the different creatures, just like the Essence had done with the Man.

   The Essence is pleased. The Essence observes the Man's joy as the Man points out the different animals to the Woman. The Man is in a very happy spirit. The man does not remember the character lessons of all the animals, but he has much time to learn. Meanwhile, the Essence is pleased with the joy the Man is showing.

   The Man sings with joy:

Eagle's eye, soar high above 

Loyal peaceful, cooing dove 

Lumbering bear, antlered caribou 

Leap like a cat or kangaroo 

Attentive as a deer, blind as a mole
Furry animals in trees, others in holes

One-hump camel or maybe two 

Mammoth elephant to pigmy shrew 

Giraffes so tall, up to the trees 

Hyenas laugh …check out the monkeys !

Rooster crow and grizzly growl 

Zebra stripes and spotted owl 

Feathered bird that cannot fly 

Squirrels and fish, they all will try

Cuddly bunny, not porcupine …
White stripe on black, watch for that sign!

   TOL is certain this delight will end. He repeats in his head the entire argument he had posed against the Essence. The Woman is gathering food for the Man and serving him with delight. But that will end. The moment she stops doing it, he'll still expect it. Then she will no longer delight in doing it.

   TOL continues to contemplate these unfair conditions. This Man is worthless and afraid. The Essence has told him he will lose his worthless life-force if he eats of the fruit. And besides being afraid, how can Man desire something when there is no knowledge of it? This Man can't desire what he's never had; nor what he's had no knowledge of.

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    TOL continues to rehearse his list of accusations. The Essence had said the tree contains the fruit of knowledge, but if they haven't eaten of it, there is not that knowledge. And if there is no knowledge, how can there be any desire of it? Without knowledge there is also no real vision of choice.

   TOL waits in anxious anticipation for any change between the Man and the Woman. But the Man and Woman continue to delight in one another as they walk hand in hand. The Woman continues to follow after the Man and everything he does. And the Man has what TOL himself had desired, a follower of his own. The Man is satisfied as the Woman submits to him. She honors what he says. But what choice does she have? Who else does she have to listen to? The Essence spoke to Man, but only the Man speaks to the Woman. The Man had to tell the Woman what it was that the Essence had said. She has never heard a voice aside from the Man's.

   Wait! The Woman doesn't know what another voice sounds like! And the Essence never said I couldn't touch the mind of the Woman, I only can't touch the Man. And the Man would no longer have his delight if the Woman didn't follow him.

   That's it! I will go to the Woman. I will show her my splendor and she will see there's much more to gain by following me instead of the Man. The Man will then feel desperate and afraid of losing his companion. So afraid, he will trade one fear for another.

   TOL hesitates, momentarily contemplating that thought. The Woman was not created to understand nor feel the power or splendor. She has no knowledge of it or how it feels. She may be afraid.

   The Essence thinks I need to learn. This time I will do the teaching. I will teach the Essence a thing or two. I will surprise the Woman. I will use my power, but not show it. I will use my power to speak through a creature. I will speak the Woman's language, not the creature's. She will be surprised because she has only heard the Man, not the Essence. I will confuse her and cast doubt in her mind. This will work! I will not hurry. I will choose just the right moment.

   TOL waits. He watches as the Woman tries to please the Man. The Woman gets up early every morning and gathers fruit for the Man, so he has something to satisfy his hunger when he awakens.

   What is the Essence trying to show me? That this Woman was created for the Man, to please him and to be satisfied with that? Am I supposed to learn that I was created with similar purpose and should have been satisfied with pleasing the Essence? 


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   This Woman is a weak and despicable creature. TOL is beginning to hate her even more than the Man. She is a mindless follower. She has no knowledge of anything. But I will confound and confuse her. I will cause her to see things differently. She will doubt.

   The Woman has only one admirable quality which I am confident she will soon demonstrate. She will choose the same as I did. She will choose against the Man just like I chose against the Essence. She will please herself and not the Man. She will want more than was given to her. She will desire the knowledge. And I will lead her to it.

   TOL chooses his moment. He watches as the Woman once again gets up early in the morning. The Man is still asleep. The Woman begins to gather fruit for the Man. TOL surprises her by speaking through the mouth of a creature familiar to the guarded area. TOL (through the creature): "What are you doing?"

   The Woman is surprised, but not afraid: "I didn't know you could talk?"

   TOL: "And I didn't know you could talk. I am equally surprised. I think you are a fascinating creature. I was just interested in what you were doing."

   The Woman: "I am just gathering fruit to eat."

   TOL: "Why are you not gathering some of the best fruit?" The Woman: "What do you mean?"

   TOL: "Follow me." He draws her attention to a certain tree. "That fruit over there …it's the best! The Man will be very pleased."

   The Woman: "But he said not to eat of the fruit of that tree or to touch it. He will not be pleased if I bring it to him."

   TOL: "Why did he say not to pick the best fruit?"

   The Woman: "Because if we do, the Essence will take away our life-force."

   TOL: "You won't lose your life-force. See, I'm touching it. I was not able to speak your language, but one day I accidentally bumped into this fruit and suddenly I was able to speak your language. I have since experienced so many wonderful things. The Essence doesn't want you to eat the fruit because if you do, you gain knowledge and become like the Essence."



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    TOL anxiously waits, as the Woman takes in what he had just said, "Certainly your Man will be pleased if you help him gain knowledge and become like the Essence, whom he regards so highly."

 
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    TOL is pleased with himself as the Woman gives the Man the fruit also. It is just as TOL had anticipated. The Man had feared losing his companion. This fear now bonds them together in rebellion against the Essence. And TOL finds great satisfaction in watching the couple suffer defeat as they are sent out of the guarded area. TOL has a new air of confidence.

   TOL: "A few short words to the woman and she follows. Then the man follows her. So, you wanted me to observe and learn? Let me see what the score is. The woman followed me, so that's one for me. The man followed the woman, so that's one for her. And no one followed you. That's zero for you. Anything else you'd like me to learn?"

   The Essence: "You will learn much. You continue to challenge my righteousness. You will be certain to learn how futile that will be."

   TOL: "Don't get all upset now. I'm merely doing the same as you. You try to enlighten me and I am trying to enlighten you. It's not my fault that you are confined to this sick nature of yours, this righteousness thing. You are the one who gave the choice. The way I see it, that decision prevents you from judging me. Your own righteousness forbids it."

   The Essence: "Even though they didn't follow me this once, they are not pleased with their decision. Their desire to follow me will return."

   TOL: "Of course, if you treat them with more care and privileges, they won't walk away from the good they have."

   The Essence: "I have sent them out from under my guard. They will have the same privileges as everyone else."

   TOL: "So, you are satisfied with having this one Man and Woman and not at all concerned about the others?"


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   The Essence: "I'm concerned with all."

   TOL: "You said I'm going to be judged through this one man and he failed your test. Don't tell me that you're going back on your word and saying you're concerned with all now. Now that the man has failed you, are you going to choose another? And how many times must the test fail before you realize none will follow you? Besides, you said I'd be judged through this man. And since you claim to be fair, I demand to be set free now."

   The Essence: "No, I'm not going to choose another man. This man and woman will share with others all the knowledge and all the good I've given them. There will be a few who will follow them, and in turn, follow me."

   TOL: "Will you also allow them to share the part of how they disobeyed you and the consequences you gave them?"

   The Essence: "I will lead them and they will lead others as they choose to; out of their own desires to tell others of me."

   TOL: "So when they tell of how they had a delightful life and you changed all that, making them work and experience pain simply because they disobeyed you, what do you call that? I don't call that really following you. They will only follow out of fear of consequences."

   The Essence: "You haven't." 


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   TOL hesitates for the slightest moment. Sometimes hesitation can be looked at as a strength; yet at this moment TOL considered it a weakness.

   TOL: "I no longer need to fear. I don't even know why I'm arguing about how this man and woman will act or how the others will interact with them. You hold fast to your fairness and you said I'd be judged through this man. He failed the test. That should free me of your judgment. I don't care what happens to any of the rest of these lowly creatures. Through your own word, I want off this orb."

   The Essence: "I will show you what 'through this Man' means. Man and woman will bond in a certain way and they will bring forth a tiny Being that is much like themselves. They will become 'pair'ents of a Being which will come from them, 'through them'. They will spend many years before the Being develops into someone more fully like themselves. This Being will be called their child. And the man and woman will have to care for the developing child until it has matured and is able to make decisions independently. But they will be taught not to make decisions independent of me. The children will be led to follow me and if others choose to follow, I will accept them also as my children."

   TOL: "This is very clever of you to wait until now to tell me what 'through this Man' means. So now he has a child 'through' him. But it doesn't matter. Each man becomes independent by separating himself from you. He sets an example to his children who separate even more from you. I am confident that each will find occasion to disobey you."

   The Essence: "You are overconfident and always so full of your accusations. You are so busy challenging me that you don't spend enough time challenging your own thoughts or choice of words."

   TOL: "Okay, instead of accusing you of not telling the truth, I'll just ask you. When you told the Man that he'd lose his life-force if he didn't obey you, what did you mean by that? It's obvious that he didn't lose his life-force, so what did it mean?"

  The Essence: "His unbroken relationship with me is his life-force. He separated himself from me with his disobedience. And even now his temporary life is waning." 

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   TOL: "But he still has his eternal life-force, something he doesn't quite understand. But he didn't even have enough fear of what he did understand. You threatened to take away the Man's life-force if he didn't obey you. That really, really says it all, doesn't it? He still disobeyed you. He was willing to risk losing his life-force to go against you."

   The Essence: "There will be those who are willing to give their whole life-force to obey me."

   TOL: "And how often will it take for you to see that given the precise circumstances, everyone will find opportunity to go the route I did and rebel against you?"

   The Essence does not answer ....time will answer.


                                                                  *******


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    TOL witnesses the relationship between Man and Woman and the bond they have. TOL witnesses the birth of their first child, then their second. They tell their children about the Essence and how they failed to restrain from the fruit of one tree. They tell of some of the fruits of their labor. They teach their children to give up the first fruits and how to set them aside for the Essence instead of reserving for themselves.

   As the children begin to grow, the first child learns to raise crops, learning to work the hours of the sun. The second child sings songs as he tends to the sheep. By necessity, his job is to guard at night also, especially when the lambs come.

   TOL speaks to the first young man, "How nice! You are preparing an offering to the Essence. What do you have to show?"

   First child: "This is my show bread."

   TOL: "I see you are giving the Essence your best of show. Whose bread is that over there?"

   First child: "That's mine."

   TOL: "None for brother? Or dad and mom?"

   First child: "No, I save them some grain. They make their own bread."

   TOL: "Where is the grain?"

   First child: "In that bag over there." TOL: "The bag is only two-thirds full." First child: "It was full just yesterday."

   TOL: "I think your brother has been feeding that pet lamb with some of your grain."

   First child: "I will hide the grain from now on. And my brother will get the smallest portion." 

                                                                          22

   A couple weeks go by and it is the day marked as the seventh. The second child returns with his flock after a long journey looking for new pastures. He is very hungry, but he knows his pet lamb must be hungry also. He sees the bread and offers some to his pet lamb. At that very moment, his brother walks in, "What are you doing? That's my show bread."

   Second child: "I am sorry. I didn't realize. I will bake you another loaf of bread."    First child: "Don't bother. The Essence is used to the way I make bread. I will not have you mess up my offering." 

   Second child: "I am really sorry. Please forgive me." 

  The second child hesitates, waiting for his brother's response. There is no acceptance to the apology. The second child slowly departs. 

   TOL reminds the first child of his dad's experience of disobeying the Essence and how he almost lost his life-force. TOL is confident that he has the first child's attention. 

   TOL: "That show bread was for the Essence. Your brother took the Essence's bread. He is judging his life-force above the Essence. And look, he took your best bread, yet he will not offer his best. He is still saving his pet lamb." 

   TOL is about to bring that fact up to the Essence when the second child bursts into tears. 

   Second child; "I am so sorry. You are the Essence my dad and mom have told me about. How could I hide the truth from you? I have kept my best lamb, this pet lamb of mine." 

   The second child then offers his pet lamb to the Essence.                                                                           

                                                                              23






                                                                  * * * * * * * * 



    The first child had built intolerance for his brother. Forgiveness was absent from within him, and he'd become a victim of it. He'd also made his brother a victim.

   The Essence does not address TOL. TOL knows the Essence is aware that he'd prodded the first child to turn against his own brother. The Essence addresses the first child instead, telling him he must leave the presence of his family. 

    The Man is hurt. The loss of one child is as devastating as the other. As a result, the Man stops calling out to the Essence. 

    The Man and Woman don't discuss it either. After a bit the Woman begins to feel it should be discussed, but the Man shows no desire to discuss it. And as time goes on, it becomes easier not to discuss anything at all. 

    The Woman is dealing with unbearable guilt. She feels it's all her fault. She seeks out the Man's approval, but feels attention is only given through his strong sense of responsibility. He doesn't want to discuss anything of substance and merely speaks when spoken to. 

    The Woman feels she has to do something. Perhaps something out-of-the-ordinary will work. She is desperate for his approval. She reminds him of how the Essence clothed them, providing a covering, after their own rebellion. With this in mind, the Woman asks the Man to give her a gnu dress. This animal has long black hair on its neck and back. Since he no longer seems to pay attention to her long black hair, she will transfer that worth for her own desire for it. Her gnu dress would be the mane attraction. 

    Her real desire though, is for another child. This time it will be nice to have a daughter. She could teach her precious daughter all about caring for herself and always insisting upon a gnu dress. 

    The Woman has to wait many years though. And she begins to change the way she looks at things. She begins to think of her husband more, instead of concerning herself with whether he thinks of her. 

    When the time finally comes, the Woman decides she must live unselfishly. Upon the birth of their child, the Man and Woman, not expressing desires to each other, begin to nurture their third son.

                                                                                 24



   The man and woman begin to set down rules and expectations for their third son. They travel about with their flock of sheep and share with others about the experience with their first two sons. They also share the experiences they've had with the Essence. Those who listen and try to follow with setting down standards for their own children, become friends and travel with the man and woman.

   TOL hates the way the man and woman have set up rules and expectations for their child. It reminds him of the set expectations the Essence has for him. And TOL hates the way the child obeys, so helpless and dependent.

   TOL despises the relationship of husband and wife, but worse is the parent and child relationship. The Essence has somehow created it so this disgusting child actually desires being told what to do by his dad. Yet when food is scarce on their journey, both the man and the woman make sure the child eats first. The man insists that the woman eat second and he will even go without if there's not enough for all of them.

   As the third child matures, TOL tries to get them to fear the different people they come upon in their travels. The Essence doesn't even address the fear because it doesn't exist at this point for the man and woman. The man and woman have a dual purpose in life. They aim at raising their children in the proper fashion and they also tell others about the Essence.

   They are eager to tell others, certainly not fearing anyone because of a mere difference in skin tone. Following the ways of the Essence is more than skin deep.

   One  family decides to travel with the man and woman. They have a daughter and she marries the man and woman's third son.

   TOL objects when the third son and his wife have a child, "So, this child is through the third child who is through the man and woman whom I am to be judged through. Through and through they continue to go against you. Yet, you continue to say he's not the one, he's not the one. If he disobeys you he's obviously not the one; yet neither will the next one be, or the next. Why don't you just give up? There will never be one."

                                                                      ** * * * * * **

   After ten generations of through and through, the Essence has few followers. One man and his wife have three sons who take wives from three separate tribes. Only the eight of them follow the Essence at this time. 


                                                                                25



   TOL wants to boast that he'd been right after all. Everyone has occasion to rebel against the Essence. And the rebellion feeds on itself …and thrives.

   TOL feels that the Essence has not chosen to have been made available to the people. The whole earth has virtually turned away from the Essence. It has been quite some time now, since the Essence has made an appearance. But this time the Essence directly approaches TOL.

   The Essence: "Have you seen what sort of existence the people have when they rebel against me? They have no consideration for each other and they live in the most vile ways."

   TOL: "Everyone seems to displease you. Some of the things you consider vile are actually just mutual benefit. After all, they are just lowly creatures. They have nothing better to do than show disregard for one another. On the other hand, you and I know what pleases us. We desire power and splendor. If they were like us, they would not bother with little disgusting things. How long will it take before you realize we all just want to live our lives? No one seems to live up to your standards except one man. And how long will that last? They ridicule him so thoroughly. Everyone considers him crazy, except his own three sons. Many say that his sons may grow even crazier than their dad. But what choice do they have? By your own design he is training up his children in the way they should go."

   The Essence: "He is not crazy. He is obeying me."

   TOL: "Then maybe it's you with the crazy expectations. You expect everyone to obey and we simply don't want to. How long will it take you to realize that?"

   The Essence then plans something that TOL doesn't expect. The eight who stand in obedience, endure long-suffering of much work and ridicule. Then to the surprise of TOL, the Essence takes away the guard from the guarded area. Was the Essence allowing access for all to the guarded area? But before anyone could enter, a parade of animals exits the area. Announced by an elephant's trumpet, they parade straight to the shelter of comfort provided for them by the eight who had endured such long-suffering for their sake.

   The people scoff at the architectural skills of the eight, stating that the shelter will never withstand. But the Essence slams the door on their doubts, sealing the work with a bond none can destroy. Then as ridiculous as it seems to all the others, catastrophic changes dominate the entire scene.

    TOL watches. When it is over, he appears much satisfied.



                                                                                 26


   TOL: "How many times are you willing to start over? You like starting over, don't you? You like demonstrating your power. I know I did. Really, the same thing pleases you and me. We desire that power and enjoy using it."

   The Essence: "You are nothing like me."

   TOL: "Nothing in comparison to your power. You very adequately demonstrated that. The power of creation and the power of destruction. Such a pleasing cycle, isn't it? May I have a turn at it?"

   The Essence: "You've already had a turn. You've committed to destroying from the inside-out. Through temporal means, you've worked to destroy that which is eternal. I destroyed that which is temporal to save that which is eternal. You focused on corrupting my followers as well as the entire earth. Since you won't refrain from your intrusions on my people, I have made it easy for you. There are only eight to focus on. But things will be different now. For the next three generations, the temporal life of man and woman will only be one half of what it had been, then the next, one half again. And the same will be true of the animals. Those mighty creatures, the reptiles, grow every year of their life. I will cut their life span to a tenth, so they will grow only to a tenth of the size at the end of that same period of time. And as I cut them down, I will let everyone know that I may do the same to any other that considers themselves mighty. As for my purpose, I will establish a mighty nation of people who will follow me as a child follows his father. And I will lead my people as a father leads his children."

   The Essence departs, leaving TOL with his own silent fury. TOL hates being limited in what he can do. But maybe it will be easier now. He only has four men to concentrate on. TOL has had success with fruit. He will use grapes. With the heat of the day and the passage of time, the moment presents itself.

   Once again TOL rises to the challenge and finds success and temporary satisfaction. TOL convinces himself that the Essence will not be able to create a nation of people to follow as a child follows his father. This one child is already on his way to report to his other two brothers against their father.


                                                                                    27 

   TOL is anxious for the Essence to witness this with him. TOL waits. The Essence's presence is not made known. But soon TOL is relieved that the Essence did not share in this moment. The two brothers do not share in the disrespect towards their father. The Essence does not share observations with TOL at this time, though the Essence does observe the two sons providing a blanket solution to the problem.

   The Essence sees much in providing a covering with correct intent. But from a different perspective, TOL is driven to distort and expose everything the Essence holds sacred.

   The one who'd disrespected his father soon has a son. The son learns to disrespect his grandfather and later his own father. The disrespect travels to third and fourth generations. They distance themselves emotionally, but live in close proximity, still in fear of venturing out from what their elders have taught them.

   A meeting has been called. The eldest of the elders is not too fond of the meeting in the city, nor of the tower site. But he does feel it is important to say what he has to say.

   The eldest of the elders steps to the upper platform. The entire tower appears to be a tower of people. All the terraces are packed with people within the "in lying" areas as well as the outlying areas. The men occupy the upper terraces and the women and children find their places below.

   The eldest of elders claims the Essence speaks to him. Then he shares a story about a big boat that contained the beginnings of every living creature they will ever see on land. Some of the grandchildren and great grandchildren snicker, trying to hold back their laughter. One grandchild speaks up:

   "You are laughing and many of you say that Grandpa is crazy, but you also tell a story about a big boat. You say you floated at the top of the earth. You say the waters have receded and the animals have spread out all these years. Why have we ourselves feared to spread out? Do we fear that if we don't stick together, the Essence will destroy us? And if this Essence saved my father and grandfather, then why couldn't we all be gathered together again and be saved?" (taking a big sigh) 
   "Why have we spent all this time building a tower? Why are we gathered together today? Couldn't the Essence just lift us up into the air from wherever we're at and spare us from any destruction below? Grandfather says it will never happen again this way, but father fears it may. Or maybe destruction will be from fire next time. We fear so many forms of destruction, but I believe we're destroying life itself by not enjoying it."

   The Essence approaches TOL. But TOL doesn't wait. TOL blurts out: "Are you disappointed that you weren't invited to this meeting? Well, I'm glad you could join us. It's proving to be very interesting."

                                                                               28





   The Essence: "What do you find of particular interest?"

   TOL: "Most of them don't believe you floated a big boat with all those living creatures. They think the story is funny. Even some of the ones who believe this big boat story, join the others in laughter. You have a rather pathetic group you call believers. How can they believe you created the universe and not believe you could float a boat?"

   The Essence: "Some believe I can do anything. There are a respectful few who believe I floated a big boat and they would also believe I could float the very land they live on. Others would not believe even if I gathered up the believers into the air for all to see, or if I shook the very foundations of what they believe. And I will do just that. I will break apart the land and float the very land they live on. I will shake their foundations. And no, that alone will not make them believe. Some day they will study all of what I've done. They will fit it all together in their own way and say it took over billions of years to come into existence. They will also look at these soon to be divided masses of land which they'll call continents and find a pattern by which I divided them. They will see that they fit like a puzzle and figure in that the continents floated over those millions upon billions. They will call it continental drift. But they won't believe I could float them. They'd rather float their own ideas. If life remains a puzzle, they can look at every piece and glory in it. But I created the picture. Would they think every piece just fell into place by itself?"

   TOL: "This meeting has fallen into place quite nicely, but you are talking in riddles.

   The Essence: "Things often appear in riddles if you're not patient enough for them to be revealed to you. For those who don't believe in me, I'll further confound their world with things they can't understand. They laugh and call my leader crazy. You will see the crazy ideas they will follow."

                                                                       29




   The eldest of elders addresses the entire group, but his eyes focus on his own son with an appeal:

   "My son, my dear son, though you have the consequences of your wrongdoing, how long must the bitterness endure the generations? As I was quick to reveal the consequences, I was not as quick to teach forgiveness. Then you taught your own son not to respect me. Now he doesn't believe me or you. He doesn't believe what we have both seen. He believes the misdirection he's seen instead of the direction he has heard of. And that is where the true sadness comes in. We have both failed him. In his bitterness he can see the wrong in what we've done, yet he has no foundation for what is right. He understands that life should be enjoyed, yet with no foundation in the Essence. Where does that lead? A good heart without direction only leads to good intentions, eventually led astray and into destruction. When a sheep goes astray and becomes lost, we put all our effort into bringing that sheep back into the fold. We are doing a great wrong here, attempting to find our own solutions to the things of the Essence. We do not gather today in an attempt to find out what the Essence would have us do. Instead we gather together in our own strength as a result of our inner fears, of misdirection, and of finding comfort in our own numbers. Just as pairs of animals were directed by their Creator to gather together for the boat ride which many of you scoff at, they since have spread out like they never before have. Their Creator has not directed them to gather together again, nor has the Essence, our same Creator, directed us to do so. We had built the boat because we were directed to do so. Were we directed to build this tower? The animals have spread out, but we have stuck to our own wisdom and have only spread out conflict and confusion. To prolong this misdirection only furthers the confusion. Therefore, I am moving out of this city. I am moving out with my flock. Those of you who are of the flock will follow."

   He works his way slowly through the crowd and joins his wife below. Two of his three sons begin their way towards the exit. One joins his wife and children on the bottom terrace and they are joined by others. But the other turns back and slowly works his way to the platform, silencing the loud mass of men:

   "Let us make peace. My brother and I have been at odds for all these years. Let us establish our peace here. If we can only come together in peace, we can do great things. Don't let past guilt rule you, brother."

                                                                           30





    The crowd remains silent in anticipation. The one brother has made his decision and does not accept this invitation for peace. But the other two brothers embrace each other on the platform. The one who had offered peace addresses this one brother, along with the crowd:

   "That's all I ever wanted was the support of my brothers. But the two of you were always so close to one another. Neither of you helped me feel accepted. It was as if you felt I was always in the wrong. You were never open to any of my ideas. But if we are just open to accepting how each of us feels, I'm sure we can reconcile and always arrive at some sort of compromise."

   Suddenly the tower shakes. A cumulative gasp echoes throughout. As brick and mortar shake loose from the upper platform, people begin to scatter. More of the platform shakes loose and they shove and push as they rush out the nearest of multiple exits. Masses of people trip and fall down the terraced building circumference, but they get up wailing and quickly descend the terrace. The men who reach the bottom help the women snatch the children up as they continue to run from the tower.

   Unintelligible voices of panic fill the air. Yet those voices are not merely guttural moans and shrieks of terror. Swallowed up in confusion, unknowingly, groups of people begin to respond to the screams. People begin to separate in response to different voices and the earth responds also, separating into multiple fractures. 

   This creates an ever widening gap as the terror-stricken women see their children swept up into another's arms. They are powerless to do anything about it. They don't even speak the same language anymore.

   Someone who is a complete stranger to them calls out to them. Only a set amount of people understand them and that select group find no choice but to respond. Momentarily paralyzed with fear, their ears become active and they respond.

   As the tower erupts with explosive fury, burning lava spews forth out of the tower, consuming it and filling the earth's fractures. The fiery lava closes in on their path. And a voice can be heard calling out:

   "He was right, we must follow the animals! The Essence has shown them the way. Quick, follow the birds! They can sense danger from above."

   Those who hear the speaker of that language, see the young man point, though they don't see any birds. Nonetheless, direction is given and they run with desperation, following the young man.

   Another group runs from the clearing towards a group of trees. Several people begin to climb the trees. Another explosive blast of lava shoots into the air. A burning coal hits one young man on his arm. He runs so fast he startles an already frightened deer which had sought shelter in the woods. Before the deer can react, the young man leaps on the back of the deer. The deer runs wildly through the woods with the young man on the deer's back. A witness reports that the young man was hanging on for deer life. They take it as a sign and run in the direction he was last seen.

                                                                           31







   The women with children and the elderly cannot keep up, so having lost vision with their deer group they now seek desperately for another to follow. And the opportunity soon presents itself as one elderly man says he either saw a man riding a goat, or he saw a man-goat. He isn't sure. Nevertheless, they follow.

   One woman trips and reaches out to break her fall. As she hits the ground, her hand falls around the throat of a snake. It hisses and just misses her face with that forked tongue drenched in saliva. She is afraid to let go and afraid to scream so she grips the snake and runs. Others follow.

   Another woman is frantically carrying three small children as she runs a distance, quickly setting them down before running back to retrieve her other three children. A year ago she'd had six baby boys born to her all at once. Again visibly pregnant, she is rumored to be expecting six more. All of her present six children are wailing. And anytime anyone approaches to help, they wail ever so more loudly. So much so, that no one helps the frantic young woman. They just watch in admiration as she runs back and forth waving her arms frantically after setting three children down, then running back to get the other three. During these panic moments this is not considered strange. This is strength of character. And it is this character that will lead this admiring group of spectators.

   The lava is flowing slowly now, yet it is still flowing. Thankfully, everyone escapes without loss of their life-force. But they keep on moving, in fear that the lava will overcome them. 

   They gather together in small groups in response to the voices they hear. The streams of lava flow and the dividing earth have separated them. The animals they had tried to domesticate, now are responding instinctively, it appears. Their keen senses and swift movements make them well-equipped for this sort of thing. And the swifter animals wait, almost as if poised for the moment to show their swiftness.

    The people too have to survive. They move on and on. Mothers carrying babies, fathers carrying sons and daughters. The animals all appears to know where they are going. From cats, crocodiles and cows to donkeys, dogs, frogs and hogs …even when it appears they are out of harm's way, the animals keep going. The people observe the animals. They study the animals' behavior. And they continue to follow the animals.

   Others look to the one who'd first announced the language they now hear and have quickly come to understand. They feel this person is the one who had directed the animals. This person sees things they cannot see. He or she is the enlightened one. 

   They follow the enlightened one and many other things the enlightened one has said. Others join with others who speak the language they understand. They share what they had witnessed. As they join in groups to discuss and share their accounts, they become an enlightened group. Each comes up with their own and unique ideas, but each accepts the others' views, weaving together a much varied tapestry of events and beliefs. Their images and beliefs will later be carved and written in stone for others to see.

                                                                   32





    Some say they traveled for days, some say the journey lasted several months, and some feel it's already been a year or two. It is like a dream that seems to occupy most of your night, but actually is only a few seconds of your sleep. But this is not a dream and it is not a pleasant reality.

   Finally it appears the animals have finished their journey. They search for homes. Most men and women had traveled with children, often someone else's children. They also are ready to settle, as they have traveled miles upon miles. 

   As they settle, they build with strong and flexible materials. They build low to the ground, as they still fear large structures. The young often move further on, but they eventually settle too.

   Every day since the collapse of the tower has been overcast. But today the sun comes out. The enlightened one does not say anything, but stretches out prone to the ground. On this bright sunny day, most look to the sun as a sign of hope. But they can't be sure. They first have to look to the enlightened one. And they can't really tell if the enlightened one fears the appearance of the sun or is paying homage to it.

   The enlightened one begins digging his fingernails in the dirt, gripping the earth. He usually instructs everyone what to do, but this sounds more like a desperate command:

   "Get down, it's not over!"

   Some had begun to doubt by now and just stand watching. Then the earth shakes like it never had before! Immediately fear grips them again. They all drop to the ground and grip the earth.

   As the earth begins to divide, the women are the most vocal. Yet they are powerless to do anything about it. They can barely stand. She looks across the divide as the land separates:

   "My baby, my baby! Someone save my baby!"

   A fleeting hope, yet she is certain she sees another woman pick up her child as the now distant continent floats away. She is thankful and cries silently in hope that they will take good care of her child.

   The husband is more possessive of his child. It is his only son. He will not be separated from his son. He screams to his wife as if it were her fault. He demands:

   "Where is my son? What has happened to my son!"

   The wife is visibly shaken, in every way possible. She can't endure her own pain, let alone the condemnation of her husband. Her voice trembles. Her words to him are broken as she points to the drifting continent where their son is:

   "There! In continent." 

   And her husband is, as he grips the earth. 

                                                                        33





   The earth shakes for days upon days. Some say it has been a couple months. Some say thirty days, others forty. As the earth shakes, many contemplate the "Why …why me?" And wild ideas travel through the heads of many.

   Suddenly the earth falls silent. It stops shaking. The land seems to have taken on a new shape. But the people aren't in the best of shape. They're still shaking. Their beliefs have long since been shaken. But now also is their trust shaken.

   Not many express relief. Most are preoccupied with fear. Their belief now centers upon instability, tending to fear rather the calm before the greater storm. Can it actually get any worse than this?

   Each land division holds its own unique language and its own unique response to that which they do not understand. Many have even lost that which comes naturally. Moms cease to smile.

   Many moms attempt to gather their children together, but the children do not respond. The children seem to have lost their laughter and joy. Can anything bring them back? Nothing they try seems to help.

    Each day is as the day before, anticipating change and fearing it. Then one day change comes. One man begins to dance. No one welcomes this change. What does it mean? Is it an indication that something bad is about to happen? 

   The moms do not smile. The children just stare. It is difficult to tell if anyone has any positive vision at all. But the one man continues to dance. He begins a frenzied game of peek-a-boo, holding a leafy branch in front of his face, then quickly pulls it away while making a strange face.

   Suddenly one child laughs. The child's mom had forgotten what it was like to hear her child laugh. The mom smiles. Then she laughs too.

   Several other men begin to dance. They imitate birds and animals of all sorts. Some spread out their arms as wings, gliding with each step. Others hop. And that almost forgotten sound fills the air ---the children's laughter.

   The moms smile. They laugh with their children as the children join in the dance. Then the moms cry. But these tears are tears of joy.

   A celebration takes place at this moment. And they decide to commemorate this day every year. But what they do not realize is that with each additional year, they will come to focus more on the dance and forget the joy. Sadly, in years to come, this will be considered only a guy dance ...or guidance. They'll establish a very serious tradition, but no real purpose will be passed on, and no real hope.

   With no real hope, there is always a large present need. As the people still seek after leaders, some leadership is always ready to be provided. Enlightened ones still dominated the scene. They see the already present fear residing as a result of past events. And they work not only to instill that fear, but to maintain it. They seek to instruct the people as to what the Essence expects them to do. And they instruct the people to believe that they need to keep the Essence satisfied, so those past events won't happen again.

   These enlightened ones then proceed to reveal the expectations of the Essence, what will satisfy and maintain peace. And the people listen. They listen because they hadn't listened to their elders and now as a result they've had to face two horrible reminders of the consequences of that unbelief. 

                                                                         34







   Death is something that they fear greatly. The elders had not feared death, but focused more on the correctness of life. But now the others have many vivid memories of threats to their very existence. The lava flow and the splitting earth didn't take any lives. But the near fatalities brought vivid images. These images brought about new awareness, but no knowledge to understand them. The men had looked to the skies and what was happening to their precious tower. They had feared not only for their lives, but for what they were losing. The women hadn't looked to the skies, but for their children. That was their nature. But after the earth divided and the continents floated, both men and women had lost their sense of family. The women had lost their sense of partnership with their husbands, but were still trying to salvage something meaningful with their children. The men had not only lost their sense of family, but could barely salvage any sense at all.

   Many of the men had no real instincts, so they had followed a kangaroo, panda, black bird, or bear. Or they had followed people who snorted and screeched like animals. These people seemed to have the same instincts as the animals and gave direction to a confused group of people. These were the enlightened ones. Others just had a knack for making others feel good. They knew how to enjoy life. These were considered gifted ones. If an enlightened one and a gifted one happened to get together; now that was something not well to be considered.

   Old beliefs were abandoned and new ones were sought out. The prolonged fear of death gave much occasion for thought. Many scrambled for explanations and for meaning, which is good, there is always real meaning to be sought. But most of what was sought, ought not to have been sought. And almost all that they were seeking was in error. Error had brought on the events in the first place. And as is always the case with error, it can be corrected, or it can continue on and upward to absurd levels.

   But some were not absurd, some were logical. Logical is not absurd, it's merely false too often. "Too often" tends to form patterns which in turn form beliefs. And these beliefs were: that "order" defines these patterns and we must merely understand the order and live compatibly with it. They would be okay if they stuck together, as long as they didn't repeat the mistake of building cities. They would stick together as families, as clans and as tribes. They would stick together in these groups as long as they could live compatibly with nature; and could live within the boundaries that would satisfy and please the Essence. They would also follow those in tune with nature, the animals. And they depicted their beliefs on walls of rock.

   Others thought that this was too simplistic and diverged to accept the illogical over the logical. These enlightened ones, or gifted ones, provided more than enough of that. When men and women are desperate for answers, it is not surprising that they'll accept almost anything. They are constantly in search of something new. Something they haven't already heard. And the greatest tendency is grounded in their greatest error.

                                                                         35   

                                                                                                                                

   Often the gifted ones or enlightened ones had nothing new to say. Everything appeared calm now. They did best when things were out of control. When most everyone had been running in fear and were out of control, they could relate. They had much to share during those difficult times. But now the earth is calm. And the people are beginning to calm down.


   Certain of these gifted or enlightened ones can not relate to this. They are the accepted leaders, yet they still have unresolved inner turmoil. Everyone else had stopped running, but now they want to run away. There is too much pressure. Men and women are coming to them for answers and they have nothing to say. They want to tell the others to leave them alone, but they can't cope with the disappointment and rejection others would burden them with if they'd announce they're quitting. So they continue to say something …anything!

   Their thoughts run wild. It is too difficult to continue under this pressure. They will run away in the night. The others will be disappointed, but they will not be around to experience that disappointment. Not to worry though, those who mourn over lost leaders will soon be fulfilled. Other leaders will rise up. And they will have more staying power.

   And that is certainly true. There are many who have a strong desire to lead. And some understand leadership better than others. All they have to do is wait for the followers to tire of the old leaders, or those old leaders to tire of the followers.

   Some are chosen by the majority of the clan or tribe, but most often they choose themselves. The aspiring new leaders most often wait silently in the wings. The old leaders are often very popular and they don't want to become unpopular by choosing to challenge the old leaders prematurely. That may be certain defeat for any future consideration of theirs. They will have to wait for something unexplainable to happen and then create an explanation for it. It will be their only advantage, their opportunity. 

    All are lacking in wisdom and understanding, but they will offer an explanation slightly more believable than the absurd. They will connect several observable facts and mix those facts with what they want the people to believe.

   One group who hadn't gone far before the earth shook, had followed a leader who himself had been scrambling for reason and purpose. He had cried out to the skies in his delirium. He had wanted answers, but none had been provided to him. He had looked to others, but they did not provide him the answers. So he had provided his own answers. And the others followed him. 

    He was now tiring of this leadership thing. It has gone on too long. But this night he will escape.

   He takes much care in building a fire by the river. Now his followers gather around on one side of the fire, prepared to hear what he has to say. The leader has thought long. And now he is prepared to speak:

   "Close your eyes and listen to the voices of the night." 


                                                                           36



   The only follower who knew what really happened was truly not a follower. He did not close his eyes as the leader had commanded. He'd kept his eyes open and looked around to make sure everyone else had their eyes shut. He saw the leader jump into the river and get caught in the swift downstream current.

   No one saw the desperation of the leader as he fought to survive. No one saw the intense struggle that preceded his eventual safety. The leader was successful with one last attempt at a branch extending out over the river's edge. And after dragging himself up the river's bank, the leader ran. He ran mile after mile, desperately trying to escape those needy people whom he had once led. Now he would tend to his own needs …foremost being the need to get away.

   The false follower, who had kept his eyes open for opportunity, didn't see that the leader had survived. He only saw that the leader was gone and that meant he was no longer the leader. He also saw his opportunity and lost no time in hollering out:

   "Is he gone? I had a vision …is it true?"

   This time the false follower has his eyes shut. He is certain that everyone else will open theirs. And he is prepared to listen what the others have to say. He isn't quite sure yet whether everyone else had had their eyes shut.

   One follower: "Perhaps he was taken up in the smoke. The fire has lifted him up to the heavens."

   This was creative. He had built this fire so very meticulously, and then to be taken up with the smoke to the very heavens, hinting the approval of the Essence.

   Another follower: "I heard the water splash. He's become one with the river."

   Also very creative. He becomes a part of that which is still with us …a very dominant force in nature. And in essence, he would still be with us.

   The false follower can listen no more. Each of these provides leadership qualities. Perhaps the others will look to one of them as the new leader. The false follower has to interrupt before it's too late. But he makes a point to keep his eyes shut as he speaks:

   "These are all great ideas, but what really happened? Has anyone really witnessed how our leader disappeared?"

   One follower speaks up: "How could we see? Our leader told us to keep our eyes shut!" 

                                                                       37




   The false follower is certain that everyone else has their eyes open, but he keeps his shut. They all still hold great loyalty to their leader. He doesn't want to risk challenging their loyalty, but he knows he needs to take charge now:

   "Yes, we all had our eyes closed. Anyone who didn't have their eyes closed would have to be cast out from our midst, as they would not be true followers. We must remember what he said. He said we should listen to the voices in the night. He had told me this earlier in the night and said that we should wait here if we don't hear the voices immediately. We are to wait until the fire burns down, after each and every ember has burnt out."

   So they all wait. The fire burns through that night and into the next day. Approaching the night again, only the embers remain. Then something happens. The river begins to rise. It overflows the bank and eventually snuffs out the embers.

   The false leader tries desperately to come up with a story of how the forces of the water have overcome the forces of the flame. But as he is devising what to say, the river continues to rise. Darkness fully engulfs the group with no light from a fire. As the waters from the rising river begin to engulf them, it suddenly happens. The voices of the night!

   The night calls to them. It is not just one call, but an entire chorus. The chorus builds with intensity. But no one understands it. They don't know whether they are being invaded or rescued. And if rescued, then how? Were they to become a part of the river, or were they going to hear a voice they could understand?

   The false leader does not want to become a part of a watery grave like his ancestors had talked about. He does not know how high the river will rise. But he does know he has to lead his people out of the water or he'll not have a people to lead.

   Soon the people learn to be eager for the banks of the river to overflow. It brings the water they need to create a much needed fertile crop. It represents abundance …of a satisfied heart and stomach.

   And eventually someone, the false leader, discovers the creatures of the night that sing out the chorus. They are strange amphibian creatures that live both in the water and on land. Very adaptable and the certain choice to worship. A creature that has mastered both environments.



                                                                    38 




    As a matter of speaking, these frogs saved the false leader. At least they saved him from being discovered as false. And the false leader is unanimously chosen as the new leader. 

 So those ….. 
        who chose 
        to refuse, 
 to continue to confuse, 
        were replaced ….. 
 by those who gladly faced 
        those who unknowingly would receive 
        those with a deep dark desire to deceive. 

     People chose to worship the forces of nature. People chose to worship the animals. Or they chose other people …real or imagined, and the things made by their own hands; along with the prestige, position, and power associated with those people and their things. 

    New leaders came about through all sorts of varied means. Some of the new leaders were so successful that they were able to gain many followers. And though the burden to lead may become too much at times, leadership is not always in jeopardy if the choice is to not lead alone. Some of the leaders created rank and file positions to lighten their own load, without relinquishing their own positions. 

    But there were also those who shared in the great leadership qualities, though they did not do as well …through no fault of their own. They appeared to be doing everything the other leaders were doing, but it just wasn't working for them. The difficult fact to accept was that success often has nothing to do with anything we do …or don't do. 

    Most often it is matter of judgment, often risk-taking, and a lot of convincing. And sometimes it's just not meant to be. This is the case with one young who had occasion to taste a bit of failure. He tries to be convincing, as he holds a conch up to his ear:

    "I hear it! I hear it!" 

    The shore is filled with shells of various sorts, shapes, and sizes. And there are many of the conch variety. His guess is that no one will pick one up right now, but they probably will later. All he hears is wind …or is it waves? Whatever it is, it isn't much! He has to come up with more …something different than what they could later experience for themselves. 

                                                                      39       




    If he merely says he hears wind or waves, what power would that indicate? Wind is a powerful force and is the power behind the waves. Waves only rule the ocean and part of the near land. He has to save himself embarrassment here! A horse can lead a horse …and a duck can lead a duck, but he has to somehow duck out of any further questions they may have lingering in their minds. 

    He has to be convincing. A person! Yes, a person …that would indicate their leader. They would only hear wind, but they would be convinced that he has a special gift …that he hears a person. 

    "I hear a person!" 

    They all just look and stare. 

    "Really, I hear him talking to me! He's relaying information …directions." 

    They still just look and stare. This is embarrassing. It's quite possible they've held a conch up to their ear before …and they just don't believe him. To make matters worse, a few of them pick up conches and hold them to their ears. He was naïve not to anticipate this. 

    "It may just sound like rushing water to you, but it's the sound of our life-force. And the sound of the wind within the waves, it's a voice speaking out to us." 

    Judging from their feedback, he feels they are not buying this …voice in the wind. Who does he think he is? They probably think he's just a big bag of wind. 

    Suddenly, everyone picks up a shell. And they don't just listen into it …they have to outdo him. Not only do they act like they hear a voice …they hold it up to their mouth and begin talking into it also. 

    Taking this all in, he begins to laugh to himself over how really ridiculous this looks. They are all walking up and down …and back and forth, talking into these shells. He can't imagine what he has started! 

    Little does he know that he is witnessing the very beginning …of the first ever shell phone network. 

                                                                         40





    Those who desired to follow had to carry the burden of their leader --heavy or light.

   Those who fearfully followed had to deny themselves.

   Those who sought comfort, camaraderie, and mutual benefit had to embark on a journey through the highways and byways of compromise. They would merge ideas: compromising on the smaller issues, yet satisfying the larger more dominant views.

   Those who sought advantage had to bear the burden of competition ---of those who also sought it. But these were often the dominant ones. Their high card was usually self-imposed exclusiveness. They formed divisions, creating a forum for anything that would give them advantage.

   Those who sought only truth would perhaps have to endure and persevere. Vision, purpose, and direction are not always immediate.

                                                                           41





    It is a 3-year old boy who speaks. He is in the group who'd followed the eldest elder before the tower collapse. And he is still following his elders. He is in the group who'd escaped the lava. And the earth he stood on had not moved. Everything around him had drifted, but he stood on a foundation that did not move.

   The 3-year old boy: "No want on sandals. First tell 'bout peep-el tower on. How babb-el on, cuz how scat-hard they are."

   The child's parent smiles: "Yes, they babble on because of how scattered they are."

   As the child grows, his parents explain much to him. The story that they pass down, begins with the guarded area. They mention briefly the failures of the Man and Woman, but mostly their story draws attention to the animals. The animals that are still within the guarded area are to remain there until the appointed time. They are preserved for a very special purpose …when the boat is built, a special breed of animals is to get onboard. And when the boat lands, those animals breed a spectacular array like never before, nor ever again will be seen. They had been kept safe within the guarded area for this special purpose. After they emerge from the boat, they are able to spread out. Their order will be to extend throughout the earth, building their families. And many will breed a new generation every couple of years, so they multiply faster than the men and women. But after the tower, the animals flee in more specific groups, failing to interbreed. 

    The child prefers the story of the animals as most children usually do. But his parents also tell him about the wayward behaviors of the people. The men had done much in the way of exchanging their own ideas, but had failed to listen to those that counted. And the division of the lands proves to be the least of the divisions. They further divide according to ignorance and stubbornness, unforgiving, always forgetting, and seldom allowing the true knowledge to reveal itself to them.

   Many things need to be passed on, but Dad tries not to make it seem like a burdensome thing. He sings his family a song. Generation after generation this song will be heard. The children seem to enjoy it, as they sing along:

   Not single file, but two by two
   Not too logical, a floating zoo.

   File 'em in just like a class
   Order what to eat, real fast.

   Each pair became like a special family 
   But do not add them to your family tree. 


    Set aside for us to see
    They bred a wide diversity.

   They got along without difference 
   Until that tower which made no sense. 

   The tower erupted and things got tense 
   And families soon thrived on ignorance.

                                                                      42





   This group of people does not find comfort in numbers as is the striving of the more dominant group. They do not follow the animals nor the people who claim to follow the animals. They do not follow the bobcat or badger, nor even the more dominant bull or bear. What they believe isn't to be shaken by any other beliefs. They don't buy into others' ideas. What profit is there to follow? 

    Others will sell their ideas when the time is sufficiently ripe. Many ideas are quite marketable, especially the bull. The bear is declining. It remains stagnant too long. And besides, hibernation is not profitable. Though there is always room for bobcat, badger, and any number of bovine beasts. No, though others will always find some pleasure in it, there are others still who will have nothing of this carefree adventure.

   I can't believe you bought that! 
   Buy their ideas, sell their ideas 
   Assess the profit, follow the lead.

   All follow the energy of the raging bull, 
   Not the lumbering sleeping bear,
   Or perhaps ride the market on the steed.

   The past, present or future ...it all molds into the same
   If you try to follow it ...you'll probably go insane.

   Whether Bull, Bear or Beetle,
   Pig, Pan ...or in the pan,
   Full of Pandemonium ………..# $ @ % $ $

   People begin to spread out as the population grows. And the different groups begin to bump into one another. The dominant group which usually divides, merges on this occasion with the mutual benefit group. They find this as a new avenue of advantage. The mutual benefit group joins in for the mutual benefit, not realizing how far and for what purpose the compromising will take them. The dominant group needs them to fill the twin cities they now have under construction. And the mutual benefit groups also need to move in on a mutual basis, so the dominant groups can later dominate them. Then later, with this all in place, the place becomes a not very nice place to live. That combination of mutual benefit and dominance soon becomes very ugly, indeed ---and in deeds.

   The wicked deeds lead them into full-blown sadistic savagery. They don't even hesitate to consider anything they will find wickedness in.

   The Essence looks at the utter abomination of it all and destroys the twin cities.

                                                                        43





   TOL sees this as no setback. He will just rebuild the cities. That is no problem. His motivation is not to build anyway, it is to destroy …to destroy everything the Essence tries to build. It is just easier to do in cities, with populated confusion and distractions galore.

   The confusion is what TOL is driven to rebuild. He'll rebuild the cities first, then after …better yet, he will get those who follow the Essence to ....

   The Essence interrupts his thoughts: "Longsuffering only benefits when it precedes a change for the good."

   TOL: "Why didn't you just provide a covering?"

   The Essence: "There was no motivation on their part towards correctness. A change for the good was not even remotely evident."

   TOL: "You promised you'd never destroy this orb again, so now you resort to a couple cities at a time. How much more gratifying! That way the others can live in torment, wondering each day what wrath you may send upon them. Of course, that depends upon your mood. Let's check the menu. What's your mood of the day ? You really enjoy tormenting with this prolonged judgment, don't you?"

   The Essence: "Are you talking about them or you?"

   TOL: "Well, now that you mention it, you are doing that same thing to me."

    The Essence: "Judgment does not become judgment without understanding the 'why' of it."

   TOL: "Well, the people in those cities didn't understand."

   The Essence: "They did at one time, but they went too far. They became insensitive to any form of correctness. They had no respect nor regard for each other. Your influence destroyed the person before I destroyed the city. My judgment was for the benefit of understanding. It was for the benefit of those who didn't go astray. It will clearly show them how the small things they ill-consider can eventually go way beyond."

                                                                         44





   TOL: "You say I destroyed the person, but that was through their own choice. They have the right to choose as they did. It is their choice. To have a choice, they had to have had the knowledge of you, which they readily rejected; and the knowledge of things I've given them, which they accepted. By destroying them, you are withholding the maturity of that knowledge and the ultimate choice."

   The Essence: "You are well familiar with the horse which will accept more grain and more grain. It will indulge itself until it eventually destroys itself. That only holds a past choice, not giving opportunity for future choices. Sadly, some owner has to first see this, before warning others of the risks. What is better … choosing or to be chosen? More benefit comes through limited choices given adequate time to consider. And knowledge that is distributed at a slower pace is often much more readily accepted, appreciated, and absorbed. It is something I have provided for man and woman which you have not experienced, having all your knowledge at once. That is part of my design in having them raise children. And they get to see a part of themselves in their own children which provides an opportunity to reconcile some of the same struggles they had when they were children."

   TOL hates any mention of children. He can go on and on too, but he hates when the Essence does. TOL will remain silent just long enough to gain advantage. The Essence will eventually say something TOL can up and run with.

   The Essence: "They have a lifetime of choices. They start as helpless babies, but even if they think they grow strong in their own strength, yes, the arrogant even have countless chances. Even the stiff-necked and stubborn have the opportunity for a reality check in their old age, many becoming as helpless as they were as babies. It's a humbling experience if you don't let the sting of pride elevate you to a false level, infecting you with its damaging blows. The bottom line is that if my people follow my design the way I intend, it is called wisdom. If they follow you, knowledge is only a stepping stone towards reaching power. Knowledge creates its own power. You don't need to begin with power; it manufactures its own in the lifting of ideas."

                                                                     45





   TOL: "What is wrong with new ideas? It's nice to know we can all have our own ideas."

   The Essence: "The abuse of that creates a destructive force that has the horrific potential of doing almost anything. On the other hand, following my design leads to a contentment you have never known. See this man I have chosen to lead my people, this Father of my children? See how he cares for his own child? See how he obeys? As you see the Father and son, so also will my nation be led."

   TOL accuses: "Other fathers don't care for their sons and the sons seldom obey. Isn't a nation made up of many people and each one affects the way the nation becomes?"

   The Essence: "Yes, we will watch that very thing together, in time, but for now it is enough to focus on this Man.

   TOL: "I've seen that even those who obey for a time, still find some opportunity or circumstance to choose on their own. When that happens, are you going to judge as you have always judged me? Will you strip them of their moment? When they error, will you take their leadership away? If you have judged one, certainly you must judge all. You certainly have not hesitated in judging me."

   The Essence: "As certain as your eternal spirit will never change. You can not judge my righteousness. You can not judge that which you have no part of."

   TOL: "Because I stand in disobedience to you, therefore you claim I am not righteous. Perhaps I myself believe I am righteous."

   The Essence: "You will watch as the Father of my nation to be, will show how righteousness ties in with love, obedience and sacrifice. You can't help but notice how he loves that child. He would be willing to give his own life-force for his child."

   TOL: "So, you are showing me that it's possible for him to love another more than himself. And are you also telling me that I should have felt that same way and obeyed you?"

   TOL pauses, not liking the way he had begun this discourse.

                                                                       46




   TOL needs a new approach. He might as well try the approach.

   TOL: "Well, maybe I could have learned to care in my own way, but you didn't give me a chance. The third who followed me would agree that we didn't get a chance to care for one another. Though we did have something in common with this 'Father-to-be' of your nation. We cared about each other more than we cared about you. You say this man would risk his life-force for his child. So what! Would he give up his child for you? Now that would be something! If he truly is worthy to be the Father of your nation, would he give up his most prized possession for you? Would he give his own son?

   The Essence: "You said you cared about those who rebelled with you? You were pleased that they supported you in your rebellion. As a leader, it made you feel more supreme. The more they followed you, the more supreme you felt with your power. And their rebellion was your prize. A man who does not look at his son as a prize is a true father.

   TOL wants to get off the subject of him. As humiliating as it may seem, he will pretend to defend those despicable creatures called mankind.

   TOL: "Is it so wrong that there are those who look to their children to possess them? If they share every part of themselves, wouldn't the child naturally become a part of them? And wouldn't there be a fondness for those who choose to live for them. I actually have become fond of a few of them myself. I feel like they are a part of me. And though I didn't like the way you took away my power, I do appreciate that you've allowed me these few loyal followers. Unless of course, the lesson for today is over and you choose to destroy them as before …and then I would have to apologize for my stupidity. But you couldn't do that because if you destroyed everyone who disobeys you, then you wouldn't have any people to make up that nation of yours, now would you?"

   The Essence: "The only thing you seem to understand is my supreme power. I am supreme over all things. But showcasing my power is not my nature. Most importantly, my love is supreme. No one will be denied my love. But to guarantee that, I must be supreme in power also. So when you seek out to destroy that opportunity, it's only right that I stand with power enough to oppose that."

                                                                       47     

   TOL tries to interrupt, but he still doesn't quite know what to say.

   The Essence: "The only real choice is by offering the choice of either absolute love or absolute evil. You will see that every parent who raises a child has the elements set up to reflect a portion of that love. But only those who follow in obedience can fully experience that portion to the depth I've intended."

   TOL feels he's losing the upper hand here. He refers back to a previous question, "You never answered my question. If you really want to see if this Father of your nation is worthy, see if he's willing to give up his child."

   The Essence: "He loves his child, but he puts his son second to me."

   TOL: "That's not been demonstrated as far as I'm concerned."

   But suddenly TOL wishes he hadn't said that. At this moment the future Father of the Essence's people is asked to give up his son.

   TOL watches the whole thing. Thoughts run havoc through his mind. He had challenged the Essence. At the time, it felt like a good point. But TOL knows now he'd made a bad point. He had narrowed down an argument to a measurable statement. The Essence had introduced judgment by an act of rebellion, but is now using one act of obedience by one man to justify the judgment. This wasn't fair. But the Essence could always say that I, TOL, myself …had brought it up.

   TOL's thoughts run wild. The Essence had been wrong up until now. The Essence hadn't won an argument before this …the absolute fault of the existence of a condition of righteousness, which forces the Essence to hold off my judgment. There had been no basis for judging before this. But now if the Essence wins this argument, there will be a basis for judging …a basis suggested by me! Defeat by my own device? The Essence can't do this to me!! It's not fair!!! How can I allow myself to lose? No, I can't! The Essence is not just supreme, but also places a high value on being fair. That is a weakness of the Essence.

   TOL can't allow himself to panic. Truth and righteousness and ridiculous things like that mean a lot to the Essence. The Essence claims these things are the very essence of who the Essence is ---and the Essence is who the Essence is. The Essence is truth and anyone who opposes truth, opposes the Essence. This Father of nations had not told the truth to the king. This chosen Father of nations had told the king that his wife was really his sister. That is a definite violation of truth. Maybe the Essence will honor that argument …but maybe not! 

    TOL continues to panic. Why had he narrowed down an argument to a measurable statement? He continues to have this single most concern …will this Father of nations measure up?

                                                                      48





   TOL observes as the Father of nations obeys the Essence. The Father of nations is about to give up his son.

   Shocking relief leaves TOL temporarily speechless. The Essence has stopped it.

   TOL is so relieved, but the shock still rips through him. He begins to babble, not able to form words at first: "H-e-e, h-e-e, h-e di-d-n't do it!! Y-o-u di-d-n't let-t-t him do it! You've proven nothing!"

   The Essence: "He was willing to do it. But I would never expect him to carry it out. What I asked of him is too much to bear ---to see one's own son lose his very own life-force. The affect would be too damaging. And for any youth to see his father forsake him is also too much to ask. No father could bear do this to his son; and no son could alone endure seeing his own father forsake him."

   TOL will not make the same mistake again. He can still win this argument. All he has to do is focus and he'll be able to regain control.

   TOL: "He didn't give up his son! You've proven nothing! But even if he had given up his son, it would not be good enough. Everyone's obedience is imperfect. Everyone is going to have occasion to do their own thing. He'd have to be obedient at all times. Furthermore, he'd have to be perfect …and no man is that! You can't judge me unless you judge everyone. And no one is perfect."

   The Essence: "There will be one who is. And by him you will be judged."

   The Essence slowly establishes the Father of Nations. There are no spectacular beginnings. The Essence begins by leading a small group of people through this man. Then certain sons, whom the Essence has chosen, also follow. 

    TOL continues to fear what the Essence had said, but he celebrates the frequent occasions of self-will and just general selfishness of man. Though fear does not smother his celebration, nor does contentment spur it on. Discontentment breeds anger. TOL will make sure these sons of the Essence will not resist temptation. He will surround them with it. 

                                                                      49





   Quite typical of the old pattern, the absurd is more dominant, therefore will conquer the logical, who'll only find it logical to join in: "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." Together they will attempt to point out how absurd the truth is. The truth, in essence, will be generally dismissed; or in most cases, mildly accepted as merely a certain group's folklore.

   The folklore tells of what truly is, and what truly has happened. But what is true? And what truly happened?

   Whatever did happen had to have an explanation. Each would claim to be absolutely true, so there would be no half-truths. Each claim of truth would rule out the possibility that anyone else could be true, aside from their absolutes.

   But what is truth? Irregardless of our beliefs, there has to be an absolute truth, whether we believe it or not.

   Whether we believe it or not, doesn't change it from being true. Whether that truth is revealed to anyone is an entirely separate issue. Perhaps the truth is revealed to no one. Is that the dominant view? Does that seem logical?

   As the people spread abroad, they begin to bump into one another …and there is friendly exchange, as well as hostile. And much issue is brought about over the legitimacy of each group's worship.

   One family believes in a truth that their parents had taught them …what they had witnessed and what they were told about what they had witnessed. They had respected their father who had been chosen to lead a new beginning. And later, this eldest elder and his family had been spared the volcanic effect of the tower. They'd witnessed the earth move …though the earth did not move beneath them.

   Others are having a new beginning of a secondary nature …as their foundation had moved. Their new beginnings had been firmly rooted in disrespect of family, though disrespect in itself was not new. And they were always ready to follow any insane idea.

   Some follow only the truths they see. And they learn laws and patterns of an orderly world. But they feel the world guides itself. They feel they must only learn the various laws and patterns and that will aid in their survival.

   So, in a land where there is always untruth to fog their vision, the Essence gives them much more to interpret falsely. Huge pillars of stone suddenly appear to guide their skies. Huge boulders shoot into the air, only to land delicately, balancing atop fragile monuments of packed sand. Each creates an image of the fragile foundations which they stand upon ---windswept by tornados and pounded by lightning, earthquakes, and hurricanes. 

    The Essence creates much beauty. The Essence sculpts as a potter does clay; and sweeps out canyons, the canvas of a painter brushing each delicate stroke.

   So many different views to explain everything. It is so difficult to interpret. So difficult to know. The only way to approach an understanding is by first discrediting all that is untrue. 

                                                                   50





   There is a contest announced. It is a contest TOL doesn't like much. Those who worship the frogs have amassed great numbers. The prosperity of the river and the land has flourished. But the contest proves to poke much fun. The frogs are so highly regarded until they are so highly numbered …indoors. At this point of the contest, the frogs have so greatly increased in number that they enter the people's food, their beds, and on their heads. At least during this brief period of time, the frog will fall from the popular ranks of praise and worship leader. Pardon the expression, but the people become hopping mad.

   TOL does not like this contest, nor how the false beliefs are contested. But he does learn something from it …not what the Essence had intended, but he does learn something. TOL learns the technique of: over saturation. An overly excessive amount of a thing, even if it's a thing of worship, can build an intolerance for that thing. 

    Too much of something can often more effectively aid in tiring of it, leading eventually to the rejection of it. And though something initially rejected can always be later accepted; something accepted and brought on with such intensity to a degree of saturation, often has a tendency not to be brought back to the realm of acceptance. Except for the fullness of truth, which you can never get enough of. Once you've embraced it and allowed it to cleanse you from all deceit, this truth will magnify your desire for it.

   For truth does not create a busyness, nor a business. It requires moments of searching and quiet reflection, which brings a character in the opposite direction, far from the dangers of over saturation.

   TOL will work on the immovable, to move it. To move the truth into the realm of misinterpretation, doubt, and deception is not that difficult. Manipulation is the next mode of transportation. But to use the method that the Essence had used with the frogs ---that has to be a very special time. It is fruitless to saturate when the people are going to mess up on their own anyway. It has to be saved for a time when true worship of the Essence dominates, if ever there will come a time.

   Meanwhile, the people are messing up just fine on their own. Obedience only lasts for a brief time. They seldom are content. They veer off from what the Essence will have them do. And they continue to stray off from the truth, even if it's written in stone for them. To say the least, TOL is encouraged by this cycle of disobedience.

   A large enough group is following the Essence, but they keep straying off the standard set before them. They begin doing what is right in their own eyes. Disjointed in purpose, they find more comfort in numbers. And as others set out to conquer them, they endure by the strength of the Essence. But through increased fear of being conquered, they begin to show respect for those they've conquered, instead of towards the One who had given them the strength to endure.

                                                                      51





   They share and find comfort in numbers, compromising and retaining the high and mighty places others value so highly. The Essence has protected them and now they are protecting that which is not theirs ---that which was never intended to be theirs.

   They substitute what the Essence has clearly made acceptable, for what they desire the Essence will allow as acceptable. They are judging what is right in their own eyes, in essence, judging the Essence's distribution of mercy.

   The Essence visits TOL at this point in time. "Ungratefulness does not become a worthy trait even if the majority chooses to be it. It is you who chooses to judge by numbers and power …not Me."

   TOL: "That's because you, numbering one, exceed all the rest of us in power. From the perspective of the disadvantaged, I find that hardly consoling."

   The Essence: "How about the power of understanding?"

   TOL: "One in the same thing, as far as I'm concerned. With your power, you destroyed the twin cities. What's to understand? It's well understood that you are all-powerful."

   The Essence: "It's important to me that both you and they understand."

   TOL: "Yeah, yeah. I know; it's that righteousness thing. But how about what you said about knowledge distributed at a slow pace. You said it will bring about more understanding? It is your own people who you say you are bringing understanding to, but they are questioning and searching for answers. They don't understand your sporadic distribution of mercy. They wonder if you will destroy their city too. They fear you. Is that what you want? I thought you said you were not focusing on power?"

   The Essence: "I prefer to call it reverence. But as far as power goes, the greatest power comes from within. And as I've said before, you've thoroughly used your power of persuasion towards destructive means. Each child born is designed to have two parents who are designed to love that child. In return, the child learns that they must follow the lead of the parents. They should always know the parent loves them, but they should also fear consequences if they disobey." 

                                                                     52





   TOL: "The parents can be grateful that they have a child. The children can be respectful and thankful towards their parents. And the parents can both love and discipline their children; but that doesn't mean they understand you. You are too harsh. You get disappointed and you start destroying entire cities. How can they love you?"

   The Essence: "These cities that I destroyed, that you are trying to defend, were already destroyed from the inside-out. The parents did not love their children and the children, finding no love, did not respect their parents. Nor did they respect anyone else."

   TOL: "But your people don't understand that. They don't see it your way. They see their own children move to the city and then you destroy it. How can they care about you when they feel you don't care about them?"

   The Essence: "You are questioning my power of understanding. I have already made a change in the way I will deal with them. It seems learning the hard way is the preferred way for some. Their doubt is evident. They continually question my judgment. So I will allow them to do what is right in their own eyes. If they turn away from me, then they are no different than other nations. If they choose to side with other nations, I too will look to the other nations. I will allow other nations to go against my people. And I will not empower my people to defeat them."

   TOL wonders about this stance the Essence is taking. At this juncture, the Essence is allowing his own people to taste defeat by the very ones that TOL favors. But that soon changes. As soon as the people turn to the Essence and ask for help, the Essence gives them victory.

   TOL sees a reoccurring pattern that encourages him. The people only turn to the Essence after tasting defeat. But after they are helped, they turn away from the Essence again. Each time they turn away it seems easier the next time to go astray again. And each time they lessen their desire to turn to the Essence.

   That's the way it is when seeking is only prompted during evident trouble. Those who are in peace and don't continue to seek, often lose their peace …one piece at a time. Each piece of the Essence's truth can be addressed in truth or in the voice of compromise. And if each piece is considered outside of the whole, then the whole is already compromised.

                                                                    53





     Compromise does not reveal error; it only creates a new standard for truth …much less of a standard. This is considered one of TOL's successes. And he is eager to claim victory. 

   TOL: "You see that your own people, your very own people, the nation you have established, are doing the very same thing that the people in those twin cities you destroyed were doing. Of course you know what comparison I am referring to. You know my thoughts, so I will refrain from going into detail, even though I would find much gratification in doing so. In either case, since I don't know what you think, I'd like to hear what you think. I think your answer will confirm the fact that you are not fair. But go ahead and explain, since one of your purposes is to grant me understanding. Give me one good reason why you haven't already destroyed those people. You have to admit that your own people are doing no different than those people you destroyed in two of my favorite cities."

   The Essence: "Yes, you see that understanding is a fault of my own people also. And yes, the horrifying similarities between my own people and those I've destroyed ---the similarity is to such detail, it cannot be denied. They are trying to deny what they have become, but they cannot. They've reached the extreme where they can no longer ignore it, nor can they tolerate it. They must attack their own problems from within. They themselves must destroy the destructive sector. They hate doing it, but it is unavoidable. And they will accomplish something by destroying their own by their own hand. They will learn more intensely the lesson. They will think twice before questioning my distribution of mercy. And they will get a glimpse of how I feel. They will realize how much I really love them, by providing such longsuffering and staying my hand from destroying them myself. Incomplete obedience only clouds the understanding and sometimes things have to get real bad before the light can be seen penetrating the darkness. A lit candle is more visible at night than at midday."

   TOL: "They follow you in battle, but not in peace. When both are supposed to be your people, which sector do you favor in battle if they both turn to you at that point? Shouldn't you extend mercy to both?"

                                                                 54





   The Essence: "A seemingly good, ye t unwise young man continues to feed his bloated horse. Twice he calls father to deal with the sick animal. The third time the father has his son deal with the sick horse himself. The times before, the father ha d stayed up all night while the son slept comfortably in bed. But the third time, the son has to stay up the long night to care for the horse. After this third time, the son doesn't ever over-feed the horse again."

   TOL: "If the son ha d overfed the horse after the third time, would the father continue to stay up through the long night to help his son heal the horse? Would he continue to show mercy? And with these people of yours who have turned against themselves, how will you deal with them? Will you show mercy to both?"

   The Essence: "Anyone who does what is right in their own eyes may quickly recognize that which is extremely wrong, but they may not understand that viewing what is right in their own eyes may have led up to that more obvious wrong. And yes, I would extend mercy to both, but both are not my people. One battles in my name only. My true people are the ones who will now confront their lack of confrontation which had led to these heinous crimes. They will lose the first two battles, but I will give them victory in the third, after they realize their need to wholly turn to me."

   TOL does not seek available understanding. His hope is that during either of the first two defeats, the people would've given up …believing the 'righteous cause' not to be a worthy one. Or somehow if they would've convinced themselves that the Essence is no longer with them and they should no longer be with the Essence.

   TOL: "So I'm to be impressed by the fact that they destroyed themselves? I will also have those so committed to me that they will not only seek to destroy their own, but will also destroy themselves."

   The Essence: "You've already shown me that. You and the third that followed you, that is."

   TOL gets more than a third of the human beings to follow. He also elicits the favor of the Essence's people who admirably observe his following. Then the day comes. The temptation, the desire for what others have, becomes too great. It is a crowning moment for TOL. The Essence's own people say they no longer want to be led by the Essence. 

    Well, that's not quite what they say, but it's well on the way to that. They decide they want to be led by a King …like the others.

                                                                   55





   It is the Essence who pays the visit.

   The Essence: "You see, there are those who don't want to be led by me anymore. I will allow them to have Kings like other nations."

   TOL is shocked. Is the Essence giving in? The Essence must be weakening. The Essence is accepting their rejection. Maybe the Essence really does love these people. These people have hurt the Essence. Caring can be so draining. Maybe my own rejection of the Essence will eventually be accepted too.

   The Essence chooses a King for the people. And the Essence's people follow their King and do battle like the other Kingdoms.

   TOL tries to get the Essence's people to feel their own power, and to pride themselves in victory. And they not only feel pride in victory, but they savor the pride of those whom they have victory over.

   The Essence's nation continues to have victory, though all battles are not easy. They celebrate, but in celebration they choose to save the treasured hallmarks to the very evils that nearly destroyed them. The standard they set throughout the earth by their victory is thought of more highly than the standard set by the Essence. These hallmarks and savored spoils of war become the esteemed high places for the people of the Essence. And in not destroying the high places …their own eyes, their own vision, becomes darkened.

   But who could tell of the ramifications, 
   whether a ram or the bleating of the sheep I hear 
   ---or whether past, present and future meld together 
   in a hand dealt within the wizardry of paying no attention 
   to the man behind the curtain ---to continue the masquerade 
   and clearly deceiving one's own self in paying no attention to the Essence,    or mocking and bringing light to such similarities that are not Light, 
   but merely darkness.

   Whether when a man is considered a man,
   or when more than a man is considered a man, or less than a man.
   Being one with the Essence, facing those who acknowledge the presence,
   but forming allegiance with those who have no clue, nor care to ….
   Howbeit that one can deny, seek out the lie, and dwell more in darkness        than those who have never walked in the Light.

   This was the error of the first King of the Essence's people. The curtain was drawn on him. He would no longer have access to the Essence he denied. And he slipped into darkness. 

                                                                56





   The next King found immense joy in the Essence, yet also found joy in that which he was not to have access to. But he clung to his desire to follow the Essence and experienced the restoration all should have strived for.

   From King number two, to not know where to,
   To too kingly to care to 
   ---while rotten to the core and trying to keep score, 

   Not knowing what for ---but two shy of a score, 

   A King would bring more, more love than before 
   ---at least since King two had led us anew. 

   But when Kings do stray, there's a high cost to pay, 

   So this King, it was told, a mere eight year old 

   This young King sought lessons, writings of an Essence, 

   Instead of aggressions. 

   High places torn down, resound the renown
   ---bring back and repair, restore what was there
   The law of the Essence, all call for that presence. 
   Cure the depraved, demented, dejected ---
   Cast out the abusers, accusers, confusers, deceptive.

   This young King was young ---at heart and set apart,
   Until his thoughts drifted apart. 
   Then one shy of two score,
   His reign would be no more
   The King had begun his own crusade, 
   To passover what the Essence had made 
   And what mistake he made at length, 
   Acting in his very own strength.

   There were those who followed the voice of the Essence in their actions, though not in their hearts. And there were those who claimed to hold the Essence in their heart, though did not follow with their actions. The Essence's people would find no more victory. Better to have the high places where there is no claim to righteousness than to let evil have a foothol d, then a stronghold where evil has no right.

   TOL had watched as the people tur ned away from the Essence. The Essence had restored them for a time. But then gradually the Essence began letting them go their own way. On occasion when the people would turn to the Essence, the Essence would help them, but the occasions became fewer and further between.

   TOL longs for the moment to talk with the Essence. It has been awhile. And much has happened since then. Once again, the Essence's people are defeated by those TOL would call his own. At this moment the Essence approaches TOL.

   The Essence: "Why do you think my people continually turn against me?"  

                                                                     57

   TOL analyzes the situation. Should he view this as a weakness, a vulnerability? Why would the Essence seek his counsel? The Essence already knows everything. Or maybe the Essence doesn't. The Essence knows everything about goodness and righteousness, but that's only a small part of these people. Maybe my help could be used in understanding these people. They think a lot like me. Maybe the Essence doesn't quite understand the things I do. These things the Essence keeps a distance from. It can't hurt to clarify how we think.

   TOL: "It is obvious that no one wants to follow you. Only a few follow you and they must like being oppressed. Most think they are harmless, yet crazy. Obviously you must realize what will continue to forever happen. There is no getting around it. I consider it very respectable of you to admit your mistakes. I would've given up on them long ago. But it's very touching how you've made allowances for them, through your love for them. But everyone has their limits. You've seen the error of your ways and it's only right you give up on them ---they always give up on you. Are you ready to admit your error and give me back my power?"

   The Essence: "The One by whom you will be judged is yet to come. You do not know of the time and you will not know where he will be born. Only upon the appointed time will it be revealed to you. He will lead my people for eternity and it is by him you will be judged."

   TOL: "How can you judge? You don't know what it's like being lonely and stripped of power. Trade positions with me and see what it's like."

   The Essence: "Upon the appointed day, you will see that I know what it is like. More than you can imagine. Pain and agony, suffering of all sorts, I will feel it all!"

   TOL only feels anger. He can't even have the pleasure of defeating the Essence's people. Those few people left who follow the Essence seem to find some sort of sick joy in doing so. They seem to thrive on oppression. And that leaves scarce motivation for TOL.

   There is no voice on this orb that is heard throughout the nations as testimony to the Essence. The only voices are those isolated cries of the scattered few. From the scattering at the tower, a millennium had passed to the gathering of Kings, to the now present situation, nearly another millennium again. And those who had not been scattered long ago; now have scattered themselves. Yet TOL cannot forget what the Essence had said. 

                                                                                    58



   One of these scattered ones could rise up at any time. The Essence must have a plan for the One who will judge. TOL will have to come up with a plan too. A much better plan. The Essence has shown to be vulnerable. The Essence seems to be affected by the people's choice. It means everything to the Essence --that the people are able to choose. All TOL has to do is make sure that the few who still do follow the Essence have no opportunity to lead.

   Suddenly TOL remembers. He had not used this technique. He had saved it for just the right moment. It is a stellar idea. TOL will devise his own group of people to be identified as the Essence's people, but actually they will follow TOL. They will distort all the ways of the Essence, yet pretend to be the very leaders of the Essence. There will be so much confusion that eventually no one will truly follow the Essence. No one will be certain who the Essence really is!

    TOL is so proud of himself. This is what he'd set out to do and this is what he accomplishes. As the years pass, TOL has everything to his satisfaction. Until he hears that the One by whom he is supposed to be judged is about to be born.

   TOL tries to get into the town where the baby is to be born, but the town is surrounded by those messenger Beings loyal to the Essence. These messenger Beings fill the town with their song and TOL can get nowhere near. TOL isn't permitted to be a part of this celebration. All TOL knows is the name of the town where the baby is born. He doesn't know the name of the baby nor who the parents are.

   A good number of years pass. Suddenly this strange man in the wilderness begins warning everyone that they have to change their ways; that they're not living right. TOL figures that this man is the One who will judge him. TOL stirs up anger in the king's family and in his leaders who claim to be leaders of the Essence. But then TOL hears this strange man announcing that all will have to mend their ways and prepare their hearts, for the Son of the Essence is here.

   The confirmation of this comes by an announcement from the heavens, "This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased." When TOL hears this, he is stricken with horror. At this moment the Essence appears, but TOL finds only anger-filled words and complete rage.

   TOL: "Go ahead; you have punished me with this game long enough. You never intended on being fair. End this intolerable existence of mine!"

   The Essence: "This is not a game. I have been fair. You stand in judgment by this Man."

   TOL: "This Man is not a man. He is your Son. He is your equal. You are judging me by your own standard."

                                                                    59



   TOL's fury builds. His uncontrollable anger leaves him speechless for just a moment.

   TOL: "Well, go ahead and judge me then. But you must give all these people and all that have lived before them the same treatment."

   The Essence: "No, that is not the way it will be!"

   TOL: "But you must judge us all the same. We are all disobedient to you. It's no different whether You judge us or your Son judges us, it's all the same."

   The Essence: "There's a big difference and you are avoiding the truth of it."

   TOL: "The truth is that you've played this game this whole time and you never intended on being fair. I don't really even know why you confined me to this orb with these despicable creatures. Do you think I enjoy watching their mindless activity?"

   The Essence: "You call that just watching? You've cast your hateful influence on many."

   TOL must get the focus off him. The Essence still cares about these lowly creatures. Must keep the focus on them.

   TOL: "And they failed; each one. So what are you going to do with them? They all fall short of your standards."

   The Essence: "This entire time it has not been 'them' who have been disputed. This entire time it has been you disputing me. All you've done is try to challenge me. Your judgment was set from the beginning. Your hatred and rebellion is unchanging."

   TOL: "And your judgment upon everyone is forever a pleasure of yours."

   The Essence: "My Son is here to save the people, not condemn them."

   TOL: "But in saving the people you are judging to save. And in condemning, you judge to condemn. But you can't fairly judge by choosing who is saved from the judgment …and who is not!"

 

                                                                     60



   The Essence: "That's exactly what I shall do! You have so distorted the image of who I am in the people's minds; I am not recognized for who I am. My own Son will reveal to everyone who I really am, so the choice can more clearly be theirs. If they follow my Son, they are following me for who I am. And those I will choose to spend eternity with me."

   TOL: "If they don't follow you, then they get the same as me? You're like a big bully who makes sure everyone who goes against you is punished."

   The Essence: "Anyone who doesn't follow me gets the essence of what they've created and will have that for eternity."

   TOL: "So you've seen how things have become. Most everyone follows my lead. My ways are quite attractive. Man wants to feel important and he constantly seeks out power, the same as I do. And those who have power, seek for more. You don't seek power because you are supreme. But give up some of that power and see how you feel!"

   The Essence: "I've gone a step further. I've sent my Son …my very own Son is living here as a man."

   TOL has to escape this dilemma. Wait! Didn't the Essence say that he'd sent his Son as man? If this is true, then perhaps the Essence has finally made the mistake TOL has been waiting for. TOL knows that caring for these people is a mistake and this time the Essence has slipped up. The Essence can't realize the extent of this! This is worse than what the Essence has done to TOL himself. The Essence's very own Son living as one of these despicable creatures? TOL knows how difficult it has been to handle the limitations on his own power. The Essence's Son is expected to handle even more severe limitations. It will drive the Essence's Son crazy ---and TOL will drive him the rest of the way.

   TOL attempts to tempt the Essence's Son, but that doesn't work. It does work up the anger in TOL though. He already has leaders in place for the Essence's people, and he is successful in making sure the Essence's Son never gets a chance to lead ---at least to the level of Kinghood.

   These leaders representing the Essence, but actually following TOL, are eventually successful in brutally snuffing out the life-force of the Essence's own Son. They then try to hide the horror of what they had done, but the Essence doesn't allow it to be hidden. Upon being restored, the Essence's Son walks the earth for a short while more …before disappearing. 

                                                                        61



   TOL begins to think that maybe they will both disappear forever and this orb will be his forever punishment. But those thoughts cannot run full course as the Essence suddenly appears.

   The Essence: "When you first rebelled against me, it was not simply you wanting your own way. We cannot have both ways. The end result of your way leads to the death of my way. In snuffing the life-force out of my Son, you've fully demonstrated that. You tried to do away with my Son. Now you have brought the full judgment upon yourself. For upon bringing death, you have brought it upon yourself. You have more than adequately demonstrated how your way leads to death and destruction."

   TOL: "Well, if death is our due, then bring it on to us all. None of us have lived up to your standard."

   The Essence: "I don't expect anyone to live up to it. I merely expect them to want to follow the only One who has lived up to the standard. And you are part of the reason people realize they need help. They can follow your example or they can follow my example, the living example of my Son. And I didn't come here today to hear your unending babble. I came to explain the way it will be."

   TOL interrupts. His intent is not to babble, but to barter: "I heard what your Son has said, that thing about whatever is bound on earth is bound in heaven and whatever is loosed on earth is loosed in heaven. You know I am big on detail. When will all that start?"

   The Essence: "I will have my true followers spread the truth of my Son throughout. I will give them the Spirit to do it. Those who receive the truth; call out to me and strive for obedience. They will be set apart as my children to enter a new life with me. Those who reject me as you have; will join you in your evolution of rebellion. I have created time to make my judgment clear to you. Upon bringing death, you brought it upon yourself. But at the same time, you have brought life to others." 


                                                                    62



 
  TOL: "How have I brought life to others? Don't the others matter anymore? Are you satisfied alone with my death? Do the others get to live as long as you get to see me suffer?"

   The Essence: "No, only those who live with the truth which my Son came to convey, those who accept him as Saviour and Lord …will gain the life I speak of."

   TOL: "Well, you and your Son have one thing in common. You have a terrible record with trying to keep followers. Your Son began with only twelve and that quickly went down to eleven. And the eleven aren't doing too good. They are arguing amongst themselves. And that new guy that used to follow me is getting beat up on a regular basis. Not much of a reward there. Why don't you stop now? You don't want to finish with a losing record, do you?"

   The Essence: "They have purpose and direction. You worked such a rebellion; the people didn't know what they were doing. They certainly didn't know where it would lead them. So I scattered them abroad. They had separated themselves from me as their forefathers had. They had forgotten how or where it all began. They certainly couldn't comprehend why. But the greatest beauty is how they thirst for the truth. The truth rests with my Son. Those who have been through so much, so much more appreciate the truth, …and there is no greater joy or celebration."

   TOL: "You find pleasure in their suffering because then they cry out to you more. You want them to feel they need you. It's all a part of your own prideful joy."

   The Essence: "You forget; it is through you and your ways that they suffer. My ways are love. As a mother who thinks she has lost her child, when she finds her lost child she is not prideful."

   TOL: "She is probably in a panic of desperation because she fears she has lost a prized possession. That actually protects her avenue for future pride."

   The Essence ignores this statement. This accusation of all parents looking at their children as prized possessions has been heard before. The Essence continues on with the point. 

                                                                       63



    The Essence: "In contrast, when two men go out in search of treasure, the one who finds the biggest bounty may be prideful. And there may be those who find their kingly status so lofty that they may purpose to search for a woman the same as they would select fine breeding for cattle and sheep. The woman would then be adorned in the finest linens for all to see. She would be given much praise. All in the name of false dignity. But the mother who searches for the lost child finds neither pride nor loftiness upon her success in finding her child. She quickly gathers that child into her arms and comforts her child. Then she quietly brings her child back home. There is no pomp and circumstance. She is grateful, not prideful."

   TOL: "So, all those who follow you are your children. How touching! When will you take them all home?"

   The Essence: "They will come together. Not the way they did at the tower, with a coming together of confusion. They will come together in the name of my Son. Yes, when all has had a chance to hear. When all can see the way to escape the death and destruction, then I will bring my final judgment upon you. At the same time all the world will hear, there will also be much widespread rejection of the truths. But this time it will be the rejection of the real truth, not a false representation. They will be headed for mass destruction, but I will save those who have made it abundantly clear that they want to follow my ways. Those who have accepted the most loving sacrifice of my love; only they will be spared the end result of your rebellion."

    TOL is left to consider all that the Essence has said. It is over! It is abundantly clear what will happen. TOL contemplates the judgment he's to face. He doesn't know when it will come, but each day that he is not judged, does not bring him peace for that day. He becomes angrier and angrier. He hates these despicable creatures the Essence is so endeared to; those who will be set apart to share in the Essence's glory.

   TOL will see to it that these prized creatures rebel against the Essence. The Essence loves them so much; TOL will cause them to rebel. TOL will send the Essence's heart into torment.

   TOL will still confound the people so it is not abundantly clear what the truth of the Essence is. 

                                                                     64


    It worked quite well before, it can work again. TOL will strive to bring this world to the point where none will follow the Essence. Then the Essence will be forced to let those loved ones follow my way. They have a choice and they will not choose the Essence. They will be so confused that they won't be able to choose the Essence. They won't know who the Essence is.

   TOL realizes that the biggest damage he can do is by getting the people to not choose at all. By not choosing, they are not really conscious of the fact that they've still really made a choice. They chose not to choose.

   That's where TOL is convinced he can defeat the Essence. Love is a weakness, and the Essence loves the people. If they don't even recognize the Essence as existing, then they can't come to know the Essence, let alone accept the love offered them.

   The fact that bothers TOL the most is that he doesn't know when the Essence will stop it all. He doesn't know when the eternal judgment will be carried out. But he does know one thing. He will work furiously against the Essence, doing as much damage as possible and destroying the very souls of these prized creatures. 

                                                           ********

   TOL contemplates how long now. It has been several millenniums since the Essence placed him on this earth. And today is one more additional day. 

                                                         *********

   Can we excuse ourselves for falling short of understanding the Essence's purpose, and even more so, for questioning why He tolerates the continuing drama of TOL's usurping of the truth? Is it sufficient to live each day with the conventional wisdom of living one day at a time? That approach to life has its merits, yet to strive for a slightly more enriched life we must step beyond conventional ways of thinking. If we're to propose that we are to learn from history …we must first admit that we seldom do. Life …through merely living it, does not reveal what is to be revealed. 

    Being a great student of history, does not qualify us to judge the future. Whose story do we study? It may vary greatly according to who tells the story. Upon contemplating that very fact, history moves on, and is created anew each day. History is created through today's reflection. What we learn from it …is usually what others want us to learn from it. 

    Healthy learning promotes healthy change …called improvement. That which leaves the most lasting impression upon us is that which enters the depths of our heart. If we have a heart for it, we will learn. Learning comes from the heart, or mind, depending upon whether you're studying biology or the thralls of literature. The heart, or emotional part of the mind, learns to process emotion as a growth process directed through experience and organized teaching. What may be missing though …is the truth. What benefit is there to learn something that is not centered upon the truth? And what benefit is there to learn history without the central focus being … His story.

                                                                  65 

    Well, there are many stories. Each of us carry several inside us …but the one particularly unique to us …is our story. And the way we look at life varies to the degree we look at our story in relation to His story. 

    Indeed, change has taken place: Too quickly should be a concern. But sometimes so slow that it may not even be viewed as change …perhaps an even greater concern.                                                                                                                                 
{Time will not jump too far ...only a few pages}   



                                                           I.                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

   Elton is born and raised an American, but his folks are old country folks. Jacob and Naomi Watts traveled by boat across the broad Atlantic Ocean. And the quickest way to penetrate the continent of this Land of Opportunity was to travel down the St. Lawrence River. Yes, there were a few obstacles, but eventually they made it past Ontario and Erie ...to Huron, all part of a chain of the five Great Lakes. But, they went no further than Huron. Their plan was to reach Detroit, Michigan, their final destination.
   Elton has heard this story many times from his parents. They had not liked the city …not just Detroit, but any city. They moved extensively inland the first chance they got, to property surrounded by miniature lakes. They needed irrigation for crops and a water supply for their animals, if they were going to be successful farmers. So they decided to try their hand at farming, in Waterford Township, in the small town of Drayton Plains. 

   The first year they had a rough go of it, but kept their hopes alive with the birth of their son, Elton. Things just seemed to get brighter after that. 
The Watts family carried on with old country traditions. They were content with farming and quite successful at it, so why change? Moving to this country was change enough.


    Pa looked forward to the day when he could teach his son how to milk the cows, sheer the sheep, care for the animals at birthing time, saw and chop wood, rake hay, and harness the horses and direct the wagon to the barn …just to name a few. Pa would enjoy teaching his son these tasks.
    
    Ma was sort of hoping for another child, perhaps a girl. She wanted to teach a daughter all the fun things like canning goods, making preserves, cooking, sewing clothes and quilting bees.


    Another child doesn't come, but as Ma says, “I am content. I can’t imagine a child bringing more joy than this child has brought us. I guess the good Lord knows that if we had another child, it would be double the joy and we would just burst.”


    As Elton turns six years old, he begins helping with the chores. But that is the same year the dog dies, so Elton doesn’t remember much about the dog. He just remembers how Pa tells the story. 

     According to Pa, Lindy was the smartest dog he ever knew. Lindy was a large black, brown, and white Collie. As Pa would tell it, he would tell Lindy to get the cows and Lindy would hurry off across the field, over a hill of hardwood trees and into fields covering two-thousand acres. The cows had a tendency to go further and further as they grazed, but a string of connecting lakes bordered up their wanderings. Pa would do his other chores and just about the time he’d finish, Lindy could be seen coming over the hill with the cows. 

                                                 71 


    Lindy was always very consistent, until one day it all changed. Two weeks marked themselves with Lindy returning substantially later. Pa got curious and one day decided to follow after Lindy, to see what was suddenly taking so long. He was thoroughly amazed as he saw Lindy herding in old lady Salzeider’s cows. 

    Old lady Salzeider was five years a widow and not getting around too good. The neighbors wanted to chip in and help her, but she had politely refused their help, stating she could make it on her own. But she didn’t refuse the help of Lindy. Lindy would herd all the cows together, then separate old lady Salzeider’s cows and herd them into her barn, before bringing the Watt’s cows home. 

    Pa just smiled. His dog had achieved what no one else had been able to, in helping the widow Salzeider.


    Elton likes that story, but what occupies his thoughts the most is not actually a story in itself, but a brief mention of his parents stop in Detroit as they arrived in this country. They did not describe much about the city, but maybe that’s why Elton has it so much in his dreams.


    Elton is a hardworking country boy. But now that he's become a young man, he dreams of the city and what it would be like. Finally, Pa tells Elton he can go to Detroit. They had done well and it is past harvest time. Jacob and Naomi had just bought their first motor vehicle, a Model-T Ford. Elton’s eyes really get big when Pa says he can take the car.


    Ma remains silent. She waits until the late evening. It is part of the old country tradition. She sits up in bed as she has been taught to do, and waits for her husband.


   Jacob anticipates all this, “I take it that you are not all for the idea of letting Elton travel to Detroit.” 

    Naomi speaks simply, but with honestly, “I have to admit I was a bit surprised, but I’m also thankful he didn’t ask if he could go to some place like New York.”


   Jacob raises an eyebrow, “I would never have let him go to New York.”
Naomi still does not look him in the eye, “You do know, how anytime someone visits the city, there are countless temptations.”


   Jacob reaches for and clasps Naomi’s hand, “Our son will be making his own decisions. He’s old enough. At some point we have to trust our upbringing has been enough. We have to put our trust in him. I trust he’ll be able to resist the temptations of the city. I just want the dreams to stop. If we don’t let him go, he’ll keep on dreaming and I fear that will be worse. Discontentment does bad things to a person.”


    Naomi finally raises her head and looks directly into her husband's eyes, “I suppose you’re right. It’s just so hard to let go.”

                                                  72 


    And Elton does go. He travels to Detroit. Pa was right, though …about not much liking it here. But he purposed to find some good out of this adventure.
 
    Elton feels he’s seen just about enough when he comes upon a country store. It is quite interesting that the city would try to savor part of the country. Soon the country will probably do the same and add city stores to the country. He hopes not, but he has a feeling they probably will some day.


    Elton is curious. Ma had told him to be careful about curious, but Elton has good sense about what Ma had meant. She certainly was not talking about a country store. 

    Elton walks into the store and sees a young lady adorned in a very proper country dress. Elton inquires, “Could you please show me where you keep the dress material? Ma would be more than pleased if I could get her a new Sunday dress as beautiful as yours.”


    “Sorry, I don’t work here.” The young lady is polite, yet more so, she has a soft smile and kind eyes.


    “I’m sorry, everyone else is dressed like city folk and I just thought that you’d like to join me for lunch, since you don’t work here and . . .“


    “And I’m fairly much starved myself right about now, so yes, I’d love to.” She sees right through his bravado and false confidence. She decides to lessen his load. “By the way, my name is Ann. And how about you joining me for lunch? My parents are expecting me back within the hour.”


     Ann had been raised here in Detroit and has never left the city, though she had always dreamed of going to the country. Ann’s parents like Elton and they aspire to visit the Waterford farm one day.


    One day comes very soon. Within a month, Ann and her parents visit the Watts farm. They are to stay two nights, then leave on Sunday after the church banquet. The large guest room undoubtedly would make any guest comfortable. But Ann feels more comfortable doing things that most people will not.


    Saturday is enough to observe all the routines. Ann gets up early Sunday morning, milks the cows, and has breakfast ready as the others are just arising.


    Pa laughs, “We usually get breakfast after we do chores. Don't get me wrong though, we truly appreciate your intentions.” 

    Ma smiles, “Our guest has already completed the milking.” Her smile broadens upon seeing Pa’s embarrassment, “I’m sure your parents find you a continual blessing, Ann.”


    And the blessing grows and grows, as proper relationships do, with a slow but very appreciative progression. It is no chore for Ann to get accepted into the family.


    Then the day finally draws near. Elton and Ann will soon exchange wedding vows and be living together as husband and wife. 

                                            73 


    It is two days before the wedding when the traditional “big talk” is to take place. Pa is expected to talk with his son about tradition and the role of being a husband. And it is also tradition for the wife-to-be to get together with her soon-to-be future mother-in-law, to learn all the details on how to be a good wife.

    Ann feels she is a part of the country. And she feels the country is a part of her, but she isn’t so sure about all these traditions. It is clear that the man’s household guides everything when it comes to bringing a new family into the fold, but nothing to really fear. They are rather harmless traditions, no real sacrifice. Just a part of a culture, a part of the heritage. She can live with that. After all, she knows Elton loves her, more than all those things. She can commit to that …and dedicate it in the name of love.


    Each day she will have a chance to live that commitment. That’s where the blessing will come from. She understands well what she is to do. And in a couple days she will learn it in a deeper fashion …by living it.


    The big day begins with a crispness to the air, but the sun shines brightly and warms up this special day. And everyone warms up to it. The day eventually ends, glistened by a large harvest moon and leaving everyone with a cozy feeling inside …especially Ann.


    Ann is sure to find being married to Elton rather easy. And she'll adjust well to the ways of tradition ---so she imagines.


    Soon both will discover how truly difficult it is to separate the city from the city and the country from the country. There are feelings that run deep and are a part of who we are. Only through honesty and a mutual acceptance of each other can they be useful instruments to bring us from who we are to who we should be.


    This lesson was preceded by the events of the very first Valentine’s Day of their marriage. Elton and his family had never paid any recognition to any such day filled with stories of cupids shooting arrows. Ann understood it to be something else. Her family had always looked upon this day, as on many other occasions, to advance the opportunity of sincere and share affections. And she had her parents order for her out of a city catalogue …a pair of red under-short briefs with white hearts.


    Elton had been working in the barn, but takes a break for dinner.
Ann had prepared one of his favorite meals. She waits until he is full and satisfied, then hands him the gift.


    Elton is so surprised when he opens the gift-wrapped present that he doesn’t know what to say. But he doesn’t have to …his face says it all! She had anticipated a hug, but now she doesn’t even suspect a thank you to be forthcoming.


    Elton knows he has to say something, “Thank you for the dinner. I’d better finish up in the barn.”


                                                   74 


    It is that look of disappointment that injures Ann the most. Elton gets up from the table and returns to the barn. Ann is hurt, but she has learned the traditions. She knows she is to remain silent when men or family are around; or in this case, where there is controversy, disagreement or misunderstood feelings. It is not proper to confront her husband during the day, as it may affect his work. She has to wait until the evening bedtime hour. And she is to do it in humble silence. She has to make sure she is the first one in bed. And she has to sit up in bed, waiting for her husband. 

    Elton has been taught well by his dad. He knows what it means when she is sitting up in bed. And he knows he has to face it. It is his place to speak first, “Okay, I’ll wear the shorts.”


    Ann knows she is to accept his apology whether she feels it is adequate or not. She still feels hurt though. And the only recourse she has is to recline in bed and go to sleep. But her sleep will not be comfortable sleep. She is restless and certain she will be unable to sleep through the night. 

    Ann pretends to be asleep when Elton gets dressed to go to the barn in the morning. She pretends to have her eyes shut as he puts on the Valentine shorts. He walks from the bedroom, leaving the door slightly ajar. She can see him near the basement door as he puts on his bib-overalls over the Valentine shorts.


    As soon as Elton leaves the house for the barn, Ann busies herself with making the bed, tidying up the house, and getting breakfast ready. She has to be careful in her watch as to be able to time breakfast just right. But it seems Elton is taking extra long this morning. Is this intentional? 

    As time drags on, the anticipation does not lessen the torment. Finally she sees him emerge from the barn. She wipes her tears away. He'd deemed her gift only fit for the barn, yet his apology was to be accepted without tears. Any display of emotion is unacceptable. 

    She notices he is walking with a slight limp, and as he nears, she notices the straps dangling from his bib-overalls. But she won’t say anything. If she's to remain silent over other things, she's not going to hold common conversation or even consideration. She's supposed to show her strength by sitting up in bed. She'll show her strength now too …in her own way.


    Ann serves breakfast and remains silent. She remains silent through the whole meal. She wants to be strong, but she doesn’t feel strong. She wants to cry! But tears are considered a weakness in situations like this. A wife’s tears are supposed to be reserved for special occasions only.


    Elton finishes his breakfast, wipes his mouth with the large napkin, and slides his chair back as he stands up. That’s when their eyes meet. 

    Ann bursts into tears. She knows she isn’t supposed to cry in front of him like this. It's weak to cry over such things, …but she continues to cry.


                                                75 


   Tears flood her vision. She cannot tell whether Elton is still there or whether he has left for the barn again. She is crying too hard to tell. 

    Suddenly she feels his strong arms embrace her. At this moment she realizes something else. He is crying too.


    Elton’s words are choked off where he can’t speak at first, “I was considering my feelings more than yours. I put the standard of tradition and the forbiddance of opposing it, above the true standard.”


    Elton gets choked up on his confession. Ann feels she knows what he means and she has a feeling she'll not have to sit up in bed anymore. Waiting too long to talk just festers unhealthy feelings. And talking about problems at bedtime often just disturbs the sleep more and starts out the next day on the wrong foot. Many of these thoughts run through her head at this moment. She also becomes suddenly very interested in why he's been limping. But she holds off her words. Elton is struggling through the tears to say something and this is a real apology. And she doesn’t just respectfully want to hear it …she is really pleased to hear it.


    Elton feels accepted and forgiven. His words come easier now. The tears subside, but his sincerity does not, “My parents raised me to be good and proper. When we’d go to church, we’d always focus on the good and proper, in fear that allowing anything aside from tradition to slip in, would allow sin to get a foot in the door. But in the attempt to slam the door to keep sin out, I didn’t realize that I was actually preventing the sin that was already there, from coming out."


    Ann wonders if that is how he got the limp. Did he literally try to slam the door on sin, so it couldn’t get a foot in …while his foot was in it? 

    She smiles, “You thought about all that while you were doing the chores this morning?”


    Elton confesses, “I have to say, I wasn’t thinking at all about it.”


    Ann strokes the back of his rough unshaven neck with her hand and kisses him on the cheek, “I’m sorry, you were beginning to make sense to me, but now you’ve kind of lost me again.”


    Elton looks into Ann’s soft eyes, “Tradition is not all bad, but it’s often all about us doing. I had an experience in the barn that had nothing to do with my doing. If nothing else, it showed me how really bullheaded I am.”


    This is what Ann wants to hear. She listens as Elton takes a deep breath. “I should have been attentive to you, yet it took that bull we have in the barn to get my attention. But I’m going to remedy that right now.”


    Ann suddenly fears what could have happened. That prize bull from the County Fair had always bothered her. Her husband is obviously hurt, but it could have been worse. She is so thankful it is not.


    Elton sweeps her up in his arms, “Remember our wedding night?” He carries her up the stairs, every painful step. He laughs to help cover the pain, “I suppose on our wedding night you didn't feel hurt and unloved. And I hope I didn’t smell like barn.”


                                                   76 
    Elton carries her to the bedroom and pulls back the sheets. He fluffs her pillow and gently rests her head upon it before gently pulling the sheet over her and tucking it under her chin. Then he sits up in bed.


    Ann laughs. Elton has a look of joy and contentment. This moment will be frozen in time and cherished, like no other. Ann’s soft eyes soften even more, “Now if you are ready ...I’m ready to hear your story.” 

    “Well, I was cleaning out one of those narrow stalls. The work is hard and I know I was breathing heavy, but mine was overshadowed by much heavier breathing. I turned around in barely enough time. Our prize bull was charging and almost upon me. I didn’t have time for any masterful moves, let alone any thoughts. I dropped to the ground. The bull’s horn caught under my bib-overalls, scraping his horn right down my spine and ripping the straps. He lifted me right off the ground by the seat of my pants, toying with me as he prepared for one mighty toss with that powerful neck of his. He scared the pants off me, or ripped them off, however you can imagine, but I was relieved to be temporarily free from his grip. I could hardly gather the realization of it as I almost blacked out, but must not have. I don’t think the bull would have waited for me to come to again. As I raised up, I could feel the riveting pain down my spine. My arms and legs ached worse than a thousand barnwood slivers. What are you laughing at, Ann?”


    “I’m sorry. I’m not laughing, I was just smiling. I just don’t know anyone who can tell a story like you. I know it’s always true, you just have the most unique way of telling it. I don’t want you to stop. I was admiring you. Go on with the story.”


    “Where was I? Oh yes, my barnwood slivering pain. As I raised up my head and rested on my elbows, my vision went black, … then red, with white spots. I was lying face down in my Valentine shorts! That's when I began to fully realize what I had to do. But first I had to get out of this predicament. As I raised my head again, I found myself looking into the eyes of the bull, not wanting to be a bull’s eye to him. You know the expression about an angry bull. It was as if the bull had been harboring this feeling inside all this time and now was letting me in on its secret. Looking into the bull’s eyes, I felt like I was now in on that secret, but I’d be taking it to the grave with me. I knew that in a moment or two the bull would charge and there was no escaping that. I’ve heard men tell stories of how fighting mad they got and some incredible strength came over them in circumstances like this. Now you are laughing!”


    Ann continues to laugh as she points out the window. The bull is running around in the back pasture, bucking furiously, with the Valentine shorts on his horns.


    Elton laughs, “No, I didn’t get any incredible strength. I was incredibly afraid. I wasn't a graceful matador, but the bull’s strength hitting those shorts against the barn wall tore an opening for my escape route.”


                                                     77 


    Elton and Ann mix their laughter with tears …and a long embrace. 

    Elton’s words are loving, as he continues their embrace, “The true standard I should have accepted was your love, Ann. You bought me those shorts out of love. And it was love that saved me. God sent us His Son to save us and the standard is His love, not our traditions. His pure and guiding love sets precedence over all else. We’ve read the Bible over and over again. Clearly, I should have seen what Jesus taught.” 

    Ann hugs him close, “I love you, Elton.” As she squeezes
him, she can feel him flinch and she pushes away, “Oh, I’m sorry.
I forgot about your bullfight.”


    Elton pulls her back close, “I’m okay; it was through my own bullheadedness that this happened. In my own feeble attempt to keep sin out, I’ve actually kept Jesus out. I don’t want to throw out all tradition as a necessity to avoid all evil. But from now on, I’d like us to be wholly given over to loving each other, guided by the Holy Spirit of God.”


    That evening Fernye is conceived. And the character, the Spirit of God, is the main thing stressed by Elton and Ann as they grow their child in their love.

    They commit to bring up their only child, their precious little Fernye, in a way they feel can only be directed by God. That is the focus of their life. 

    And above their bed, they mount that cherished remembrance of that brief moment.  Framed in barnwood …the Valentine shorts. 

                                           ** * * * * * * **                                                      78 


                                                     II. 

    They live in a world of their own, but it is difficult to ignore what is going on in the world around them. Like many young men called to duty, Elton ships out to Europe.

    The war devastates many families. There are many widows left with the heavy task of keeping the farm in working condition, while keeping some form of sanity at the same time. 

    Fernye prays aloud every night for her dad. Ann seldom prays aloud. After listening to Fernye pray each time, she is too choked with tears, so she just holds Fernye in her arms and falls asleep. 

    It's amazing how a couple of years will transform many girls into young ladies. Living at home without Daddy and with the grim possibilities of war, that he may possibly never return home, forever changes Fernye. And forever looming on the distant horizon, this inescapable reality brings both Mom and daughter to their knees, where all their hopes reside. 

    The war changes many men too, but it doesn't seem to affect Elton any. Elton returns after the war and their life is fully restored again. 

     Fernye is a young lady now, a very mature eight years old. There is none like her. Everyone says you can tell she is Elton and Ann’s girl. She has this special sensitivity to others’ needs. 

    She is compassionate, and her boldness only draws emphasis to her kindness. You’d think she’d offend some people by what she says, but they are more touched by the sincerity of her boldness than anything else. And everyone comments on how mature she is for such a young age. 

    Though Fernye considers herself grown at eight, the next years will prove themselves. And during those years she continues to develop the character God has instilled in her …and eventually she has the full credentials of being an adult.


    Fernye decides she wants to become a school teacher, but she puts that dream on hold as the Great Depression hits. She helps on the farm as dad works two jobs.


    Several years pass and some stability returns to the country. Fernye does become a school teacher. Naturally, all the students love her …as do the students' parents. But Feryne struggles with certain aspects of teaching. She is faced with teaching certain current events which she wishes were not again part of everyone's daily lives ---world war.


                                                  79 


    It is Christmas break of her eleventh year of teaching. School is going to resume next week. Fernye gets a letter through the mail. It is an announcement. There is to be a surprise birthday party for January 1st.


    Fernye attends Community Bible Church in Waterford. The surprise birthday party is for a gentleman who also attends the church. His name is Samuel Grow, but they call him “Red” because of his red hair.


    They are having a 40th, over the hill birthday party for him. One of the banners reads: ‘Hopelessly Single, Careful How You Mingle’. 

    Fernye doesn’t think it's funny. She's happy with her age of 39, and her singleness. But she doesn’t think everyone is necessarily as comfortable with it as she is.


    Fernye is happy she’d decided to attend. That way, she can be supportive of him. As she enters, she chides in, “The reason I'm here is to see what kind of parties these are, so I'm prepared when I turn the big Four—0 this year.”

    Before the year is through, “Red” has his turn to tease everyone. He says turning forty is the best year of his life. “Red” proposes to Fernye on Valentine’s Day, but she doesn’t accept until Memorial Day. They get married on Thanksgiving weekend. Then, the first week of December, he discovers he has leukemia. But he still considers it the best year of his life.


    The next year begins well. He is thrilled when Fernye announces to him, on his birthday, that she is pregnant …with his very own son or daughter. He focuses on that and the joy he and Fernye have together. The leukemia is gripping him hard, but he never talks about it. He only talks about plans for their child; and together they set up their only bedroom as a baby room.


    “Red” is strong and Fernye is filled with prayer, yet Samuel passes away two months before their child is to be born. 

     He'd asked if it were a girl, could she name her after his mom who’d passed away only three years prior.


    It is a girl, and Fernye names her Marilyn, honoring Samuel’s last request. 

    Fernye had quit teaching school to be with Samuel, helping him cope with the terminal cancer. She now decides that she will not return to teaching. She'll spend these precious years nurturing her sweet little Marilyn.


    Marilyn is certainly a sweet girl, at each age she adding such an experience of joy. And Fernye loves every minute of it, every day and every year.


    When Marilyn turns eighteen, Fernye tells a wonderful young man who is courting Marilyn, “She is such a wonderful bundle of joy that I find it unfair to keep her all to myself.”


                                                  80 



     Ken Bauer and Marilyn marry the next year. 

    On the evening of the day they get married, there is a harvest moon. That evening their first child is conceived. And nine months later, when she is born, she has a beautiful full head of hair as bright as the harvest moon on the day she was conceived. Marilyn says she is a reflection of the beauty of God’s creation, and names her Cindy.


    The first six years are a full and happy life for Cindy ---Mom and Grandma make certain of that. Then Marilyn gets sick. It is one thing after another. 

    Marilyn is not the same after that. Every year for the next fifteen years something grabs onto her and she gets real sick.


    The final blow is the cancer. It takes a firm hold on her. Ken quits work to be with her for those last three extremely painful years. Fernye is always there by her side too. It is the worst experience she can imagine, seeing her daughter die. The Doctors try everything, but it isn't enough. It will take a while before either of them can recover from this. Fernye isn’t certain she ever will.


    Meanwhile, no one really has time to see Cindy’s pain. She has been there with Mom through all those years, but then when Mom had got really sick, no one had seemed to notice that Cindy had grown up.


    Cindy hadn’t been equipped with a full set of coping mechanisms. She had goals in life, like becoming a school teacher, like Grandma had been, but then dropped out of college when Mom got really sick. Suddenly her view of the future was not very bright. She too had been at Mom’s side, but no one had a clue as to the extent of the struggle going on inside her. Her feelings of isolation were more intense than anyone could imagine.


    Cindy had lived most of her life in a home filled with much pain and suffering. She was confused. She did not hold within her a firm grasp of the meaning of life. All of her life she'd had to cope with seeing her dear Mom, her best friend, slipping away.


    Grandma Grow had told her about God, and was always mindful to ask her if she attended church each Sunday. But after attending each church service, the pain within Cindy would not subside.


    When Mom died, Dad and Grandma were so totally exhausted and their emotions spent …that Cindy didn’t know where to turn. But the world always has a place where you can cry and console. And on one such day, Cindy conceived a child.


    Cindy didn’t want to tell Dad at a time like this. And she somehow feared Grandma would condemn her, even though there was nothing to support that fear. Grandma had nothing but love and encouragement for everyone. And that certainly would go double for Cindy. But Cindy was not thinking straight. She had lost her best friend in her Mom.


                                                  81 


    Cindy would not have burdened Dad so quickly if it had not been for an abusive episode from that once consoling person who had professed to remain by her side, while getting ever so more closely to it.


    Cindy was really surprised how quickly Dad gathered his strength, amidst coping with the loss of his wife, to pool all his emotions towards helping his daughter through her difficult time.


    And Grandma was also very helpful. She taught Cindy much about relationships. But foremost, Fernye taught Cindy about a relationship with God …something she had taught her before, but this time she felt Cindy was really listening. 

    Cindy stays home to take care of Shannon for the first two years, creating a deep bond with her adorable little girl. She is convinced Shannon is the most beautiful baby in the whole world. She is truly a delight.


    Both Dad and Grandma then encourage Cindy to finish up her teaching degree. They both contribute their time with Shannon. Fernye especially enjoys teaching Shannon to read at a very young age. She knows her granddaughter is extremely bright and she encourages her by telling her that the name Shannon means “small, but wise”.


    Grandma doesn’t just emphasize teaching Shannon reading though. She teaches her how to have fun also …something Fernye feels Cindy was deprived of, especially in those latter years. She certainly doesn’t want Shannon to lose focus on how to have good clean fun. But she is careful not to go overboard with the fun either, swinging the pendulum too much in that direction. Fernye believes in keeping a handle on learning. And that includes learning responsibility and at times …grief. Avoiding those things would be a grievous error.


    Grief is the most difficult to handle, especially when a good part of the world is wrapped up in planning a celebration. But the best way to appreciate life is in those moments when death becomes very vivid and real. By looking at death and how Jesus freed us from the eternal grip of it, the meaning of the celebration of His birth brings on new life. It is important for Shannon to be well—rounded and well—grounded; and Cindy can also continue to learn a thing or two in that area.


    Perspective has much to do with life. And a trip to the funeral home usually has a way of marking that perspective. Cancer, a car accident, or a death in the family, all rip us out of our preconceived daily events and cut us quick to reality.


                                                     82 


    Fernye, Cindy and Shannon enter Coats Funeral Home. A man greets them at the door, “Are you here for Jason Richards or Patrick Conklin?”


    Fernye politely replies, “Patrick Conklin.”


    As they enter in the back, Patrick’s adult daughter announces that she is going to sing a song, a favorite her dad used to sing to her. A song he had begun to sing from the time she was a small child.


    Shannon is looking all around, but politely sits still between Grandma and Mom. Fernye whispers to Cindy, “Did you know that Patrick taught at an all African-American school?”


    Cindy had been distracted in her thoughts, “Taught where?” 

    Fernye leans closer to whisper, “I can’t remember the name of the school, but it wasn’t too far from where I once taught in Bloomfield.”


    A little African-American boy stands up next. He isn’t much taller than the podium he is speaking at. He reads a very touching poem entitled, 'Pat Conklin, the Irishman ’. 

    Some smile quietly, some laugh, some cry.


    Then a taller African-American girl stands up with the boy. They stand there together as the girl shares her loving experience about the teacher she will miss so much, “Mr. Conklin was a very nice man. He would stop his lesson just to walk down the class aisle and gently wake me up. He said he would have let me sleep but when I lowered my head the angle was just so, that the bald spot at the back of my head was reflecting light throughout the classroom and distracting the other students. He said he didn’t mind my snoring so much, but the reflection from my bald spot was blinding.”


    Laughter fills the room. Some laugh through tears, but they all seem to understand. They understand how much he meant to his family. But they also can see how much he meant to his students. Everyone knew that Patrick was balding. The students must have teased him about it. Maybe they had asked him if baldness was an Irish trait. And how funny it must have been to see the young girl feeling for the bald spot that really didn’t exist at the back of her head!


    It is obvious that they loved their teacher. And it is obvious that Patrick had shown them the same sort of love that he had blessed his family with throughout the years. 

    The young girl concludes with, "Mr. Conklin taught us a lot. But the greatest thing he taught us is to like ourselves.”


    Everyone applauds as the two students leave the podium. 

    Fernye leans over to whisper to Cindy, “This is the way it should be. Appreciating life and cutting across racial lines, understanding who our brothers and sisters are in the Lord.”


    Shannon points, “Pastor Tom!”, as her family's own pastor takes to the platform.


                                                     83 


    Pastor Tom receives the usual attentiveness from the group, “Pat used to attend the church I pastor, but he considered how much it would mean to his students if he actually worshiped with them …and prayed with them too. So he joined the church in his students' neighborhood. As he got to know the parents, they shared their intimate concerns in prayer. And they saw growth in God’s answers. That wholesome atmosphere carried over into his classroom also. His students would recall how he always talked about being Irish and how proud he was of it. But what he was really saying had a much deeper meaning. He understood the deep lines of division and even hatred that are in many parts of our society. He often met with me in prayer. He wanted each of you to be able to be happy with who you are. He wanted the same for his students …for them to be happy with their culture and their heritage. But most of all, he wanted to show them how beautifully it works into their Christian heritage.”


    As Doris plays ‘Amazing Grace’ to organ bagpipe music, the people begin to file out. Some go forward to hug the family members. Fernye desires to sit awhile and listen to the beautiful organ music. 

    Cindy takes Shannon forward to look at the bulletin board put together by the students. It is a memorial to their teacher and will be placed in their school lobby.


     Fernye doesn’t stay seated long. As she enters the hallway, many of the students are gathering there with their families. The young boys are somber, quiet and polite. The girls hug each other and cry. A tear flows down Fernye’s cheek. She had never seen anything so beautiful.


    Fernye looks across to where the funeral service for Jason Richards is being held. Just as she looks up, the doors open and a young white man finds his way through the crowded hallway. There are tears in his eyes. He hugs a young woman who is standing amongst the students, then kisses her on the cheek before exiting to the parking lot.


    Fernye is quite certain she recognizes the young man from church, but she isn’t sure. It doesn’t really matter. In either case, she finds herself in the parking lot.


    Cindy can’t find Grandma. She is not sitting where she had been. Cindy takes Shannon by the hand and walks her to the restroom, but Fernye isn’t there either. Maybe she decided to get some fresh air. Cindy and Shannon walk hand-in-hand down the stairs as Fernye returns from the parking lot with a young man.


    Shannon announces, “Look Mom, there’s Grandma! She’s with that young man from church!” 

    Cindy doesn’t recognize the young man, but holds the door as they enter back into the building. Cindy and Shannon remain silent. They follow and listen as the young man offers his arm to assist Grandma in walking up the stairs. 

    Cindy observes Grandma is being her usual self. Fernye sympathizes, “Why didn’t you say something?”


                                                       84 


    The young man is fighting back tears, “I can’t allow my hurts to override those of the family.”


    Fernye insists, “Everyone in here is coping with someone else’s death other than their own. I’m going to go in there before the real tragedy happens. If the lid shuts on each of their coffins, sealing it without the seal of redemption, then that will be a tragedy of enormous proportion. I can’t see standing here and letting that happen without a fight.”


    Fernye walks into the room where they’re mourning for Jason Richards. Cindy, Shannon,and the young man follow. A beautiful song is being sung. Fernye and the young man sit in the back, with Cindy and Shannon beside them.

    As the song concludes, Grandma suddenly stands up! 

    Cindy is rather shocked by Grandma’s abruptness. But she is even more surprised when Grandma sits back down. Cindy had half expected her to walk down the middle aisle and deliver a word or two on the subject of death. But Grandma sits deathly still and listens.


    Cindy looks around. If she thought there were a lot of kids at the Conklin funeral, this is really unbelievable. It is almost entirely kids.


    The Pastor approaches the podium next. Taking a deep breath, filling his lungs, “We have had several testimonies so far about how well-liked Jason was. How a young man who gave us so much joy was truly a gift from God, touching our lives with his fun-loving ways. That is certainly true. I too believe that Jason was a gift to us from God, but I want to tell you a story that perhaps only Jason and I know about.”


    The Pastor takes another deep breath, “I remember when Jason was just a little boy. The church bus would go around the neighborhood and I remember one particular time Jason got on the bus. I remember asking Jason, 'Do you like to go to church Jason?' And Jason said,'Yeh.' Then I asked Jason, 'Do you love Jesus, Jason?' And he said, 'Yeh.'  Well, I’m not saying that maybe Jason didn’t go astray on a few occasions over the years, but I remember that one time when Jason said, 'Yeh.'  Now let me see a raise of hands from those of you who’d like to be with Jason right now. There we go. Let’s see those hands. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yes. Praise the Lord! Now let’s pray together ….Dear Lord, you saw those thirty hands go up. I pray that you would comfort them today and until the day they get to see Jason in Heaven. I pray for the family and all those who have come here today, to mourn the loss of a loved one and a friend.”


                                                         85 


    While the pastor is praying, Cindy, as always, has her eyes shut; and she is holding Grandma’s hand and Shannon’s. When the pastor had asked for a raise of hands, she felt Grandma rise up. She probably would have raised the roof, but instead she'd sat back down. Now she is leaning over and whispering something in the young man’s ear. He nods as tears flow down his face. 

    Grandma leans forward to meet Cindy’s eyes, “We are going to follow Stephen to the cemetery.”


    It is a warm winter for Michigan. It is raining, a slight drizzle, though still quite cold and damp. 

    Fernye thinks aloud, “The rain can attempt to wash the tears away for today, but many days will follow and without the rain there will still be rivers. These kids will have to face the neighborhood streets, the gymnasium, and all the places where they used to hang out with Jason. They may feel his spirit is still there, but what will it do for theirs?"


    As they park at the cemetery, Fernye walks beside Stephen to the gravesite. Cindy and Shannon follow close behind. There are few parents at the gravesite. Looking back, Cindy sees most of the parents who had driven their kids here are still in their cars, avoiding the drizzle. 

    Jason’s friends surround the gravesite. Many of them latch on to Jason, letting their heads rest on the cold damp coffin. Their tears join the winter rain.


    Some of the parents step beside their kids with their own version of an encouraging word, “Let’s go.”


    But the kids won’t let go! They hug each other and share their tears, “Us kids have to stick together, if it takes this to realize it. We’re a bunch of hoodlums with no families, most of us. We have to stick together.”


    They embrace each other for a brief moment, then return to hugging the casket. And they don’t let go.


    Cindy wonders what they meant by not having any parents. They must have someone. The ones who are standing off to the side or in the cars, they have to be some sort of parents. But what had happened? Had the parents been here before, in their own young lives? Had they been just like these kids, hardened and carrying vows to stick together? Or did they harden more when they went their separate ways?


   Cindy looks around. She recalls a time when she had felt alone. For a brief moment, her eyes meet those of the young man … standing alone.


    Cindy’s thoughts return to when her own mom had passed away. She remembers how she felt and how everything would have fallen apart had Dad and Grandma not been by her side.


                                                            86 


    Fernye steps forward and puts her arms around two of the kids still hugging the casket, “There is a story many of you may not know, but then again some of you may. Jason was one of many neighborhood kids who loved to play basketball. There is a young man from my church who frequents the neighborhood gymnasium, having the court reserved for the church basketball league. Stephen would come early to watch Jason and his friends play basketball. They got acquainted when Stephen spoke up once about the fighting and cussing they were doing." 

    They look up to Fernye. They don't know her. She may be Jason's grandma or great Aunt …they don't know, but they don't care. They recognize this lady to be different …in a caring sort of way. Fernye has this effect upon everyone, it seems. In a way, she is everyone's grandma and great Aunt. 

    They listen to what she says, "Stephen tried to teach the spirit of basketball that he knew. At times, the church league would be short of players and Stephen encouraged Jason and his friends to play. Often Jason and his friends joined Stephen and together they would take on the adults." 

    It seems like Fernye is taking on everyone here. "Stephen and Jason had a beautiful relationship on the court. They got to know each other’s moves and even got to the point of reading each other’s thoughts on the court. They flowed beautifully together in the game of basketball. But now, Stephen is hurting like many of you. He has a deep hurt inside because he shared in the game of basketball, but nothing about the game of life. To put it accurately, life isn’t a game. It’s rather serious. Sadly enough, we keep ourselves so busy with meaningless things, we seldom reach the seriousness we have here today." 

    Fernye looks up to the dwindling crowd, "And some of you older folk here today, have already died to your true emotions. These kids here are real, but I’m sorry to say they’re also real confused. None of us wanted Jason to die. If we hadn’t known Jason, he’d just be a statistic. Jason is one of many teenagers who die every year, unexpectedly. But we did know Jason and we didn’t expect him to leave us. How long will it be before we are here again? I want you to know that all those who die don’t come here. Many of you who raised your hands earlier at the funeral home are dying. You raised your hands for the same reason you are clinging so desperately to the casket. Because you want to be with Jason. And that is natural. I believe you are good kids. But that doesn’t help the Jasons of the world. If the raising of the hand today indicates who is going to Heaven, then none of you need help. But I’m afraid that was an emotional assurance rooted in falsehood." 

                                                         87 


    Fernye is aware of the fact that from the moment she began talking, no one has left …so she continues to talk, "We need the raising of the heart, to Jesus. We don’t need to wallow in what deceit Satan would have us to. I can’t imagine any of us would ever want to attend another one of these funerals. We lose someone we love, but we don’t want to face whether we are really lost. So we sugar-coat the entire message. We don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Many of you parents here have already hardened your hearts and accepted the lie. You feel uncomfortable here. You want to go. You wish the kids would let go like you did. There are some powerful forces working against the truth here. We are losing our kids in life, not death. Satan is authoring a deceit here. He is stealing our kids’ lives. What then are they to share in, …in death? Why are we not angry about our children being stolen right before our eyes? Because many of us have been stolen too? Don't step away from here in stepping away from the truth. If you need to hold on to the memories a bit longer, hold on! Hold on to those precious memories of Jason. But who you really need to cling to is Jesus.”


    It is not obvious to everyone that there is a deep truth behind the almost cliché' type of conviction that Fernye presents. It also is not obvious to all that she is not a preacher, for she could probably burn the roast in the oven if she were giving the message on Sunday. But what is obvious is that the sun is now shining through the clouds. It had been overcast for the past three weeks, but now the sun is shining through the drizzle of rain. It is a beautiful sun shower. It is a breath of fresh air to see the sun shining again and to feel its warmth. But the sun breaking through the clouds seems only to serve to bring notice to a more stunning display. Most everyone's attention is drawn to the fact that the sun appears to be shining right on Fernye …and Fernye only. And it seems to bring light to Fernye’s sincerity.

    Fernye cries with them, “Jesus showed us the meaning of life through His death. Hold on to that truth! Don’t let that be an emotion you bury here. Jason is not where prayer changes things. Prayer is the ongoing battlefield in life, not in the graveyard. This may seem too painful, but the pain may bring us all to the unity we need in Jesus and the peace of salvation. Find out more about God; read about Jesus. Don’t look at yourselves as a bunch of hoodlums, without parents, without love, without guidance. Accept the guidance of God’s Holy Spirit. Invite the truth in your heart.”


    She pauses. Everyone is silent. They now begin to look into her eyes. They see the tears …they see her heart. 

    She softens her tone, “Silence is when God speaks. In the quietness of our hearts, God speaks. Otherwise we only hear ourselves and others. You kids take as long as you want. I’ll stand here with you.”


                                                    88 

    Cindy looks around her. Tears visit some of the adults. They slowly step beside their young ones around the casket and cry with them. 

    Shannon wraps her arms around mom’s leg. Cindy kneels down and hugs Shannon. Three-year-old Shannon learns much today. She learns to cry real tears. And the sun shines down on them as they cry together.


    As Cindy drives Grandma home, she glances back. Shannon is asleep in her toddler seat. 

    Cindy stops at a traffic light. She reaches to touch Grandma’s hand, then glances over at her, “Grandma, you’re something else. How can I ever live my life with the kind of conviction you have?”


    As the light changes and they drive on, Grandma tries to drive home her point, “You look around at all times and see how you can be a servant. At my age, I don’t get around like I used to, so when I do get out, God gives me a real treat.”


    Cindy changes lanes, “How do you fill your days when you don’t get out?”


    Grandma puts her hand on Cindy’s shoulder, “I pray for you.”


    Cindy pulls into Grandma’s driveway, “Well, can you pray where
God would have me teach?”


    Grandma takes a deep breath, “I already have. And I’ve already received an answer.”


    Cindy puts the car into park and turns off the engine. She turns her full attention to Grandma, “What was the answer?”


    Grandma’s eyes twinkle as she looks deep into Cindy’s. “Well, they’re in need of a teacher at the school where Patrick Conklin taught.”

                                                  89



                                                III.

    It’s New Year’s Eve. Cindy holds Shannon’s hand. Shannon had shown much interest in the Bible story that Mom had chosen for the evening. Cindy isn’t sure whether Shannon is still awake, but she’ll hold her hand a bit longer.


    Mom prays with the gentle whisper that Shannon usually falls asleep to. It is a peaceful time that both daughter and Mom look forward to each evening. As Shannon’s grip loosens, Cindy kisses her little hand, “Good night Sweetie.” 

    Shannon does not respond. She is asleep.


    Cindy walks to the kitchen. She finds Dad there. Dad has his own way to end the day. He is getting two styrofoam cups of Stroh’s Moose Tracks ice cream, “I thought I’d try styrofoam cups like the ice cream parlor. It always seems to stay colder in styrofoam. I can’t eat two, so if you want you can join me.”


    Cindy smiles, “Sure Dad, thanks.”


    Ken hands his daughter the cup, “I’ll pick up some more cones at the store tomorrow. Meanwhile, make sure you don’t eat my cups. Oh, and by the way, the Superintendent from Wing Lake called earlier. She said she’d be at the school on Saturday, so if you want you can go in and get your classroom organized.”


    Cindy hugs her Dad, “I’m scared, Dad.”


    Dad kisses her on the forehead, “Just remember, they’re scared too.”


    Cindy laughs, “But there are more of them!”


    Monday morning seems to come way too soon. Cindy sits in her classroom overlooking the snow-covered playground. A slight chill moves down Cindy’s spine. 

     January provides a coldness, yet a sense of peacefulness. Cindy’s classroom provides a good second-story view. Her room is on the northwest side of the building. To the north is a cemetery. To the west is a lake. There is a steep embankment on the north side of the lake, and that is where the cemetery begins, just beyond the fence at the northwest corner of the playground.

    Cindy has already checked each desk. Each desk is equipped with paper, pencil, and a dictionary. No excuse not to do work, she reasons. Everyone has the tools they need to start. She'll pass out class books as needed.


                                                  90 


    Cindy glances at the clock, reading 7:30 a.m., …plenty of time yet. Grandma will be praying for her. She’ll be near the phone.


    " ………It’s not like flying to the moon or anything! Nothing quite so critical, but I feel it’s important. Did you ever feel like you were not fully prepared for something?”


    “I feel like that every day when I first get up. But that’s good. I never am really prepared and that realization brings me to prayer each morning. Don’t focus on a plan of expectations and set yourself up. Ever since you were a little girl I saw you struggle with expectations. Disappointment has always set you back.”


    Cindy sort of feels like Grandma still looks at her as a child, “Maybe as a little girl, but losing Mom was more than a set back.”


    “Yes, this certainly doesn’t compare to that.” Grandma takes a deep breath, “But remember, they are all dealing with a loss too. Not as devastating as the loss of a parent, but an important loss nonetheless. They are at a delicate age. Most are facing new challenges and increased peer pressure and their feelings are in jeopardy. A year or two ago they may have cried over the loss of a cat or dog, but now in many ways they are facing a whole new set of emotions.”


    “Grandma, are you reading that?”


    “Reading what?”


    “You sound like a magazine article.”


    “No , I’m not reading it. But I could write my own book. I taught school for enough years. Hopefully most are still at the age where they cry over losing the family pet. Soon it will be losing their dignity, their virginity, their humanity. I don’t know all what Mr. Conklin was as a teacher and a friend, but it was significant. He had an unusual effect upon his students. To be successful as a teacher, you have to find the place where they are at. And you’ll find God is there waiting.”


    “Grandma, how can I ever be all of that?”


    “It’s simple. Just be yourself.”


    “How can you tell me all this …then say, just be yourself?” “I just don’t want you to plan it out and then be disappointed.”


    “So, I shouldn’t have a plan?”


    “I didn’t say that! You have to have a plan or they’ll walk all over you.”


    Cindy replies with pleasant loving sarcasm, "I’m sure glad I called you, Grandma. That's real encouraging!” 

     “I’m sorry, …I think we should pray.”


    Cindy is overwhelmed. She feels terrible. She doesn’t even hear Grandma pray. But she feels peace just the same. Grandma concludes the prayer, “. . .in Jesus’ Name, Amen.”


    “Thanks, Grandma.”

                                                   91 



     “You know, Cindy, there’s a difference between being eager and being anxious. The difference is in our degree of faith in God. We should be eager to see what great things God is going to do with the day. When tragedy strikes, we have plenty of time for mourning. No sense in mourning in the morning and seeking signs of warning, continually forlorning when we have no clue what the Lord will do, for me and you. Now that one I did get from a magazine. It’s also a saying we have at the Silver Crowns. And by the way, we were all praying for you throughout the week too.”


    “Thanks Grandma. Thanks for being my best friend.” As Cindy hangs up the phone, she looks at the clock …8:03 a.m. ...8:04 ...8:05 …the phone rings.


    “Cindy Bauer . . ."


    “Cindy, this is Superintendent Swanson. Could you come to my office please?” 

    Cindy takes a deep breath, “I’ll be right there.” 

    She asks herself, why do I feel like a child? Going to the Superintendent’s office is something I should encourage children not to fear. They should feel their teachers and Superintendent are their friends. They shouldn’t fear. Or should they? Fear is the beginning of wisdom. No, that’s …fear of the Lord.


    Cindy walks to the Superintendent’s office. She finds balloons and streamers everywhere and a banner that reads: Welcome Cindy!!


    The Superintendent smiles, “We just want you to know that we at Wing Lake School stick together, the teachers and staff. We want to give you a warm welcome. Your class may not be quick to welcome you, but we want you to feel we all stand behind you.”


    Cindy smiles. First Grandma and now the Superintendent had made comments that lent to a guarded attitude. How difficult could the first day of class be?


    “Hi, my name is Clotilda Martin. I teach the third grade. My daughter is in the fifth grade. She really liked Mr. Conklin. We all miss him. You have some big shoes to fill, but we’ll help you every step of the way.”


    Some days she may feel rather intimidated, but really it is very nice. Depends how you look at it. And the way Cindy looks at it is from the perspective she had while attending the funeral. Mr. Conklin was a great man and it was a real privilege to be able to follow his quality of workmanship, …the molding of students, of young Christian lives. So I've got to keep up the positive attitude, not a moldy one. The truth is, it is sort of intimidating. But the truth also is that any teacher’s dream would be to have their students love them as they loved Mr. Conklin.


                                                 92 


     Each teacher greets Cindy and mentions what grade they teach. They are doing everything they can to make Cindy feel comfortable. Cindy hopes she can relax and feel her job and future here at Wing Lake School is fully secure. If she can only survive this first day!


    The greetings continue . . .8:16 . . .8:19 . . .8:21 . . .8:23.

    Cindy is given one last round of well-wishing. Then the announcement comes. The one that makes her anxious, not eager. “R-i-n-n-g-g! !"


    The bell announces the beginning of class. Cindy forces a smile as she hurries off to class. Whatever speck of confidence she imagined to have, evaporates as she enters the classroom. All her students are seated quietly. And on the chalkboard is written: ‘Teacher’s first day of school and teacher is late. Must write: I WILL NOT BE LATE, one hundred times.'


    Is that a grimace? Yes, it’s a grimace. But then again, maybe not. 

    At first Cindy feels the cold hard stares of the class, but she quickly remembers what Grandma had said. They had lost a teacher they obviously loved. And now they’d think she doesn’t seem to even care enough to be on time. Cindy must penetrate those hurt stares and get through to them to teach them something. Anything! But how could anything on a lesson plan be as important as teaching them that she cares?


     Cindy doesn’t know what to say. She turns around and just starts writing on the chalkboard: ‘I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE . . .as she writes, her thoughts begin to clear. 

    Grandma had said something about being a servant. Sometimes it seems like a mix-up of roles that we have in life, but what is our real role? We are to serve God, …but Jesus, being God, came to earth and served us. 

    Cindy continues to write: I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.  But as she writes, she begins to speak, “I feel like a little child up here, writing sentences.  But that’s okay, because I need to know how you feel." I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. "There that’s ten times, only ninety more.”


    Cindy turns around for a moment, "Let me see a show of hands. How many of you would rather have Mr. Conklin still here as your teacher, instead of me?”


    Everyone raises their hands, including Cindy, who adds, “Five minutes ago that would have devastated me, but I agree. I wish he were still your teacher too. I would be disappointed if you didn’t raise your hand. The truth is you all miss your teacher and don't know why he had to pass away. Many of you are confused.” 

    Cindy pauses to take a deep breath, “Well, I am confused as well.”


                                                    93 


     Cindy turns back around and continues to write: I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. . . .And she continues to speak, “Let me tell you a thing or two about confusion. Things don’t begin confusing, or at least they shouldn’t. We begin with an absolute. The definition of absolute includes words like: perfect, complete, whole, pure, without doubt, real …" I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. "As you all were born into this world you couldn’t walk or even crawl, let alone write on a chalkboard." I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. "Wherever you existed was because you were placed there. You were placed in a crib. You were placed in a playpen. You were placed in an infant car seat. Wherever you were placed, you existed there for that set time. But first of all you were placed in your mother’s womb. That provided complete nourishment for you. As you grew and developed your comfort needs were met. But your mom’s comfort level was very possibly lessening. The closer it got to the time of your expected birth, her joy was probably unlike any joy she’d ever had before. But there may have been some anxiousness also. The joy comes from eagerness. You know, the type of eagerness you feel in waiting to open a birthday present, a Christmas gift ---which by the way, was also a child, which we need to open up to ——or any fun thing you look forward to. That’s eagerness, joyful anticipation. The anxiousness might be from an increasing discomfort your mom was having just before you were born. Right before I gave birth to my daughter, I felt both eager and anxious. I wanted to deliver on time. I was actually a week late then. Maybe I should have stayed up all night writing, I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. ….maybe that would have helped me be on time.”


    Cindy feels the birth of another idea coming on, but better ease in on the transition, “It is a fact that each of you were born. Your parents were issued a birth certificate confirming your birth. The government asks that we have confirmation of birth. What you ask for as a baby is confirmation of comfort. In the place of comfort, we will use the word ——security. What you needed was confirmation of security. What you got was likely some form of something slightly different. Each of you has a less secure environment outside the womb. No one's needs can be met as well outside the womb, at least in technical terms with a healthy pregnancy. And once outside the womb, each of you have different degrees of both security and confusion.”


I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.


                                                      94 


     “We are going to talk much about confusion in this class. But first of all, I’m going to focus on security. You can look in your dictionary under the word ——security.”


    Cindy quickly grabs her dictionary in one hand while continuing to write.
I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.
I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.
I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.
I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.


    Cindy glances up, not seeing anyone with an open dictionary. No sound of pages turning. No matter, “Security means freedom from fear, anxiety, danger or doubt. A security blanket is soft and comfortable. A security officer provides protection. A security council works towards peace. Social security sets up a provision to guarantee that when I get older I won’t have to survive in a cave. Can you imagine me in a cave? Check out the writing on the wall: I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.”

I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.


    “Security is a certainty of comfort, a peace of provision, a promise of protection. Security is satisfaction and fulfillment with the assurance of safety, a sense of tranquility, and certainty. I like the word ---tranquil. It sounds like a place where I’d like to retire.”


I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.
I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.
I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.


    Cindy flips to the word, tranquil, in the dictionary, “Tranquil, calm, quiet, still, free from disturbance or agitation. Tranquil, serene, peaceful, placid. I’m not talking about that cave dwelling. I don’t consider roughing it as peaceful. The most non-peaceful situation I could imagine is an unsatisfied self. When we don’t have the comfort that satisfies, then there is a tendency to look for any kind of comfort, often unhealthy comfort. The comfort that does satisfy comes from God. And He did make us needy people. We need God first of all, but we also need each other. And He brings us together to comfort each other, in truth. That is my goal.”


    Cindy turns around to the solemn class, “What is your goal this morning? I know from your raise of hands earlier that your goal was to have Mr. Conklin as your teacher.”


                                               95 



I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. 
I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.
I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.
I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.


    A tear forms in Cindy’s eye. Both eyes gather up a reservoir of tears before releasing, “It’s not my doing that I’m here and he’s not. And that’s the biggest question in life, the question -- Why? But I have the best answer there is in life. The answer is simply: I don’t know!”


I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.
I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.
I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.


    “Not knowing is what brings on confusion. While security is an ordered, learned system ——confusion is disorder. Security is something understood as predictable. Certain responses are expected and counted on. You depend on it, rely on it and rest at night with it. But the antonym of systematic order is confusion. Confusion is the state of disorder, bewilderment, a failure to distinguish between things. Confusion is an indiscriminate mixing or putting together of things so that it’s difficult to distinguish the individual elements or parts. Confusion: a disturbance of the proper order or arrangement.”

    “Well, there’s certainly been a disturbance of the arrangement. The arrangement was for Mr. Conklin to teach you for this school year. It is clear to me that Mr. Conklin has provided for each of you a deep sense of security. You liked your teacher and that carries significant importance. The Pastor of the church I attend was good friends with your teacher. Often exceptional people become friends. I believe you are an exceptional class and you had an exceptional teacher. I am not an exceptional teacher, but I’m asking you to make an exception and try to be my friend.”


I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.


    “Avenues may be closed, hindering learning. But many of those avenues open up when you accept your teacher. First of all, you don’t have to accept me. But by the laws of this state you have to accept a very small degree of what I teach to pass on to the next grade. Unless of course you know everything already." 

I WILL NOT BE LATE. 

    "In time, if you accept me, learning may come easier. But that’s up to you. I would hope that you wouldn’t like me so well that you’d have to repeat the grade.”


I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE.



                                                      96 




    “The degree you get along with me does not reflect upon your grade. But the work you do may be a reflection of how well you accept me, by your attentiveness and motivation to learn. With a new teacher I realize there is an adjustment period and it will be different for each one of you. I will consider this in tabulating your final grade at the end of this school year. Much consideration will come from the grades you received with Mr. Conklin before the holiday break. I would hope none of you would take advantage of my leniency.”


    Cindy writes twice more: I WILL NOT BE LATE. I WILL NOT BE LATE. 

    “That’s one hundred times. Now that I finished my assignment, it’s time for you to get to work on yours.”


    Cindy wants to focus on the positive, “You are also going to write one hundred times, but yours will be one hundred lines. That will be approximately four pages. You may choose one of two topics. One topic you can choose is what area of your life or what activity makes you happiest. I am asking you to write about how and why you feel secure in that area or activity. Your other choice of topic is what makes you sad. There are many types of sadness, but I favor the belief that most sadness comes from insecurity or confusion. I will collect your work when you go for lunch today. When you return from lunch I will return them to you so you have more time. You can approach it however you want; only thing is that it’s your assignment. No talking. Questions will be acknowledged by a raised hand.”

    The class is very quiet. Cindy isn’t sure whether they are thinking about the assignment she had given or wandering off in their own world of thoughts. At this point she is just thankful they are quiet. Whether they are compliant or not will be revealed as they turn their papers in.


    Cindy has already prepared a lesson plan. She has already memorized the names of every one of her students and attached faces to them. Now she opens her book and appears to be reading. Though her eyes are directed at the book, she is really praying. She thanks God for her survival of the first part of her first day. Her hope being that the most difficult part of the day is complete.


    As the students are dismissed for lunch, each turns in their papers so she can review their progress so far. Cindy has to remind a couple of them to write their names on the top of their papers. Two of the students, that’s all they did …name at the top, blank sheet of paper. But most of the students had filled a page, a page and a half. That is the first and biggest step ---following directions or obedience. Quality will come in its own time.


                                                         97 


     Cindy is eager to read some of the papers, to see where each of the students stand. A measuring stick for potential and attitude.


    Cindy looks up as an intruding shadow enters her vision. It is a friendly intrusion. It is Superintendent Swanson, “Would you like to join us for lunch?”


    Cindy sighs, “Thank you, but I told my class I’d look over the papers they’ve been writing all morning.”


    “Well, we have to go. You want me to bring something back for you?”


    “I brought a sack lunch, but thank you. I appreciate so much your asking. Maybe another time.”


    Cindy hopes she hadn’t just isolated herself from the rest of the teachers and staff. She wants to fit in with them, but she feels it is also important that she establish herself with the students, the ultimate reason she is employed. How long before the students accept her ——two weeks, a month, or next fall when a new group comes in?


    Cindy speaks aloud in prayer, “0 Lord, I know that you will lead each student in Your own time. It will be their decision whether they respond. I know that it is my part to follow Your Will and to always show them interest and compassion. I will follow Your lead and be sensitive to each one of their own unique needs. Thank you for giving me this chance, Amen.”


    Cindy takes a bite of her apple. No student had brought her one; she had to bring her own. She chomps on the apple as she looks over the papers. At first she glances over them, not looking so much for content as she is looking for interest. A few of the papers are nearly blank. One has a picture drawn of a frown face. Another by Timaeus Jordon catches her eye: 

                                               98 

                                                         99 



    At first Cindy feels hurt by this until she remembers her own prayer: Be sensitive to each one of their own unique needs. 

    Cindy chuckles to herself as she realizes that at least Timaeus had been listening to her, having repeated her own words in the precise way she had shared them with her class: Count on, depend on, rely on, and rest at night with. 

    And Cindy counts the 'Lines'. One hundred lines would approximate four pages, but Timaeus wrote the word 'Lines' one hundred times …one hundred times exactly. Probably a good math student. Or an architect, indicative of the configuration of words. Perhaps an actor ...he didn’t forget any of his 'Lines'.


    Cindy picks up the next paper. Name: Moriah Lebonah. 

    The phone rings. Cindy is sort of in a daze. She lets it ring twice before picking it up. “Oh, hi, Grandma. Do you think it’s too late for me to change careers?”


    Grandma doesn’t laugh. She doesn’t respond at all.


    “No, it hasn’t been that bad. I prayed about it a bit ago. And actually, I’m doing quite well. But so much for my opinion of myself. I certainly wouldn’t want my students to vote on how well I’m doing. I’m not prepared for that yet ...oh, okay Grandma, check to see if there’s someone at your door. Call me back in a few minutes if you can.”


    Cindy hangs up the phone. Usually Grandma is really sharp, but she has her moments. Grandma gets like that at times. She constantly thinks people are at her door. Grandma loves company, especially the kind that doesn’t announce their coming. 

    Cindy chuckles to herself. Grandma also loves surprises. Though not the type of surprise visit she had last year …that company stayed too long. She had a sense about it, or rather a scent about it. It took a month and a half to catch that skunk …that had taken residence in the crawl space beneath her house. Grandma prefers company that is a little less toxic.


    Cindy has had many experiences with Grandma …the good and the bad, but all worthwhile. 

    Cindy has to take her mind off those pleasantries. She has a difficult job to do. She’ll have to face her students again in half an hour. And Grandma will probably call back if no one was at the door. Better look over some more papers while there is still time.


                                                         100 


    Moriah Lebonah’s paper has more writing effort than any of the papers Cindy has viewed so far. Cindy reads aloud: “Last year, my teacher said I had the gift of gab. My dad said there is a fine line between what people call accurate reporting and gossip. He said the difference is in the motivation for reporting the information. He said that everyone has the choice to use or abuse the gifts they have. Dad said I definitely have a gift and perhaps some day I could become a news reporter. Grandma says the only real news is the ‘Good News’, as in the Gospel, the good news of Jesus. Grandma says that I am a stickler for details and I pick up on things real fast. She said I’d do well in the mission field, learning a language and translating the message of salvation to those who have never heard. But for this assignment you asked us to write about happy and sad. I will take my dad’s suggestion and be part reporter and part story-teller. The part about Elisha and his dad are true, but I will change the names of the others so as not to slander on anyone.”


    This report is unlike any of the others. It actually appears to have an introduction. It is entitled, ‘Confusion’. 

    And Cindy continues to read aloud: “The weather was not unlike what weather can be like in Michigan. Technically speaking, a warm front was meeting a cold front. Some people would say that something was definitely in the air. But they would not begin to realize the gravity of that statement until they actually entered the atmosphere of the church. Elisha and his parents needed to be met with open arms and a warm heart, but there was a cold front moving into the judgment seat. This may not make much sense to you, but before I move on, I’ll step back a bit to provide a little background.”


    In the background, the students can be heard outside on the playground. They are due back in class in less than a half hour. 

    Cindy continues to read aloud: “My best friend’s name is Elisha. He makes me happy because outside of my family he is the only friend I have that makes me feel real. He is soft-spoken, gentle and kind. He has the most bursting smile I’ve ever seen. I never hear him complain and he never has a negative word about anyone or anything. Last month Elisha told me he has cancer. He has to go through a thing I had to look up in the dictionary. It’s called chemotherapy. Often when things don’t go right, people get frustrated and even upset and angry. Elisha has had it real bad, but he always smiles and has something positive to say." 

                                                     101 


    Cindy continues to read: "Two weeks ago the church congregation prayed over and over that the cancer would leave Elisha’s body. The following week when the doctors reported that the cancer was still there, the congregation prayed again. This time ‘One-up Wanda’ prayed for twenty minutes. She actually talked to the cancer and called it out of Elisha’s body. She said she could feel the cancer leave the building. I was going to ask her how far out of the building she thought it went, or in what direction, so everyone could know whether to go out the front door of the church or the back. And which streets to turn on as to avoid the cancer. I don’t think my dad’s car insurance covers cancer collision. But I didn’t say anything. Dad said I was to pray for people, not look for points of contention. I know Jesus and His disciples called all sorts of things out of people, so I know the truth of healings. But often people similar to ‘One-up Wanda’ appear to be more headlining their own act than seeking out God’s Will and purpose. I believe ‘One-up Wanda’ could have out-talked any of Job’s friends. And there is a group of them who enable each other just like Job’s friends. My dad calls them the self-appointed, self-annointed. Then he takes it back and tells me I should pray for them. So I did pray for them all last week. And of course, I prayed for Elisha too.”

    The noise outside on the playground seems to increase. But Cindy’s interest in what she is reading increases also: “Then this week when I entered the church there was a warm welcome as usual. Everyone was dressed for the same kind of weather. But I felt a chill. I was familiar with how quickly a cold front can move in. ‘One-up Wanda’ did not speak this evening. This time it was ‘Elder Rado’. He is known for his testimony towards his prosperity teaching. He has lots of money and always talks of opportunity for others. He had addressed Elisha’s dad in reference to his son’s cancer, with the bold claim that it was a perfect example of failed faith. This Elder Rado’s claim was that Wanda had named the healing and all Elisha’s dad had to do was claim it. But by returning to the Doctor, he was supposedly expressing doubt. If he had the correct amount of faith, he would have claimed the healing that Wanda had given. But instead he had doubted and had actually called the cancer back by visiting the Doctor. With a little more faith, Elisha would be healed and praising the Lord, instead of crying.”


                                                        102 


     At this point, Cindy begins crying. She has to wipe her eyes to clear her vision before reading on about Moriah’s experience: “At this point, I noticed Elisha crying. Elder Rado had spoken boldly. But now it was Elisha’s turn to speak as he fought back the tears. Elisha said he was not crying for himself …he was crying because of what was being said about his dad. Elder Rado then interrupted, to qualify his statement that it was not his intent to blame, but to enlighten and to encourage. Elder Rado just wanted Elisha’s dad to accept the teaching …that prayer does work miracles and he was just encouraging Elisha’s dad because it sounded like he had accepted the cancer and not the healing." 

    Cindy reads of how Elisha had interrupted Elder Rado, once again coming to his dad's defense: "Do you know what it sounds like to me? I hear the sounds every night. The sounds come from the room next to my bedroom. They're the sounds of my dad and mom crying. So you're wrong …in no way have they accepted this cancer! But you say that if we had enough faith I’d be healed and we’d all be praising God instead of crying. Well, I am not as certain as you that it’s God’s Will for me to be healed of this cancer. What I do know is that I will honor my dad whether you do or not. And my family and I will continue to glorify God. What I don’t continue to see though, is how your words are edifying to me or my family."


    Cindy drops her head and the paper as she is overcome with emotion. Moriah certainly has a gift. Her vivid description brings an overflow of tears. It is clear to Cindy that Elisha’s family share a great faith. Cindy recalls her own mom’s cancer and what a struggle that was for the family.

    Cindy looks up at the clock. In twenty minutes her students will begin to file back into her classroom. She thinks about what Moriah had written. And it reminds her of a favorite story Grandma had told her many times when she was a child. Children have a tendency to continually ask adults to repeat a story, over and over, day after day, until they have the story completely memorized. Then they will correct you on it if you change just one little part. But Grandma told the story well and Cindy recalls it clearly:


                                                        There was a fisherman who rowed way out in the sea, far away from land. He had                                                             rowed so far that he couldn’t see land. And he was so tired from rowing that he fell                                                           asleep in the bottom of his rowboat.  When he woke up, he realized his boat was                                                               sinking. He couldn’t save his boat, but he began treading water to save himself.  The                                                         bright sun reflecting on the water and the exhaustive effort to stay afloat, combined                                                           to blur his vision. He was about to give up when a rope with an inner-tube fell within                                                         his reach. He hadn’t seen the ship at all, but there it was! 

                                                                     103 



    Then Grandma would ask, “What two things did the fisherman do?” 

    Of course, she didn’t know, being just a young child. So Grandma would continue to explain that the fisherman wanted to be saved, so he grabbed the life-line. The second thing he did was something he continued to do. He told everyone about it. 

    Grandma would then direct the story to the 'everyone' part. "The first thing we need to do, is to accept our salvation, Jesus being our life-line. Then secondly, we need to tell everyone we can about it. Glorifying God is in the telling."   

    Grandma said that when the fisherman got old and was about to die, he still told of the day he got saved.


    Cindy remembers the simplicity of this, but now things had gotten confusing in many faith circles. It is often difficult to distinguish between God’s leading through the Holy Spirit and our own leading through our desires of 'who' and 'what' we’d like God to be and do.


    Suddenly the last page of Moriah’s paper catches Cindy’s eye. Moriah had stapled it together, but somehow it had torn loose from the other three pages. Cindy reads aloud: “I guess I began writing about how my friend Elisha makes me happy, but then it turned into the sad part of my story. The part that makes me saddest is when the other students tease Elisha. It doesn’t seem to make Elisha sad, but it makes me sad. He says they don’t know any better.”


    Cindy recalls how her own mom had told of being teased. Grandma was over forty when mom was born and the kids at her school had said she must have been a test-tube baby. Her mom had also told the story of how the neighborhood kids had teased her precious little daughter, Cindy, over her red hair and freckles.


    Cindy turns her attention back to Moriah’s paper. The emotion rushes forth as she reads the list of names the students call Elisha. A tear trickles, then soon becomes a steady flow.

    Cindy’s vision is fogged by her tears. The list of names they had called Elisha seem to scream out in her mind. It’s as if Cindy is living this very moment in a real sense. 

     She reacts with the protectiveness and intense hurt that a mom feels for her own child. She leaps from her seat and opens the window upon realizing the words are real. Outside her window, they are calling Elisha these very names!


    Cindy already shares Moriah’s sadness, but upon hearing these names, she is moved with more intense emotion. The name-calling has to stop. And suddenly the name-calling does stop.


                                                             104 



    Cindy isn’t sure if they had stopped or if she is just unconscious. Her emotion had moved her to lean out the window to shout at them, but her gracefulness expressed itself first. 

    The students now stand frozen, not from the cold, but in shock of what they’d just witnessed. Cindy’s thud had been a loud thud. There was an unmistakable crack too. Did the crack come before the thud or were the crack and thud a simultaneous introduction to the present silence? Had the branches beneath her caused the loud crack or had it been her bones? In either occasion, they remain motionless, not really knowing why they are still standing there.


    Cindy is motionless on her back, still a bit dazed. She is not aware that the guilty ones stand more breathless than the rest …not wondering whether Cindy is hurt, but rather hoping she is.


    Their silent hope is that they can escape what they fear is forthcoming. They suspect the sudden maneuver out the window was in response to their name-calling. And although seemingly fearless before their God, they do fear a trip to the Superintendent’s office. 

    Their fears are soon realized as they await the impending doom. But all three agree that even their parents’ chastening could never equal the fear brought on by the onslaught they’d experienced on the playground. They had just barely survived that. What more could there be?


    These three do not react in a hardened fashion. They are stunned. Their primary reaction is not anger from having ‘lost face’ in front of their peers, but more a state of shock from never having had such a stern counseling before.


    Cindy walks back from the Superintendent’s office to her classroom. Her classroom is empty. The Superintendent had given Cindy’s class an extra gym hour so Cindy could regroup. 

    Cindy looks out her window, carefully this time. She is thankful for the snow drift that had blown around the bushes. The drift had undoubtedly cushioned her fall. Cindy is a bit sore, but it could have been worse. In a way, she sort of feels sorry for the boys. They had received the discipline, and afterwards actually appeared sorry. In a way, they probably felt somewhat like she did at this moment …in need of some genuine encouragement. One of the boys, Jordan, is one of her students. She’d at least have opportunity to work with him and encourage him along.

    Cindy’s eye suddenly focuses on the very encouragement she wishes she can share with the three boys. A Bible is open on one of the students' desk. The Bible is open to its inside front cover. 

                                                            105 

                                                     106




    Cindy cups the palms of her hands over her eyes, exerting some pressure to relieve the tension. She is thoroughly and completely overwhelmed. What if she fails to get through to her students? What if they don’t accept her? 

    How can she handle all this? Can she bear all this responsibility?


    Cindy recalls how her own Dad had responded to the teasing she had been subjected to when she was in school. He had said, “Everyone gets teased at some time or another. You just have to ignore it.” 

    But Cindy remembers how she had felt. And she feels the same way now for Elisha. Yet, Cindy wonders if her Dad was right. Maybe she could have ignored it. After all, Elisha was doing quite well ignoring it.


    Cindy is certain she had overreacted. That truly is an understatement. And she probably distanced herself from her class even more, if that's at all possible. She will have few allies now. But she will not be the first to have experienced a difficult start. If she somehow survives this year, she may be able to escape the legacy of being in a class of her own, at the expense of being by her own …lonesome self.


    Cindy remains silent as the students file into her classroom. She had placed their papers back on each of their desks and had written directions on the chalkboard for them to continue to work on their assignments. 

     Without a word, the students sit down at their desks and begin to write.
The silence is so absolute that it is intimidating. The students are writing diligently or at least pretending to be doing so. They are probably all responding in fear. They are probably all afraid of her now. 

    Cindy feels the tension in the air. And the feeling of rejection is overbearing. The silence is breaking Cindy’s heart. But she isn’t much braver than they. She fears breaking the silence too. She had already spoken large volumes today. She doesn’t know quite what to say now, and perhaps if she did, their precious and blossoming minds may stem fragile retreats within themselves. Better to resort to that quiet place, where inner peace builds, finding its own stamina to strive on.


    Cindy wants to share with them something about peace. Peace can be found in the security of a comfort zone. Each individual must have at least some comfort zone, uniquely experienced by certain events in their life. But the only true peace comes from God.  A fine testimony she is of that!  She’d better remain silent.


    That evening Cindy intends to look over her student’s papers, but she is exhausted and feels paralyzed to do anything, except visit Grandma. Her Dad, Grandma, and Shannon are her comfort zone. Outside the comfort zone are many fears. And she fears to go back to school for a second day.



                                                        107 




    Grandma recognizes that look and starts right in on her, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Kids need boundaries. Fearing their teacher might be a start. You may be overreacting again, Cindy, but you’re overreacting with your heart. Overreacting with anger brings more anger, but overreacting with your heart may open up theirs. It definitely shows more sincerity than lacking.”

    Cindy spends the rest of the evening at home alone with Shannon, wrapping her arms around her precious little girl. 

    Shannon isn't feeling well, but she thinks well enough of Grandpa to include him in her prayer before she falls asleep. She prays that Grandpa will be safe on his trip out West. And Cindy is so exhausted that she falls asleep on the floor beside Shannon’s bed, holding Shannon’s hand with an outstretched arm.


    Cindy wakes up two hours later and with a very sore arm. She kisses Shannon on the forehead and stumbles to her own bed.


    The next time Cindy wakes up, she wakes up in a panic. She had forgotten to set her alarm. Thankfully Grandma’s house is on the way to Wing Lake, so she can drop Shannon off without losing much time.


    Cindy is surprised how quickly a frantic state can change to a good feeling, merely by hitting all traffic signals on green. Cindy is going to make it to school on time after all!


    Cindy enters the school with a smile on her face and nods a silent “Good day” as she passes Superintendent Swanson. But Superintendent Swanson cuts the air and half of Cindy’s smile with, “Cindy, could I have a moment with you?”


    Cindy loses the bounce in her step as she enters the Superintendent’s office, “Yes?”


    Superintendent Swanson’s phone is ringing, “I want to talk with you more about what happened yesterday. Please have a seat.”


    Cindy fears she is really going to get it now. She admits her error. Her leg is still sore, not from her fall, but from breaking that big stick over her knee. One of the boys had been brandishing the huge stick. And she had snatched the stick from the boy with a quickness and cracked it over her knee like it was a twig. Then she’d escorted the boys to the Superintendent’s office with the two parts of the stick, waving them on with the fear of a clubbing.


    Cindy looks up at the clock. She is going to be late again. Maybe she should begin class by writing 'I WILL NOT BE LATE', two hundred times.


    The Superintendent appears to be talking to her husband. Cindy isn’t trying to eavesdrop, but the tone certainly doesn’t sound like she's talking to a parent or anyone in a professional capacity. Cindy isn’t so concerned with the conversation other than her having to wait until that conversation is complete so she can endure her own.


                                                               108 



    The Superintendent finally breaks her phone conversation long enough to inform Cindy, “I’ll get back with you at lunch hour. You should really try to make it to class on time!”


    Cindy doesn’t feel much relief. She can count on having her class for at least half a day. That will be long enough to be embarrassed again, writing 'I WILL NOT BE LATE' on the chalkboard, only to be notified afterwards by the Superintendent that she cannot finish out the second half of the day. 

    Cindy imagines many varied approaches, but they all end with her being relieved of her duties.     As Cindy walks into her classroom, her eyes well-up with tears. Her desk is filled with apples. The day before she had fretted because she had to bring her own apple to school. But today she had apples enough for all the teachers in her school district. 

    Cindy laughs through her tears. She holds up one of the apples. It already has a huge bite in it. 

    One of the boys speaks up, “That’s the apple I brought. I thought it would help you remember how you bit into me yesterday. My name is Jordan Aire, in case you don’t recognize me without the scared look I had in the Superintendent’s office.”


    Cindy takes a bite out of the other side of the apple, “I’m sorry, Jordan, I didn’t mean to leave the wrong kind of impression; it’s just that your biting comments towards Elisha were rather intense also.” 

    She takes another bite.


    Moriah chides in, “They say that one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch, but none of us believe you are rotten to the core, Jordan.”


    The class laughs. Moriah speaks in behalf of the class, “We all know Elisha and what he’s going through. We already had to face one death with the passing of our teacher. We need someone like you to help us deal with all this. You showed us yesterday how you take on problems head-on. The Bible says that we are not supposed to hide our light under a bushel, and I thought we could show our appreciation by giving you a bushel of apples.”


    Cindy feels the tears returning. At least if the Superintendent tells her she’s out of a job, she won’t be leaving on a totally bad note …nor an empty stomach. At least her students have left her with this good feeling.


    Cindy is not as uneasy as she was, but she’s still a bit apprehensive as noon arrives and she follows the route to the Superintendent’s office. She half hopes the Superintendent has forgotten. But Superintendent Swanson doesn’t waste any time, “The way you handled that incident yesterday ....well, I admire your bold take-charge attitude.  I want you to join a committee I’m forming to create guidelines for recognizing troubled youth. Maybe that will help stem the problem of increased violence in our school system.”


                                                                          109 



    Cindy sighs in relief, then can’t hold back a slight laugh, “I apologize for doubting you. I was half expecting to face the Inquisition, but I shouldn’t have questioned your personal understanding and integrity. You are a true professional. And I’d like your permission to call you ‘friend’.”


    Cindy can’t wait to tell Grandma the news and of course, to see her little Shannon. 

    Grandma doesn’t quite share Cindy's enthusiasm though. She just smiles, like she already knew all this was going to happen. Grandma gives Cindy a journal, “Now Cindy, you write down everything you’ve told me in this journal. Maybe you’re on top of the world right now, but there will be other days like yesterday when you’ll wish you never got into teaching. On days like that, you can always go back and read today’s entry.”

    Cindy’s dad, Ken, returns at the end of the week. He had retired from General Motors when his wife, Cindy’s mom, had died. But every so often he took trips and did work for the company.


    Fernye promptly announces her son-in-law’s return, “Your dad called today. He’s back. Must have brought the warm weather back with him. Supposed to be up to seventy degrees today. Not warm enough for me, but not bad for January here in Michigan. The weather is supposed to be unseasonably warm all week. Might melt all the snow, so make sure you don’t try to holler out your classroom window again. You might not have anything to break your fall.”


    Cindy smiles upon hearing Dad is back. 

    Grandma is seldom lacking in things to say, and she is good at switching from one thought to another, “Shannon says she likes his pancakes better than mine anyway. So she can get her appetite back and I can have my life back.” She winks at Shannon.


   Cindy laughs, “Sounds like you’re a bit eager. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were throwing us out.”


    Grandma looks at the clock, “I have a Silver Crowns meeting tonight. So get your things together, your dad wants to take you both out to eat in half an hour.”


    Cindy takes Shannon’s things out to the car, then returns to hug Grandma, “Thanks for letting Shannon stay here while Dad was away.”


    Fernye hands Cindy the journal she’d given her a few days ago, “I see you haven’t written in this. Now, I’m not going to be around forever to help you keep a proper perspective, so don't forget to write in the journal.”


                                                                       110 



    Cindy spends the weekend writing in her journal a little, but mostly thinking about the committee meeting scheduled for the first of the week. The topic of school violence is a difficult one. Some believe that violence should be met with violence. You certainly can’t condone it. It has to be
controlled somehow. And one way to control it, is to rise above it, instilling your own fear …becoming equal to the challenge and heavy-handed with consequences. Others believe in social reform. But social reform is hard to define, hard to design, and harder to align with present social parameters. Once defined, the political system almost always gets involved, which is nothing more than you and me expressing our views beyond ourselves, into an infrastructure that no longer allows us to be you and me; but instead is frequently an unbending, often deaf commitment to something that no longer represents us, but rather defines itself as a corporate entity. And a mask of good intentions defends itself against any charge of otherwise "unheard of " corporate pride.


    Cindy believes in individual reform. She believes in working with individuals. And outside of the family, the school seems to create some of the best opportunities for that. But if they had seen Cindy in action just a week ago, they may have thought she favored to meet violence head-on. But that is not at all the way she believes. Elisha provided the best example. And in actuality, Elisha’s example was to follow Jesus’ example. 

    Cindy wants to promote that type of attitude. Not everyone responds the way Elisha does. Someone else subjected to that degree of provocation and ridicule may have let the silent fury build up inside, only to release it at an unknown time. The seriousness of that type of problem had been fully demonstrated in other schools. No one wants that sort of thing to repeat in their school. The teasing, intimidation, and fears have to be addressed.


    Cindy feels a little frustrated after the meeting. She had voiced her opinions and was interested in hearing everyone else’s opinions, but then it felt like the meeting went nowhere. There was no solid consensus on what to do about it. Certainly school violence is not an easy fix, but surely there is something that can be done. But no one could agree on where to start.


                                                                          111 



     Cindy wants to share her thoughts and frustrations with Grandma, so she stops by right after the after-school meeting. 

    Grandma is listening to the television news. She takes on the role of a reporter as Cindy comes in the door, “Somehow it was decided that our nation is suddenly at a disadvantage because our educational programs are not keeping pace with other nations. Some nations have school year-round. Now, why in the world do we fear not keeping pace when we should really fear our own driven desires to do so? Thankfully, no one in our country wants school year-round. Can I see your journal?”


    Cindy shakes her head and tries to refocus, “You certainly have a way with directing one’s thoughts, Grandma. And by the way, I did remember to bring my journal along. Somehow I had a feeling you'd ask about it.”


    Grandma takes the journal from Cindy and begins to read from it, “January sixteenth: I have the best dad. He took us out to eat last evening. I know I’ll always be daddy’s little girl. And he’s been like a dad to Shannon too. I love him so much.” 

    Grandma raises a critical eye, “I don’t mind if you write some mushy stuff in here, but you could write something of substance too.”


    Cindy laughs, “I love my dad. What could be of more substance than that? I have to say I’m rather surprised you’d say that. You have always been the sensitive one.”


    Grandma reasserts her purpose, “I gave you the journal so you could write down what you’ve learned each day about the difficult situations life brings. It’s to help you keep perspective in the confused and challenging areas of life ...not in the areas you already know. You know you’ll always love your dad. Write about something new. Write about some profound lesson you’ve learned.”


    Cindy laughs again, “You want me to be a Doogie Howser?”




    That evening Cindy finishes her prayer with Shannon. She kisses her precious little Shannon on the cheek. Shannon is asleep. Cindy feels like much of her prayer is instructive, for Shannon’s sake. But now that she's asleep, Cindy feels more real …like it’s just her and God. She can be who she really is when it’s just her and God. 

    Still holding Shannon’s hand, she cries out, “O Lord, I’m afraid of being on this committee. And I’m even more afraid that if something isn’t done, it may not be safe for when my precious little Shannon starts school. Please show me the way. You must have it all planned out what we are to do.”


                                                                           112 



    The phone rings. It half startles Cindy. She doesn’t want it to wake up Shannon. She hurries to the next room and picks up the phone, "Cindy Bauer . . ."


    It sounds like a bad connection, but then Cindy realizes the voice over the phone is finding speech difficult, “This is Moriah. Elisha ...is, ...the Lord has taken him. He is eternally safe now. The hurting is over …for him, but certainly not for us.”


    It is a wonderful connection. But Moriah is right. We all will feel our hurt. Cindy hangs up the phone …and cries.


    Eventually Cindy’s tears refocus on the feelings of the other students. They can’t afford to miss this moment. Cindy’s excitement has to settle down so she could think this through clearly. She wants everyone to be able to attend the funeral. It will be different than Jason Richards' funeral. They will all hear what Elisha was really about. They will hear awesome testimonies. It will be great to have the entire school go together. But there will not be enough time to get permission slips from all the parents. Cindy suddenly switches back from logical to emotional. She’ll only have to get permission from one set of parents . . .Elisha’s. They can have a special funeral service for Elisha at the school.


    Cindy quickly switches back respectively to the logical. It seems like something Grandma would come up with, but Cindy just can’t. Elisha’s parents had been through so much and had been smothered by others’ expectations. They should be left alone to plan their own service. Cindy also realizes that this is another one of those situations where she has to look to what God has provided, not her own emotional drive to serve others.


    The phone rings. Cindy rushes to answer it. It is probably Moriah wanting to talk more about it. Cindy feels a special emotional bond with Moriah. This is obviously where God is leading. The obvious teacher role, to make a unique impact in a student's life. It is a great calling, even if it is only one student.


    The voice over the phone is not Moriah, “Miss Bauer?”


    Cindy wonders who it is, “Yes?”


    “This is Elisha’s dad.”


    Cindy sits quietly in the dark, but she feels the way is well-lit. God is certainly pointing the way. She had just finished talking to Elisha’s dad for half an hour. She sits in a comfortable quiet peace, thanking God.

                                                                                       113 



     Slightly more than a week after Elisha’s funeral, Cindy meets with Grandma. “Grandma, let me read to you what I wrote in my journal. Mid-February: I am truly humbled by the way God works when I choose to step aside and pray. It’s truly amazing how God works things out. On Thursday, Elisha’s parents donated some picnic tables and benches to the school. With January’s warm rains and then February’s uncharacteristic dryness, it was possible to set up the picnic tables and benches at the northwest corner of the playground. This all tied in with the fact that Elisha's parents had picked out a plot in the section of the cemetery overlooking Wing Lake School. Then today was Elisha’s funeral. I've never witnessed an event that brought the message of Jesus more powerfully! This funeral was truly an event! It was a dry, near record high seventy-three degrees. But it was not dry at the northwest corner of the playground. My prayer is that this powerful message today be not forgotten and that it would have staying power within each and every heart that was here today.”


    Cindy notices that Grandma’s eyelids appear to be getting heavy, “Grandma, are you awake?”


    Grandma answers curtly, “Too long.”


    Cindy smiles, “You were up too long? You were up half the night looking at that brochure for your trip to Israel.” 

     “I am excited.”


    “How long will you be gone, Grandma?”


    “I’ll be back April twentieth.”


    “I’m going to miss you, Grandma. Will you write?”


    “Will you write in your journal?”


    “I don't know! I’m just not a journal person.”


    “You write for a week or two, then you try to write a novel. There’s something to be learned in every day. It’s important to write everyday. It doesn’t have to be much.”


    “Okay Grandma, since I get a failing grade in journal-ism, how would you have written what I just told you?”


    Grandma pauses, then speaks slowing, “We can put all our efforts towards trying to build character in our children. We merely need to be ourselves and let our kids be kids. They know the boundaries. If they cross the line, then restore them. Use the experience as a learning tool.”


    “Grandma, you were sleeping. You didn't hear a word I said! That’s not what I was talking about. You are quoting of the program that I heard on the radio on the way over here.”


                                                             114 



    The two months go by quickly for Cindy. Grandma has a late flight back. Cindy has written only once in her journal the entire time Grandma has been gone. As she waits for the flight to arrive, she reads aloud the last entry in her journal, “I am confused Grandma. If we merely need to be ourselves and let our kids be kids . . .and if when they cross the line we use it as a learning experience, then today should be just that, a learning experience. Tell that to those at Columbine High!”


    Cindy slips her journal in her handbag. Grandma need not see that entry. 

    The following Saturday, Cindy takes Shannon to play on the playground at Wing Lake School. Cindy has a sack lunch, and takes Shannon by the hand to the northwest corner of the playground. They sit at a picnic table. 

    Shannon eats as Cindy writes in her journal. Shannon finishes her sandwich, “Mom, what are you writing?”


    Cindy reads, “The snow is long gone and finally there is the smell of spring in the air. Each day while I eat my lunch in my classroom overlooking the playground, I see students sitting at these picnic tables. It appears everyone has accepted this area as off-limits, except for quiet moments of reflection. They seem to be seeking direction. And I am bound and determined to give them some.”





    As the month of April comes to a close, Cindy sees the change in her students. They continue to be determined and hard working, but unlike before, they are not teeming with questions. And they seem more hesitant to form an opinion. 

    This change seemed to take place right after the Columbine High incident. Cindy reflects on her observations. It’s not that they don’t have any questions, they are full of questions. They just appear afraid to express them, uncertain as to whom to express them to and unconvinced that it would do any good anyway.


    Cindy calls Elisha’s dad to share her thoughts. He says he has a brother who owns a lumber company and can have it delivered. Cindy agrees to meet him at the school. 

     She is excited! It brings fond memories to her as she is certain it will for many of the students. Most everyone has enjoyed those ‘Little House on the Prairie’ stories. 

    Cindy gets a tingling feeling as the lumber company truck delivers the 8-foot by 8-foot log cabin. Inside the cabin is room enough for a table and one chair. Cindy places her journal on the table. The students have more need of it than she does. Maybe here they can freely express how they feel.


                                                               115 



    That summer Cindy does a lot of hard thinking. She had only one parent team come in to talk with her for the 5-month period she'd taught. It was Lorvin and Aleah Lebonah. Cindy had praised them and told them how wonderful it was to have a student like Moriah. Cindy had sent out slips to all the parents to come in for parent-teacher acquaintance sessions, but only Moriah’s parents had responded. She considers that. Maybe she should make it mandatory.


    Cindy is pleased with the result of the log cabin. She makes frequent trips to the playground to read the journal entries. Some are troubled thoughts, some are very refreshing thoughts.


    Mid-summer, Cindy meets with Superintendent Swanson. Cindy begins to think that there is not an idea that Superintendent Swanson doesn’t like. Was she using the same technique on her teachers that Grandma said the teachers should use on the students? To find their own way? 

    Anyway, Superintendent Swanson likes Cindy’s ideas. A friend of Grandma’s had given her some Bill Gothard materials on character building, and Cindy thought a class could be taught with those principles. She also shared her ideas about a Big brother, Big sister program.

    “The Big brother, Big sister program would allow for each student, two or three times a week, to spend an hour in the class he or she would be attending the following year. It would help the students get to know each other better, ease the transition from grade to grade and add cohesiveness, as well as an overall sense of well-being.”


    Superintendent Swanson smiles, “I agree.”


    It appears to Cindy that the Superintendent’s philosophy is to encourage and let the teachers do the work as well as the thinking.




    As the 1999-2000 school year begins, Cindy is excited to be able to form a relationship with each of her thirty-two students for the next nine months. She is also pleased that a few of the parents agree to meet with her for what she calls her P.T.A. meetings, parent-teacher acquaintances.


    Cindy is grading papers. She hears footsteps and glances at her appointment schedule. She looks up, “Hi, Pamela’s mom, I presume.”


    “Yes, Faith Meyers. I know I’m early, but I have a busy schedule.”


    Cindy welcomes her with a handshake, “And you can call me Cindy. We can sit over here. It may be a bit more comfortable.” 

    Cindy had brought two chairs from Grandma’s living room. Grandma had insisted that she can only sit in one chair at a time and didn’t need all that furniture. “Tell me a little about yourself first.”


                                                        116 



    Faith hesitates, “How far back do you want me to go?” 

    Cindy senses this may be difficult, “Well, how about just before you got married?”


    Faith needs no more prompting, “Well, I was a social worker before I got married. I was a little naive when I started. I thought everyone got into the field of social work for the same reason I did. I thought they loved working with people. But I found the politics involved in the job to be intolerable. I knew there was a lot of abuse going on in the homes, but it’s hard to prove, and you have to file all this paperwork in stages, with full knowledge that the abuse is continuing in the home while you are bogged down with legalities. I worked there for a year before I got married, then worked there for the better part of another year, until my daughter Pamela was born. I quit my job at this time to care for my little girl. It was a good thing that I quit too.”


    Cindy had previously felt it would be difficult to get her to talk, “What do you mean, it was a good thing you quit your job?”


    Faith leaps into this next discourse, “Well, when my husband and I got married, we were both non-Christians. He worked in the shop and got as much overtime as he could. He is a real good worker, but he’s used to working by himself. Those line workers, they get into their own thing. I don’t blame him. On the line, you have to adapt. If you want longevity on a boring job, that is. What I’m trying to say is, my husband has no experience working with people like I have. I believe God has groomed me for being a housewife through those couple years as a social worker. Do you want to see some pictures?”

    Cindy considers this strange at this juncture of the conversation and doesn’t quite know what she is driving at, but she agrees, “Sure, if you brought pictures, we’ll look at pictures. Actually, I really enjoy looking at pictures.”


    Faith shows Cindy a stack of photographs, “See this one. This is Pamela and I at the ice cream parlor. She was only two at the time, but ate a full double deluxe. And this one is Pamela and I at the park. And here, Pamela and I are at the zoo.”


    Cindy comments, “Your husband likes to take photos I see.”


                                                                               117 



     Faith corrects her, “Oh, no. I usually ask whoever is around to take the picture. These are all church outings. I became a Christian, but my husband doesn’t go to church. And I think he silently resents both the fact that I’m a Christian and that I know more about children. For instance, when our daughter first started school, my husband accused her of stealing money from his wallet. I told him that it was ridiculous, but he had the nerve to mark a few of the bills and then said he found them in her lunch pail. What he didn’t realize was that his own distrust of her was actually causing her to take the money.”


    Cindy just feels she has to ask, “How’s that?”


    A slight edge to Faith’s tone becomes evident, “If you don’t trust your children then they feel insecure. If they feel insecure, it can drive them to lie, cheat or steal. Poor little Pamela just wanted money for candy at the vending machine at school. But she felt too insecure to ask her dad for the money.”


    Faith takes a deep breath after expressing such intense emotion, “But that was several years ago. Pamela is a secure young lady now. And she knows she can come to me for anything she wants.”


    Cindy feels compelled to ask, “Is Pamela your only child?”


    Faith switches gears, “Yes. You will find out how it is. You will find that you learn much as time goes along. Are you a Christian?”


    Cindy barely gets her answer in, “Yes.”


    Faith speeds the conversation along, “Being single and a Christian is good. Take your time. And when you marry, make sure you marry a Christian.”


    Suddenly Cindy hears a phone ring. Instinctively she turns towards the phone on her desk, but it happens to be Faith’s cell phone. Faith excuses herself, “Sorry about that. I told Pamela to give me a call when she finishes her violin lessons.”


    Cindy walks Faith down the stairs to the parking lot. Cindy is exhausted, but she has one more appointment. 

     As Cindy re-enters the building, she assumes it is her next appointment in the lobby. This mom also has a cell phone. Cindy overhears part of the conversation, “I thought they did away with these parent-teacher conferences. I don’t know of any other school that still has them. But this young upstart insists that it’s important.”


                                                                              118 



     Later that evening, while in bed, Cindy reflects back on her two appointments of the day. No dads had participated. Cindy prays for both families.

    After Cindy prays, she remains awake for quite some time. Her thoughts return to Faith Meyers. All those photographs of her and Pamela. It seemed strange then, but now it suddenly creates a different picture in her mind. It might be a good idea to ask the other parents to bring photos. The types of activities they’ve done with their children, whether it is one parent or two, and the simple fact of whether they look fondly upon the family moments, all reveal much about the family. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.”


    The next morning, Cindy greets dad and Shannon. As they converse over breakfast, Shannon gives Grandpa a verbal list of what she wants for Christmas.


    Cindy laughs, “That’s some list, Shannon. And Christmas is so far away still.”


    Ken inquires, “I know it’s early, but while we are on the subject, what would you like for Christmas, Cindy?”


    Cindy reflects, “I’d rather be surprised. But please don’t think of getting me a cell phone. I hope my life never gets to that.”


                                                                   119 



                                                                    IV.                                                                    

    Cindy polls her students to see how many have computers in their homes. Only one student does not have a computer in their home. Cindy has the students write a paper on the usefulness of computers, “Now, no writing down how useful computers are for video-games. You’ve got to do better than that. You can end your paper by listing a couple reasons you feel computers may not be advantageous.”


    Cindy wants to know the students' understanding of the Y2K scenario. She’d also get a feel for how the parents are preparing for it. It will give a fair view of their outlook for the future. Perhaps Cindy can have them do another paper on friendships and difficulties with peers and peer groups. Columbine High is still on Cindy’s mind and she wants to know how the students are doing not only at school with their friendships, but also at home. But more than that, Cindy had an idea she wants to get across to her students. And this seems like a very opportune time. Cindy is excited, but first she’ll have to run the idea past Grandma.


    Grandma had noticed how serious Cindy has been lately. But Grandma is pleased to see how confident Cindy is becoming with her teaching. And she is especially pleased to see that Cindy appears to be happier about life in general. More and more of Cindy’s humorous side is coming out. 

    Grandma gets out her ‘Book of Names’ as Cindy shares, “Of course I don’t let them know how I humor myself, but privately I consider them my alphabet group. The four of them will always have an answer, whether it is silly or ridiculous, one of the four will always answer. It seems each one feels obliged to say something if the other three don’t. A-B-C-D, Andre, Bo, Cody, and Darius …..the alphabet group.”


    Grandma inquires, “What did you say their full names were?”


    She knows Grandma can’t keep up, but in her excitement, Cindy
rattles their names off, “Akono Andre Abdul. Most of the students call him Andre, though some call him Drey. Baruti Bomani Kafele …they call him Bo, I guess, Bo being short for Bomani. Chane Orlando Deshawn, actually told me himself that they call him Cody because his initials spell ‘code’.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him that his initials spell ‘cod’. I didn’t want to start something. If the other students started calling him cod, that would be terrible. Who’d want to be named after a slimy fish, especially one that is used to make cod-liver oil. Then last, but not least, there is Darius James Kingston. These four are so dominant, the girls don’t usually talk at all.”


                                                           120 



     The next morning as the students file into the classroom, they can’t help but see a large gift-wrapped box on Miss Bauer’s desk. The gift is too big to go unnoticed. 

    Cindy enters the classroom just before the bell and all of her students are already quietly seated, “Well, last year I got a bushel of apples from my students, but this is equally impressive.” She rotates the gift as if surveying each side.


    Darius asks, “Who is it from?”

    Cindy smiles, “Yes, that’s one way of looking at it. Let's check to see if there's a tag.”


    Cody hollers, “Open it!”


    Cindy steps in front of the gift and leans against her desk, “This is quite interesting. And yes, the responses you’ve given me are two different ways to approach this situation. If I’m really excited and can’t wait, I could quickly find out what the gift is by opening it. But that only answers one of two questions. It shows us what the gift is, but it doesn’t reveal to us who sent it. Give me two reasons why I’d want to look for a tag first.”


    Bo calls out, “So you can thank the person who sent the gift.”


    Cindy encourages, “Very good. A very polite and thoughtful thing to do. Does anyone have another reason to look for a tag?”


    No one says anything. 

    As not to drag it out too long, Cindy adds, “Well, sometimes delaying the revelation of the contents actually adds more excitement to it, knowing first who sent it.”


    Cody hollers, “Open it!”


    Cindy moves around the other side of her desk, “And some of you don’t like anticipation. You want to know, right now! That’s okay too. And since I don’t see a tag, I’ll just open it.”


    Cindy is happy that none of the students has viewed the gift as potentially harmful. It’s good to be cautious and aware, but life can’t be all that. 

    Cindy unwraps the gift, slipping off the large rainbow-colored bow and carefully taking off the sky blue paper. Grandma had shown her how to save the wrapping paper …as one of her frugal ways.


    What remains on Cindy’s desk is a large cardboard box. 

    Cody hollers out for a third time, “Open it!”


    Cindy looks to the young man, “Sorry, but I’ve always liked to figure where things come from. So I’m going to ask you to be patient with me, and travel through this one step at a time. Let’s try to solve this in a logical fashion. I could assume the entire class gave me this gift. Maybe Cody keeps asking me to open it because he wants to see the surprised look on my face. We all seek out the approval of others. I know that I’m satisfied if a person is pleased with a gift I give.”


                                                        121 



    Cody hollers out, “It’s not from me, open it!”


   Cindy sits on her desk in a thinker pose, “Okay, so it’s not from everyone. Maybe one person or a group of you got me this gift. So I don’t know who it’s from, but maybe we can decide who put it here. Who was the first one in the classroom this morning?”


    Darius Kingston raises his hand, “I was.”


   Cindy asks, “So it’s not from you and you didn’t put it here?”


    Darius answers with assurance, “Nope.”


    Cindy tries to keep their interest by adding excitement to her voice, “So, we have a witness here to testify that the box was already here when he got to the classroom this morning and he was the first one here.”


    Darius pleads, “So someone got here before me and dropped it off, then left. It’s that simple!”

    Cindy smiles, “So who do you think sent the box?”


    Darius equals Cody’s tone, “It could have been delivered by the Superintendent …so maybe it’s books. Or maybe you put it here. If you open the box, maybe we can tell.”


    Cindy encourages patience, “How many of you want me to open the box?”


    Everyone raises their hands. Cindy concedes, “Okay, I’ll open it up!” 

    Cindy opens the box at the top, then turns it upside down to open the other end. She looks through the box at her class.


    Andre surmises, “You brought the box. Why else would it be empty?”


    Cindy is still holding the box as a tunnel to her face, “I see something you don’t see.” She uses a child-like voice.


    Bo adds his theatrics, “Son, what did you learn in school today? Oh, my teacher played peek-a-boo with us. That’s good son, keep up the good work.”


    Andre admits, “Okay, the box isn’t empty. Your head is in it. And you see something we don’t see? Of course, you see us and we see you.”


    Cindy keeps her head in the box, “Yes, that’s cleverly true, but what else I see is a treasure map. It’s written on the inside walls of this box.”


    Cindy takes a pair of scissors from her desk and cuts down one side of the box. She then unfolds the box, placing it on the floor in front of her desk.  
    She coaches them, “Come on, everyone gather around me, we should be able to find this treasure. It’s just a matter of knowing North from South and how to step off paces.”


    Cindy begins pacing off distances in the hallway, hoping she’s not distancing herself from her students. At this point, at least her class follows in an orderly fashion. 

    She paces to the stairwell, then down the stairs to the Superintendent’s office. She laughs, “No, this is not just a clever way to get you all to the Superintendent’s office. This is just a point of reference. We change direction here.”


                                                                122 



     Andre is leaning against the wall, the furthest from where Cindy is standing, “I hope this map eventually leads us outside on a real hunt. The last time I played follow-the-leader was in pre-school and I didn’t much like it then either.”


    Cindy ignores his comment. She is afraid the students will lose interest, “Okay, so this isn’t what you expected. But remember, this is school, not summer camp. And you all could be back in the classroom learning how to conjugate a verb.”


    There are a couple moans as they approach the library and notice a large ‘X’ on the door. 

    Cindy has them all step inside, “This time I’m not going to ask you to research a subject for a report. But I do want to emphasize the fact that the library holds many treasures. We often don’t think of them as treasures because we take so much for granted. The true value of something often is only realized when we have to do without it. Can any of you name some things you'd find it difficult to live without?”

    Cody answers first, “I like to eat...” 

    The class laughs.


    Bo answers second, “Electricity. Electricity runs almost everything in our homes, including lights and yes, even Cody’s refrigerator.” 

    The class laughs again.


    Andre answers third, “Gasoline. It heats the home, runs the car, mows the lawn . . .well, that I could live without.”


    Darius answers fourth, “Computers. Computers run our businesses, whether it’s our utility businesses, our personal businesses, our phones, our banks, our cash registers, or our government.”


    Cindy summarizes, “So we should be thankful for people who did much work and experimentation with things such as electricity, gas-powered engines and computers.”


    Darius continues the thought, “Well, I’m not so sure I’m so thankful for the computers. They make our life easier in many ways, but my grandparents made it okay. What if the year 2000 comes and the computers go haywire, the stock market panics, the economy becomes volatile, and rioting breaks out?”


     Bo wants to show his awareness of the Y2K scenario, “I know people who are preparing in case we lose our electricity and stockpiling other supplies in case there is a shortage. Most people think it will only be temporary and we won’t have to stand the real test of survival. My parents have a months worth of food stashed in our basement.”


   Cody’s interest peaks, “What kind of food? If the computers shut down, can I come stay with you, Bo?”
    They all laugh.


                                                                                    123 




    Darius attempts to establish his authority, “Everything might be confusing for a while, but we have to trust our government to eventually fix it all. My parents aren’t sure what we can trust our government with, but really what choice do we have? We have the best country in the world and we have to have faith that what made us a great nation, will rise to the occasion and save us out of this computer mess.”


    Cindy summarizes, “Yes, things may be confusing. Last year I had my class write a report about confusion.”


    Bo interrupts, “You said no reports.”


    Cindy reassures, “I remember. Don’t worry, there will be no reports. I just want you to listen and think. Yes, things could get confusing. When everything goes like a well-oiled machine, we tend to take things for granted and often don’t even see the hidden dangers. We aren’t confused because we don’t even think about it. But in actuality, when things go wrong, most of the time the progression had begun significantly before the credited event. It’s just that no one seemed to pay attention or didn’t have the motivation to pay any attention. There are many things more difficult than computers, or electrical outages, or food and gas shortages. There are sometimes certain problems at school or at home that are more difficult to solve. You may be concerned about friendships at school or relationships with your family.”


    Bo interrupts, “I don’t find this very interesting.” 

     Cindy reminds him, “Would you be more interested in writing a report. Remember, I said no reports, but that is if you agree to listen.” 

    Bo concedes, “Okay, I guess I better listen then.”     Cindy has their undivided attention now, “You may be concerned about how this earth we live on came about, why there is crime, or why there is war. Throughout our life, whether we are old or young, it is important for us to know who we can trust. We have to trust someone. Darius had mentioned the word faith. I believe we must have faith. The confusing part is whether we have faith in our country, faith in each other, or faith in our God. It benefits each of us to get along, so it helps to be able to have some trust in each other. Sometimes we have to be somewhat vulnerable, trusting until there is assured proof we should not. And of course, if we get hurt or disappointed, we may hesitate to trust again." 

    These students are much different than last year's class. They are attentive for the most part and a few of them are participating in questions and answers. But there was an advantage working with those who've been hurt by the loss of a common loved one …and last year's big question was the divine decision calling for the departure of their beloved teacher. 

                                                                                   124 



    Cindy knows the great potential of these students. It is evidenced by the relationships they've formed with each other …and she's determined to quickly bridge a trust that so beautifully instills and motivates the mind. "There are also times we can trust someone in one area, though they may be in error with their thinking in another area. In Christopher Columbus’ day, a popular belief was that the world was flat. If your parents today said the world was flat, you wouldn’t say you can’t trust them anymore. You may say they are flat out wrong, or you may start out by telling them the story about Christopher Columbus. If someone knows the truth, but deliberately deceives you, then that’s another story. But if someone is just confused, you would hopefully try to enlighten them. If you just happened to find something out that would benefit the world, you would soon begin teaching. If a young man or woman looks to find the cure for cancer, he or she would document every step of their findings. And if the cure were found, the world would likely be grateful for the finding. If I were to find the cure, it would definitely be something I’d want to share.” 

    Cindy pauses. What she is really thinking about is her faith in God, and that is what she’d want to share. But she wants a deeper experience for her students than just hearing her words. She wants them to fully experience what she has experienced.


    Cindy doesn’t know quite how to do this, “I assume none of you have yet achieved the cure for cancer, the common cold, or anything as complex as that. But sometimes the simplest things are the most valued. I am not asking you to write a report, just list …or collect …or write, if you like, what it is that you most treasure. I have another empty box, but this one is a fire-proof safe. You can’t bring things like your tree house, your BMX bicycle, your complete compact disc or DVD home entertainment system. You can bring small objects, some memorable tokens, like some unique sea shells or stones you’ve collected. Or you can write down your most treasured experience, your most treasured thoughts, something that means alot to you. Something you think would be meaningful to someone else. You may submit it anonymously or you can put your name on it.”


    Cody asks, “Can I contribute my treasured triple-decker peanut butter and jelly sandwich?”


    Cindy laughs with the class, “No, I think that may flavor the other entries undesirably. And if there is confusion and riots at the beginning of Y2K, I don’t want someone to break into our treasures just so they can get to your peanut butter and jelly sandwich. But just the same, I did pick a place that I feel would be safe from rioting. Most of you are familiar with the place I have chosen. You pass the old Wing Lake Schoolhouse every day on your way to school.”

                                                   125 



    Darius once again attempts to prove himself most knowledgeable, “I know what building you mean. It’s that really old building on the other side of the lake. No one would bother that place.”


    Cindy concludes, “I’ll give each of you one week from today to select your treasure, then I’m going to lock the safe and secure it in the old schoolhouse. The good news is that aside from selecting your treasure, there will be no homework all this week.”


    The class cheers at that announcement. Cindy is glad. It shows at least that they were all still listening.


    As the week progresses, Cindy is surprised. She’d been hopeful, but hadn’t anticipated near the excitement over the project. The boys had more of a tendency to collect things like stones with feldspar and sparkling granite. Cindy can't remember exactly how it goes, but Grandma used to recite something that said what little boys and girls were made of. She recalls that girls were made of sugar and spice and everything nice, but boys were made of something like frogs and snails and puppy-dog tails. The furthering extent of this came when she had to clarify to one boy, Jake Krovac, that living things could not be entered into the safe. His sidekick, Jeff Geiger, tried to argue Jake’s point of the medical value of studying the skeletal remains of a frog. But Cindy added an exclusion, ‘once breathing clause’, to thwart Jake’s plan to fossilize the live frog in quick-drying cement. And she felt it suspect when he submitted a homemade brick and readily refused the entry.


    Cindy also mentioned it to Superintendent Swanson. She had her own ideas on how Jake should be handled, though she felt it was neither her place nor her responsibility to deal with this sort of thing. But it certainly did not seem like the norm as far as early adolescent behavior goes.


    The girls mostly submitted poems and keepsakes, like a necklace or photograph from a great grandparent. Or an old letter their Mom had kept, revealing not only close knit families, but also lifestyles quite different from our own. Such were letters mentioning ice wagons and horse-drawn carriages.


    Nearly everyone was enthusiastic, and no one wanted to remain anonymous. They all wanted their name to be associated with their entry.
This was all working far better than Cindy could have ever imagined.


    On the last day of the week, the class takes a field trip to the old schoolhouse. And they take the fire-proof safe with them with all their treasures in it. 

    Cindy asks the class, “Where do you think we should put the safe?”


    Darius points, “I think that cabinet is just the correct size. All we need is a lock for the door, so no one can just come in and take our safe.”


                                                                          126 




    Cindy reaches underneath the safe and pulls on a piece of duct tape. A brand new lock and key set is attached to it.


    Cody grins, “I’ve gotta hand it to you, teacher, any woman who knows how to use duct tape is okay by me.”


    The entire class falls silent as a girl speaks up, as if it were an unprecedented event, “If nothing happens with the Y2K, or if something does happen, but they fix it in a month or two, then what do we do with our stuff?”     Cody wasn’t going to allow a girl to have the last word, especially Kallee Bayo. Cody insists, “I’d want my stuff back. There’d be no need to keep it safe in a safe if the whole world is safe.” 

    Cindy challenges the class, “How about twenty-five years from now? Isn’t it probable that the world will change significantly in twenty-five years? If we keep all your stuff here, wouldn't it be beneficial to be able to return here …so we could all look back on this day and reminisce.”


    Bo jumps in, “I’ve heard of that. They call that a time capsule.”


    Kallee Bayo speaks for an unprecedented second time, “I’d rather we set up this old schoolhouse as a museum, for people to see at all times. I have a lot more stuff I could bring. My Grandma was living about the time this school was built and she never throws any of her stuff away. I’m sure she would donate it. We could fix up this old schoolhouse. And this one room could be our treasure room.”


    Cindy asks, “What do you all think of that idea?”


    Cody frowns, “1 don’t like it. Too much work!”


    Darius breaks the unwritten guy code, coming to Kallee's defense, “I like the idea. It’s not too much work if you let Kallee and I do it. Whoever wants to work can work. Maybe some of you could bring refreshments. And I know of at least one who would show up for that part.”


    The entire class looks towards Cody. The smiles soon spill into laughter.




    The weekend brings much nervous anticipation for Cindy. Grandma had always said that eagerness is fine, but nervousness means you’re not looking at it with faith, or you’ve done something wrong. Cindy had wanted to prove a point, but had she crossed the line? She had always disagreed with the philosophy of ‘the end justifies the means’.  Now was she doing that same thing? Had she played too much on the student’s emotions? Would they trust her any longer? Monday morning would tell. But she couldn’t wait that long. She could at least fix half the problem. She would call Elisha’s dad.


                                                                               127 



    Monday morning finally arrives. It is much worse than what Cindy had anticipated. Bo and Cody had already been picked up by the police. And the classroom is in a frenzy.


    Thankfully, the police had just escorted Bo and Cody to school. The Superintendent had to take it from there. Most of the students had seen it on their way to school. The ones who missed it, were told by those who had seen it.


    The real trouble had begun when Bo and Cody had decided to do something about it. But it was impressed upon them by the police that there are legal and binding things that although they may not agree with, it was nonetheless the law, and Bo and Cody were standing in the way of progress.


    As the police leave the school, Cindy is also called down to the Superintendent’s office to be questioned as to what part in all this was hers. If Cindy had felt she was going to be fired the last time, this time seemed a hundred times worse.     Cindy doesn’t know what to say. She can’t offer much in the way of justification because at this point she doesn’t believe she is justified. So Cindy simply apologizes, “I don’t know what to say. I am truly sorry.” 

    This time Superintendent Swanson doesn’t appear agreeable, “Well, I’ve got my hands full here. You had better go settle your class down before things really get out of hand.”


     As she walks into her classroom, the roar intensifies as they all try to tell her at once what had happened, just in case she had missed it. 

    Cindy begins by apologizing to her class, and adding one piece of information that settles down the classroom immediately, “I got your treasures out of the old schoolhouse before the demolition crew arrived this morning.”


    Darius is the self-appointed judge and jury, “You said you got our stuff out before the demolition crew arrived this morning. Did you already know last week that they were going to destroy the old schoolhouse?”


    Cindy is near tears, “Yes, I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry …I did know. And I don’t blame you if you’ve lost faith in me as a teacher and as a friend. I guess I didn’t think this one through too well.”


    Darius softens, “We all make mistakes. It’s nice to know we have a teacher who knows how we feel when we mess up.”


    Andre doesn’t want to be left out, “And it’s good to have a teacher who will admit when they’re wrong.”


                                                                                             128 



    Kallee Bayo still has hurt in her eyes, “The only thing I want to know is why you did this? You knew how much this meant to us. It’s like you set us up. You played with our emotions.”


    Cindy feels like Kallee is speaking more than just to her. She appears to be talking to all the guys in the classroom. But that is a conversation for a different time. 

    Cindy feels she owes the entire class an explanation. She takes a deep breath, “Try to bear with me. I’ll try not to make this too long of an explanation. You all are at a very precious age. At this age, adventure and excitement usually far outweigh gratefulness. There is a tendency to take things for granted, but it’s not really ungratefulness. It’s just that you are enjoying life. And life is so meant to be enjoyed. When you saw the huge gift on my desk early last week, most of you wanted me to open it. You didn’t really care so much where it came from. You were more concerned with what was inside. You wanted to enjoy the gift, not waste time trying to figure out who sent it. How often do we enjoy a sunny day, gaze at a beautiful rainbow, or take in a breathtaking sunset without wondering who sent it? So it comes naturally that we are void of any thought or obligation to thank anyone. When you receive a gift, the younger you are, the more you focus on the gift than the sender. But when you send a gift, you not only want the gift to be enjoyed, you want to be acknowledged as having sent the gift. When we were gathering our treasures together for the safe, nearly all of you wanted to list your names. Something that you treasured, that was special to you, was not to be labeled as anonymous. You wanted everyone to know who … and that the who was each and every one of you.”


    Kallee Bayo gets a slight twinkle in her eye, “I think I know what you are saying, but why should I guess when you can just say it.”

    Cindy realizes that she didn’t really explain the ‘why’ part. It probably did seem like she was toying with their emotions. 

    She realizes that she continues to talk without making her real point, “I don’t really know what to say. It all ties back to last year. You all lost a precious classmate last year in the passing of Elisha. Well, Elisha didn’t hesitate with reading the tag. He shared with everyone who his gifts were from. Many of you may feel that Elisha was shorted when it came to gift time. But the gift he wanted to share with you was eternal life. Saturday, Elisha’s dad brought over a much larger cabin for your playground. I carefully placed all your things in it, just the way they were in the old schoolhouse. The only difference is that I included Elisha’s treasure, a Bible. You can read more about rainbows, and the most wonderful Son rise, and things like that …all the things Elisha believed to be gifts from God. And just like you got all excited, thinking your treasures were lost, God wasn’t going to have us lose all that He wanted to share with us.”


                                                            129 



    Kallee Bayo smiles, “I knew you weren’t going to let our treasures be lost. I trust you, Miss Bauer.”


    Cindy returns a smile, “Thank you, Kallee. If you sit in the quietness of that log cabin and read what Elisha has left us, you’ll see that God sent His only Son, Jesus, to make sure we don’t lose the best treasure there is.”


    Cindy is eager to see Grandma, and tell her about her day. Grandma is pleased to see Cindy’s high energy. Cindy continues in high gear, “You wouldn’t believe what kind of day I had! I really think I got through to the students.”


     Grandma calmly inquires, “You talked to them about God?”


    Cindy bursts with excitement, “Yes, I always admired the way you tell people about God. Today I felt like I was coming close to the way you feel. I think I had a real impact on them.”


    Grandma calmly advises, “Now it’s time to teach them about evolution.”


    Cindy is stunned, “Teach them evolution? I don’t get it!”


    Grandma explains, “Their lives are going to be saturated with evolutionary principles. They will take it for granted and believe the principles unless someone can really teach them evolution. You are so thorough. You are the perfect teacher to teach them evolution. Most people only look at the surface of it. The more in-depth you go into studying the theories of evolution, the more you begin to really see the depth of error. Many of those who studied in-depth and were teachers of evolution, later became Christians. If you have your class study evolution, they'll most likely become stronger in their faith in God.”


    Cindy looks intently upon Grandma, “I’m still a little surprised that you’d tell me to teach it. I wouldn’t know how to begin. I never heard you use that approach before!”


    Grandma makes it very clear, “When you are a schoolteacher, you have an added responsibility. To a certain extent, you are supposed to teach what the public wants. But you can give them enough of what they want without sacrificing what you want. You don’t want the ACLU breathing down your back.”

                                                                                      130 





                                                                                       V.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Cindy goes ahead and follows Grandma's advice. She teaches the theory of evolution and the students poke more holes in the theory than Cindy had anticipated or ever could conceived of. Cindy is happy to see she has a good foundation of thinkers in her class. 

    As the new year comes, there is no Y2K problem. Cindy's message for the first day back to school after the holiday break is this: "Use your imagination. You children are the future. Imagine where you want to go and …what you want your world to be. Anything that can be imagined as possibly happening …could one day happen. And if it doesn't happen when you think, doesn't mean it never will. Sometimes what might have happened, doesn't happen …but it could have. And it still can …because what could have happened, usually does, sometime. But there's a positive side and a negative side to that. The positive side is hope. There are doors of opportunity. The negative side is wallowing in contemplation and fear instead of trying to do something to help change that which you don't want to see happen. Our lives are like the ways of the wind. When a door opens and begins to swing in the wind, it swings open and it swings shut …open and shut, open and shut. Until it eventually falls off the hinges and there's no longer any option …it's open! Well, I guess there's still an option. We could get a new hinge …which hinges upon the fact of whether the door has become damaged through all that swinging open and shut. In which case, we might decide to get a new door. Change usually comes about through much working of hinges. Our jaws are hinges too …and some are too tight-lipped and some too loose. When something becomes open for discussion, it opens the door to that thought. And it keeps working that thought. Persistence is good, if and only if, what we are pursuing is good. So what we pursue should be given great consideration …of what could happen if this pursuit is suddenly realized as a present or future reality." 

   The students continue to be very expressive in their views on a multiplicity of subjects. They are self-motivated and eager to learn. It is a good school year.


                                                                               131 




    Cindy sees two great challenges for the upcoming school year. By far the biggest challenge will be entrusting her little ‘Sweetie’ into the hands of the 'system'. 

    Cindy realizes she’s part of the system herself, but the system itself is so diverse. A certain amount of diversity is good in certain areas, but Cindy knows that she’ll never really ever be ready for Shannon to enter school. Nonetheless, come September, Shannon will enter Kindergarten.


    The other challenge is nothing in comparison. It's just a barrier to overcome for herself, in the area of feeling inadequate. Politics is one of Cindy’s least favorite subjects, but she will have to put emphasis on it, being an election year. Current events have a significant value and the election will absorb most of that. Grandma always says feeling inadequate to the point of dread is wrong, but otherwise it can be healthy, a correct estimate of ourselves. She says we often let God lead us more when we realize we can’t do it ourselves.


    As the 2000-2001 school year begins, Cindy sees another challenge. A year and a half ago when she began teaching, she had a student by the name of Jordan Aire. He was no stranger to trouble, but he also wasn’t un-teachable. But now, she doesn’t know how to take the other teachers’ seemingly obligatory discouragement. She will now have Jordan’s younger brother Chad. 

    They say they can’t decide who is worse, Chad or his mom, Florida. Florida is always around the school volunteering for this and that, while seemingly being super-protective of her troublesome child. 

     Cindy tries to remember what Grandma had told her. She’d be best not to fear because sometimes wonderful opportunity comes through challenging times. Yes, that is it …but Cindy wishes it wasn't.

    Cindy takes the first week slow, allowing her class to reacquaint themselves after a long summer vacation, though most of them didn’t consider it long enough. And she wants to give them time to get to know her.  
    In the second week Cindy focuses, “Since there is a national election in a couple months, I felt we could better get a feel of the process if we had our own little election. First of all, I feel we adults seldom really know the candidates we are to choose from, so we will begin with a different sort of campaign. Our focus will be on choosing a president for our class.”


    Chad is the first to speak up, “I don’t like elections. Like anything, corruption always finds a way to work its way to the highest level.”


                                                               132 



    Cindy smiles, “Yes, corruption does have a very active role, but in the highest level there is no corruption. Yet, there is an intense undertaking to corrupt the acknowledgement of that highest level.”


    Cindy is actually referring to the righteousness of God. But Chad feels that Cindy is referring to her classroom, with Cindy being the highest level in the position of teacher. Chad takes that as a challenge, thinking Cindy is saying she will allow no corruption in her classroom.


    Every student that was interested in being President of the class had to submit a report on why they felt they’d best serve the class if elected President. Only six out of thirty-three students turn in a report. The remaining twenty-seven are then told they must form groups, called parties, and help develop platforms for the candidate they want to support.


    Cindy frequents Grandma’s house because she knows very little about politics. Grandma, on the other hand, knows all there is to know about politics and then some. At least she leads Cindy to believe that she does.


    As Election Day approaches, Grandma gives Cindy a sheet of paper listing all the candidates that Cindy should vote for. Grandma is particularly enthusiastic about who she feels will be our next President, “All Christians should look at it as their responsibility, not just their privilege, to vote. And we all know who God would have as His spokesperson for us. As you recall, God also used a bush to speak to Moses.”


    Cindy has a couple burning questions to ask Grandma, but she decides to change the focus to her classroom election. The week before the election, Cindy had her class volunteer for various jobs to set up the election so it would coincide with the regular election on November 7th. The students had to volunteer for certain tasks such as printing up ballots and making voting booths and a ballot box. The parents even got involved, making treats for Election Day. The parents would hand out the ballots, monitor the ballot box, and serve the treats as the students exited the polls.


    November 7th arrives. The students share as much excitement and anticipation over their own election as the adults do over the national election.

    Cindy is happy to see how well it is all going. Her class watches the national election returns on a television Cindy has set up in the classroom while the parents tally the results of the student election.


    It has the beginnings of a long day, setting everything up and with preparation concerns. Quickly the energy drains out of the helpers. But when the parents begin bringing the treats and sweets, that gives everyone an energy boost. The day seems to go by smoother and more quickly after that. 

                                                         133 



    It doesn’t seem that much longer, when the moment finally arrives. Cindy is handed an envelope. She has her own thoughts on who will win. She feels she knows her students well enough. There is one bright young man, Jason Rashad, who she feels is not only the most competent, but also highly respected among the students. Cindy will not be surprised if Jason gets all thirty-three votes.


    Cindy opens the envelope and reads, “The election results show Jason Rashad with sixteen votes. Chad Aire, seventeen votes.”


    Chad tries to avoid his mom, but she manages to catch him anyway and give him a big kiss. Chad announces, "That's one of the reasons I dislike politics.” He wipes his mouth. “The sacrifices you must make!”


    As Chad wipes the lipstick off onto his arm, Cindy offers a congratulatory handshake. It is then that Cindy notices a tugging on her arm. It is the usually shy, Shanice Folami.


    Shanice takes Cindy aside and shows her a ballot, “I couldn’t decide, so I didn’t turn mine in.”


    Cindy relates, “That’s okay, a lot of times I can’t decide either, so I skip over that candidate.”


    Shanice insists, “No, it’s not okay. Since I didn’t turn my ballot in, there couldn’t have been thirty-three votes.”


    Cindy takes the parents to the side, and explains what Shanice has reported. All the parents agree that with an election this close, there should be a recount.


    The parents count again. And they come up with the same result. Sixteen for Jason Rashad, seventeen for Chad Aire.


    The normally shy Shanice addresses the class, “I’m sorry, but I didn’t vote, so it couldn’t be sixteen votes to seventeen votes. I think someone cheated.”


    The class falls silent, wondering if Shanice’s accusation insinuates that one of the volunteer parents had cheated. They all know that Chad’s mom is one of the volunteers.


    It is Chad himself who suggests a solution, “Let Shanice and Jason count the ballots themselves in front of the class. Then let their result be the one that stands.”


    Shanice and Jason count the ballots aloud, one by one. Then they tally the votes …Jason sixteen, Chad seventeen.


    Shanice shows her frustration again, but before she can speak, Chad’s mom raises her son’s arm into the air. Florida announces, “My son won the election, the recount, then another recount. He won three times. We are going home now to watch the rest of the election returns. If you want to see the President, he’ll be in school tomorrow. Come on, Chad.” 

                                                                                                               134

    The rest of the class is also dismissed early on account of the national election. Shanice is the last one to leave. She doesn’t say anything, but before departing she silently places a handful of paper strips on top of Cindy’s desk.


    At first Cindy wonders what that is all about. They are just plain strips of blank paper. Then the realization hits her. There is a number on each strip of paper. Shanice had been confident with her claims because she had been on the committee that had printed up the ballots. She had also been in charge of instructing the parents what to do. Each ballot had a corresponding number at the top of the ballot and at the bottom. After each student voted, the top of each ballot was torn off before each ballot was deposited.


    Cindy counts the strips of paper. There are thirty-two of them. The strip had not been removed from the ballot Shanice had shown Cindy, nor was the strip removed from any of the thirty-three ballots that had been counted, recounted, and counted again.


    Cindy is beginning to put the puzzle together. She recalls that Chad was quick to volunteer for one of the election jobs. Chad had been in charge of making the election box. Cindy thinks aloud, “Chad never volunteers for anything!”


    Chad and his mom had departed rather hastily. If Cindy’s suspicions are correct, it was rather careless of Chad to leave the election box behind. 

    Upon Cindy’s first inspection, the box appears fine. It is a finely made wooden box. Then she turns the box upside down and shakes it. As she shakes it above her head, paper falls into view at the slot.


    Cindy reaches inside her desk and retrieves a ruler. She measures the inside of the box, then the outside of the box. The difference is several inches.


    Cindy takes the ballot box with her to Grandma’s house. Grandma has lots of tools. A couple basic ones are only needed to pry the nails off the top of the box and the mystery is solved. The real results are inside. Jason Rashad, thirty-one votes. Chad Aire, one vote. With all the strips removed.
It is difficult to get Grandma’s attention away from the television, but eventually Cindy is able to describe to her what had happened. 

     Grandma’s advice is often not sweet, but at least it is palatable, “Well, I have to tell you Cindy, sometimes more harm can be done by uncovering a scandal. Sometimes it’s best to just move on to something more positive, or of higher value. Why don’t you join me in watching the national election returns if you want to focus on something of real meaning.”


                                                                                                    135 




     Cindy struggles throughout the next day of school. Honesty has meaning, she struggles with Grandma's minimizing the issue. But is it really a class issue? Grandma is right. No one would benefit from her revealing what had happened. This is between her and Chad.


    As the class is dismissed at the end of the day, Cindy reaches down beside her desk, “Oh, by the way Chad, here is your ballot box. You did such a fine job constructing it, I thought you might want it back.”

    Cindy smiles as Chad carries the box out the door. He’d have to carry it down the hall, down the stairs, and down the walkway to the parking lot. 

    Cindy is certain that Chad will pry open the box once he gets home. And if not, his mom is good at prying. Then they’d see the bricks Cindy had placed inside the top compartment, including the one brick with these words written on it: “Sometimes dishonesty carries with it a heavy load.”


    Curiosity finds the better part of Cindy. As Chad carries his ballet box out the classroom door, it is just a bit too gratifying to watch Chad struggle with the burden of his own wrongdoing. Jason had received the straw vote, now Chad got the brick one. 

    Cindy steps to her doorway to witness a little more of her devised judgment. Yet, she quickly questions whether she'd stepped out of bounds and placed herself in the seat of divine judgment, as Chad’s mom meets her son in the hallway outside the classroom.


    Florida gushes, “Now, now, we can’t have the President burden himself with such menial tasks. Let me carry that for you.”


    Chad’s mom is a large woman. She would tend to breathe heavy just walking up or down the stairs by herself, but now she is carrying that box with the added weight of the bricks. 

     Cindy watches Florida carry that box down the hallway to the stairs. Cindy walks down the hallway to a window overlooking the parking lot. She painfully watches Florida shift the box in her arms to rest it on one hip, then the other, all the way to the car. When Florida finds out, she certainly isn’t going to overlook this one.


    Cindy has an open door policy with her students and their parents. She also encourages them to call her at home if they feel the need to. Obviously, no one had felt the need to call up ...until now. Cindy lets the answering machine take the call. It is Chad’s mom. 

     Cindy decides she’d better call back as soon as possible to avoid letting Florida’s anger build. She dials the number. She listens to the phone ring. She half wishes no one will answer. Ring ...Ring ......Ring. 

    “Florida Aire . . .“ Cindy has a lump in her throat, “Florida, this is Cindy Bauer returning your call.”


                                                                                                         136 



    Florida gets right to the point, “A year and a half ago you had my son, Jordan. Now, Jordan, he’s much different than Chad …Jordan doesn’t tell me much, but I do recall him mentioning that you talked about God. For Jordan to say anything at all, it must have made him feel uncomfortable. Now, Chad, he tells me the same thing. Unlike Jordan, Chad and I are real close. He tells me everything. And he is a stickler for details. And I want to say that what he has been telling me has made me feel real uncomfortable. I talked to my legal advisor and I’m told that if you are teaching the kind of stuff that Chad tells me you are, that you are way out-of-bounds. What I’m telling you, is that I’m not the only one who feels your teaching about God is inappropriate.”


     Cindy tries to interject, but is cut off.

     Florida is driven by her anger, “I’m going to call the Superintendent tomorrow to discuss this matter, but aside from that I’m really undecided whether this issue warrants further action on my part. Meanwhile, I truly believe it would be in your best interest to perhaps reconsider your teaching style. I do hope that you listen to what I’ve said and deem it worthy of your consideration.”


    To say the least, Cindy is overwhelmed. As each second of silence passes, the lump in her throat slips to her stomach, and implodes there. 

    Cindy speaks while she still can, “I’ve always encouraged parental input. I do believe . . .“


    Florida interrupts, “Well, believe me, this parent takes their child’s education very seriously! I hope I’ve made myself clear!”


    The conversation ends, but Cindy sits in silence after she hangs up the phone. The conversation replays in her mind, over and over again. Florida had not said anything about it, but Cindy knows that she and Chad had discovered the bricks.


    At the onset of Christmas vacation, Cindy notices a sense of unrest, uncommon to fifth graders. Had she taught them the political system too well, or is it something else? Was it perhaps the big brother, big sister program she had started in the school? By spending time with the older students and receiving a broader orientation, were these fifth graders taking on the concerns of the older students? Were they growing up too fast? It would be tragic if that were happening. Being ten years old is such a precious innocent age filled with excitement and adventure. It is a saddening thought to think they could be robbed of that.


                                                                               137 




     Anyway, Cindy thinks best to see where they are coming from. When they return back from Christmas break, Cindy anticipates they'll be talking more and filled with excitement. But they are talking less and sharing less than they were at the beginning of the school year. That is Cindy's present fear. With guarded emotions, the students may not open up to reveal what’s going on inside. But instead of prompting them to explain why the change, Cindy decides to have a poetry contest. Sometimes the deeper thoughts surface that way.                                 
                                  Who are we?
                                                       
Competition, competition, free enterprise
Free of what?   Enter your price.
Take for granted your blessings, re-name desires, your needs.             
Blind-eye to others, no kindness in your deeds.
Look for loop—holes, avoid the tax                                                         
Name the charity ---no facts, just fax.                                                    
Some of you recycle
Not objects, but friends.
Easy come, easy go
It’s the means to an end.
Love those bandwagons, forgetting about the band.                                                
Play your music loudly, change the tune if you can. 

                                                         

Who’ll be our next President?
                                                                                                    

I thought I had a friend 

Whom I felt I knew all about 

He was just a fellow co-worker,
We never went out.
Once he handed me six quarters,
So I could wash my clothes
Later he really took me to the cleaners,                                                        

I paid it through the nose.                                                       
Now I campaign for my candidate,                                         
In hopes he’ll become President                           
Pretending I know all about him,                                       
Yet we’ve really never met. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      
I’m losing my stuffing . . .don’t tell me to stuff it.                                           
I want to be a Velveteen Bunny, but I also want to be real                           
I want everyone to understand exactly how I feel 
I’m losing some of my stuffing, the stuff that matters to me                     
I don’t think you understand, I don’t think you really see.                 
Don’t tell me, in my case, what you think you would do                   
Help, advice and wisdom, I’ve had it through and through.                  
If you try to correct me, or tell me I'm in error
I’ll scream and holler, perhaps even pull my hair.                                 
Until the day I realize that your pain is also real                                     
I probably will never ask you precisely how you feel                                 
So keep your precious stuffing and I’ll lay claim to mine
And keep your distance from me, don’t you dare cross the line. 


                                                                    
                                                              W.W. J. D? 

                                                                                                                       

What would Jesus do? What would Jesus do?             
If Jesus chose to visit the likes of me and you? 

Would we watch the T.V. we now watch? 

Would we watch the words we say?
      Would we show Him all the things we bought,
All the books and music of today?
     Would we stiff the bum at the corner
In favor of a Lottery play?
     Or by chance would we tell Him,
We have Him in our heart
     And would He have to ask us
To show Him which part.
     Or do we march to the sound
Of a very distant drum
     Doing things, without a second thought,
That the ungodly make profit from?

                                                    Don’t let me grow up . . .please! 

                                                                                                                      
I may have forgotten what it’s like to be three
But I still want those hugs and kisses that are meant for me
I may say “No” and turn away
But really I need to talk, so please stay
The sign on my room may say “Keep Out”
But I’d rather curl my hair, than my lip and pout
I hesitate to shut the door
My heart is next, I miss you more.
Will you please knock, ask to come inside
The three year old still here resides.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     
 Grandma’s lesson of contentment
                                                                                                                  
I slave until the sun sets
I rise again with the sun
I can barely pay my debts
Or find time for play or fun
But it’s all good for my children
Whose 9 to 5 jobs pay so well
They’ve heard all my stories                                                     
When I was young, they hear me tell                                     
They now have more time for fun                                           
But for their kids, it’s not 
The grown—ups look for when it’s done 
The kids enjoy what they’ve bought.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday
Friday, Saturday, Sunday
Throughout the week, every day
We must make it a fun-day.
We can’t sit around with nothing to do
That certainly would not be right
The beach, the park, playground, and zoo
We stretch from morning to night                                                           
But Grandpa scratches his old gray head
Wondering what this all meant                                                              
Would our God favor all this instead                                                          
Of a life of simple contentment?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             
Tune-in?
                                                                                                              
T.V., T.V. ain’t that great
Take a look what we create                                                     
The more that we can agitate
The more and more we seem to rate 
Argue, scream, across the screen
Think I’m bad, watch me get mean
Looking for someone sweet, surprise, surprise
This is what gets them to advertise
Sell one product that cleans up the works
Sell a show that throws dirt after dirt
Rebellious child, bring ‘em out
Scream in the face, want a hug?
Single mom thanks boot-camp man
Treats the child much like ex-husband had
Stay tuned next week if you think that’s low
I look good, I’m host of this show.
Some may question what it seems
See the end? It justifies the means.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          
Meaning- less                                                                                                         
Pitch it to the populace, see if it buys
Its popular diplomacy is compromise
That’s nothing new, it’s always been
Whether we look at now or look at then
The words we use, they can’t cause no harm
Double negative, sound the alarm.
Our language cheapens the meaning of love                                            
Is it a term in tennis or a delectable fudge?
“To die for …",not our country, but a strawberry shake?                               
Close the Windows and shut down the Gates.                                                        
Merge and monopolize, fast as can be                                   
Puff of smoke, swallow of pride, what you see?                   
Spring to summer, pump that gas                                                                
Take a joy ride, see if it lasts
Bumper-stickers, pins and bows
Banners waved and flags have blown                                                 
Blow our own horns, others we condemn
I’m okay, your okay, but not the likes of them                                                              
Children, children, like yourselves                                                                        
We’ll come visit you in your cells.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             
    Cindy didn’t want to pressure them more than they already are, so   she tells them they can write down a favorite poem of theirs, a parent or grandparent can write it, or they can write their own.   After all, what she really wants to know is how they feel.  That sometimes is easier if someone else writes it.   There are a couple good writers in her class, but Cindy is not stressing original works at this time.   She is looking for an association of feelings. 

                
Cindy types them up and makes a booklet of the poems.   She's very pleased how the poems turn out. They seem to be representative of how her students and her students’ families feel.  These are the combined feelings that will help grow up the children.   Who they are now and who they will become as adults are both of great importance.  And Cindy also wants to help too.  So she includes a few of her favorites.  The first group she chooses is from a collection of poems given to Grandma by a friend of hers.  Then the last poem is truly her favorite.  It is not the greatest poem, but it is associated by a great memory.   It is the poem by Elisha. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                         Excerpts from "So Loved …"
                                                                                                    
Ask yourself why you’re not a poet
Why grass grows and you have to mow it
Why clothes get soiled and dishes dirty
Some people are shy and others, flirty
Why cattle don’t fly opposed to birds
And our feathered friends don’t come in herds
Why you’re not a poet may not be quite clear
But until I explain, don’t worry, my dear
It’s only the spirit in which you perform
With poetry, you don’t have to follow the norm.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
Many profess a faith they say, but mix it with evolution                                
They set up controlled experiments to microscopic solutions                          
Each theory brings new questions and added bewilderment
And actually does not help our life as much as it was meant
Each day goes on and troubles grow, there is no way to curb them;
Anxiety and fear of coping with what experiments haven’t taught them.
Man gets out his microscope, creating drugs to mask the troubles;
Antidepressants, sleeping pills . . . to avoid those burdensome bubbles.
But if man knew of an instant cure that could ride his troubles away,
He’d pray to the Lord, our Savior, and the troubles would not stay.
Because each day when we need that guidance, the Lord is always there.
In that time of urgency, do you think the microscope would care?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               
Often confused with the childlike crush,                                                 
unlike it though, love shouldn’t rush. 

Love takes time comparatively so;                                                                    
long seems it now, but not as it grows. 

Love is not a material thing,                                                    
merely some words, or a song that we sing. 

The wealthy may collect things that they cherish;               
the poor wish they had; their dreams bound to perish, 

But those who like just where they’re at,                                                        
accepting a friend in a dog, frog or cat,

And those beyond initialing a tree,                                                                   
beyond dreaming things they never will see,

Enjoying the things that do pass their way,                                                    
thankful we are, for these things we pray,

But those who can share each personal thing,                                               
what lies deep inside, a love does it bring. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        
Do the birds in the wilderness, not heard, stop singing their songs?
Do the birds in the city, not heard through that noise, move along?
Do the leaves in the wilderness, in the autumn, stop turning their colorful array?
Do the leaves in the city, in the autumn, behind the billboards just stay?
No, the birds still sing and the leaves still turn for our Lord.                              
And yes, we should sing and ourselves turn unto the Lord, our God. 
For whether the beauty of our hearts can be seen or heard by the world,
Our Lord hears our song and sees our colorful ways.
And whether rejected for what we are, or see, or say,       
by the eyes and ears of the world,
Only our Lord God knows our heart and what love of His we accept today.

  

                                          
(Poem by Elisha’s dad, shared by Elisha to Moriah: 

                                                                            
The Jayo Bee poem.)
                                                                                                                                         
There was a man named Jayo Bee
A friend to many as a man can be.
Came a time, could’ve used a friend
Through thick and thin to the very end.
One stepped up, no direction or cause                                                          
And proud he was this Eliphaz.
His claim to fame was in his dream,                                       
A legend in his own mind, it seems.                                         
But he stood tall, he must be heard;
To challenge his experience, that’d be absurd!?!
Listening to the eloquence, standing all he can
Jayo Bee simply states, “No doubt, you’re the man!”
Void of all happy, drowning in sad
Still no relief, no thanks to Bildad.
Eager to add to what’s been said so far
Steps up so called friend three, Zophar.
                                                                                                    
What would you say of Jayo Bee?
Had he one close friend, or two or three?
He found no comfort by his side
Wouldn't trust these three, men full of pride.
                                                                                                    
Well, God knows man likes to follow man
And from the beginning He had a plan
In love, He sent His only Son
You see, for our sake it was done.
                                                                                                    
It’s this love, through Jesus, that I find
It’s the love I want, it’s the only kind
It’s the love I share and I see in you
I see that love, Moriah, in a friend like you.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   144                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

                                                                              VI.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              
    In Michigan, the weather often keeps you with a healthy perspective. As Grandma always says, you need to hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. As school is winding down, the month of May is providing some of the best, weather, that is. But with the warm weather comes several reports of tornadoes. Tornadoes had touched down in surrounding counties, but none close to where Cindy lives or works …until today.

    They are well-trained at Wing Lake. The entire school springs into action, each one knowing exactly what they are supposed to do, including the students. They all gather at the shelter area in the basement of the school, grouped together in their class groups, so the teachers can keep track of their own.


    A sense of fear grips each group as they fall silent and listen. It is often reported that a tornado sounds like a locomotive coming …then it happens! 

    The locomotive gets louder and louder, but so does the sound of Cindy praying. She hadn’t thought of it one way or another. She is just doing what she would always do, what is natural for her, especially in a situation like this. She prays. She doesn’t hesitate to consider whether it is natural for anyone else.


    A couple days pass. Some of the students still talk about how Cindy had prayed the tornado away from the school building. Buildings are leveled all over. The tornado had swept through the entire Wing Lake area. But it had not touched their school.


    Many of the students talk about how they had witnessed the power of prayer. But another wind is stirring, trying to muster up enough power to create its own damage. The ACLU storms onto the scene. It is as if there are two opposing forces doing battle here. And Cindy is in the midst of the battle.


    Cindy knows well how that which drags on, can also drag you down. Little does she know she is also being dragged into a rather pleasant surprise. 

    They had kept it a secret from Cindy. She knew that the improvement of education had been a big election year issue. But she did not know the form of recognition that would be bestowed upon her as a result of the guideline to that improved standard.


                                            145 




     Cindy hadn’t known anything about this. There is a national honor to be presented to the model teacher for the now present new millennium. And that national honor is to be bestowed upon Cindy.
    They surprise her inside her own classroom. The television cameras are there, the newspapers, and radio. She is to appear the following week in Washington D.C. to accept the honor. Meanwhile, the ACLU is attempting to get her there on a different note.

    Community Bible Church is packed on this particular Wednesday evening service. They are enthusiastic about Cindy’s return from Washington D.C. . It has been her second trip there in a matter of a few short months. Last May, she had been there to receive her award. Ever since then, "Teacher of the New Millennium" is the widely acclaimed spoken word at Community Bible Church. And they are convinced that an honor like that packs enough clout to gain them the national attention and exposure to now proceed on towards victory against the ACLU.


    Churches across the nation of all varieties and claims of differentiations, join together now in the spirit of unity. Their main agenda is the same as it has been for years upon years. But this time they are confident they can bring prayer back into the classroom.


    Cindy is not as eager as the rest of the church. She is the one in the spotlight, not them. And she is not as confident with this sort of thing. She recalls those two and a half years of teaching. She had accomplished much. Anyone may consider it two and a half glorious years, capped by this national honor. But not Cindy. She doesn’t want honor. Her only desire is to win over the hearts of her students.


    Cindy feels it is wrong to take the focus off her students and allow the attention to go to her. But she also feels it's wrong to deny all those who had placed her in this position. It is actually shared recognition. Cindy realizes how much it means to the ones who had secretly worked to bestow this honor upon her. And now it seems to have paved the way to a new beginning for the churches across the nation. She has all their hopes and aspirations upon her shoulders.


    There is no one more enthusiastic than Fernye. She shifts her campaign to the Wednesday evening prayer service, with good representation from the highly distinguished ‘Silver Crowns’. 

    Greeting Cindy at the church door, Grandma recalls, “Two and a half years ago, you didn’t have the confidence to make it through the first day of school. I can tell this will be every bit as difficult for you, probably worse, but we are all standing behind you.”


                                                                        146 



    Grandma’s focus suddenly moves way behind Cindy. Cindy turns around to see a young man coming up the walk. 

    Grandma holds the door, “It’s been a while since I've seen you, Stephen. How have you been?” Grandma has the unique gift of remembering not only names, but also particulars about each person, “You still playing basketball?”


    Stephen is polite, but brief with his answer, “No, not since Jason passed away.”

    Cindy recalls where she’d seen him before. It was at the funeral service for that young boy. Once again she is taken back two and a half years ago. It is difficult to stay on the present.


    The present capacity of Community Bible Church approximates two hundred. For Wednesday evening prayer it couldn’t fill an egg carton, as Grandma would say. But this Wednesday is different. The church fills to capacity.


    As the prayer meeting begins, Pastor Tom acknowledges Grandma with a smile, “Fernye, I hear you have a praise report.”


    Fernye beams ear to ear, “By the looks of the number of people here, you must have all heard. Since my granddaughter has won the honor of model teacher for the new millennium, things have shifted into high gear. What a honor it is for her to not only represent all teachers, but all Christians, everywhere!”


    Everyone applauds.


    Fernye beams, “My granddaughter is so precious. She's a bit frightened by all this attention. So, let’s show her how much we are behind her. Let’s give her the confidence to fight this ACLU and bring back prayer to our schools.”


    Everyone applauds again, even louder. Then they stand up, united in their cheer. That makes it even more obvious that not everyone is clapping. As Cindy exchanges a smile with Grandma, she notices that Stephen is still sitting.


    Eventually everyone sits down again. That’s when Stephen stands up, “I think we should pray first before we go full into battle against this ACLU.”


    Cindy wonders why he is not sharing in the present enthusiasm. The word ‘ungrateful’ crosses Cindy’s mind as she thinks of how Grandma had once tried to help this young man.


    As spokesperson for the group, Pastor Tom speaks up, “We certainly can’t do this in our own power. Would you like to lead us in prayer, Stephen?”


    Stephen half wishes he hadn’t said anything, “Well, what I mean is, often in the Bible, God’s own people went into battle when it wasn’t God’s timing to do so and they did not get victory. I just thought we could pray and ask God to lead us in this thing.”


                                                                                          147 



     Silence falls over the congregation. Pastor Tom nods in acknowledgement as George Olitz raises his hand, “As head of the Prayer in School committee, are you suggesting that we should pray whether we should pray, or pray whether we should pray to pray about it?”


    Everyone except Stephen and Fernye laugh. Fernye is too polite to laugh. Cindy had felt it was disrespectful for Stephen not to stand or applaud when the others had. Now, she is adding to her rebuke with her loud laughter.


    George forges ahead with his inclination towards leadership, “I believe God has already led us to this point through the obvious chain of events. Now, it’s time to fight. Personally, I’d feel rather silly asking God if He would like to be involved in our schools. We don’t have to pray for God’s wisdom on this one. We know God’s Will. Furthermore, the ACLU is not sitting around procrastinating, wondering what they are going to do.”

    A chorus of “A—mens” arise.


    Cindy feels half sorry for Stephen, until the prayer meeting ends. Before Stephen leaves, he stops to say a few brief words to Cindy, “I didn’t mean to sound unsupportive, but I have an uncomfortable feeling about this whole thing. I think we aren’t considering everything we should.”


    Cindy no longer feels sorry for Stephen. Though he is being polite, it still sounds rather bold to her. Does Stephen think he has more sense than the combined wisdom of the entire church membership? It seems rather arrogant. Stephen had insinuated that Cindy is making a mistake. Actually, he's insinuating that Christians everywhere are making the same mistake. She has the backing of churches across the nation. It should be considered a privilege to be in the position she is in. She is the focal point for this whole prayer in school issue. Why would Stephen not give his backing too? 

    George is right. The church has to move quickly on this one or they’ll lose again. They’d compromised so much over the years. The ACLU had moved quickly and silently at times. They had moved slowly and methodically at times. But this time the ACLU is moving quickly and loudly. They are well-organized. And they have brought on their charge.


    The State of Michigan seizes the opportunity to brag about their educational system, in view of the national exposure they are getting with Cindy being awarded model teacher of the new millennium. They do not want to counter that with a charge against her. So, through some strange twist of political maneuvering, it is quickly brought to the United States Supreme Court.
                                                148 



    A girl sitting next to Shannon in Sunday School asks, “What does supreme mean?”


    The Sunday School teacher instructs, “Supreme means the highest, above the rest. We are not to put anyone or anything above God. In the First and Second Book of Kings, and the First and Second Book of Chronicles, the people who claimed to be followers of God, who were referred to as God’s people, let the world around them show them things they thought highly of. The followers of God allowed themselves to become distracted by these things. And time after time, they continued to ignore the fact that they had allowed these things into their lives. They neglected to remove these high places that they obviously thought highly of.”


    The same girl adds, “My dad says he thinks highly of mom?”


    The teacher reflects, “When I was growing up, I naturally loved my dad and mom. But it wasn’t until I became an adult that I really began to think highly of my dad and mom. This way of thinking highly …is actually an appreciation of them. God wants us to honor our parents. I don’t have to plea the fifth on that one. So, yes, we should feel highly about those things that God tells us to. And yes, there may be a high place in your life if you choose to do what you want to do, rather than what you are asked to do.”

    The Sunday School teacher reaches for her Bible, “Turn with me to the Book of Romans, chapter twelve.” 

     As the children turn there, the teacher paraphrases a couple verses, “In verse ten, it tells you to honor one another above yourselves. Now, that may seem difficult if you feel you are being treated unfairly or in an unkind fashion. But verse twenty-one tells you not to be overcome by evil, but to overcome evil with good. The verse I want us to read together now, is verse sixteen, that is chapter twelve, verse sixteen. Could you please read that verse for us Shannon?”


    Shannon is an excellent reader. She loves to read, “Be of the same mind, one towards another. Mind not high things, but associate with those of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.”


    The following Tuesday, Ken picks up his granddaughter from school. Shannon wants to be with Mom. Ken is tuned-in on his car radio. He has it on low, so Shannon doesn’t hear all the events of the day. He doesn’t want his granddaughter to be frightened. But he doesn’t realize that a child’s ears are much better at hearing than his have become. Until the question comes, that is, “Grandpa, what is the difference between low estate and high estate?”


                                           149 




    Grandpa does not look beyond the question, he just seeks to answer the question, “You mean, low real estate and high real estate? Well, low real estate is owning property that doesn’t cost much, like where we live. High real estate is property in the big cities. We’re talking billions of dollars.”


    Cindy has to stay at school until all of her students are picked up. The last one leaves just as Shannon and her dad enter the classroom. Cindy opens her arms to Shannon. As she hugs Shannon, she focuses her eyes upon those of her dad. Just like Shannon needs a hug, Cindy needs a parent hug too. Ken does not hesitate to put his big comforting arms around them both.


    Shannon takes turns seeking a comforting tone from each, “Grandpa, what were those buildings called again?”


    Grandpa holds back his emotions, “The Twin Towers.”


    Shannon moves to her other tower of security, “Mom, were they our highest places?”


    Overcome with emotion, Cindy does manage to answer, “Yes.”


    Shannon scrunches her eyes with that expression of combined innocence and sincerity of interest, “Then, why didn’t we take them down ourselves? Why did someone have to do it for us? If we would have done it ourselves, no one would have got hurt.”


    Cindy doesn’t feel like a tower of security, but she gives Shannon all the love and understanding she can. Cindy kneels on one knee to look into Shannon’s searching eyes, “What do you mean, take 'em down ourselves?”


    Shannon speaks her obvious conclusion to the scattered details she has assimilated, “The high places!” Shannon seeks further affirmation, “In church we learned about removing our high places.” 

     Cindy doesn't know what to say at this point. She is too busy crying. She thinks of all those innocent people and their families. How tragic it is! And how confused an innocent child must be in hearing of such a horrific event. Cindy continues to hug Shannon, not intending to let go for a very long time.





    It is just eleven days since the tragic events of the eleventh. The first day of autumn. A bright and sunny weekend day. Cindy cherishes her weekends. She can spend that most invaluable time with Shannon. 

   Yet, soon Cindy will be involved in something also important to her. She will be leaving for Washington D.C. this upcoming Monday. Instead of walking the halls of Wing Lake, she’ll be walking the Halls of Justice.


                                                     150 





    Cindy enjoys the autumn. She enjoys the crispness of the air and the crispness underfoot. A colorful blend of dried leaves blanket much of the Michigan earth. And the wooded area near the school seems like a healthy hike before settling down to a picnic lunch at the cabin on the playground.


    It seems like a perfect day. Shannon and Mom aim to enjoy their time together. And Cindy also joins Shannon in her playful adventures, pretending not to have a care in the world.


    Before they leave, Cindy takes Shannon inside the school to her classroom. She has to get a few things together, in preparation for her upcoming trip.


    Upon arriving home, Shannon finds Grandpa in the backyard. Grandpa has just finished raking the entire yard, and he has a humongous pile of leaves. 

    Shannon has shown signs of tiring from their daily events, but now she is full of energy. She skips a step and hops before striding her adorable little sprint and full-bodied leap into the carefully de-twigged pile.


    Shannon sleeps good this particular night. Cindy does not. Cindy has too much on her mind. As if her trip to Washington D.C. is not enough, there is all this national concern to add to it. She has already cancelled her flight in favor of riding with a few people from church who'd decided they wanted to drive instead.


    Cindy is not her usual enthusiastic self this morning. She really wants to sleep in if at all possible, but this time Shannon is the spark that keeps her going. They are able to make it to church just in time.


    The church is packed again, as it was last week also. But it isn’t just Community Bible Church. Every church they drive past has its parking lot filled to capacity and then some. Cars, trucks, and vans are parked alongside the road near every church. Our government had led the cry for unity and our churches are responding in like form.


    Ken always has the news on and Cindy has seen and heard those who'd stepped forward to unite America. Cindy had not seen the government participate in that much prayer since . . . since ever.

    Certainly in Cindy’s lifetime, she had not seen anything comparable to this. There is no separation of church and state evident in most areas. 

    Somehow, in the back of our minds and hearts we all know that which gave us strength in the past. We reached back, each one of us, and grasped for the very core of what we needed, to rebuild our brokenness. We rekindled our hopes. We rekindled our compassion. But what would happen next? As new threads are woven into old fabric, one would have to provide hope still, as the fabric tears. 

    Often we are not gathered together by unity of purpose and faith. We are united by fear. We don’t know why all this is happening and we don’t really know how God feels about it. So we unite in faith, faith being whatever we make it to be. 
                                                       151 


     As Abraham Lincoln faced the horrific challenge of the Civil War, it was said that he was asked whether he felt God was on his side. As it was told, Abraham Lincoln replied that he was not so much concerned whether God was on his side, but whether he was on God’s side. But this concern does not seem to bother most. Our nation has grown up much since those troublesome times. And we have learned how to justify or rationalize most any thing we may be confronted with.


    Cindy tries to erase those thoughts, but they keep returning to her. She can attempt to erase the thoughts, but she can't erase the faces. She had seen her share of genuine people and she can stand to see more, but she feels she can tell the difference. And this sudden surge in the faith is not something that makes her feel comfortable. There is tension in their hearts. Thousands have been buried since the September 11th tragedy. But how many are still buried in denial? 

    She tries again to erase the thoughts. It is not her place to concern herself with this. The Holy Spirit brings people to the place where they can decide. It is not our burden. Grandma has it right. She is enthusiastic for the moment of opportunity, not worrying herself over the recent converts.



     As Cindy rides with the church members to Washington D.C., she mostly keeps her eyes shut, pretending to sleep. She doesn’t really feel like talking to anyone. She wants to be with her Dad and Shannon. But she'd insisted Shannon stay back with Grandpa, especially in view of the recent events.



    Cindy tries to dismiss the discouraging thoughts. Everyone else in the car is enthusiastic. They are certain Cindy is going to bring home the victory, especially in view of the recent support. But Cindy feels too uncomfortable. It seems too strange to pretend to go on, business as usual, the pride of a nation, not to be affected by what had happened, what was going to happen, and how that will affect what will happen after that. This has affected everyone, whether they are willing to admit it or not. To rise to the occasion and demonstrate the great character of our nation, to rise above it, to surge forth with our united spirit, our united purpose, our united faith, our United States. To rise, careful not to over-inflate.


    Throughout the nation, Christians are clinging onto this hope of restoring our nation by reintroducing prayer in school. And throughout the nation, they are counting on Cindy.

    Is that why Cindy is feeling so much unrest? An entire nation of believers are counting on her. Maybe that is why she has such a difficult time getting rid of those thoughts. The mounting expectations, the fear of disappointment, the fear of failure …all are contributors. She will be in the spotlight. They will be judging how she does. And somehow this overwhelming feeling of being judged has led her to judge others.


152 



    It is hard not to judge some things. Cindy is still concerned with the over-inflation of confidence. At times, America sounds more like ringside at an All-Star Wrestling match. We continue to boldly vow to do that which we really have no guarantees we can do.
     Cindy doesn’t usually feel this way. What is happening?


   When did it begin to happen? The doubt. The lack of confidence. 
The critical eye towards others. This only brings about unrest.


    She hasn’t had a good night’s sleep since . . .since Stephen had made
those comments.


    No, she isn’t going to let this happen either. She doesn’t need to blame others. She doesn’t need to listen to what he’d said. That just cripples the effort. But if she will follow the enthusiastic efforts of the others, then she'll be able to claim victory.


    They are all attempting to do what is right. And Cindy will do right by them. She will wave her flag and stand for: ‘In God We Trust’. She will back her nation and they will back her. Better yet, she'll wear it on her back. One of those tourist shops is certain to have one.


    The tension begins to disappear as Cindy fills her mind with positive thoughts. As she walks the Halls of Justice, she feels the strength. Here is where our liberty, our freedoms, and justice for all, ring the loudest and truest. Here is where we protect the guarantees established at the foundational level of our government. But here is also where sit, those who must have questioned, as they most certainly were challenged to question, the validity and resolve of every issue brought before this high court.


    Cindy has mixed feelings about being here today. But she better soon clear her mind. The gentleman representing the ACLU is certain to be prepared. The stage is set. Everyone who is supposed to be here is here. And the show must go on.


    Cindy listens as the Chief Justice gives his long introduction, “There are not always well-defined lines in each camp. Even as far back as 1886, Reverend Henry Beecher stated that evolution was the divine method of creationism. It is difficult to decide whether our students should be taught fact or speculation. It would be my personal view that we should teach fact, as each of us can well speculate on our own. But for well over a century we have used the courts as an arena of relentless bickering.”


    The Chief Justice reaches for his spectacles. He arranges the papers before him and briefly reviews them. His position as Chief Justice commands the respect of everyone in the room. And everyone silently waits for him to continue.

153 



    The Chief Justice looks up, “Yet, if the courts attempt to dignify themselves by rising above such petty and often senseless quarrels, then the strength of spirit that grew up our nation works to destroy that reputation by dashing the spirits of a young man, brought to tears, as he sits in the hallway for not participating in what was called voluntary religious classes. You'll find that to be the Vashti McCollum case of 1948. Whether it be the cases in New York, Arkansas, Louisiana, California, or South Carolina; the issue goes back and forth, never to be resolved. It is my resolve to never go back to that. Those of us who think we evolved, don’t think everything should revolve around a Supreme Being. Some of those who believe in a Supreme Being, have in the past elevated themselves to such lofty status as developing elite groups as the ‘Citizens for Fairness in Education’, while considering the teaching of evolution as the cause of many social problems from Naziism to abortion. Both sides have been abusive in their dealings with a system which is supposed to pride themselves on education. A large part of that education should be inclusive of presenting foundations of our beliefs as a nation through a well thought out and well-documented United States Constitution.”


    The Chief Justice shuffles some more papers, then draws a deep breath, “Personally, I am tired of the bickering. I believe the courts should be once and for all relieved of the duty of hearing case after case of grievances by men and women who are as arrogant as they are opinionated. I could say, here we are again. Or we can resolve this once and for all. I will not allow what happened in earlier court decisions to set precedence here. And I will not allow this to be a platform to present political views nor take advantage of our emotional state in view of the events of September eleventh. I will not tolerate any attempts by either of you to use that as a catalyst for personal agendas.”


    The Chief Justice looks at each of them individually in a very stern and serious fashion. It sort of scares Cindy. How much of her presentation will he allow? The entire future of the school system relies on her presentation. And she will have to be more convincing than her opponent, the renowned Leonard Ilo m Ewald.


154 



    The Chief Justice takes off his eyeglasses and softens his tone, “In this corner we have a champion of the ACLU who opposes any mention of God in the school system. And in this corner, we have a formidable opponent with our model of the new millennium, model teacher, that is, who believes our education is incomplete without the mention of God. What my fellow Justices and I have decided upon is a televised discussion between you two. Each of you can do your best to present your point of view on national television. Then I will set up a proposal to be on the ballot come election time. Everyone in the nation can vote and we will follow the guideline of that resulting majority vote. We will then have the peace of the populace, instead of the constant feud of the few. As painful as it may be for me, I will subject myself to all this back and forth debate. But I will also officiate when necessary, so this affair does not strike a disturbing similarity to your present-day talk shows.” 

    The Chief Justice smiles for the first time, “Okay, I’ve been looking forward to this moment. I’ve never been a Director before, but let’s give it a whirl.” 

    He pauses, with an attempt to adapt to the role, while pointing to the production crew, “Sound set, ready? Lighting? Cameras? Forget it! I can’t do the simplest thing when it comes to directing. I’ll stick with my Chief Justice role. You tell me when you are ready.”


    The Chief Justice gets the nod, “Okay Leonard, you won the coin toss. You go first.”


    Leonard wastes no time, “I believe as our Chief Justice believes, that we should teach facts and nothing else in our classrooms. And I’ve not yet come across anyone who can prove to me the existence of God. So unless you can prove to me that God exists, I don’t believe God should exist in the classroom either.”


    Cindy can’t believe the Chief Justice is allowing this. Leonard had just aligned himself with the Chief Justice in presenting those statements. She attempts to smile, “I can’t prove to you that God exists.”


    Cindy attempts to visualize the eyes of Christians nationwide fixed to the television screen, depending upon her, only to have her say she can’t prove God’s existence. Her own home church had drilled her on what to say. Throughout the years, Pastor Tom had presented many messages pertaining to evidences and proofs for the existence of God, the life of Jesus, and His resurrection. But when the challenge is put forth to Cindy, she says she can’t prove it. 

     Cindy ends her long pause, “By your own standard, you say that whatever can’t be proven, shouldn’t be taught. Prove evolution to me.”

                                                                                             155                      




    Leonard Ilom Ewald then proceeds on with what he is well known for. With much detail and extended discourse, Leonard tries to overwhelm and intimidate Cindy with his wealth of knowledge and his eloquent speech. He speaks on and on, until the Chief Justice announces a break for lunch.     Upon returning from lunch, the Chief Justice fairly announces, “I believe we will begin with Cindy this time.” 

    With pen and notebook in hand, Cindy insists, “No, I thought Leonard was doing so well before the break, I’d like him to continue. My only request is that we take it a little more slowly. I want to take notes and I couldn’t keep up before the break. So, Leonard, could you backtrack a little for me? I want to get this straight. Where did man come from?” 

    Leonard is puzzled by Cindy’s strategy. Yet his guess is that she is attempting to make sport of this. He doesn’t want to appear rude, so he attempts to appear polite and accommodating, “Man came from an ape-like creature.”


    Cindy appears to be writing it down, “And where did this ape-like creature come from?”


   Cindy plays this, "And where did that come from?", game with Leonard all the way back to Leonard’s last available answer, “Energy.”


    But Cindy has to ask once more, “And where did the energy come from?”

    Leonard has long ago dismissed the words, ‘I don’t know’, as unacceptable, “The energy was just there. You can’t break it down any further than that.”


    Cindy pursues, “You mean, the energy didn’t evolve? It was always there? How can that be? It can’t be, can it? With evolution, something has to come from, or evolve, from something else. But that’s impossible. Something had to exist to start it all.”


    Leonard tries to regain his point, “It was like the growth of our nation. Several factors contributed towards getting things rolling. Then all of a sudden, it seemed to take off all at once. They called it the Industrial Revolution. To us evolutionists, the jump start was called the Big Bang.”


    Cindy continues to politely show interest, “Oh yes, the Big Bang theory. Not a fact, but a theory. Now, Leonard, you are a very intelligent and influential man. How did you let that one get by you? You let them teach a theory?”


    Leonard’s usual calm demeanor gets an edge to it, “We call it a theory because we aren’t as arrogant as your group, stating that we have the absolute truth.”


156 



     Cindy is surprised by her own calmness, “Well, silly me, I should applaud the efforts of your forefathers of evolution. Actually, they’ve been quite creative. For not having the absolute truth, it must have been a real challenge to come up with a theory. I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been to leave God out of everything. But they did come up with a theory and it’s my job to teach it. But that’s where you and I continue to disagree, Leonard. I believe that theory should be taught. I believe that something doesn’t have to be proven for it to be taught. History and Science are subjects that deal with the past. From what you say, it sounds like you want history and science to be dealt with as if they had equal standing with Mathematics and Language. With mathematics, there is an absolute. Who will debate that two plus two equals four? Language is set up to be taught one way, uniformly, to create a standard for our communication. History and science are not as cut and dry. That is where the real challenge comes in. And many of the students rise to that challenge. That is where the real beauty of teaching comes in.  Now, I believe that Language and Mathematics are extremely important and I emphasize that to my students. But the truth is that students across the nation struggle more with Math and Language. When I was their age, I liked Math because it was an absolute. I could check all my answers and feel good that I got them all right. But many students are interested in thinking for themselves. They view how others in the past have viewed life and then decide how they will view it themselves.”
Cindy doesn’t want anyone to have an inaccurate view of her teaching, “I do teach evolution in my classroom. I don’t want to stifle anyone’s thought process or creativity. But I also believe that in viewing life, a student does much better if they already have a hope and a purpose. Those are two words that are a common thread in most graduation speeches.”

    Cindy remembers her own graduation, “As the students graduate they are given a hope to take their knowledge and purpose to make their world a better place. When I graduated from college to become a teacher, my hope and purpose went beyond what I had learned to earn my degree. Grandma showed me the absolutes beyond mathematics and the standards beyond our language. Grandma showed me how the Bible gives an absolute and is the best history lesson there is. She also showed me how it gives us a standard to guide our lives by. And when students have hope and purpose, they perform better in school.”


157 



     Leonard had not wanted to interrupt or appear rude, but this had gone on too long. It was getting out-of-hand. He had to say something, “But aren’t you doing the same thing you say hinders their ability to think for themselves? You teach evolution, but you teach it with a bias.”


    Cindy presents a stack of books, “These are the books my class used last year …in case you want to look them over. To answer your accusation, I will show you, page fifty-six of the Math book.”


    Leonard takes the Math book Cindy hands him and turns to page fifty-six, “What does this have to do with evolution?”


    Cindy points, “The example problem at the top of the page. The example shows how to multiply decimals. Do you see anything wrong with it?”


    Leonard gets impatient, “The decimal point is in the wrong place, just like your point. What does a decimal have to do with evolution?”


     As soon as he says it, Leonard realizes what Cindy is about to say. And he has to sit here quiet and polite as she says it, “If you were a teacher, even you, Leonard, would quickly point out to your students the error in the example problem. Now, when I found the error, I didn’t have my students tear out the whole section on multiplying decimals. I simply pointed out the error. Similarly, when I teach the theory of evolution, I point out the error. In science, we figure out a pattern or understand a principle. We call it a law. You’ve heard of the statement that says there is for every action, an equal reaction. And furthermore, I’m fairly positive that you’ve heard that energy and matter are interchangeable and can be neither created nor destroyed. What do you call that law?”


    Leonard has been on the defensive. He has been forced to answer Cindy. This has to change if he is to gain the upper hand. But meanwhile, Leonard continues to answer politely, “You are talking about the law of thermodynamics.”


    Cindy asks, “Do you believe in the law?”


    Leonard doesn’t like this direction of questioning, “It has been accepted for some time. I see no need to challenge it.”


    Cindy feels like she’s made a mistake. She doesn’t know that much about thermodynamics. Why is she trying to use it here? It may backfire. But she proceeds, “Your word, energy, is in there. It says it can be neither created nor destroyed. The energy had to come from somewhere, yet it didn’t. The energy just existed. That logic defies itself.”

    Leonard sees his opening, “Where did your God come from?” 

 158 



    Cindy narrows the opening, “Exactly! Just the thought of something or someone existing and having always existed, defies our logic. How can it be? Looking at it from that unique perspective, neither evolution nor God fits. Nothing fits! But that’s just it! Something is out there that doesn’t fit our laws of science. But that’s what science is …our own observations and our own studies in relation to how our own minds work. And the part that is out there that doesn’t fit, is the part we can’t study because we can’t observe it directly. It seems impossible, but this something that exists, irregardless of our understanding of it, is called a spirit world. It has caught the interest of our youth and has found brilliant success in the motion picture industry. There's much intrigue surrounding something out there that is different than us and doesn’t operate within the bounds of our laws of science. Spaceships and aliens also fit well with Hollywood. There is no confining to the laws of science. I think many of us could more easily accept an alien having created us and our planet than to say God did it. Why is that? And why is it that we can accept an evolutionary theory that reduces everything to a gaseous cosmic soup, whose own energy stirred itself over billions of years to slowly bring about the world as we know it today? I’ll tell you why. Because with evolution or aliens and spaceships, we don’t have to be accountable. We don’t have to face judgment, or we convince ourselves that we don’t have to. If we accept God, then we have to face judgment.”


    Leonard had planned to avoid this sort of confrontation. He didn’t want to argue why he felt creation should not be taught in schools, but evolution should. But it now appeared Cindy had left him this opening, so he could build his case. Cindy should have left well enough alone, but Leonard suspected she wouldn’t do that. Her fault rested in the fact that she was a true Christian. She could not restrain from answering how she truly believed. 

    Leonard tries not to smile, “You said that if we accept God, then we have to face judgment. What kind of judgment?”


159 



    Cindy will not allow him instant gratification, “I thought you might like to pin me on that one. Yes, this is televised. And you know that most of the listeners like the idea of a loving God. But you also know their weak point is that they don’t like the aspect of God’s character that leads to judgment. But that’s because most people don’t understand God’s character. God is both loving and righteous. To say the word, judgment, it brings an uncomfortable feeling, even regarding our mild experiences. A student joins the basketball team at school. That student works hard, then has to wait to see who will be chosen as the starting five. The coach has to make that judgment and it is not always to everyone’s liking. Or more simply, you may eat in the school cafeteria and you have to face someone’s judgment on whether you will be served pizza or spinach and liver. In this case, your parents may give you the option to carry a sack lunch to school. But my point is, that judgment is usually not a very popular thing, all things considered.”

    Leonard refuses to chance whether Cindy is going to dance around the issue that may be his high card in this whole debate, “Be honest with me. I know it is your heart’s desire to be honest. Cindy, do you believe I’m going to hell?”


   Cindy knew the question would come up, “I don’t know the answer to that.”


    Leonard’s confidence builds, “Oh, come on Cindy. You know what I mean. If I were to die today, as an evoluntionist …let me rephrase that. If I were to die without believing in God, would I go to hell?”


    Cindy had thought she was prepared to answer the question. She had known he’d ask it. She had rehearsed it. But somehow saying it seems too difficult. 

    Cindy answers different than she had rehearsed, “Some people are offended if people tell them they are going to hell, which amazes me. If they don’t believe in the Bible, then they don’t believe in hell. So why are they offended? If I had a son in a mental institution and I loved that boy of mine …suppose he said I wasn’t his mom, he believed I was an alien …it would hurt if he said it with anger, but I would not be offended. Furthermore, I am not offended that you think my ancestors were apes. Yet, I sense some tension in your voice, asking me if I feel you would go to hell …a place you say you don’t believe in. But do you know why that is? Because I believe that God’s Holy Spirit touches everyone deep within. If unbelievers were to admit it, there is something blocking that realization. They are not allowing the truth to be revealed to them.”


160 



    Leonard changes to a softer and more polite tone, “Cindy, Cindy, I’m not going to allow you to do this to me. And as you see, there is no tension in my voice, so you can relax and listen carefully to my question. Do you, Cindy, believe that if I were to die without believing in God, that I would go to Hell?”


    Cindy clarifies, “I mentioned before that one reason people don't want to accept God is that they would have to face judgment. Well, that is sadly why so many quickly reject God. But if they only knew that in accepting God and His judgment, that He had already pre-arranged for the payment of that judgment through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus. So in that light, those who accept Him don't have to face judgment. Only those who don't believe will have to face that which they don't believe in." 

    Leonard smiles, "Oh, so you are being even more exclusive here. Let me rephrase it, but let me first ask you to establish your foundation of thinking for the sake of all our viewers. Is it your belief that Jesus was born into this world a little over two thousand years ago, for the purpose of saving the world?" 

    Cindy is a bit concerned that Leonard is attempting to get the upper hand, but she doesn't know what his strategy is. "Yes, that's not very explicit, but that is true." 

    Leonard is no rookie at this, "And if you are like most Christians, you believe Jesus will come again. When would you say that will be?" 

    Cindy is confident with her belief, but not comfortable with an intimidation, "Yes, Jesus will come again, but no one knows when?" 

    Leonard taps his fingers together while grinning broadly, looking like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, "Well, let me summarize what we've covered so far. You believe that Jesus lived approximately two thousand years ago and that He came to save the world. Now what would you say is a fair amount of time we could expect to give Jesus to achieve that? By your own admission, you'd say the world is still a mess …so why would you think that anything would be any different this time around, if Jesus suddenly appears again two thousand years later with His same empty promises? Judging His rate of success, wouldn't you logically have to classify any belief in Him as nothing more than a vaporous hope. But that's your business really …so, my real question to you remains: If Jesus suddenly returns tomorrow, and I feel I have good reason not to believe in Him, will I go to Hell?" 

161 



    Cindy doesn't hesitate, "If Jesus suddenly returns tomorrow, He will begin a thousand year reign on earth. You would then witness how things would be. All the evil things that we now see throughout the world would not be able to establish themselves. I believe even you'd understand what I'm getting at, seeing the world as a far better place. But given an opportunity to witness a thousand years of peace, if you still didn't quite get it, you likely never would." 

    Leonard's smile vanishes, "You'd think that with all you Christians in the world, this world would already be a better place. Christians certainly have had long enough to bring about change …but I don't really see that much improvement. You would claim that you are instruments of God, so with that in mind, I should see evidence of your accomplishments? I do not! So I resolve not only to question you, but also the validity of Him whom you claim to have faith in. I'm sorry, but your ideals, your faith, and your hopes …they all appear a bit too dreamy and quite imaginative to me …containing nothing of real substance." 

    Cindy no longer appears timid, "Well, it doesn't appear imaginative to me …it seems rather simple and clear. The choice is whether we think more of ourselves or of others. With Jesus ruling on earth, some people would celebrate the improvement that would make in their lives, while others of a more selfish nature may not like the change." 

    Leonard asks, "What changes would be so celebrated?" 

    Cindy looks right into his eyes, "If you were sick and starving and were suddenly well and well-fed, wouldn't you celebrate? If a child had to face abuse within the home; and moving outside the home only brought about further victimization, violence, murder, and rape …if that were to cease and that poor child was able to finally sleep in peace every night, do you think that child would be grateful? But if you had limited television and internet access …and you could no longer go to the bar or casino, would you consider that sacrificing too many of your freedoms? Would you consider that too high a cost to pay? Would you be ungrateful and perhaps even angry for the change? The choice may be difficult for some, but it is rather simple and clear to me. I choose Jesus." 

    Leonard narrows his look, staring back into her eyes, "And what if I don't choose Jesus?" 

    Cindy raises her eyebrows with an expression of surprise, "You mean you'd still choose against Jesus, seeing the direct difference between good and evil? Why would you choose to follow Satan into the lake of fire?"


162 



     Leonard laughs ever so slightly, “Now, Cindy, I have several points to make here, so let’s just answer honestly, the best way you can without going on a tangent. First of all, do you actually believe judgment is truly righteous? Why would a loving God feel obliged to judge us simply because we don’t believe? If you had a child that you told not to touch the stove and your child went ahead and touched a hot burner anyway, would you in your righteousness feel obliged to burn his other hand? I just don’t understand. Most people feel I’m a fairly nice guy. Why would your loving God send me to the lake of fire?”


    Cindy folds her hands in front of her, “The way I look at it, God doesn’t send anyone there. Technically speaking, they send themselves.”


    Leonard leans forward, “Cindy, I’m not sending myself there. Yet, you tell me I’d go there if I don’t believe. Technically speaking, I can’t send myself to where I don’t believe.” 

    Cindy rings sincere, “Technically speaking, you can! If you wanted to come here to Washington D.C., and you boarded the wrong plane, you would have sent yourself somewhere other than here. You could have corrected that mistake, of course. But some things are easier to remedy than others. Sometimes believing means everything. For instance, if you lived in the mountains and someone told you there was a fire coming your way and you had to evacuate the area, would you believe them? And if you decided to stay and got caught in the fire, as it was consuming you would you blame the person who tried to warn you of the fire? It would be your choice on whether to heed the warning. Similarly, if you were caught in flood waters, you would look for someone to save you. Many people don’t seem to understand what being saved means. If the water is rising to the second story of your home, you have to personally get up on your roof, wave your arms and maybe holler. You can’t stay on the first level and expect to be saved. Simply stated, we are all drowning in our own sin and we have to call out to God. He sent His Son, Jesus, to save us.”


    Leonard travels his familiar road, “What do you mean by sin?”


    Cindy joins the brief exchange, “Sin is separation from God.”


    Leonard challenges, “Separation from God?”


    Cindy clarifies, “Yes. If I were on a boat in the ocean and I separated myself from the boat, I would be in the ocean. The ocean tends to be rather rough, so if I wanted to be back in the boat, I’d have to have someone save me.”


    Leonard interrupts, “I don’t understand all these stories. And furthermore, I don’t think they are good analogies.”


163 



     Cindy agrees, “You’re right. They aren’t good analogies. Nothing can substitute for the real truth. You are probably really questioning why I'd say everyone needs to be saved. Why would everyone be going to Hell in the first place, since it’s a personal choice, and you feel you didn’t make that choice? Well, it may be difficult to imagine, but we would all associate Hell with bad images. How about some more bad images! I said sin is separation from God, so look at some of the places on earth that don’t follow God. There are places riddled with violence and terrorism. They may say they didn’t choose to be there. Someone may have made the choice for them. They may have been the victim of rape or another form of torture. Those are some bad images. They’d want to be saved from it if they could.”


    Leonard painfully agrees, “Yes, those are horrible images. And some of those things happen in our country, even within the sacred confines of our churches. But, thankfully I come from a beautiful neighborhood. It is very peaceful to live there. And I don’t know of one Christian in my entire neighborhood. You’d have to say we are separated from God, but we don’t have any of those bad images.”


    Cindy rises her level of emotion, “That’s because you are benefiting from the prayers of people who do believe in God. Believe it or not, Christians pray for people like you. And furthermore, our nation attempts to establish itself upon the principles of God. You are ignoring that! Anyone who thinks our country does well on its own is rather ungrateful.”

    Leonard smiles, as if he’d been waiting for this level of debate, “Cindy, I have a confession to make. I am offended by your comments. Good people like myself work hard to create good laws and good neighborhoods. Christians like you sit at home and send up a prayer or two and take credit for all my hard work. That in itself is sad, but it doesn’t offend me. What does offend me is …if you would attempt to change my neighborhood and tell me how to live. But I am a prominent lawyer and can adequately handle the misguided intentions of some well-versed Christians. On the other hand, there are those who cannot defend themselves as well against such coercive techniques.”


    It’s Cindy’s turn to be offended, “Coercive techniques? What are you talking about?”


    Leonard is more than pleased to explain, “You are a fifth grade teacher. I believe you have a history book in your stack of school books there. History will show you that our world has never experienced a prolonged period of peace. War is something that every generation must contend with. And the majority of war finds its birth in religion. The church has a fairly ugly track record. So I’m surprised to see your surprise at my mention of coercion.”


164 



     Cindy attempts to explain, “I admit the church has an ugly past, but . . .“


    The Chief Justice interrupts, “I believe we should leave the past out of this discussion. Let’s please focus on the present.”


    Leonard submits, “I apologize, Mister Chief Justice. And thank you for reminding me that I need only to look at the present.” Leonard knows he can’t mention the recent accounts revealed in reference to the church scandals. But all is not lost, "Cindy, I find it rather disturbing that an organization such as the church would penetrate the far-reaching corners of our earth to prey, not p—r—a—y, but p—r—e—y, upon poor defenseless people who fall victim to their psychological manipulation. The church takes advantage of cultures whose lives are already dominated by fears and misconceptions, then adds guilt to fear. You can't tell me that you are proud of that . . ."


    The Chief Justice interrupts again, “Leonard, you can thank me again for reminding you not to cite examples of other cultures. We are not interested in the governments and cultures of other nations and peoples, only that which affects our voting populace.”


    Leonard persists with making his point, “Forgive me again, Mister Chief Justice. And yes, we only need to look to the example of our own people. Cindy, you cannot deny that church organizations across the nation mobilized in support of you coming here today. There is no other business in our nation that can stand up to the growth and success of our churches. And we complain about the privileges granted other businesses, while the churches are tax exempt. They make large profits from the psychological hoops they make the already down-trodden jump through. They make the wealthy feel guilty for achieving such wealth and they get them to give, give, give …"

    Leonard feels he has it under control, “The churches have it down pat. They claim to have something for everyone. But all for the purpose of maintaining their elite status and power over the people. So, we ask, why are we here today? Because the best way to maintain an economic base is with the next generation of children. The fact is that children today are not so easily swept away by the scam. The church stands to lose its economic base unless it can win the children back. So, we have the big push for prayer to return to the schools. I call it a scam, a sham, and a shame.”


165 



     Cindy begs to differ, “I’ve attended many a church service. I know, Leonard, that you would not call it a service, but a disservice, but humor me for a bit here. If you were to simply call it entertainment, then it would be no worse than the other disservices so readily provided for us in our society. You talk about profits earned by gaining psychological advantage of the economically depressed, look at the lottery and all the legalized gambling. We say gambling is illegal, but our government provides a legal way. Agreed, it may not make or break the majority, but it does drive some to ruin. And what psychological encouragement are the television talk shows . . .“


    The Chief Justice interrupts, “Cindy, let’s not make a list of all the things you feel our government should make illegal or put controls on. I know what you’re trying to say, but let’s not say it in a way that makes us appear anti-government. We are here today to debate whether God should be included in the educational process. I neither have the time nor patience to go beyond that and deal with your whole list of other issues.”


    Cindy is devastated. At this moment, she feels she has lost all her confidence. Leonard, on the other hand, relaxes in cozy satisfaction with a broad grin across his face. She can’t believe that the nationally televised audience just heard that remark about anti-government. Even though it was not made directly, the viewing audience may reference it to her. She wants to defend herself against that comment, but that may draw more attention to it. She needs to draw strength. She could also use some advice, but it is her task alone. What would Grandma say to this? She would probably insist that she wear that shirt tomorrow. Cindy isn’t so sure. After this, it seems crucial to clear up any misunderstanding. But foremost, she has to break this lengthy silence,


    “I’m sorry, I got carried away there. To me it’s all the same …to include God is to exclude all the things God would not be in favor of. But let me focus on religion in itself. Leonard, are you in favor of teaching religion in schools?”


    Leonard laughs, “I see a pleasant change in approach from you, Cindy. You began by being a bit harsh with me, but now I get the easy questions. Now don’t make me forget the reason I am here today. As much of a relief as it may be to be able to agree upon something, the reason I am here, now correct me if I’m wrong, is to debate with you the issue of religion being taught in schools. But for your benefit, I will restate my view. No, Cindy, I am not in favor of religion being taught in schools.”

    Some of Cindy’s confidence returns, “Yes, I felt that was your view. I was just checking. I also checked something else out. I didn’t do any heavy research. I got this information out of the dictionary.”


166 



     Cindy lifts her dictionary into view and flips to her marked page, “It says here that religion is any system of beliefs, practices, or ethical values; resembling, suggestive of, or likened to such a system. So according to that definition, the ‘Pro-choice’ people who believe in abortion are an organized religion, possibly spawned from a larger religion called the ‘Women’s Liberation’ group. Then there is the ethical side of religion which usually coincides with our practices, so besides abortion, assisted suicide comes to mind. A system of beliefs, such as humanism, is a religion. Humanism is stated as a system of thought or action based on the nature, dignity, interests, and ideals of man, specifically a modern non-theistic rationalist movement that holds that man is capable of self-fulfillment and ethical conduct, which is ever changing, without being subjected to recourse.”


    Cindy pauses, but begins again before Leonard can draw a breath, “I was awake last night, unable to sleep. And I was thinking of how many similarities you have to humanism, Leonard. But then I thought, wait, Leonard claims to believe in evolution. And then I thought, well, the others must believe in evolution also, because without God, what else do most of you have? And something puzzled me. I was reading this article about you. I know you can’t believe everything you read, but it was a nice article. It talked about your hobbies. I was particularly intrigued by the dog training. It said you were one of the best . . ."


    The Chief Justice interrupts, “Cindy, I would prefer you have this discussion with Leonard on your own time if you are that interested in discussing hobbies. Perhaps you could do lunch together tomorrow and iron out some of your hostilities towards each other also. It would be easier on all of us if you’d both lighten up a bit, but for now, please stick to the subject we had agreed upon.”


    Cindy looks to the Chief Justice, “Please, let me continue with this point. I am here to represent the view of a Christian. Leonard is attempting to represent the evolution point of view. And I am just trying to make a point about the thought process of one who believes in evolution. Leonard just happens to be the representative of that thought process and I think I can quickly show my relevancy.”


    The Chief Justice smiles, “I think you’re barking up the wrong tree, but you may quickly show me the point you are making if Leonard doesn’t object to your discussing his hobby.”


    Leonard picks up on the humor, “Go ahead, Cindy. I’m beginning to believe your bark is bigger than your bite anyway.”


167 



     Cindy remains serious, “Well, I’m really sorry. I realize we weren’t going to talk about missionaries because that’s talking about other countries. I had just wondered how an evolutionist who is a dog trainer can be against missionaries.”

    Cindy draws a perplexing look from Leonard as she continues, “It’s just that the beginning of dog training must have begun with the domestication of wild dogs. I realize Leonard and I can talk about that at another time. I just didn’t want to lose sleep again thinking about this.”


    The Chief Justice breaks in, “This sort of exchange that you two have been engaging in, has proven to be more exhausting than I'd anticipated. We will all persevere, but I believe clear thought and expression serves us all better if we are committed to much shorter sessions. You both have endured much today also, and I realize the sometimes burdensome task of expressing something you believe very strongly in. We are going to conclude here in a few short minutes. I would like to buy you both dinner and then we’ll be back here tomorrow. But first, I would like Cindy to have her question answered. No sense in her losing any more sleep over it. If I am hearing her correctly, it seems she is slightly confused about your expanded definition of evolution. That's why I believe she's struggling with the fact that an evolutionist could actually be a dog trainer without any conflict of interest. So, Leonard, would you kindly explain to Cindy how this definition of evolution fits your belief system? Then we can all go to dinner.”


    Leonard sits tall, “My belief is the same as any evolutionist, as far as I know. I believe that we all evolved through a process of natural selection, survival of the fittest. So, there is no conflict of interest in my being a dog trainer. A dog is actually equipped to do certain things well and my dogs are well fit. My dogs actually have an advantage. In comparison to other dogs, they are trained to increase their chances of survival. I also breed them to help create a healthier dog. And one more thing, if you were trying to be cute in comparing your mission field to a pack of wild dogs, I don’t consider them as such. They have every right to live as they choose in their nation, just as we do in ours.”


    Cindy clarifies, “I don’t consider them wild dogs either. I consider them God’s children. But the people native to our country would probably think they received a different consideration. Instead of being put in dog kennels, they were put on reservations. But thank you very much, Leonard, for your explanation. How about we go eat, so I can get to bed early. I don’t think I’ll have any trouble sleeping tonight.”


168 



     As they settle down at the restaurant, Cindy looks at her menu, “Well, I was hoping they served humble pie here. I think I looked kind of unlearned for being ‘model teacher of the new millennium’. For having taught evolution in my classroom, I must have appeared rather ignorant, not to have understood the natural selection aspect of evolution. But since I’m also ignorant of this area of the city, I am naturally going to ask you both what you recommend I select from the menu.”


    Leonard smiles, “My natural selection is usually the steak. They serve Black Angus beef here …and I believe it’s the best.”

                                                           * * * * * ***
    Leonard doesn’t like the way the last session had ended. But today is a new day. He will have to put Cindy immediately on the defense. He will attack her Bible.


    The Chief Justice declares, “Leonard, you went first yesterday, so today Cindy shall go first.”


    Cindy still feels a bias against her, but it doesn’t matter. She will prevail with the voting populace, “Leonard, I was thinking a lot about what you said at our conclusion yesterday.” She slips off her vest to the back of her chair, “With survival of the fittest, it is my understanding that there is a simple formula for how nature selects who is to survive. But as your evolution would bring us to our present day status, we are to assume we evolved to the point of even understanding our own evolution. It would also seem that we evolved to the point of our present political system which we feel exceeds that of other nations, as we well know we are the most prominent nation on earth. And with our present political system, we have developed programs for those we consider less fortunate than ourselves. We have developed compassion for others.”


    Leonard interjects, “I do believe that is the highest level of emotion we can achieve. That is initially why we began to survive. We had grouped together not just for the purpose of survival, but because we had evolved into a compassionate people. Presently, I believe we are evolving mostly in the area of knowledge, but we haven’t lost our compassion for others.”


    Cindy shows much interest, “But evolution isn’t always one directional, is it? Couldn’t we evolve back to a state where we were before? History shows that the most compassionate people did not always prevail.”


169 



     Leonard is uncomfortable. He finds himself on the defense again, “Yes, that’s true. But you have to look at the big picture. There are always some setbacks. But I believe that eventually those who survive will be the most compassionate because their intelligence is catching up as they evolve. It appears to be the best way. I truly believe that it will eventually bring us to world peace.” 

    Cindy drops her papers. They scatter everywhere. 

    Leonard quickly shows his gentlemanly ways by helping her pick up the papers and notes. As she picks up the papers nearest her, her back is to the camera. Facing Leonard and the Chief Justice, she maintains her posture while squatting to pick up her notes. And that which is hidden from Leonard and the Chief Justice is in clear full view to the nation. On the back of Cindy’s shirt is a picture of a fireman carrying a young child out of the rubble, with an American flag as the backdrop. The television cameras will show how much of a loyal American Cindy is. And it will also remind us that we are not evolving towards world peace.


    Cindy steps sideways back to her chair with her notes. She thanks Leonard as he hands her a stack of papers. 

    Cindy sits down and slips her vest back on, before addressing Leonard, “So Leonard, you say our intelligence is catching up as we evolve. And eventually we’ll have world peace? Let me ask you this …world peace for who? If we believe we evolved from apes, then wouldn’t we be just as compassionate towards them? And that steak you ate at dinner last evening, wouldn’t that sort of thwart that cow’s efforts to achieve maximum evolution? Or as we evolve, do we decide what species survive? Isn’t that our own selective comparison? The predator-prey scenario works towards natural selection, but now it appears that man selects. So it is man’s choice. Is that still part of the evolutionary process? With the school shootings, the past couple years, were they just a part of the process? When man decided to follow Hitler, was that part of the survival of the fittest? If Hitler would have continued on without defeat, then we may not have been any better off than that cow you ate last evening. With evolution, survival is all that matters. Man would not be judged. It would not matter the method man has used in the past to survive. There is no accountability with evolution; and as far as I’m concerned, there is no hope and no purpose. Chaos and riotousness, not righteousness rule. And that actually becomes a benefit to some, especially if there is a clear victor." 

 170





    Cindy is not finished, but she does show a less excitable tone, "With evolution, all that matters is survival. You have no more right to judge anyone than an Angus has the right to judge you if the cow feels he’s been wronged by you eating his brother. And you have no right to judge me and tell me what I can and what I cannot teach in my classroom. I’d say if survival of the fittest is your game, then you’ve not proven you are fit to challenge me here today. You ask me to prove God exists. Prove to me that morality exists. Prove to me that the hope of our children exists. Prove to me that purpose exists. Proof is in the showing. I can show you what our children are teaching us. There is no standard of morality, no right or wrong without God. God is the standard. Without God there is no hope. Without God there is no purpose. We need God’s Word to guide us. We need to reestablish hope and purpose in the lives of our children.” 

                                                             * * * * * * * * * 

    The long debate is finished. Cindy wants to quietly arrive back home. And she wants to rest within the quietness of her home with Dad and Shannon. She doesn’t think she can endure the long ride home and she can’t wait that long anyway, so she suddenly overcomes her fear of flying.


    As she exits the plane, Cindy sees her Dad holding Shannon’s hand. Such a beautiful picture! This is the moment she'd been waiting for. The true moment she cherishes. She loves them so much.


    Cindy’s eyes search for a moment, half expecting to see Grandma also, but she can’t locate her. Cindy’s eyes fix back on her Dad and Shannon at the exact moment her Dad spots her. 

     Ken beams with child-like excitement as he lifts Shannon above the crowd, pointing out Mom. Ken seldom expresses emotion this way, showing his love without restraint. Cindy just loves these moments when he can’t contain himself. 

     But even his most intense moment cannot match that of Shannon's emotion. It takes a while for Shannon to follow Grandpa’s pointing. And it takes the full strength of Grandpa’s powerful arms to support the bursting joy as Shannon turns in every direction except where Grandpa is pointing to locate Mom. 

    Shannon’s eyes seem to sparkle with the combined force of the heavens, not with the brightness, but with the intensity of her sparkling joy …a joy that fills up whatever room she is in. This time the entire airport terminal stands as an insignificant backdrop to Shannon’s beaming spirit. Cindy feels this is how God loves each one of us.


171 



     You can tell the exact moment Shannon’s eyes fix upon Mom. It begins with the drop of the jaw, accentuating the excitement for only a brief moment before bursting into the unmatched beauty of her full birth smile. The classic Shannon smile …never had it been better than at this moment!


    This is the moment Cindy holds onto as she walks through the airport with Shannon in her arms and Dad carrying her onboard luggage. His broad shoulders and strong loving arms create a path for them as they follow him through the crowd to the baggage claim.

    Cindy’s eyes fix upon Grandma just outside the glass windows and doors. Grandma is standing beside a limousine. She is talking to the driver. It is not uncommon for Grandma to witness to whoever she meets and talk to them about God. But this time Cindy sees that it is not just purely coincidental. Her Dad gives her onboard luggage to the driver and points out Cindy and Shannon to Grandma.


    Cindy smiles and waves. This is not like Grandma, to provide such fanfare. Grandma always does things in her own quiet way. But Cindy senses the quiet moment is soon coming to an end.


    As Cindy hugs Grandma, Grandma senses Cindy’s confusion, “Oh, the limousine was the idea of the church. They paid for it as a gift to you. And I didn’t want to offend anyone, so here we are.”


    Cindy hugs Grandma again, “Yes, here we are …home again. I missed you all so much.”


    As the limousine travels from Metro Airport, Cindy doesn’t pay much notice of the route they are taking. Shannon is doing most of the talking, showing Mom much of the gadgetry within the limousine, having pushed every button several times on the way to the airport. 

     Ken tries to get a question in every so often. Grandma remains silent. Cindy senses that there is much more to come and Grandma is not in favor of it. Nonetheless they proceed, the limousine ride being only the first step in not offending the church.


    About thirty minutes into the ride, Cindy looks about, “Where are we? This does not look familiar.”


    Her Dad smiles, “This is US-23, approaching M-59. Grandma said she prefers the more scenic route.”


     As the limousine turns onto M-59, a tear enters Cindy’s eye. She had not wanted this, but it is touching just the same. The shoulder of the eastbound lane is lined with people, smiling and waving. Young women and old, blow kisses, as well as some of the old men. 

172 



     Men wave and carry their young sons upon their shoulders; with their young sons waving hands and carrying balloons, signs, or banners. The most prevalent is the waving of American flags. While trying to rally support around the world for the U.S., God and the American flag seem to have become one in the same. Somehow Cindy feels she is being thrust in the gap between God and nationalism. Hard to figure, but she doesn’t want to figure it out. She just soon wants out. Her turn is done.


    There is a solid line of people. It stretches on for miles. Actually, twenty miles. It stretches all the way to her home church of Community Bible. 

    Cindy’s eyes never dry. The scene may be the same, but it is made up of different people, each one touching Cindy’s heart personally.


    As they exit the limousine at Community Bible Church, everyone states how Cindy had far exceeded their expectations. Cindy smiles, half not knowing whether to be insulted by their not expecting much out of her, or to be pleased by their approval.


    Cindy is pleased. But not half as pleased by all the hype as she is by the surprise she receives as she enters the church. Florida Aire is at the front of the church. And she is smiling. 

    Cindy is half in shock, not knowing quite what to think or say. But Florida doesn’t allow much time to think as she hurries towards Cindy, zigzagging around people, then throwing her arms around Cindy.

Cindy is speechless, but Florida isn’t, “After watching the first televised session between you and Leonard, I accepted Jesus as my personal Savior. I am so sorry that I verbally attacked you the way I did and caused you all this stress. I was feeling guilty and I couldn’t sleep, so I called your home to try to get the number where you were staying. I can’t blame your dad for not trusting me. He gave me your Grandma’s number instead. As it was, that was the perfect number. I kept Fernye up all night. I told her I was sorry I caused the family so much grief. I felt this tremendous burden. My chest was hurting. Fernye read to me the part in the Bible about Jacob’s son, Joseph. And how God took the evil intent of Joseph’s brothers and turned it into good, in the end, saving them all. You see, I was just mad because of the brick incident. If I had known that Chad had rigged the election box, I would have made him carry that box of bricks up and down the school stairs a hundred times. Well, the new me would ...but, I have to admit the old me wouldn't have.  Anyway, I know you do, but I just have to ask it …do you forgive me?”


    Cindy hugs Florida, “Yes, I forgive you, sister.”


    Florida beams, “Yes, Fernye told me that too. As a child of God, you are my sister. And I’m going to start acting like it.”


173 





     Cindy feels good about getting back to her old routine. She really enjoys teaching. And it is real comforting to think she doesn’t have any enemies at school. 

    Florida is a real leader. She had been very active in the school, but now she had become very active in the community also. Especially in the community of believers. Florida realizes now that the best leaders are good followers. But she also now realizes the critical part of following is the ‘who’ part. And no one is more confident than Florida in knowing who to follow. She is now a follower of Jesus.


    Florida continues to follow up on her friendship with Cindy. Often times, she cooks Cindy a large meal to take home with her. She tells Cindy that she knows a schoolteacher’s job does not end when the bell goes off at the end of the day and everyone leaves the school building. 

    Upon insisting Cindy accept the meal she had prepared, Florida adds, “A Christian walk does not end upon leaving the church building. You enjoy the meal.”


    School is going smoothly for Cindy. The only teaching she doesn’t enjoy is the teaching of current events. And she doesn’t like the fact that Shannon has to learn a new word, Anthrax.

* * * * * * * *


    It is that time of year that Cindy doesn’t like. Cindy never included Santa Claus in Christmas, nor the Easter bunny for Resurrection Day. She certainly is not going to participate in Halloween.


    On the day before Halloween, Fernye is rushed to the hospital at about 11:45 p.m.. She is suffering from smoke inhalation. There had been a fire next door at the Daufish residence.


    Darin and Louise had six children. Fernye was very fond of the family. The oldest boy was about to graduate from high school. He had mowed Fernye’s lawn up until this year, when he passed the duties on to his brother, the next in line. 

    The oldest girl would bake cookies and then take her two younger sisters with her as she went next door to deliver them to Fernye. The three girls would usually manage to eat most of the cookies, but Fernye said she wouldn’t tell. 

    The youngest of the Daufish clan was Shannon’s age. He usually kept to himself on the porch swing, playing a hand-held computer game. Fernye said she didn’t know how a six-year old could be so good on one of those things. She had joined him on the swing a couple of times. The swinging made her feel dizzy, and she couldn’t imagine how he could swing and play that computer game at the same time.


174 



     The fire had taken the lives of Mr. and Mrs. Daufish and five out of their six children. Fernye had managed to save the youngest, Stan, from the burning home.


    Fernye had put on her nightgown and crawled into bed. As she was fading off to sleep, she was overcome with this smell. It was the best pumpkin pie she had ever smelled. She faded back to sleep, but awoke a few moments later with this terrible dryness in her throat. She got up to get a drink of water, and that’s when she noticed what was really happening. 

     And without a moments thought, she dashed next door. She couldn’t see with all the smoke, but she could hear the sound of that computer game. She followed that sound and was able to get Stan out of the house before she and the house collapsed.

    The initial police report was not clear. As Grandma would say, only God knows what really happened, but often they are very thorough with their investigation and can come up with a fair estimate of the occurrence. 

    The preliminary report stated that the parents had gone to bed while the children were still up. All the children were in the kitchen, except Stan. 

     If any of the other children had survived, they could have told of their excitement over the annual event of pumpkin carving. The oldest boy had spread newspapers out on the table to carve the pumpkin on. The girls had watched. They had asked their brother to carve a mustache. He explained that the pumpkin would cave-in if it was carved too much. They all just sat there staring at the flickering light within the pumpkin, until they all fell asleep with their heads resting upon the table. 

     But the two youngest girls had fallen asleep last …and before they had, they had wanted to somehow be a part of this grand event. Their addition was to cut out a paper mustache and tape it on the glowing pumpkin. 

     The obvious then happened. With the bright light flickering inside, the candle got lop-sided and caught onto the paper mustache, which in return caught onto the paper still beneath the pumpkin.


    Fernye was in worse shape than Stan, but the doctors were confident both would pull through. One of Fernye’s first spoken concerns was for Cindy to bring a new hand-held computer game to the hospital. And with that, Stan perked right up.


    Florida was the one who sprung into action taking care of other needs. She checked thoroughly, but could find no relatives to notify about the tragedy. Florida then called Pastor Tom to put poor little Stan on the prayer chain. And she made a long list of needs so the church could mobilize in an efficient manner.


175 



     The one need that seemed to rise to the top of the list was Stan’s long-term care. Since no family could be located, the church agreed that Stan needed a temporary home. 

     It appeared poor little Stan was in shock. They feared he was slipping in and out of reality. At times he appeared to be doing well and he’d work his hand-held computer into a frenzy. But even during those good moments, they wondered whether he was reliving that horrible moment and escaping behind the computer game.


    In time, Stan began to open up more to certain people, but he never acknowledged anything about his family. He would talk about the fire, but there was not a shed tear by Stan. And not once did he ever mention family. 

    Everyone hoped that he would not suffer irreparable psychological damage.


    The Silver Crowns took care of the funeral arrangements for Stan’s family. They also took care of the medical bills for Stan. One of the members of the Silver Crowns took a particular interest in Stan. And Stan took a particular interest in George too. Stan responded better to George than he did to anyone else.


     It surprised everyone at first. They wondered if George reminded Stan of his own dad, or what exactly it was. But Fernye felt she knew. George’s occupation centered around computers. He was the CEO of the largest computer corporation in the nation, actually, the world. He gave Stan a tour of his workplace and that’s all that was needed.


    George was a single man, always had been. For years he was trying to get Rebekkah to marry him, but could never get her to take him up on it. George said that if she didn’t marry him, that he’d remain forever single. 

    Rebekkah said she liked it better just being friends. And friends they remained. George had been her legal counsel, then moved on to almost virtually running her entire estate.


    With the tragedy of Stan’s family, much of the attention was taken away from the elections, at least in the Waterford area. Over the weekend they re-televised the debate between Cindy and Leonard. And now the time had come, November sixth was here.

    Not quite a week since Stan’s family had died in the fire, the Christian community had to refocus and get out in full force to vote. To most Christians, Election Day was not only a privilege, but a duty. And voter turn-out across the nation was record-breaking for this election.


    The main focus was the proposal that simply stated: Are you in favor of prayer in school? And then you simply checked ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. 

    As simple as this was, Christians had been fighting for years to be in this position. And they were confident they would soon have what they had always wanted.


176 



      Florida was more certain than most. She had planned a victory party, but then this tragedy with Stan’s family made it so no one felt like celebrating. Florida informed everyone that the celebration would be postponed, but to make sure to get out and vote, so they would have something to celebrate about, at a later date.


     The entire nation was not mourning. They did not know about Stan. Celebration parties sprung up throughout the nation as they celebrated a convincing victory. Finally, there will be prayer in schools! 

    The details will be ironed out in February during Cindy’s invite back to Washington D.C., but one fact remains, there will be prayer in schools.


    The television cameras arrive at the home of Ken Bauer. The reporters ask to talk with Cindy. They want to hear her reaction to the overwhelming victory. Ken steps out to relay the message that Cindy is not home, but is at the hospital visiting Grandma, who had saved a young boy named Stan. He proceeds to tell the reporters about the fire that had taken the lives of Stan’s parents, his two brothers and three sisters. He doesn’t realize the cameras are rolling.


    The response is unbelievable! A fund is set up to handle all the monetary donations. But more surprising are the overwhelming number of gifts and toys that are sent. 

     George Olitz handles all that. But he has something more important he wants to handle. Stan had taken such a liking to him and he to Stan, that George decides to adopt Stan. The process will take a few months, but he gets the ball rolling. He quickly gets court permission to take care of Stan temporarily.


    George is confident the adoption will go through. Meanwhile, he isn’t so confident about asking Rebekkah one more time. Though he figures it can’t hurt. And perhaps he can convince her that Stan also will be needing a mom.  
    George tries to pick his moment with Rebekkah, but it doesn’t work.
George concedes, “Well, I guess I’ll just be hopelessly and forever single. At least it will be nice having a son. I just wish you’d reconsider. Just think how much a mom would mean to him.”


    George knows how much of an emotional issue that is for Rebekkah. But he doesn’t know the depth of her struggle. Stronger than Rebekkah's desire to reach out, is her fear in doing so. 

     Stan does not show any interest in most of the toys he receives. But as the saying goes: It’s better to give than receive. And as the gifts keep coming in from all over the nation, of course, Stan can’t receive them all, so George Olitz contacts several charitable organizations that can fairly distribute the gifts. Christmas is close to a month away, so George sees to it that the gifts are delivered to the organizations, so they have ample time to organize and guarantee that no child will be without this Christmas.


177 



     Stan had received a couple dozen hand-held computer games, all of which he keeps. But after a month’s time they hold no interest to him. So George decides to surprise Stan with his very own adult computer for Christmas. 

    George has never seen anything like it. How Stan takes to the computer is amazing. George had several computer geniuses under his corporate direction, but six-year old Stan has them all beat. It is beyond comprehension. 

     But Fernye comprehends, “Often we question why tragedies happen, but those who endure often prove to be the most gifted.”


    The U.S. gathers nations throughout the world to pray together for world peace. Most would admit to this being a consistent long-standing goal. But it has always been a difficult thing to maintain the respect for other nations, their faith and their beliefs. The difficulty becomes even more of a struggle with so many wars being fought in the name of religion. But there is also a strong drive to rid ourselves of our hatred to one another. So, in an effort to come together, we came together in prayer.


    Cindy is way too busy to focus on all that. She has her own prayer to pen. She spends much time and effort penning the prayer she is soon going to take to the Capitol with her.


    As February arrives, Cindy’s confidence begins to fade. She wants to get input from the church on how it sounds. As she finishes reading the prayer she’d written, Fernye speaks up, “I’m sure all of us could give you some input, but that is a very good prayer. If it needs modifications, then we will pray the Holy Spirit touches your heart to make the change.”


    Everyone agrees with Fernye, of course. 

Just as Cindy is ready to leave the church that Wednesday evening, Fernye hurries out to the parking lot where Cindy is backing out to leave, “Cindy, I almost forgot. I was asked to give you this envelope.”               

Cindy looks at the envelope. It is not addressed. It simply reads: “Do not open until the evening of February 24th.”


178                                                                                                                           

                                                                                                                                                                            VII    


    It is February 25th. Cindy wonders why you can struggle so hard to achieve victory, yet when victory is in your hand, it often is difficult to receive. She isn't sure why she feels this way. Maybe it's just that she has been so involved in this for so long, she just wants her regular life restored and to resume normalcy again …whatever that is. 

     In mid-flight, Cindy remembers the envelope she had tucked in the back of her Bible. She's about to open it when the airplane experiences turbulence. She tucks the envelope back in her Bible as the crew gives instructions and words of encouragement. Cindy chooses to pray. 

     Cindy is provided the best of accommodations. She doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to these limousine rides, but she is given plenty of opportunity. 

     As she exits the limousine, Leonard is there to greet her, shaking her hand and very gracious in congratulating her on her victory.


    Leonard and Cindy walk the Halls of Justice together. The Chief Justice greets them both, as well as a host of news reporters. Leonard is no stranger to the camera, “Well, Cindy, you’ve won the hearts of America. Now I have to join you in smiling for the camera.”


    Leonard reaches out to shake Cindy’s hand again. Cindy is painfully aware that all this publicity cannot be avoided. The cameras flash as Cindy reaches out to shake his hand. Leonard ends the handshake by raising their hands into the air as if in a combined victory.


    Cindy is asked to sign a release form so the picture can be used for the prayer plaque to be mounted in every school. Cindy imagines her prayer in bold print, nicely set on a large plaque and hanging in schools throughout the nation for all to see. She doesn’t quite like the idea of her picture on the plaque, but she understands the possible motivation behind it. It will show the unity and cooperation, along with the combined commitment to improve our nation’s schools, beginning with her prayer to renew our youth's commitment to God.


    The handshake, a sign of peace …Cindy sees no harm in it. And she signs the permission to use the photo of her and Leonard shaking hands. Leonard doesn’t hesitate to sign too.


179 



     The Chief Justice shakes both of their hands as they are ushered off to a private room. As they sit down at a table, Cindy gets out her neatly typed prayer. 

     The Chief Justice glances over it, then hands it over to Leonard to read as he comments, “I hope you and Leonard are prepared to work peacefully together in penning a prayer that both of you feel you can live with. The final approval rests with me, but I expect you both to do the lion’s share of the work. If the two of you somehow fail to come to an agreement, I will pen it myself.”


    Cindy feels a chill move throughout her body. There is a long silence. She tries not to look at Leonard. This must be really satisfying for Leonard. Cindy feels she has been duped, “I thought that the election gave a clear message that the people want not only prayer in school, but a prayer
reflective of the very essence of what I debated.”


    Leonard smiles, “So, you want us to pray to a spirit?”


    Cindy feels she has won the right to represent her nation and to present her views. She is frustrated, “Not to a spirit, but to God! God is a Spirit. Not just any old spirit, but the true essence of who God is. And the truth is revealed through His Son, Jesus. He sent His Son, even though He knew His Son would be crucified. That’s how much He loves us. There is only one direction to go with God and clearly there is only one direction to go here today. The Bible clearly shows us the way. We can’t accept the very essence of God, the true God, without accepting Jesus.” 

     This time Leonard has a dictionary, “The last time we were together you showed me that, by definition, evolution is a religion too. So we can pray to my definition also. If you really want to get difficult, I can get out my thesaurus and show you a list of gods. There are hundreds of gods. We could use your prayer and each day substitute in the name of a different god. But instead of that, I will be as respectful as I can be with you. I will be kind and put before you the option I feel will be best for you. I think you will find it more acceptable than any of the other options I’ve come up with. And if you don’t accept it, the Chief Justice could possibly choose any of my other options or one of his own.”


    Cindy feels a frightening grip, like her own body is creating a vacuum within itself, starting at her heart and rapidly collapsing her lungs and throat. She desperately takes a breath. Realizing she can, she takes another slowly. Then another breath. Cindy attempts to restore her breathing, but it is so difficult. She feels such an emptiness inside.


180 


     Leonard knows Cindy is down, but he can only recall how humiliated he’d felt on national television. This private revenge is much kinder. 

     He delivers his final blow, “I’m going to look up another word in the dictionary. You used the word at least three times today. And I believe the word will fit my belief in evolution, as well as the hundreds of gods that students may choose to believe in. And like I said, it should fit your God too. I’m sure you recall using the word ‘essence’. Let me read it to you: Essence, the intrinsic or indispensable properties that characterize or identify something; the most important ingredient, the crucial element. In my case, the most important ingredient or crucial element may be energy and the directive force of evolution. I say we pray to the Essence. Evolution has a past. But we can pray to the present and future Essence. Presently, we both agree we are a compassionate people, do we not? I am not the hardened ‘survival of the fittest’ type you may make me out to be. I do not share the views of a supreme race of people, of the likes of a Hitler— type person. I believe we can very naturally select a prayer not to offend anyone. Now, wouldn’t you agree that we can discuss this and arrive at a peaceable solution?”


    Cindy passes the stage of implosion and uses restraint to prevent exploding, “You and your evolution! The only thing that is evolving is the confusion that you breed. And today is just another chapter of your progressive deception.”


    Cindy gets up and leaves. She will have no part in this. 

     She returns to her hotel room. She collapses on her bed and buries her head in her pillow. And she cries. 

    Cindy’s head spins with unproductive thoughts. She has disappointed everyone. How will she tell them? 

    Cindy bumps her Bible which she had left on the bed. It makes a loud thud as it hits the floor. She realizes that anytime a person feels alone, the Bible is a source of encouragement. Moving to the bed’s edge, she wipes her tears.


    Her Bible had fallen open to the Book of Psalms. Beside it is the envelope, reading: ‘Do not open until the evening of February 24th.’ 

   Cindy opens up the envelope. She laughs through her tears. Who is this guy who keeps trying to give advice?


    Actually, it was way back at the beginning of the school year, nearly six months ago. But she still recalls how she felt that day. It was Wednesday prayer meeting and her church was praying for the upcoming court battle. That’s when she had made her judgment against him. 

     What was it that Stephen said that made her so upset? Oh yes, he had felt she was making a mistake. The entire church-going population of the nation was behind her, but Stephen had felt she was making a mistake. How arrogant!


181 



     But wait! His letter doesn’t have that tone to it. It says he doesn’t want to see her hurt. 

     At this moment, Cindy sees many things in a new light. The things of God are in fact more effective without entering the realm of politics. And Stephen wasn’t really being arrogant, he really seemed to be, how would one put it, …correct?


    Cindy had mistaken Stephen’s boldness for arrogance. She didn’t quite know how, but her own boldness needed to take on a new form. It was not just a matter of her boldly facing Leonard in a nationally televised event ...she needed to boldly face her own inner feelings. 

     Boldness in the wrong area with an improper attitude is no good. And boldness in the correct area with an improper attitude is clearly not good. But Stephen seems to understand that boldness in the correct area with a proper attitude, also needs the correct guidance.


    As Christians, we strive for what we think we want and often even convince ourselves that it is what God wants. By the mere fact that something is good, we feel we're aligning ourselves with God and we understand His purpose. So we strive on and on, insisting upon things like prayer in school. Yet when we get our way, we question why God didn't work things the way we wanted. 

    Cindy reads the letter one more time, aloud, "Dear Cindy …we all hit our peaks and valleys. You were at your peak during the debate and you were the best. With good intentions, you listened to the advice of many, but the risk is that none may have an ear to the impending avalanche caused by the echoing sentiments. When that happens, the top of the world may not be any safer than the valley below. But when the combined sentiment becomes a settling matter of sediment in the valley below, the plain and simple outcome is a much richer valley. The mountain may be nice for overlooking the valley, but often much else is overlooked. Please don't sign anything until you see their signed intentions. I don't want to see you get snowed. I don't want to see you get hurt by all this. I feel God has used you greatly as a witness in this great debate. You were simply wonderful. I admire and appreciate the fine qualities you possess as a Christian. I guess it's presumptuous to advise …as if I'm on the mountain and can see what others can't see, but I feel strongly about this. I believe teaching, not politics, is where you shine. Of course, you have the right to disagree. Just make sure you follow your heart, not the prompting of others …including strangers like me. Hopefully, I will no longer be a stranger. Sincerely …Stephen." 

     Cindy lets her feelings wander a bit, then settles into prayer before going to bed. 

 182  



                  VIII






    Cindy feels terrible. She certainly isn't welcoming this present struggle. This is not the life she had dreamed of. Though with good intentions, her overreactions often don’t bring about good.


    Cindy used to think she wanted to be like other people. And it would probably be accurate to say that other people admired Cindy and sort of wish they were like her. She had become popular with the national ‘prayer in school’ issue. She had been invited to the homes of other school teachers. She'd been invited to the homes of many church members. They had all invited her because they had all shared in the excitement of her popular televised debate with Leonard Ilom Ewald. She had clearly won, only to appear to lose in the penning of the prayer. But they’d felt it was only a temporary loss.


    They'd tried to convince her to lead a protest on Washington. The vote for prayer in school had been a vote to pray to the God of the Bible, not the Essence. They had voted with clear intent, but then the intent of the vote was not honored.


    Though they had wanted Cindy to lead the protest, Cindy had decided she did not want to lead anymore. She had seen something that they all had. Something she was without. She had seen photographs on their mantles, wedding albums collecting dust, and huge boxes of unsorted photos of their children. That’s what Cindy really wanted.


    Cindy had wanted a traditional family. The type of family where her husband could lead and she could follow, with a family full of blessed children following her. That’s what she had wanted, and she now had the modest beginnings of what she could call her own. After two years of courtship, Cindy had married the one man who'd seen this political issue of prayer in school as not necessarily a good thing, considering the state of affairs of our country. With all the legal trappings, maneuvers and manipulations, she had decided she no longer wanted to mix her faith with politics. She wanted to take her faith and join in marriage. And with Grandma’s blessing and her Dad’s, she married Stephen.


    Cindy felt everything was finally coming together in her life. It was so personal and intimate the way God knit everything and everyone together. 

    Cindy recalls that first day at Wing Lake School. Her first class. And her favorite student, Moriah, who now calls her Aunt Cindy. Every little detail tied together so beautifully. It was like a dream come true for her.


183 



    Cindy feels terrible. What is she doing? Leading a protest against the very husband who is helping her fulfill her dreams?


    It is not a public protest though, just a private one. And it is not very significant, everything considered. It's just one of those moments when each is looking to the other for the answers to their problems, instead of seeking out God’s wisdom. In not turning first to God, they drift about, not knowing really what to say to one another. They begin to interact first with their own thoughts and impulses, then with each other.      Cindy falls back into her memory of when she was a little girl. As she approaches adolescence, she does not want to grow up. She does not want to fit in. She does not want to think of college. She wants to enjoy weekends of adventure with her Dad and Mom, whether it is going out for ice cream or French fries, going to the zoo, or taking the rowboat out and pretending they know something about fishing. 

    Those were pleasant memories. But Cindy’s memory leaps ahead to when her Mom dies. The family initially drifts apart. Everyone is finding their own way to cope, at least temporarily. And Cindy tries to find a way to fit in. She draws in many influences and fulfills the expectations of some, while disappointing others. Disappointment brings on guilt. And guilt develops into independence. She then becomes very proficient at defending herself and her views to anyone who may stand ready to challenge them. 

    Cindy snaps back to present reality. She feels she is over all of that. She had reconciled with Grandma and Dad. And she is doing quite well. But she feels some of the ‘old self ’ trying to slip back in. She felt that way during the debate in Washington D.C., and it sort of scared her. Everyone thought she was great, but she didn’t like to be that way.


    She had then married the one man who didn’t think she was great. She agreed …only God is great. She didn't think he was great either ...but, she felt she loved him, and that he loved her.  And Cindy believed God intended for her and Stephen to be together.


    Stephen believes deeply in God, and he cares deeply for Cindy. But now Cindy feels herself slipping back into those old feelings …those feelings of independence. A marriage that’s a lifetime commitment, should not feel this way. A marriage is supposed to be a dependency …upon each other as well as upon God.


    Some may try to give marriage a bad name, stating that one has to give up too much. But in thinking that one has to give up too much, they are still thinking of one …just themselves. In marriage, the two are to become one. And whatever either one is going through, should be of great concern of the other. 

184 



    Yes, there is always give-and-take and a little extra degree of growing up for each, but it’s the struggling through certain events that make life difficult, whether single or married. Among the top of the list are a death in the family or the loss of a job. And it so happened that the week after they returned from their honeymoon, Stephen was told he’d be losing his job in a couple months.


    Stephen had worked with teenagers at Fairlawn Center for fifteen years under the direction of the Department of Mental Health. Then for some strange reason, most probably political, they were going to close the facility.


    Stephen had just bought a house, trying to be the provider for Cindy and Shannon. He tried to do everything right. He even took Shannon with them on the honeymoon, so the beginnings of the marriage didn’t seem like the end of importance for Shannon.


    What many newlyweds consider an extended honeymoon, their first summer together, Stephen considered an experience he’d never want to relive. He spent the entire summer on job interviews. 

    He looked to keep his employment with the State of Michigan because it was decent pay and excellent medical benefits. The medical benefits would prove to be even more invaluable at the five-month point of their marriage, Cindy being four months pregnant. And that’s when Stephen landed the job at the prison.

    This was not your typical prison. The Department of Corrections and the Department of Mental Health teamed up together to provide some imagination of specialized treatment for the mentally ill, who just happened to also be convicted felons.


    It was a top security prison. The prisoners were called patients, not convicts. They were assigned rooms, not cells. And there were units, not cell blocks. 

     The units were run in a manner very similar to when Stephen worked with teenagers. This made it quite evident that the Department of Mental Health had a hand in it, deciding how things were done, or not done.


    The Department of Corrections focused on maintaining the security level. Each month they would conduct random drills. Administration felt that everything would continue to go smoothly as long as the random drills were performed. Occasionally, the drills would be twice a month, so complacency didn’t set in after the first drill of the month. 

    Getting this job was a big stress reliever for Stephen. Now he was certain he could provide for his growing family. And the job didn’t take much getting used to. Even though this was a prison, the Department of Mental Health influence was strong and gave the job a familiar flavor. What did take getting used to, was the hour and a half drive to work, then of course, the same distance home.


185 



     At this point, Cindy began having difficulties with her pregnancy. This forced her to slow down from her busy summer schedule. The Doctors advised her to take it easy and stay at home as much as possible, something Cindy was not at all used to.


    Cindy didn’t return to teaching at Wing Lake at the end of the summer. She found a job of significantly greater importance within the field of teaching. Stephen had mentioned how his own mom had Homeschooled him and his sister, Aleah. And Cindy agreed that there could be no higher honor. She would focus on her own child's personal education.


    Cindy also wanted to teach Shannon how to be helpful around the house and with those in need. She could also resource Grandma, an excellent teacher when it came to that, as well as many other important aspects of life.


                                                   * * * * * * * * * * 

     A beautiful weekend, early autumn, Shannon finds much gratification in being helpful and at the same time doing something she enjoys doing, planting flowers. And it is fun going to Meijers with Grandpa to pick up the flower bulbs.


    There's not a more honorable man than Ken. After his wife had passed away, he continued to watch after his mother-in-law. Once a week, he'd get Fernye groceries. And he was always available for household repairs or special occasions like this, the bulb season.


    Fernye is really excited about this Homeschooling experience. Her mind is full of ideas. Anything to further the educational process.


    Shannon plants bulbs all afternoon. She sorts them according to their expected blooming colors and then plans out a very imaginative garden pattern. She is so eager and happy, Fernye says she’ll get more bulbs for next weekend.

    After a long day, Grandpa is ready to bring Shannon back home. Grandma asks to come along to see how Cindy is doing. 

     When they approach Shannon’s house, Grandma notices a garage sale just a couple houses down. Fernye tells Ken that he can visit with his daughter first, “I have to show Shannon the great American art of garage sailing.”


    As Fernye walks down the street with Shannon, she once again becomes the teacher, “Yes, garage sailing. We all get to float our price. We have a unique breed of people here. Most of us still find an appreciation for things that are old. Only a few come here to buy for the purpose of finding a market where they can resell at a higher price. Most of us can see them coming and hide those marketable items, or we ..., well that’s a whole different game. We’ll have to have our own garage sale, and I’ll teach you that, but for right now, I’ll just teach you the buyer's side …the way good decent people do it.”


186 


     Fernye moves to the garage, to the glassware section. She's finds an old Red Ruby rough-cut vase. Shannon is granted permission to move on.


    Shannon returns to the section they had just passed through. There are toys, children’s collectibles, bicycles, scooters and wagons, stretching the full length of the driveway. 

     Shannon looks with curiosity at a three-foot tall metal character. She reads the tag: “Tin Man . . .Wizard of Oz.”


   Fernye reads the ‘Hello, My name is Dorothy’ tag, on the one lady who appears to be most in charge, the Field General of operations. Fernye waits for the completion of a few commands before she addresses the lady, “Dorothy, you look to have a good deal of things here.”


    Dorothy shouts out another command to a teenage girl before she turns to Fernye, “Yes, three of us pooled our stuff.”


    Dorothy turns, looking about, “I have to find my 8-year-old. She is supposed to be taking care of the kids section. Twice now she’s pretended she had to use the bathroom, but I’ve caught her inside on the computer playing video-games. I’ll be right back.”


    Fernye turns around and almost bumps into another of Cindy’s neighbors, “How are you doing today, Mrs. Odakota?”


    Mrs. Odakota smiles, “Fine, Mrs. Grow. How are you?”


    Fernye’s curiosity brings her to ask, “Are you selling anything here today? I like the idea of a neighborhood garage sale.”


    Mrs. Odakota speaks plainly, “No, I didn’t hear anything about it. My Grandson informed me of the activity down here.”


    Just then a young man runs up to Mrs. Odakota and clutches onto her side, standing sort of behind her, concealing his whisper, “I found a bike I really like. Can I get it for my birthday?”


    Mrs. Odakota opts for politeness, “Mrs. Grow, this is my grandson, Jesse. Jesse, this is Mrs. Grow.”


    Jesse smiles and extends his hand. Fernye receives his hand, “Glad to meet you, young man. No need to be shy about having a birthday. I'd gather to say I’ve had a few more than you. And it doesn’t get any easier.”     Fernye conceals a five dollar bill from his sight, but makes sure his Grandma can see it. Eye contact is made between the two adults. 

     Fernye takes the nod as permission to give Jesse the five dollars, “Here, happy birthday, Jesse. Grandma says it’s okay.” 


    Jesse’s eyes meet Grandma’s eyes before he accepts the gift, “Thank you, Mrs. Grow.”


    Mrs. Odakota gently touches her grandson’s shoulder, “I saw that bicycle too. I thought it was too expensive. But with the extra five dollars, I guess you can get it. After all, it’s your birthday!”


187 


     Jesse’s eyes light up as he hugs Grandma, “Thank you so much, Grandma.”
Jesse sets off to get the bicycle, when he suddenly stops and turns around, 

    “And thank you too, Mrs. Grow. Pleasure to meet you.”


    Jesse politely waits for his dismissal. 

    Fernye smiles, “You’re welcome, Jesse. Now run along and get that bicycle, before someone else spies it.” 

     Fernye smiles. She has admiration for the way Mrs. Odakota holds such high standards and provides good guidance for her grandson. She is a good Christian lady. She does not compromise her faith in God. She does not compromise with the way she dresses either. She finds it more Biblically humble to dress in her traditional Indian attire than to dress the way people do today.


    Fernye decides she had better check on Shannon. 

     Shannon is looking at the bicycle. Jesse is standing at a polite distance. Dorothy returns with her daughter, Kamila. Dorothy looks towards Shannon, trying to change her facial expression to one of politeness, “Are you interested in this bike?”


    Shannon shyly steps back from the bike, "Oh, no. I have my own bike."


    Dorothy turns to Kamila, “Now Kamila, we are getting rather busy, could you please help out here?”


    Kamila dryly accepts, “Sure,” smacking her chewing gum in a rather obnoxious fashion.


    Shannon had told Grandma that Mrs. Odakota had a grandson who was really nice, so Feryne lets the two of them share their childhood interests and conversation as she looks to see if the Red Ruby vase is still there.


    Fernye purchases the vase and Dorothy wraps it in several layers of newspaper. Fernye glances back down the driveway towards the road. Jesse pedals back and forth a couple times, then Shannon takes a turn.


    Mrs. Odakota approaches the end of the driveway, standing next to Jesse. Shannon gets off the bicycle, leaving it upright on the kickstand. The three of them walk up the driveway together, meeting Fernye just outside the garage. 

    Dorothy walks past, directing a middle-aged gentleman and a boy, about Shannon’s age, to the area Kamila was tending to.

    Just then, Stephen appears, “Shannon, we are going to eat in a few minutes. I have to leave for work in half an hour.”


    Stephen greets Fernye and Mrs. Odakota. He shakes Jesse’s hand. 

    Fernye adds, “It’s Jesse’s birthday. He used his birthday money to buy that sharp looking bicycle.”


    As Fernye directs her comments, the middle-aged gentleman is loading the bicycle in the back of his pick-up truck. Fernye immediately gets Dorothy’s attention. 

     The middle-aged man and the boy walk up the driveway to a woman standing next to the Tin Man and he puts his arm around her. The woman appears to be his wife.


188 


    Dorothy approaches the man, woman, and boy, “Sir, there seems to be a misunderstanding here.”


    Mrs. Odakota takes over, “My grandson had already purchased that bicycle.”


    The middle-aged man insists, “I gave that young lady over there thirty-five dollars for the bicycle.”


    Jesse tells his Grandma, “I paid twenty-five dollars.” He takes the sticker from his pocket to show the sticker price.


    The middle-aged man demonstrates his unwillingness to listen, “All I know is I paid thirty-five dollars for the bicycle and that makes it mine.” He turns to the lady and boy, “Let’s go son. Come on, Emma.”


    The man stops momentarily, pointing at Jesse, then waves away the possibility of any mistake, “You know how kids are. He could have pocketed whatever money you gave him and taken that sticker off anything here. It’s his word against mine. I bought the bike for my son and I’m not going to disappoint him. The bike is in my truck and I'm taking it home. Possession is nine-tenths of the law.”


    The man is not finished. He shows his true ignorance, “That’s the way it is. If you don’t like it, then you can always move back to the reservation.”


    Mrs. Odakota looks directly at the man, “Yes, that was just about the attitude for the past five hundred years, possession being eleven-tenths the law.”


    The man takes the challenge, attempting to sound somewhat intelligent with his defense, “I’m sorry to say, but your ancestors were heathen savages. This nation has become the great nation it has become because of our success in bringing together a God-fearing people who desire to do what is right and to live by the high standards of our laws. And that’s why we have been blessed with such a great nation.”


    Mrs. Odakota’s eyes fill with hurt. She changes her tone with an inflection of broken English, “You are spared, not blessed. You don’t know if yourself is left or self-right. And much cattle.”


    The middle-aged man snaps, “What kind of foolhardy talk is that?”


    Mrs. Odakota simply adds, “The Book of Jonah.”


    The middle-aged man mumbles to Emma, “Book of Jonah! Some sort of tribal folklore, no doubt.”

    Stephen breaks his silence, speaking boldy, “No, that’s a Book of the Bible. You know, the Book about God …the One whose truths we’ve built our nation upon.”


189 


      The man looks at Stephen, then grabs Emma’s arm, “Come on, let’s go.” As he turns to go, he bumps into the Tin Man, whose large tin head pops off and strikes the plastic bag in Fernye’s hand, ripping the bottom of the bag. 

     Fernye’s newly purchased Red Ruby vase smashes to the pavement. The man does not acknowledge it, but keeps on going.


    Stephen’s eyes meet Dorothy’s as he speaks aloud for whoever will listen, “A God-fearing people, who desire to do what is right?”


    Fernye looks at the broken Tin Man, then to the brokenness of a hard person like Dorothy. “Surrender Dorothy”, is the silent prayer of her heart. 

   Cindy had also been praying for her neighbor. If only Dorothy would surrender her life to Christ.


                                                 * * * * * * * * * * 

      Fernye returns the following weekend. Ken goes inside the house to check on his daughter. Stephen had already left for work.
Shannon goes next door with Grandma. 

     Fernye knocks on the door. Mrs. Odakota comes from behind the house, “I was just working up a section where I want to plant some bulbs. I hear there’s a sale at Meijers. I’d planned on picking some up as soon as I washed up, but company is a much more pleasant diversion.”


    Fernye smiles, “Well, God has a way to work out both for you today. We just left Meijers and I have two large baskets of bulbs I can’t use. It's my gift to you, if you choose to accept it.”


    Mrs. Odakota smiles, “I am both humbled by and grateful for your generosity. And since you feel it is God’s gift, I cannot see how I can refuse.”


    Fernye winks, “Well, you could do me a favor too. This Granddaughter of mine has a lot of energy. Last week she planted two hundred and fifty flower bulbs at my place. She would have kept going if I had not promised her that she could do it again this weekend. But I barely have any yard left, so if you don’t mind, Shannon can plant the bulbs for you. There are seventy-five bulbs in each of the two baskets.”


    Mrs. Odakota returns a wink, “I guess that’s two offers I can hardly refuse.”


    Shannon begins on the first flower bed while Mrs. Odakota goes inside her house.


    Shannon quickly plants twenty-five tulip bulbs where Mrs. Odakota had instructed her. She no sooner finishes the first flower bed, when Mrs. Odakota emerges with detailed drawings for five more beds.
 
190 


     As Mrs. Odakota returns inside once more, Shannon cheerfully begins planting her second flower bed. Erin just happens by at that moment, with nothing better to do.

    She is about to ask Shannon to play, but changes her mind upon seeing the enthusiasm of Shannon’s work. Erin asks the privileged question, “Can I help?”


    Shannon had never read Mark Twain’s work, nor does she try to fence Erin off by her remarks. In her own sincere way, she answers, “I don’t know, it has to be done just a certain way. Not everybody can do it right.”


    Erin will not be slighted, “Give me a chance. If I’m not doing it right, then I will quit and you can dig mine back up and replant them.”


    Shannon concedes, “Okay, I guess I could give you a try.”


    Erin actually does quite well with Shannon as a partner. Shannon had been getting a little exhausted by this time anyway, not seeming to have near the energy of last weekend.


    Kamila drops by next, also showing some interest. But her interest is not in helping to plant. She wants to play. With some of the money earned from the garage sale, her family bought a trampoline. 

    With the mention of the trampoline, Shannon’s eyes light up. 

    Erin does not inform anyone that her mom had already said she couldn't play on the trampoline. “Too dangerous” had been the excuse, or reason, as her mom had put it. She doesn’t want anyone to laugh at her mom’s protectiveness. She offers an alternate excuse, “I’d rather stay here and continue planting if you don’t mind. I think this is more fun.”


    Shannon’s answer favors responsibility, not desire, “Well, I’d better stay here too. I told Mrs. Odakota I would plant her flowers.”


    Kamila feels the desire to do something is always a much grander reason than responsibility, “Oh, come on Shannon! Just five minutes. You’ll love it.”


    Shannon leaves with Kamila as Erin continues to plant. Shannon has such a blast that five minutes turns into ten, then fifteen. Just then, the plans for the last flower bed fall out of Shannon’s pocket. She realizes that Erin is probably finishing on the flower bed she had been working on and may go ahead on her own without the plans.


    As Shannon hurries back to Mrs. Odakota’s house, she notices Erin in her own yard, doing some planting. Shannon doesn’t say a thing to her. She hurries to Mrs, Odakotas house with full understanding of what had happened. The flower bulb baskets are empty. And the dirt in the last flower bed is unturned. Erin had obviously taken the last of the bulbs for herself.
 
191 


    Shannon no sooner finishes her assessment when Mrs. Odakota emerges from the house, “How are you coming along, Shannon?”


    Shannon doesn’t want to tell on Erin nor admit she had shirked her own responsibility. She doesn’t want to admit she had left to play. Shannon wishes she had that decision back. She wishes she could report something positive, “All the bulbs are planted.”


    Shannon glances two doors down as Erin goes inside her house.

                                                         * * * * * * * * * * * * * *                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      IX

    Cindy has been inside her house too long. It is still a month before the baby is due and Cindy is completely bedridden. Last week Stephen went to the Personnel Office at work and said he absolutely had to take time off work to take care of his wife. Fifteen years with the State of Michigan and he had never used a sick day. Now he was going to use some of those fifteen-hundred plus hours of sick time.


    Shannon is the only one who appears to see the joy amidst the struggles. Christmas is a joyful time. Like any child, it is undeniable that the gifts hold a major delight to Shannon. But unlike many children, Shannon also shows much keen interest setting up the manger scene and paying particular interest to the birth of Jesus.


    Shannon is very good at arts and crafts. She creates her own manger out of construction paper and cardboard. And she makes a colorful banner that reads: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESUS!


    Ken’s major focus is to arrange for family to be together for Christmas. Since Cindy is bedridden, there is no question where he and Fernye will have to celebrate. 

    Ken is fond of Stephen’s family and he has always been in favor of both sides of the family getting together for Christmas, but with Cindy being sick and their home not being very large, Ken's concern is whether it will be such a good thing. 

     Cindy insists that she’ll be okay and everyone should plan on coming. So the planning begins. Ken quickly joins Shannon in childlike excitement, focusing on the organization of it all …and all the food items, including Moose Tracks ice cream.


192 


     Ken is quite certain who will attend from Stephen’s side of the family. Stephen’s mom, Ruth, will be there, as well as his adoptive grandma, Rebekkah. Harold and Hannah also attend every celebration with their four adopted children. The four children come from four different countries they had visited as missionaries. Their names are Onithe, Astuti, Christian, and Lorvin. Lorvin is the youngest, yet the only one out of the four to marry thus far. He had married Stephen’s sister, Aleah, and they have a daughter named Moriah.


    Shannon has great fun with the video camera, a gift they had opened on Christmas Eve, at Grandpa’s request. Shannon had quickly learned how to operate it. She video-tapes the entire Christmas Day get-together. And she is really looking forward to the baby’s arrival, so she can tape that also.


    Cindy seems to do slightly better for Christmas and shows much improvement the week afterwards, but then she takes a change for the worse. Ken feels Stephen is doing an excellent job taking care of Cindy, but the birth will be an entirely different story.


    Stephen and Ken disagree on what will be best. Stephen wants Cindy in the hospital, in case anything goes wrong, and to be assured the best available treatment is available should any complications arise. Ken, on the other hand, looks into hiring a professional to provide for a home birth. 

    Cindy agrees with her Dad, who also had been a home birth. Stephen insists that the circumstances are different, but he is out-voted.


    It doesn’t really matter. All that really matters to Stephen is that his wife make it through okay and the baby too. 

     The professionals all seem to agree that Cindy will be okay with a couple weeks recovery in bed. And Leah, without a doubt, is born a healthy baby. 

    She has a healthy set of lungs and a very expressive way to use them. And she knows right where to find her comfort. She will be content and quiet right down in Daddy’s arms with a bottle of milk formula.


    Shannon respectfully does not video-tape the birth, but she begins taping right afterwards. She has much footage with Leah in Daddy’s arms. And in Daddy’s arms she stays, most of the time. 

     Cindy had planned on breast-feeding and nurturing Leah, but she is so sick, she can’t spend even a moment with her precious little Leah. What the professionals had predicted as a couple weeks recovery, turns into a couple months for Cindy. And because of her illness, she is prevented from participating in any of the family bonding.


    Stephen, on the other hand, has nearly bonds himself to complete exhaustion. At night, he walks the floor with Leah until he feels he’s about to fall over. 

 193 


    He tries to give her a bottle and rock her to sleep, but Leah will have none of that. Leah is great with Daddy during the day, but she doesn’t appear to like night-time at all. And it’s like she has a built-in monitor that can detect the ever so slight change in elevation. So, Stephen walks the floor and walks the floor ...then just when he feels Leah must be asleep, he ever so gently tries to put her in the crib, but she wakes up again.


    During the day-time it is much easier. Stephen finds that music helps. He chooses a cassette tape. A newborn can hardly tell you their favorite song, but there are ways to tell. Stephen finds the most soothing and effective is a song by John Elefante, called ‘This is What Love is’. 

    Stephen dances around the room with Leah in his arms. And she almost always falls into a peaceful sleep, unless it is night.


    Shannon realizes Mom is missing out on all of this. She tells Mom she will capture all the moments for her. For a 9 year old, Shannon handles the video-camera like a pro.

    Shannon gets in all those precious baby moments, including Stephen dancing across the floor with Leah. Shannon pretends she is just video-taping her sister. She would never admit that she wishes it were her in his arms, gliding across the floor. 

     Shannon keeps this well-hidden inside. She doesn’t even call him, Dad. She is a bright and happy girl, but she is confused about how she fits in, or how she wants to fit in.


    There is no question that Shannon wants to fit into the family of God. Community Bible Church offers a class to anyone who shows interest in being baptized. Pastor Tom usually teaches the class, but this time his brother is scheduled to have heart surgery, so he asks for volunteers to teach the baptism class. George Olitz and Rebekkah Lessert are those volunteers. 

     Only two people sign-up for the baptism class: Shannon and Stan. Stan had been prompted by George. Shannon has a real desire to be baptized, but has also been prompted by Grandma and Mom.


    George does most of the teaching, “What did John the Baptist do?”
    Shannon looks towards Rebekkah and answers, “He baptized people.”


    George smiles, “Preached in the wilderness and baptized. Do you know what he preached?”


    No one answers.


    George turns towards Rebekkah, “I guess you can answer this one.”


    Rebekkah answers, “He preached and baptized unto repentance.”


194 



    George quickly jumps in, “Though when Jesus came, it was more than that. But before we get into that, let’s talk about something else. We have all the nations of the world, with all their different belief systems, yet there is one thing that tugs at the heart-strings of most every person. Most areas of the earth recognize and admit to some sense of world consciousness. Some people don’t allow themselves to grasp any sense of morality, but most would generally be able to understand the idea behind the ‘golden rule’. And that rule states that we should treat others in a way that we ourselves would like to be treated. You'll find that in Matthew twenty-two, thirty-seven through thirty-nine, Jesus gives us two commandments: We are to love our Lord our God, and we are to love our neighbor as ourselves. Can either of you give me an example of that neighborly kind of love?”


   Stan doesn’t hesitate. It is as if this question was meant for him, “My neighbor, Fernye Grow, …she saved my life.”


   George agrees, “That certainly was neighborly. I’d say Fernye shows more of that than most of us. And sometimes the daily routine, not the major events, prove to be the biggest test. None of us show our love all the time. Admitting that we don’t, is the first step. We just have to admit we don’t completely have it all together. Actually, we are far from it, but understanding this provides an opportunity for us to be open to guidance. But it only happens if we want the guidance.”     George continues, “That’s why we wanted you to sign up for the baptism only if you agreed to attend this teaching session. And the next step is to repent. Stan, you may open this dictionary and read the first definition of repent.” 

    Stan flatly accepts, “Yes, sir.” He quickly locates the word and begins reading: “Repent …to feel sorry for what one has done or failed to do.” 

    George interjects, “To feel sorry. Is the reason one feels sorry really that important, or is it just enough to feel sorry?”


    Stan takes his own initiative to continue, “Definition number two reads: To feel such regret or dissatisfaction over some past action or intention, as to change one’s mind about it.”


    George interprets, “Now that sounds like a more committed sorry …to change your whole mind about it. Is that what we should do, Shannon?”


    Shannon is hesitant upon being put on the spot. She looks away from George, and looks at Rebekkah. Rebekkah has a way of looking at you to bring self-confidence. Shannon does answer, yet doesn’t look straight at George, “We need to change our mind and actions, not just feel sorry for each thing we do.”


    George turns to Stan, “Stan, is changing our mind about what we do, the kind of repentance we need to have?”


    Stan looks to George, “No, sir.”


195 


    Shannon feels sort of embarrassed, feeling she answered wrong, and also wonders whether George and Stan had rehearsed this. She listens to Stan’s explanation, “Mrs. Grow could change her mind and be sorry she saved me from the fire.”


    Shannon looks at George’s eyes for the first time, and is convinced this is not rehearsed. They are all taken by Stan’s answer. 

     Rebekkah jumps in, “We are all grateful for what Fernye, Mrs. Grow, did. We love you, Stan. We are thankful that Fernye saved you, and we are so pleased that you’ve also opened up to the truth of eternal salvation.”


    George gathers his words. He takes the dictionary from Stan, “Let me read the third definition. The type of repentance we need, is to feel so sorry over our sins, as to change or decide to change our ways. So, this brings us to the definition of repentance we need. In dealing with our sin, God is the standard. By accepting His standard, we avoid sin as much as possible. When we fail, we know the direction of our failures. And we also know the direction we need to turn if we are to return to the standard. God knows what is best for us, because God loves us. But His standard is not only of love. We have to understand His righteousness also. I will describe that to you at the end of today’s session. But now, Rebekkah has a video she wants to show you.”


    Rebekkah puts the video in and dims the lights. It is ‘The Story of Jesus for Children’. 

     Shannon cries throughout the movie. She cries through the testimony at the end also. But Stan does not cry. 

    When Rebekkah turns the lights back on, it is very evident that Stan’s stare into space has him somewhere removed from where anyone can hope to reach him.

    Shannon overhears Rebekkah whisper to George, “I’m sorry, I should have anticipated this. The part about Jesus’ death may have triggered his thoughts about his own family’s death. The poor, dear child.”


    George whispers to Rebekkah, “I’ll do the example about the truck. Most guys like that example.”


    George calls his name, “Stan …could you please hand me that toy truck from over there?”


    Stan looks to where George is pointing, “Yes, sir.”


    George holds up the toy truck, “God is both loving and righteous. It is like a dual thing. Like this truck which has dual wheels.”


    George unsnaps the axles from the truck’s bottom, holding a set of wheels in each hand, “Suppose this axle represents His righteousness. If we just put on the axle of love, and try to move along the highway of life, what will happen?”


    George snaps on the front axle only. Stan appears to be refocused, “It will drag.”


196 


     Both George and Rebekkah breathe a sigh of relief. George regains some of his own composure, “Yes. If we just put on one axle, our spiritual life will drag.”


                                                         ******************* 

     Stan and Shannon are to be baptized on Easter Sunday, which Shannon and her family refer to as Resurrection Day. It is also Stephen and Cindy’s Anniversary that day. It is a very special day on several accounts. But Cindy especially wants to make it out of the house that day for Shannon’s baptism. It will be the first time she gets out of the house since before Leah’s birth.


    When that day rolls around, George finds himself in the wings, at the door at the top of the stairs to the baptismal tank. He is there to provide support for his adopted son.


    Second is Shannon’s turn. Rebekkah waits for her at the top of the stairs. The church congregation had gathered at the front of the church for Stan’s baptism, and now it is Shannon' turn. 

     Fernye is at the altar, standing next to Cindy. Stephen holds Leah in one arm, the other arm around Cindy. 

    As Shannon steps down the stairs to the baptismal tank, she easily locates them. But where is Grandpa?


    Rebekkah had picked up Fernye. Ken had driven himself today. He had arrived late and slipped in the back. As Shannon takes her first step into the baptismal tank, Ken locates his daughter and mother-in-law. 

    Shannon hesitates before taking her second step into the water. The water is not too cold …she is just distracted, looking around for Grandpa. As Grandpa steps next to Cindy, Shannon relaxes and takes Pastor Tom’s hand.

    Stephen cries during Shannon’s baptism. He is so happy for the moment. Shannon cries too. As she ascends the stairs, it doesn’t matter to Rebekkah that Shannon is drenched in water. She hugs Shannon and tells her how precious she is, then takes her to the changing room.


    Shannon is changed, but continues to sit there and cry. This is not out-of-the-ordinary to cry, but Shannon has been crying this entire time, and there seems to be something different about this cry. Rebekkah is concerned, but lets Shannon have her cry.


    Shannon eventually wipes away most of her tears, then Rebekkah asks, “It’s a beautiful thing to be baptized. You are already adopted into God’s family and this is telling others that you want to show your commitment to live as one of Gods precious children. But I sense something is bothering you, Shannon. What is it?”


197 



    Shannon slowly chokes away the tears, “Well, Mr. Olitz said that we show that we are a loving family much like the way we gather together at Christmas time, the whole family wanting to be together. And I don’t understand …..” Shannon tries to talk, but loses her words.


     Rebekkah looks into Shannon’s teary eyes, “What is it that you don’t understand, Sweetie?”


     Shannon gathers her words, “I don’t understand, I mean, if Grandpa wants us to all get together as family for Christmas, and it is so important to him, why doesn’t he see what is important to God? Why isn’t it important for Grandpa to come to church with us on Sunday?” Shannon begins to cry again.


    Rebekkah hugs her, “I don't know, Shannon.”


    Rebekkah does know though. All this talking does not come close to the way Shannon is feeling, so Rebekkah opts to remains silent. And there are questions inside Shannon’s head that she wouldn’t feel comfortable asking aloud anyway. That’s where private time with God comes in.


     Rebekkah recalls George’s explanation of how we can come from dysfunctional families, but we aren’t entering into one when we become a child of God. Rebekkah feels no need to continue on with this thought process, though she does feel a need to continue to hug Shannon.


    There is a party afterwards. Shannon looks around. Everyone is socializing and enjoying themselves. Shannon looks around for Grandpa. She eventually slips away to an area of the church where she can see the parking lot. 

     Just as she looks, Grandpa is backing out. As he drives away, Shannon begins to cry again. She had thought she was alone, but Rebekkah whispers, “We will pray for your Grandpa.”


    Shannon and Rebekkah eventually make their way back to the party. Stephen is talking to his Mom, his sister, and his niece. He has Leah in his arms. 

    Fernye and Cindy are talking with George Olitz, Stan standing by his side. Rebekkah and Shannon approach. They all join in the conversation, except Shannon and Stan. They just stand there.

    Awkwardly, Shannon and Stan’s eyes eventually meet. Stan speaks, “Shannon, I saw your Mom’s name on the school plaque. It says that Miss Bauer and Leonard Ewok, or something, stand in agreement on the need for prayer in school. Didn’t your Mom help pen that prayer?”


   Shannon boldly states, “No!”


   Stan looks into Shannon’s eyes, “I didn’t think so. She probably wouldn’t be happy with our prayer week at school either. It is like dress-up and show-and-tell all in one. One boy brought in a voodoo doll. And a girl dressed up like a witch, and cast a spell on the rest of the class.”


198 


    Shannon adds, “Seems like everyone is into that Potter character too. It certainly isn’t like the potter and the clay that we read about in the Bible.”


    Fernye overhears Stan’s conversation with Shannon. She cringes to think of how prayer in school changed into a prayer to the Essence, a broadening sense of our awareness and acceptance of existing religions, all in the name of respect for diversity.


    Fernye picks her moment, then slips away to talk with Stephen, “Stan was just talking with Shannon about that infamous plaque. And you know what I just realized? Shannon is the Miss Bauer. Cindy has your name, but Shannon will live on in infamy as Miss Bauer.”


    Stephen shares a secret with Fernye, whispering, “I’ve already filed for adoption.”


                                                                                                                                                                                        ******************** 

      Stephen is disappointed with the lack of enthusiasm shown by Shannon when the final step of the adoption takes place. Shannon has to go to the courthouse for a brief interview. She chooses to go with Mom. 

     Stephen sits at home with Leah, anticipating their return.


                                                          ******************** 

    The adoption goes through and Shannon is no longer a Bauer.
She is a Razohn now. Shannon is fine with having the Razohn
name, the same name as Mom. She has no problem writing Shannon
Razohn on everything, but as far as her relationship with Stephen, that is not yet written in her heart.


    Shannon is not focusing so much on her adoption as a Razohn. She prays every night for another adoption. Stephen is at work when they pray, and she prays silently on the days when he is home, so Stephen doesn’t hear that prayer. Shannon prays that Grandpa will whole-heartedly accept the adoption into God’s family, including attendance of family events with others of God’s family.


    Praying for Grandpa does something else too. It brings her closer to what God would have for her, at this time. And in spite of the stagnation of her own parents’ relationship, Shannon’s spiritual life moves on. 

 199

    Cindy’s physical health is completely restored. Many thanks for prayers on that issue. But her relationship with Stephen is not fully restored.
As Cindy was getting better, she had done extensive reading. She read books about breast-feeding and bonding with your baby. It seems she was reading about all the things she had missed out on. 

    And she continues to miss out. She idly watches her husband and Leah interact. Cindy doesn’t really talk much. Stephen feels it is because she isn’t feeling well. That is true, at first, but the silence continues as her health improves.


    It was at Shannon’s baptism that Cindy had begun making connections again. And soon afterwards, she resumes the busy schedule she'd kept before the pregnancy. Now, there isn’t even much of an avenue for talking with Stephen, and when there is, Cindy talks all about her activity.


    It is one of those typical days of late. And it is getting late. Late for Stephen, not anyone else. But he has to leave for work in about thirty minutes. He is singing to Leah, and she is about asleep. He looks at the clock. He hasn’t even showered yet. But it will work out …Leah appears to be falling asleep.


    Stephen stares out the window and continues to hum, softer and softer. It’s a beautiful spring day. 

    Shannon and Kamila are riding their bicycles up and down the street. Shannon’s other friend, Erin, is holding a vase as her dad cuts some tulips, handing them to Erin to arrange in the vase. It reminds him that Mother’s Day is tomorrow. He has to work the weekend, but he plans to stop off at Meijers after work to get some flowers.


    Stephen also considers digging up a portion of the yard, after calling ‘Miss Dig’, of course. Then Shannon can help him plant a flower garden. They are the only ones on the street without flowers. He recalls how his Mom used to plant lots of flowers. She said that once the tulip petals fall off, you have to wait for the stalk and head to dry up because it provides food for the bulb. After watching Erin and her dad, next year will reveal whether that theory is correct or not.


    Leah is asleep. Stephen carefully rocks her in his arms to the correct elevation of the crib, then gently rests her on her back in the crib, rocking the crib.


    Finally! Twenty minutes left. Plenty of time to shower and get dressed.


200 



As Stephen steps into the shower, Erin and her dad back down the driveway. Shannon and Kamila hop off their bicycles as they see the car backing out. 

    Erin’s dad rolls down the car window, “The tulips will disappear in a couple days. Why don’t you girls pick a bouquet for your moms. No sense them going to waste. Tomorrow is suppose to be windy and the petals will probably all blow off. They’ll last longer if you pick them. I left the cutters on the front steps.”


    Erin and her dad leave. Erin’s dad has a golf outing with his work buddies tomorrow. His wife will be home soon and he is attempting to put together an early Mothers Day experience. They will pick up the pizza before she gets home from work.

As they drive away, Kamila takes charge, “Come on, Shannon! I’m going to get my mom a bouquet.”


    Shannon hesitates, “Oh, I don’t think I want to.”


    Kamila insists, “Oh, come on! Didn’t you say they weren't her flowers anyway? Aren’t they the ones she was supposed to help you plant at Mrs. Odakota’s house?”


    Stephen steps out of the shower, dries off, and slips on a pair of undershorts and pants. He looks for a shirt, but his side glance catches Shannon and Kamila in the neighbor’s front yard. What Stephen sees doesn’t look right. He opens the window, “What are you two doing?”


    Whether they had permission or not, the disapproval of an adult voice sends them their separate ways. Shannon quickly returns in the house, giving no explanation to Stephen, but marching straight to her bedroom like a tough little soldier.


    Stephen doesn’t feel he was heavy-handed with his comments, but one of Shannon’s heavy footsteps wakes up Leah. Stephen grabs a shirt, and puts one arm through as he retrieves a crying Leah. He holds Leah as he puts his other arm in and buttons his shirt, missing a button and finishing up crooked.


    Just then Cindy enters the house, “Where’s Shannon? She left her bicycle in the neighbor’s front yard.”


    Stephen looks into Cindy’s eyes, “She’s up in her bedroom.”


    Stephen feels hurt that Shannon will not give him any part of her life, not her struggles, nor her joys. But Stephen is hurt even more by Cindy’s comments, “What was it this time? Can’t I even leave to get a few groceries without you two getting into it?”


    That comment is fueled by Cindy’s guilt of knowing she had taken longer than she said she would in getting groceries. But she quickly moves from that thought to putting away the groceries, while sharing the joy of who she ran into at Meijers.


201 


     Stephen does not share her present joy. Half an hour ago, he may have had a listening ear, but not at this point. Stephen continues to hold Leah as he rounds the corner to get his shoes and keys. Cindy goes on talking, not even realizing he isn’t present, it seems.


    A tear rolls down Stephen’s cheek. He is overwhelmed. Cindy is still talking in the kitchen. Leah is crying in his arms. Shannon is probably crying upstairs. And he has to leave for work.


    Suddenly, Cindy stops talking. She comes around the corner with a new revelation, “It’s time for you to leave for work. I’ll take the baby.”


    Cindy observes a tear roll down Stephen’s cheek. She becomes slightly defensive, “Why are you crying? I wasn’t that late!”


    Stephen kisses Cindy on the cheek, “But I will be if I don’t leave. Will you please check in on Shannon?”


    As soon as Stephen leaves, the phone rings. It is Kamila’s mom. She tells Cindy the whole story, inclusive of Stephen hollering at her daughter, who is still devastated and crying.


    Leah is back asleep now. Cindy places her in her crib, then checks in on Shannon. Shannon is not crying. She is reading a book about horses, but finds a bookmark when Mom enters the room.

    Cindy hugs Shannon. Then suddenly Shannon bursts into tears. She feels Shannon hides most of her hurt. But the tears flow freely now. She hugs Mom with her chin on Mom’s shoulder, tears falling onto Mom’s neck and trickling down her back within her shirt. 

    Cindy feels she has to help ease the pain, “I know the truth. You may have looked guilty, but Dad didn’t know the full story.”


    Shannon bursts through the tears with desperate words, “Mom … oh, Mom .... M-o-m!”


    Cindy hugs her closer, “What is it Shannon?”


    Shannon still does not call him Dad, “He didn’t know the full story because it’s not the full story.”


    Shannon’s cry intensifies the hug. Once again her vision out the window blurs as she cries onto Mom’s shoulder.


    Leah continues to sleep. Shannon gives up trying to tell Mom. They just hug for ten minutes. The hug melts away the uncomfortable feeling that caused the tears. Now only the comfort and peace remain. 

    Shannon clearly knows what she must do, “She went inside!”


   Cindy asks, “Who went inside?”


    Shannon looks outside the window, “Mrs. Odakota. Mom, I have to talk with her.”


    Cindy sits down on the corner of the bed, with Shannon sitting beside her, “Will you talk to me first?”


202 


    Shannon’s eyes widen with a breath of sincerity, “It hurts to admit it, but it hurts worse to hide it. That must be what it’s like to commit your life in the name of Jesus.”


    Cindy smiles and adds tears to the tears Shannon has already shed. For a parent, there is no better moment than this.


    Shannon continues the moment, “Every day I look out the window and see Mrs. Odakota watering her flowers. But I also see her watering where there are no flowers.”


    Shannon draws back enough to face Mom, gently lifting Mom’s head with her hand and touching a tear that has yet to find its way across her face. Shannon gathers the tear upon her fingertip and replaces it with a kiss. 

    The kiss is one of love, bonded together with forgiveness which is already realized, with confession forthcoming, “It's my fault. I wasn’t wrong in letting Erin help me, but I was wrong for letting her alone while I went to play on the trampoline. I let Erin finish the job I was supposed to do. But Erin didn’t plant the bulbs in the flower bed where Mrs. Odakota keeps watering.”


    This entire ordeal is difficult for Shannon, but within minutes she is knocking on Mrs. Odakota’s front door, with Mom by her side for support.


    Shannon’s voice begins weak, but becomes strong, “I didn’t plant all the bulbs I was supposed to in your yard.”


    Mrs. Odakota smiles, “Yes, I know. I saw the whole thing from my upstairs window.”


    Cindy questions, “Then why did you continue to water the one area you knew had no chance of sprouting flowers?”


    Mrs. Odakota looks softly into Cindy’s eyes, “I wasn’t watering the flowers, I was watering a precious little heart. And today one has sprouted right here on my doorstep.”

    Shannon still seeks to make it right, “Let me do some more work, since I didn’t finish the one job I set out to do.”


    Mrs. Odakota encourages the spirit of action, “Yes, you are a beautiful flower, Shannon …blossoming into a fine young Christian. And yes, you can help me. I've one problem I just haven’t been able to rid myself of.”


    Only two yards in the entire neighborhood have a dandelion problem. Cindy had mentioned it to Stephen on more than one occasion. 

    On one occasion Stephen sat outside with Leah and discussed it with Mrs. Odakota. They both were against using chemicals on their lawns. Stephen had gone a step further and shared how he actually liked dandelions. He felt they were pretty when they were yellow.  In truth, they were the only flowers they had in their yard. 

     When Cindy had asked Stephen whether he felt they were pretty when they turned all white, Stephen had drawn a comparison with the Silver Crowns, stating that the dandelions looked distinguished. 

    Though Cindy didn't think Stephen looked distinguished, she had to admit to herself that he and Leah looked cute sitting on the front steps ...blowing the white heads.

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                                           ************ 

     Shannon spends an entire Saturday afternoon pulling dandelions in Mrs. Odakota’s yard. She works very hard and is very pleased with the way the yard looks upon completion. But throughout the week, dandelion heads begin emerging, almost as plentiful as before.


    That following Saturday, Shannon begins again, working to rid the neighbor's yard of dandelions. But this time, Mrs. Odakota interrupts, “You have to get to the root of the problem.” 

    She hands Shannon a special tool, “Easy to use, environmentally safe, and proficient at ridding yourself of dandelions.”


    Shannon quickly gets to the root of the problem. And as she works, Mrs. Odakota shares many more things with her.


                                           ************************ 

     As the summer is so eagerly anticipated, it so quickly passes. Stephen also passes his probationary period at work and is moved from the men’s unit to the woman’s unit. 

     This is not a big adjustment for Stephen. He had worked for many years with teenage girls at Fairlawn Center. Though he is working with adults now, they seem to be stuck in the same downward spiral. With the teens, it is usually the lack of a father’s sound influence. But with the adult prisoners, it is often the association with a man much like father.


    It is not only evident in the prison system, the church itself feels a wave of this problem. The courts are still dealing with cases of reported abuse by church leaders. Sadly, the way a person views their Heavenly Father is influenced by the way their earthly father has treated them, or someone they have respected in a position of authority and guidance.


    Every little girl wants their daddy to love them. But when the little girl grows up, she often seeks acceptance through the same void from which she'd sought rebellion. 

     Lisa Stone is one of those who'd had a dad she quickly wanted to part with. But subconsciously, she didn’t realize she was seeking acceptance from someone much like dad.

    Lisa recalls at least one wonderful day in her life. That day she had not been preoccupied with her past. It was a day for dreams. It was the day she married a Navy Seal.


204 

     Lisa’s own dad had been in Special Forces, and she bonded quickly to this young man whom she felt she could relate to …and dad could too. She wanted to marry a man who could provide her protection and at the same time hold the respect of her dad.


    Lisa’s husband not only had her dad's respect, but the kind of respect a nation bestows upon an individual. He had gotten injured in the line of duty, receiving a Purple Heart. He'd returned home with honor and had a mind to continue that honor, eventually joining the Waterford Police force. 

    Life could have been grand for Lisa, but it wasn’t. The part about viewing her Heavenly Father by a standard that was drilled into her as a child, was taking its toll on her spiritual growth. And so many mistakes in her life were still surrounding her. Even though she felt God would protect her, she saw Him as very strict and demanding of her respect. But the problem was with the type of respect her dad and husband demanded. 

    And there was also the issue of the church leader when she was a little girl. Dad had not believed her. He still went to that church. And her dad's disbelief and lack of faith in her continues to be perhaps the greatest stumbling block to her spiritual growth. 

    But Lisa insisted on moving on with her spiritual life. She had joined Community Bible Church. She had convinced herself that she was ready to trust church people again.


    Lisa brings up her prayer concern during Wednesday evening prayer group. She mentions that she is seeking employment and wants prayer in reference to that need. She does not mention the other torment adding turmoil to her life. She just feels comforted that anyone is praying for her at all. It is safe and secure. And it feels good. 

    Cindy is among the group that prays for her. Cindy feels a special tugging at her heart during the prayer time. She will continue to pray for Lisa. She will also pray for the things she doesn’t know about ...the things Lisa will not speak about.


    Afterwards, Cindy makes a point to get Lisa’s attention, “It so happens that they’re hiring where my husband works. I think I overheard him saying that they are hiring.”


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                                                    ************************** 

    Late Autumn brings an answer to prayer. Lisa announces a praise report at Wednesday evening prayer group, “I got the job at the prison. I will be in orientation on day shift for two weeks, then I’ll be working afternoon shift on the woman’s unit.”


    Cindy gets excited, “My husband, Stephen, has told me that he knows of only a few Christians working in the facility, but he had not as of yet been privileged to work with any of them. It sounds like you’ll be working with my husband.”


     Lisa is excited about the new challenge ahead of her, working in the prison. She expresses her gratefulness, “I want to thank all of you who have been praying for me. My only regret is that in a couple weeks, I’ll be working the afternoon shift, and will not be able to attend this prayer group. I feel I’ve grown so close to each of you. And I especially want to thank Cindy for pointing me in the direction of employment.”

    Cindy gives Lisa a big hug afterwards. 

     When Lisa said she’d grown close to each of them, Cindy didn’t see it. But then Lisa shares something that perhaps the big hug had brought out, “My husband and I are not able to have children. I always felt there was a calling for me to reach out to those who are hurting. I thought that if I worked with children, I could help them overcome their hurts. I never thought that I’d be attempting to help those who were the source of much of that hurt. The prison ministry should be a real challenge for me.”


    Lisa pauses before making her last request, “There is one area that I’m hurting in. It’s in the area of transportation. Could you please pray for me? My car is not too reliable and I kind of find it scary, driving that distance in the evening, especially when the cold and snow arrives.”


    Cindy is very eager to help, “You could carpool with my husband.”



                                                                       ************ 

     The next day, Cindy shares about the exciting way God works. But Stephen does not receive it well, “I'm sorry, dear. I don’t know how you’re going to break the news to Mrs. Stone, but I am not carpooling with her.”


    Cindy doesn’t take time to see it any other way, “Why not? What kind of Christian attitude is that? Someone has a need and you can help with the need. Why would you say, no?”


    Stephen takes the time to make sure she understands, “Sometimes our answers to prayer are exactly that ….our answers, not God’s. There is absolutely no chance Mrs. Stone and I would become an item, but the appearance of it possibly being so, is what I will avoid at all cost. It is the same principle that's discussed in First Corinthians, Chapter 8. I’m sorry Cindy, but Mrs. Stone will have to come up with another plan.”


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                                                    ******************* 

     Once again, Ken is experiencing the joyous gathering at Christmas. Leah has begun to walk, and finds much joy and discovery surrounding her. And she is particularly fond of Grandpa.


     For Shannon, Ken wants their special bond to have a lasting effect. When Shannon opens her first present from Grandpa, there is a temporary look of disappointment that any child may have upon finding coupons as a gift. And they are hand-made coupons at that. But then that spectacular Shannon grin slowly emerges as her mind begins to realize the potential benefit of the coupons.


    Grandpa had made twelve coupons for the twelve days of Christmas, as the old song goes. But his coupons are for twelve months, not twelve days. Once a month, Shannon is to plan her own outing that she’d like to do with Grandpa. Of course, Shannon’s first thought is horseback riding. But that will be best to wait until summer. Her mind travels quickly, filled with excitement.


    January’s outing will be at the Fridge, Waterford’s special winter slide. February, they can travel to Frankenmuth, picking out special fudges to share with everyone for Valentine’s Day. These will all be fun, but she is really looking forward to the Spring outing, the Passion play. Every year there are several Passion plays to choose from.

    It is not the type of passion portrayed by most movies, television, or even books. There are many ridiculous notions out there. But this play shows the type of passion that depicts the agony and suffering of an intense love that is for the most part unrealized. In this case, it is the period covered from the Last Supper through the Crucifixion of Jesus.


    It is quite an event. Community Bible Church does not have enough room, so they usually pair up with Shepherd Fellowship. Shannon is going to be in the first part of the play, and so is Leah. 

     Of course, Leah has a much smaller part. But Cindy is wonderful with her. Leah does not know what is going on around her, but she can sense the enthusiasm. And she follows Mom’s lead well. If Mom is excited, she is excited. And Mom is certainly excited.


     There is so much excitement and anticipation, yet there seems to be none available for Ken. Shannon, Leah, and Mom leave their jackets with him, to reserve their seats for the second half of the play. Stephen has to work this evening, so Ken is all alone in his seat for the first part.


    The final minutes before the play is to begin, the church really packs them in. 

    Ken has neatly placed the jackets to one side of him, but on the other side a young boy spies an available spot.  He looks right at Ken, “Is there room for us here?” 

The young boy doesn't wait for an answer, but pulls on his dad's coat sleeve, pointing at two available seats.


207 



    The young boy sits next to Ken, his dad on the side next to the aisle. The young boy does not waste time building up to conversation, “Do you have any boys?”


    Ken is surprised, yet willing to share in any experience the boy wants to share, “No, I don’t have any boys.”


    The young boy is determined to proceed with the notion, “I think you are going to have a boy this year. And you can name him Josiah.”


    Ken politely chuckles, “I’m the Grandpa. I’m quite certain I’m through having children.”


    The young boy looks perplexed, “If you’re through with them, then why are you here?”


    Ken clarifies, “I have two grandchildren.”


    The young boy persists, “Why are you through with them?”


    Ken tries to understand the young boy, “I’m too old to have my own children, but I’ll take as many grandchildren as I can. I love children.”


    The young boy presses on, “You always wanted a boy, didn’t you? Well, you can call him, Josiah.”


    Ken smiles, wondering if the boy had heard what he said about being too old to have children, “What’s your name?”


    The young boy sits up tall and enunciates, “Josiah.”


    Ken chuckles again, “Well, Josiah, I do hope that if and when I do get a grandson, he will be as friendly as you.”


    Josiah leans over against Ken, “I love you.” 

    He hugs Ken’s arm and looks up, anticipating an equal exchange of emotions. But Ken does not provide a reciprocating remark, so Josiah quickly fills in, “You know what else? I have to go to the bathroom.”


    Ken instinctively rises from his seat, to be certain the child had not begun to relieve himself quite yet.

    Josiah is still holding on to Ken’s arm, and repeats his declaration, "I have to go to the bathroom."


    Ken blushes, “Well you better lean the other way then.” He chuckles, yet wonders why Josiah’s dad continues to sit in such utter silence. 

    Ken observes as Josiah pokes his dad in the side and communicates a message in sign language, lending to a quick understanding of the silence. Josiah and his dad depart quickly, heading to the well-marked restroom area.


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                                                    ******* 

     During a short intermission, Cindy returns to the seat with Shannon and Leah. They join Grandpa for the second part of the Passion play. Josiah and his dad do not return.


    After the play, Cindy is talking to a group of people. It seems she knows everyone. Ken is politely standing by.


    Suddenly, Ken feels a tugging on his arm. The young boy reappears, this time without his dad.


    Josiah grabs Ken by the hand as if to direct him along, “Come with me. I want to show you something.”


    Young Josiah persists, so eventually Ken gets Cindy’s attention, “I’ll be right back. I’m going to see what this young man wants to show me.” Cindy nods an okay.


    Josiah leads Ken behind a door. It doesn’t seem like much time passes for Cindy because she keeps on talking. But the length of time Ken is gone is longer for Shannon. When Ken does emerge from behind the door, he is crying.


    Ken seldom cries. It would be hard to figure when he does. Shannon cannot recall Grandpa ever crying, but she understands. It’s the answer to all those prayers of hers. Grandpa looks to Shannon and sees a tear roll down her cheek. He holds out his strong, yet gentle arms ...and she leaps into them. They cry together.



                                                 ***************** 

     Ken does not miss a Sunday in church from that point on. He stands firmly between Cindy and Shannon. Stephen stands next to Cindy, usually holding Leah. Fernye stands next to Shannon on the other side. They never change from this order. But there is no need to either. This is a very happy order.


    More than a couple months go by and to Stephen’s surprise, Cindy orders an ultrasound. Ken feels this is celebration enough to gather all the family together. He gives his daughter a special gift, “It’s called a Son-catcher. God’s Son caught my attention, casting His light upon our lives. And your name, Cindy, means: A reflection of light.”


    Ken puts the Son-catcher in the window. The prism of light casts a beautiful rainbow on the wall. Leah especially takes interest in the splash of colors.


    Cindy has a special glow about her, “How about we name our son, Stephen Junior?”


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    Stephen tries not to overreact, “I don’t want him to have my name. It especially wouldn’t work with my middle name, Junior. They’d call him Stephen Junior Junior. Please don’t use my name!”


    Cindy persists, “It’s common for wives to name the first boy after their husbands.” 

    Stephen insists, “I hear it’s common to use the husband’s first name as the son’s middle name. I could live with that. But please, no Stephen Junior Junior.”


    Cindy concedes, “Okay, I’ll let you name him. I named Shannon and Leah. I guess it’s your turn.”


    Stephen has their attention, half out of sheer politeness and half out of fear. In agreeing to let Stephen pick the name, there is a general sense of fear in what name he’d choose. But what would be an uncomfortable consideration for most concerned parties, becomes an imagined delight for Stephen. He tells his story, “When I was a young boy, my Mom took me everywhere with her. And every time she introduced me as her son, they would refer to me as ‘Sir’. I began to think my name was ‘Sir’. I think I kind of like that. I think I’ll call our son, Samuel Isaac Razohn.”


    Everyone recognizes this as a moment of silence, wondering if he is serious. Fernye is the first to speak on it, “I like that. A great grandson named after Samuel Grow.”


    Cindy cannot refrain, “I like the name Samuel too, but please no acronyms.”


    Cindy asks the family not to say anything about their expecting a son. The family is excited, wondering why or how such joy can be kept a secret. But Cindy insists that no one else at church know about it. It will ruin the fun of their discovering it.


    Stephen doesn’t understand. He dismisses it as a ‘woman thing’, but he does comply. Similar to the last birth, Cindy isn’t really showing …and probably won't, until the very end. Stephen insists his wife is the most beautiful pregnant person there ever was.


    Cindy jokes about his conditional comment, “As long as you don’t add barefoot to it.”



                                                  ******************** 

    Cindy calls Stephen at work, “I don’t know if this is the real thing or not, but my Dad brought Fernye over here to watch Shannon and Leah. Dad’s going to take me to the hospital. Can you meet us there?”


210

    Stephen says he will be there as soon as possible. But the possible really frustrates Stephen. It is nine o’clock in the evening, but one of his co-workers had just left on a late lunch break. Only Stephen and Lisa are covering the unit, and when Stephen calls his supervisor he is told to wait for coverage.

    It is the longest half hour Stephen has ever endured. Once he gets coverage, it takes another twenty minutes to get through the security checkpoints. Then he has to look forward to an hour and a half drive.


    Stephen is beyond eager anticipation. His anxious frustration brings him not to prayer, but to a focus on what he is unable to do and what he yet needs to do.


    As Stephen is only a half hour on the road, Cindy is through walking the hospital corridors with her Dad. The Doctor reassures her that this is the real thing, no false labor. Cindy had delivered Leah quickly, but this time the Doctor says she will experience how really quick a birth can be. The Doctor rechecks and announces, “In twenty minutes, you are going to have that boy of yours in your arms.”


    The Doctor is right. It is almost exactly twenty minutes. Ken holds her hand the entire time. 

    With her baby in her arms now, she looks up at her Dad and smiles, “You have yourself a healthy precious little grandson. What do you want to name him?”


    During the twenty minutes that Cindy was delivering, Ken had held her hand, but he held much more in his heart. All the memories. All the events of the past several months. He recalls the young boy who said he would be having a son. Then that same boy had led him to committing his life with new purpose, through the salvation message of Jesus.


   Ken looks at Cindy and smiles, “Josiah. How about naming him, Josiah.”


    Cindy smiles at her Dad, “Josiah Stephen Razohn. I like that!”


    Within the hour, Stephen arrives at the hospital. He is so happy for his son and seeing that Cindy is feeling well. It lessens his disappointment in having not been there for the delivery.


    Stephen gently picks up his son and holds him close. So precious and so delicate. Stephen kisses him on the top of the head, whispering, “Welcome to the world, Samuel.”


   Cindy and her Dad are talking and don’t hear Stephen’s quiet whisperings. Stephen is glad for that because the nurse comes in just then, “I know it’s early to be discussing this, but we have to schedule these things. Are you electing to have Josiah Stephen Razohn circumcised?”


211 



     Stephen is so happy for Cindy, and realizes she must be physically exhausted. His tears are filled with so much gratitude.  Holding his little bundle of joy, he tries to not think of how he had been kept out of the process. On his way to and from work each day he had spent much time praying for Samuel. But Stephen keeps looking at his precious little son ...and it is the life that melts his heart, not the name.  Josiah is a good name.


    Stephen stays at the hospital that night, sleeping at Cindy’s feet. Ken leaves to join Fernye. It has been a long night for all of them. Shannon is so excited that when Fernye had arrived, she’d kept Leah in a happy excited mood, and the two of them about wore Fernye out.


    The next morning they get some relief. Shannon is eager to go to the hospital. She is so excited when she recognizes Uncle Lorvin and Aunt Aleah’s car. The joy doubles when cousin Moriah and Grandma Ruth get out of the car. That hospital room will certainly be packed. And of course, Shannon is certain to pack the video-camera. She doesn’t want to miss capturing this moment on tape.


    Things are totally different from when Leah was born. Cindy looks great and feels great. Everyone else is worn out this time, but Cindy looks so fresh and relaxed. Being of good health, she will be able to enjoy more those precious moments a newborn provides. 

                                                                     ************* 



     Cindy immediately takes to breastfeeding Josiah, like she is an old pro. And Josiah already has a manly appetite, seemingly unquenchable. Which is fine for Cindy. She rarely lets Josiah out of her grasp for someone else to hold.

    It appears that Josiah is the cure for her own seemingly unquenchable desire to be on the go. For the first time, it seems, Cindy is content to stay home. 

     As a curious turn of events, it is to be Stephen this time who will attend the Home Team event. It is the Waterford area Homeschoolers who are putting on the event for Thanksgiving. Shannon does not have an acting role in it. Being such a pro with the video-camera, she elects to video-tape the event, a real honor for an eleven year old. 

     Stephen pre-orders his copy, trying to show interest in what he had previously had not shown much interest in. 

                                                                                          212 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Stephen is actually quite eager to attend the Thanksgiving program. It is a good thing any time the children get together, sharing their efforts and accomplishments …showing what they've learned.

Stephen's perspective is to enjoy and be entertained …while at the same time being supportive. He is not aware of how blurred the concept of "Separation of Church and State" has become and how difficult it is at times to discern whether Christianity or politics is being promoted.

    Stephen is unaware of the intertwining complexities and crippling undermining of those involved. He has no knowledge of the tensions which exist within such a wholesome organization as Home Team. And he is not aware that two of the moms are virtually shunned by the rest of the group …under the guise of acceptance. The Home Team moms are exclusively Christian moms who pride themselves as independent thinkers, but these two moms feel they are much more than that. They see themselves not only as independent thinkers, but independent from the group. They see things slightly different. Okay, they see things radically different. 

     These two moms organized, directed, and produced this entire program. How could this have happened …if they were so politely despised by the group? How did it happen that these two moms whom they apparently distrusted so entirely, were allowed to so fully and exclusively be involved in such an endeavor? 

     To understand this, one must not look at home Team from the perspective of merely a menagerie of well-meaning moms …but instead, as an organization, pursuing traits that any organization is capable of possessing. Within any conglomerate, there are those who are active leaders, glad for anyone they can lead …and there are those who appreciate leaders because they like to follow. And we must not forget those who like to do nothing …but are not ignorant of the benefits of being on a winning team, while being along for the ride. 

     But those roles aren't so well-defined that they're characterized as strictly stringent and inflexible. The fact is, the main leaders were already planning a much bigger Christmas program which they didn't want the two moms involved in, so they thought perhaps it would be harmless to allow them to do a Thanksgiving program. That would explain why they wouldn't be involved in the Christmas program …and it would also free them up at this time to do more planning, having all the young children supervised and fully occupied by the two moms. 

     After all, two people couldn't possibly collaborate in such a short amount of time and cause that much damage. Yet in making this assessment, they were actually ignoring their own potential and making the often monumental and grievous error …of underestimating any Mom! 

 213 




     The first skit is announced by the lesser of the two outspoken Moms. Stephen is distracted. He is thinking about Cindy. He is only half-listening as the skit begins. 

     It seems the skit is about several companies bidding on a contract for the construction of the new lumber mill. Each company has fairly equal cost predictions, but the final three to be considered are those who can brag of being able to provide the cleanest air. The small Upper Peninsula town makes it very clear that they do not want air pollution. At the city counsel meeting, two of the companies go on and on, …about their clean air standards and their commitment to the people. 

     Finally the third company speaks, "Everybody knows how companies come in and promise this and that, but once they get the contract …it's difficult to hold them to the very thing that they had pledged to do. My corporation can produce the same clean air as the other two companies. We have the same technology. But what I am proposing is a new park for the children, downtown renovations, and a library that's its own structure …not annexed to the post office. Oh yes, I almost forgot, a new band shell in addition to those other things! The new structure will provide shelter for the audience as well." 

     The third company gets the contract …and the air stinks! 

     Their excuse is that they could have made the air cleaner, but the townspeople wanted those other things. And as time passes, the townspeople see those other things. The park is an open field, the library is the same trailer they had used for their construction office while building their mill …and the band shell is an ugly tent they had pitched, with directions to dismantle it every fall. 

     Even though this has nothing to do with Thanksgiving, the audience, made up of mostly Homeschool moms, appears relieved that something more offensive hasn't been said. 

     The curtains reopen and a young boy walks onto the edge of the stage. He scratches his head, "Sort of like our nation's politics. The Democrats and Republicans try to get your vote. One side says we need to continue war until the world is rid of terrorism. Would that mean only Noah and his family would be left?" 

     A young girl walks out and scratches her head, "The other side says they are against war, then when elected they propose to re-instate the draft …and send me! I don't want to fight …I just want to be a Mom! A Mom's job is to try to create children of peace, so there doesn't need to be war." 

     The young boy speaks up, "She's right! The backbone of our nation is the family …and the backbone of each family is the Mom."

    Another young boy, in an Army General's uniform walks out, "There's nothing more honorable than to serve a couple years to defend our great nation! There is no more noble of a cause!" 

 214 


     The young civilian girl speaks, "I'll just get pregnant before you can draft me!" 

     The sound Stephen hears, makes him jump! 

     He'd heard a sound like it once at the hospital emergency room …an unpleasant memory of a loud gasping sound. Yet the cumulative effect here sounds more like a busy day at the vacuum station of the car wash …with all the vacuums being used at the same time. 

    Such a suction sound from a room filled with gasps! Then one lady makes a sound that brings recollection to another moment that had obvious impact upon Stephen's life. It seems like only yesterday that he was at the home of the 'Best Man' for his wedding. He had just asked the friend if he'd stand up for him, when this awful sound could be heard. He had later dismissed it as not having any correlation to his asking, but at the moment he'd had his doubts …as around the corner came an old scraggly cat. Stephen had brought four bags from Taco Bell and the picture of two hungry men 'wolfing it down', as it's usually referred to, was not exactly an exercise in good manners. But often pets are experts in one-upmanship …and this old cat was about to prove that there are those who do get better with age. The hack was rich and deep. The result was even better than expected …a huge slimy hairball. At that moment, Stephen had expressed obvious sympathy for the cat and coughed up his own. Needless to say, lunch was over …all over, for the both of them. 

     This image strangely visits him at this time. He quickly glances over at the lady, hoping CPR will not be necessary. She appears to be okay, at least on that note …but the lady in front of her is having difficulty putting herself together, attempting to adjust her wig that had fallen to one side. Stephen entertains the thought that perhaps the lady behind her had gasped so loudly that she had swallowed part of the wig. Several of the ladies that had perhaps nearly flipped their wigs, are now trying to regain their composure. They turn their heads to one another in shared disbelief, while affirming to one another their combined horror at what the young girl had just said about getting pregnant. 

    They have barely enough time to catch their breath before they must prepare for another one to be taken away. 

    The Army General speaks, "Pregnant or not, you will still serve …after you deliver the baby!" 

    "But who will take care of my baby if I am serving my country!" The young girl nearly screams. 

     If not for the seriousness of what is being said, this would appear to be funny …the way the children are posturing and with their comical expressions.

The young General frowns, and speaks boldly, "That madam, is not the concern of the Army! You will still do the honorable thing and serve your country!" 

 215 


    The little girl is so cute; and also knows her lines very well, "I was just angry like many young girls are when they feel trapped. I don't really want to get pregnant before I get married. But if I do aspire to getting married and having children, wouldn't I be serving my country well by nurturing and raising my own children? And I believe I'd be serving God and my country in doing so!" 

    The young General's voice becomes deeper, "No, you are to serve your nation! " 

    "Isn't serving God the best service I can do for my nation? And I believe I can best serve my family at home. If we can't keep our families together …then we've already lost that which we thought we were fighting for." 

    "You don't understand!" 

    "You haven't been listening!" She says it as polite as can be said. 

    "I'll see if you are listening! I command you to depart!" The young General points off the stage. 

    She takes a step towards him and rises up on her toes, "You can't talk to me like that! I'm not under your command! I'm not going to take this …I'm leaving!" 

    The General leans forward on his toes, turning his head to smile at the audience, "I knew she'd see it my way!" 

    This is so very cute and funny! But the audience is not responding in kind. They appear to be a bit angry still …though some more than others. It appears to Stephen that several of them are doing their best to hold back laughter. But when they turn to the person next to them, they hold firm their frowns of discontent. After all, they must maintain their cumulative anger. 

    Stephen feels that politics should never hinder a Mom from being a Mom. These are their children on stage and they are doing a fantastic job. 

    Suddenly Stephen looks in Shannon's direction again, attempting to give affirmation of the good job she is doing …in video-taping the event. But Shannon has moved. 

    He looks about to locate her, but still can not see her. He turns in his seat to look directly behind him …and there she is. But he discovers something else that makes him feel rather naïve and embarrassed. He'd never sell short the potential of any child, but at this moment he is relieved that he'd not shared his thoughts with anyone in reference to his admiration of how well they all knew their lines. Though he still admires the fine acting, he now sees the overhead on the back wall. 

    The overhead reads: Army General paces back and forth, several times across the stage, then stops at center stage. 

     Army General has a pouty face and speaks, "Now I'm all alone! …" 

                                                                                                                          216 


     Stephen turns around quickly to see the pouty face and hear the loud dramatic voice, "Now I'm all alone! Mom!?!"

     A Mom walks out. She kneels down on one knee, and adjusts the young General's collar. 

     "Mom, I can't do a skit with these kind of people! They simply don't see things my way! Can't we have auditions and select an entirely new cast?" 

    Mom adjusts her son's collar one more time. "Okay, but that doesn't leave us much to work with. I think we should give everyone a second chance." 

     "What? An extra term in office?" 

     "No, you were talking about the skit, weren't you?" 

     "Oh, sorry …you're right!" 

     Two children push a desk out for the Mom to sit at. One of them is the young girl whom he'd ordered to leave. 

    "Not her!" 

    "Yes. Everyone should get a second chance. " 

     "Second chance? …seat of my pants! Where was my second chance when I messed with your computer?" 

     "You'd been warned not to touch it! There's a difference." 

     "Okay, fair is fair, but I demand a tribunal!" 

     A child walks out dressed in a costume that looks like the scales of justice. "How am I supposed to function? Tribunal means three, but the other two didn't show. I guess that makes me the odd man out." He begins to undress out of the very confining outfit. "I guess I should weigh the difference and do the best I can." 

    The Army General addresses this newcomer, "Mr. Justice, please stand by, in case I need you …but what I feel we really need is a judge." 

    The curtain begins to move about. It appears there is some sort of struggle behind the curtain. A cane pokes out first, followed by a hunched over old man. 

    The young old man steps from behind the curtain, and turns to strike the curtain one last time with his cane. 

    The Army General barks out a command, "Soldier! Where are my soldiers? Someone help that old man!" 

    The old man lowers his spectacles, "No, don't help me; I've come to help you!"

   "Oh, yes, I recognize you …you're the old sage of wisdom! Our days of suffering are over! Old Sage will lead us!" 

    Old Sage does well to sound old, for such a young boy, "Don't for a minute think the days of suffering are over! You haven't seen nothin' yet!" 

    The Army General stands ready, "Tell it to me straight …my soldiers and I can take it! Tell us how it really is!" 

    "I've fought in World War II, I've worked hard my entire life, and now they are saying I'm not old enough to retire? Imagine that!" 

 217 


    The Army General acknowledges the old man's great service to his country, "We can always use good men like you …we welcome you back to join our military, serving our great country." 

    Old Sage sighs, "I've been retired for 15 years; and now they say I've no choice, but to go back to work for 15 more. They legislated the retirement age to 95 years of age. And they took my health insurance away. I have to go back to work because it costs the government $75 per week to do one person's laundry in the desert. They'll pay a corporation that kind of money …but do you know where the money comes from to pay the bill? It was money that was supposed to be set aside for me." 

     "No it wasn't! We need all we can get for the Army. If we go in debt, then we go in debt …for the Army! Hey, let's not bicker about this old man, …we need a judge and you sort of look like a judge, old and everything. I guess you'll have to do! But that hair has to go." 

     Old Sage takes off his wig. A hand emerges from behind the curtain, holding a mop. 

    Old Sage grabs the mop, "Thank you!" He unfastens the mop head from the handle and places the mop head on his own head. 

    The Army General smiles, "That's better! Now remember, you're no longer Old Sage …you're a judge now. No more talking about your experiences with war. You must remain impartial!" 

     Mom gives the Judge her approval, "Here, you can have my desk." 

    The Judge sits down and addresses the General, "So, what would you like the court to rule on?" 

    The Army General points, "Her! She is against war and therefore against our nation …and I will not stand for this!" 

    The Judge rules, "Well then, please sit! I have two chairs here. One is for you …and one is for the young lady you oppose." 

    "I prefer to stand …and I guess, I will stand for this. I am a General and I don't need to sit." 

    The Judge suggests, "Well, perhaps you could politely offer a chair to your Mom!" 

     The young civilian girl and the General's Mom sit down. The General remains standing. 

     A young boy steps from behind the curtain. And the Judge addresses him, "And to what honor do I owe this interruption to?" 

     The young boy quickly replies, "I'm here to audition for the witness part."  
    The Judge adjusts his spectacles, lowering them on his nose and looking over them. "You can have a seat out there." He points to the audience. "They are all witnesses." 

 218

    "But I want to be the type of witness who witnesses to others about the truth." 

     The Judge pushes back his spectacles, "That option is open to all. Now you may sit down where I've directed you to …so we can begin." 

     The young boy persists, "But I am an integral part of this proceeding!" 

     The Judge asks, "Whom do you represent?" 

     The young boy unbuttons his shirt, his T-shirt with a name written on it …TRUTH. 

    "I am Truth. I often am not recognized for who I am, but I believe some may want to hear from me. " 

    The Judge smiles, "I doubt that! But okay, you can join us …at least until things get too uncomfortable. After all, you could prove to be rather entertaining." 

     A hand reaches from behind the curtain and hands Truth a chair. Next, a little Black Book enters from the far end of the stage and walks to the Judges desk. 

    At first, everyone just stares. The Army General speaks up first, "Oh, my older sister has one of those, filled with addresses …and Mom is not too thrilled about it!" 

    The little Black Book holds his head up high, "You don't have to be thrilled with me either, but you can address me as King James."

   "Wait! Wait! Wait!" 

    Suddenly three small children, dressed as pages, run out from the far end of the stage. 

    The Judge seems displeased with this interruption, "King James! Did you page these three?" 

    King James nods, "Yes, these are my Pages." 

    They have numbers on their T-shirts. They introduce themselves. "Hi, I'm Page 1 …I'm creation." 

    "Hi, I'm Page 2 …I'm the fall." 

    "Hi, I'm Page 3 through 1,500 …give or take 500, depending upon the size of the Prince …I mean, print. My most important part is about redemption." 

    Truth stands up, "Amen to that!" 

     The Judge asks, "Are you all related?" 

    Truth answers softly as he sits down, "Amen to that too." 

    The Judge addresses King James, "I hear this talk about war. Which of your Pages talks about war?" 

    Page 1 steps forward to answer, "Not me!" 

    Page 2 steps forward, "I think it's best you talk to Page 3."

    Page 3 through 1,500 …give or take 500, "I'm filled with war!"

 219 


    The Judge leans over his desk, "How are we to know when we are fed-up, I mean, filled with war?" 

     Page 3 through 1,500 …give or take 500, "When we are told!" 

    The Judge asks, "How are we told?" 

    King James adds, "Pray …we are supposed to pray." 

   The Judge sounds rather perturbed, "What makes you think we didn't?" 

   Truth stands up, "Many people in our governing body are Christians. They can all pray …and often do. But Generals, I mean, generally speaking, our Constitution says war is supposed to be declared by Congress." 

    The Judge softens his tone, "But aren't we by definition, already in war?" 

    King James clasps his hands and raises them to his chin, "Yes, but we need to pray to understand more clearly God's Will. Only God can tell us whether He wants to deal with us as a Ninevah or as a Jericho." 

     Page 3 through 1,500 …give or take 500, rests a hand on King James' shoulder, "Yes, whether the call is for us to wait upon them to repent, or to stand ready to watch judgment to be instituted quickly through God's hand. Clear victory is only through God's hand …and so is clear judgment, after all, you are only a worldly judge and are allowed only to judge worldly things."

    The Judge is more than a little perturbed now, "What on earth do you mean!" 

    Suddenly a child dressed like a globe spins in, "Yes, Earth here!" 

    The Judge once again regains his composure, "Sorry, I didn't really mean to call you, Mr. Globe. I was just responding to this Page here." 

    Page 3 through 1,500 …give or take 500, helps stop Mr. Globe from spinning, the poor child almost falling on his axis, "I was just trying to explain the gravity of the situation." 

    Mr. Globe steadies himself, "Gravity? I can help out with that!" 

     A young Indian girl enters at the far end of the stage. She is carrying a large tray of food. She stops at center stage, "It's almost Thanksgiving, where are my friends?"                                                                                        

    The Judge takes off his spectacles and raises his eyebrows, "Nice headdress you have there …pretty feathers! Where did you get that?" 

    The Indian girl puts the tray of food on the Judge's desk, "It's my great, great grandfather's. He died while fighting with his wife." 

    The Judge reaches out to get a piece of fruit, "That's terrible …why was he fighting his wife?"

    The Indian girl clarifies, "He wasn't fighting his wife …he was fighting beside her." 

 220 


    The Judge wants to clarify also, "Why did she go to battle? I thought your people believed only men should fight." 

    The Indian girl takes off her headdress and holds it in her arms, "She died in her home." 

    The Army General speaks up, "There is no record of terrorism in this country, Sir, I mean, Your Honor." 

    The curtain begins to move again. There appears to be a struggle behind the curtain. Suddenly, someone rolls from under the curtain. 

    The General hollers, "Terrorist!" He grabs the boy, ripping his buttoned shirt, and demanding an answer, "Who are you?" 

    The Judge suggests restraint of a different nature, "Wait! Don't prejudge him …let him explain! But see if he's all right first." 

    The General sees the word 'Rights' printed beneath the torn section of his outer shirt, "He's more than all right!" 

    The Judge is now ready to pass judgment, "For what cause do you assume to justify this disturbance?"

   "I'm not a cause …I'm more, what you'd call a clause. Actually, I'm Bill." He takes off his torn shirt and his T-shirt reads: Bill of Rights. "I'm an amendment to the Constitution. I didn't mean to clause a disturbance, Your Honor. How can I make amends?" 

    The Judge asks, "Did you happen to bring anyone with you?" 

     "Yes, as a matter of fact, I did." Bill parts the curtain to allow his friend safe entry. This costumed character has no head …only a dozen long arms, two of which are legs. "This is our Right to Bear Arms." 

    This newest army and leggy person laughs, "Nothing to really be up in arms over …to shake your constitution. Just courting a little humor here." 

    The Judge does not laugh, "State your purpose, friend of Bill." 

    "I represent the right to arm yourself; to defend what is yours." 

     The little Indian girl quickly adds, "But if you do, you may be seen as unreasonable, or even savage." 

     The Army General becomes defensive, "That's not true!" 

    Truth stands up, "It is true!" 

    The Judge appears to be tiring of all this. He yawns, "Truth, could you please leave for a minute or two? We'll call you back when we need you …I mean, when it's convenient." 

    As he departs, Truth announces, "Coffee and doughnuts, anyone?" 

    The Judge addresses the Mom, "Here, could you assist me?" He gets up from his desk and hands her a Laptop computer. "I'm not too good with computers. Could you look up what the computer says on this subject?" 

 221 


    The Mom quickly resources the Laptop, "Well, most of what I see shows that what we've heard is not consistent with the history books used in our public schools." 

    The Army General states boldly, "That's a relief!" He is not sure what is a relief, but he felt a need to say something on the subject. 

    The Mom continues, "A large percent of the schoolbooks are reprinted each year …so if something is found to be not of our liking, out of mere convenience we just change it." 

     The Judge attempts to appear impartial, "Wouldn't that appear rather contradictory …to have something in print one year, then discover that it has changed the next?" 

     In an attempt to be strictly informative, the Mom continues, "To be honest, it is not an uncommon practice. And our country is not the only one who has had success with it. The most common practice is to first eliminate the text, then wait a couple years before changing it. Most people don't remember things over a couple years anyway …unless it directly affects them. And people usually believe what they want to believe. It's the strength of national pride that drives the success of the distortion. People like to believe that their nation is good and other nations are not comparable." 

    The Indian is still searching for answers, "But what about within our own land?" 

    The General feels obliged to answer, "Children need to be taught conflict, so they can be prepared for it. War has visited every generation in some form or another …and we need the motivated youth to step up to the challenge and deal with it." 

    The Indian girl's soft tone does not lend to an easy rebuttal, "So you make up children's toys, creating games of conflict …with cowboys and Indians?" 

    Mom continues to inform, "Well, it worked for a time, but no one seems to care anymore." 

    The Judge shows his insight, "Well, if it worked back then, how do we continue to get them to not care?" 

    The Mom sums up an attitude common to most moms, "I don't think we have to get them to do anything! It seems the majority don't care much about anything ….all on their own." 

    The Judge comes to the defense of the youth, "How do I know that's true?" 

 222 


     Mom is matter-of-fact, "Well, you asked Truth to leave! I think he went out for coffee and doughnuts …no one seemed to like the coffee and rolls he brought yesterday. I specifically remember you mentioning that you didn't like the role he gave you. But that aside, can we do an experiment while we're waiting for his return?" 

    The Judge grants permission, "As long as you don't blow up anything. I still have nightmares about my days in chemistry lab!" 

    Mom reassures, "Nothing explosive at all …it only involves testing our group's listening skills and their ability to have respect and compassion for the hardship each is asked to endure." 

    The Judge hesitates, "Okay …you may proceed, I guess." 

    Mom addresses the Army General, "General, do you believe everyone has the right to bear arms and defend their country?" 

    The General adds a drawl to his voice, "I most certainly do!" 

    Mom proceeds, "I would also like the opposition to respond to the same question." 

    The young girl speaks clearly, "I do believe we have the right to defend what it ours." 

    The Army General shrugs his shoulders with the slightest bit of arrogance, "I'm glad you finally see it my way!" 

    The young girl clarifies, "I am speaking of my right to bear children and defend how I want to raise them!" 

    "As a Mom myself, I understand that you feel strongly about that, but I want to simply ask both of you if you feel we have a right to take up arms and fight if someone attacks our land?" 

    The young girl concedes, "Yes, I believe under those circumstances." 

    The Army General's voice swaggers, "I know that's right, sister! Tell 'em how it is!" 

    Mom attempts to squash his swagger, "Tell that to your little Indian sister! Tell her how it is! Explain to all of us how her forefathers died while attempting to defend their homeland." 

    Truth returns unnoticed …and sits down quietly. 

    A Wall enters in, making known his presence. Mom smiles, "Oh, yes, Mr. Wall …I was expecting you!" 

    Mr. Wall shakes the General's hand, "You can call me Mr. Berlin. Most people celebrated when I was torn down, but I'm quite resilient. I'm much like every other Wall. There are countless many of us. If you've seen one, you've seen a wall." 

    Another Wall enters, "I was told to stand at our southern border. I stand to guard against aliens." 

    Mr. Globe stands up and does a spin move, then transitions into the moonwalk. "I learned that from my satellite friend. But seriously, I was warned about aliens. They pose a threat to my life." 

 223 



     The southern Wall shakes his wire head, "Have you been watching that science fiction channel again? I wasn't talking about an invasion from outer space, I was talking about illegal immigrants." 

     Mr. Globe breathes a sigh of relief, "Oh, they aren't of any trouble." 

    The little Indian girl begs to differ, "Maybe not any more …but my great, great grandfather believed you were all illegals." 

    Mr. Globe offers his unique perspective, "Oh, you mean …colonialism. That caused me much unrest. It still makes me sick to hear all the talk about how it was okay back then, but it's not okay anymore." 

     The Army General helps stop his spinning, "I think you should have it checked out. You may have a bipolar disorder." 

     A third Wall enters. "I'm the Emotional Wall. I stand between all reason. I mostly stand between parents and their children …that's where I most effectively begin my stand. It's a thankless job, but somebody's got to do it." 

    The General gives general recognition, "And you do a good job too!" 

    The Emotional Wall is proud of his accomplishments, "I'm the spokesperson for every Wall. Many try to tear me down, but I never go away. If I get torn down in one area, I just rebuild in another. I often appear where you least expect me …and I often prove to be stronger than the last time we met." 

    The Judge decides he has endured long enough allowing others to preside over his courtroom, "I'd like to thank all Moms for their computer expertise and I appreciate the assist in my own courtroom, but at this juncture I'd like to proceed with some of my own questioning." He turns to the young girl and asks, "Is there anyone who you'd like to call as a witness …to give testimony to the case you are attempting to present?" 

    The young girl is also eager to proceed, "I have several …but the first one I'd like to call is the Sheik." 

     A young girl with outlandishly permed hair sticks her head out from behind the curtain. It appears she also has on eye make-up. She looks about, then saunters onto the stage. She is wearing a bright red satin full-length dress …with a cut up one side, well-above the knee. 

    The young girl is embarrassed, "No, I said Sheik, not chic!" 

    The chic young girl struts off, and the Sheik enters from the other end of the stage. You cannot see the young boy's face. His face is concealed behind a head on a stick. It is not a symbol of the atrocities committed through a much maligned supposed holy war. It is just a puppet on a stick. 

    The young boy holds both hands in front of him, grasping firmly onto the stick. There are two moveable parts to the face …the eyebrows and the mouth. The eyebrows drop inward towards the nose, creating a very angry expression. The large mouth drops open, expressing either angry surprise or verbal disapproval. 

 224 



     The Sheik is followed by a young man wearing a rectangular fur hat. 

     The Judge looks directly at him, "We called the Sheik …why are you here? We didn't call you!" 

     The fur hat is too large, covering his eyes and most of his nose. "I will tell you why I'm here!" 

    Then there is silence …a very long silence. 

    At the far end of the stage, the Statue of Liberty enters. She has a torch in her hand, but that hand rests at her side. The raised hand carries a rifle. 

    The Judge can't resist addressing her, "Aren't you in the wrong harbor?" 

   The Emotional Wall never fails to join in, "She's been harboring these feelings for a long time!" 

    The Judge ignores the Wall's comments, focusing on his own, "But you are supposed to welcome those into our country." 

    The Statue of Liberty raises the rifle high, "Not the terrorists!" 

    The Judge asks, "What's with the rifle?" 

    The Statue of Liberty stands proudly, "I've been called." 

    The Judge admits, "I've been called a few things myself. You can't let it bother you. Especially in my line of work …I've got a job to do, and I have to be professional about it." 

    The Statue of Liberty persists, "No, …I've been called!" 

    The Judge asks, "Called to what?" 

    The Statue of Liberty proudly announces, "I've been called to in-terror-gate …and this is my persuader." 

    "You are supposed to be a gate to peace!" The Judge states boldly. 

    The Statue of Liberty has her own firm convictions, "Freedom comes at a cost!" 

     The Judge returns to addressing the man in the fur hat, "You still have not told me why you are here!" 

    Still there is no answer. 

    The judge puts more authority in his voice, "Quit stalling …tell me who you are!" 

    The words are spoken clearly with an accent, "I'm rushin'!" 

    The Judge's anger is not diminished, "How can you be stalling and rushing at the same time?" 

    He straightens his fur hat, "You tell me! I come to this country and I get speeding ticket, so I go to court. I get offer to accept fine for impeding traffic or take mark on my record. I no want mark on my record, so I pay fine to this mighty fine government of yours. Great American choice …great court system. Best in the world, I agree …but still crazy!" 

    "So you impeding traffic, now you impede my court!" The Judge mimics his accent. "So you are stallin', but you certainly not rushin' to answer my question!" 

    "I'm the Russian Stalin!" 

 225 



     The Judge leans back in his seat, "So, you're Stalin …from Russia! Why are you here?" 

    Stalin finally explains, "To give advice to the Sheik. The Sheik is not good enough. He will not rule over his people. He is altogether too easy going. I know your country understands …we who live by the end justifying the means, find no room for misunderstanding." 

    The young Sheik moves his hand slightly on the stick, making the mouth move up and down, "I am too good leader! I will build army. I will fight for what I believe in." 

    The Judge tilts his spectacles forward, "What do you believe in?" 

    The Sheik's mouth moves up and down, "What I believe is my way of life …my religion." 

    The Army General steps forward and puts handcuffs on the Sheik. The Sheik's mouth drops open, expressing angry surprise. 

    The Judge questions that action, "General, why did you do that?" 

    The General is quick to justify his actions, "He's a threat to our national security!" 

    The Judge requires more than just blind justice and uncontested justification, "How is that? And why did you not handcuff Stalin also, if that is the case?" 

    The General shrugs as if his actions are beyond reproach, and not to be questioned, yet he answers, "Stalin is not a threat. We know what he is capable of. If we accuse him of being violent, then sure he will get angry and deny it, responding with violence. But if we don't challenge him, he will only kill his own." 

    The Judge removes his spectacles and rubs his eyes, "And that is a more comforting fact …because you know it?" 

    The General speaks as the authority on the subject, "The Sheik is like many of the Indian girl's forefathers. They are religious and may even appear peaceful at times, but their religion is a false religion …and that is a threat. It challenges the higher authority, the government, and the democratic process that preserves it." 

     Mr. Globe begins to spin on that same line, "It's true …religion is violent! I've felt it! Some people say it has caused them some relief, but it just elevates my already somewhat rocky disposition." 

    The Judge attempts to appear impartial, yet ignores that latest spin on the subject. "But how can we properly judge each occasion of our differences? Would you have it that we handcuff this little Indian girl too?" 

    The General is abrupt, "I have many reservations about her." 

 226 



     The Judge acknowledges, "I see Truth has returned. I ask you, Truth, is religion a threat to peace?" 

    Truth steps forward, "Much violence has been done in the name of religion, but a few people's distorted beliefs travel far among the ignorant. Their actions don't represent the truth, nor do they represent the whole." 

    The Sheik's mouth opens wide, screaming, "America is evil!" 

    The little Indian girl calmly asks, "Is the land evil?" 

    The Sheik shouts, "Yes!" 

    The little Indian girl remains calm, "I mean, the ground …is the ground evil? And how about the people of your religion who live in America?" 

    The Sheik is loud, though does not scream, "No, the ground is not evil; the government which it is grounded upon is evil!" 

    The Judge leans forward, "Our government is grounded upon certain rights which allow you to say what you just said and also to live here with the right to whatever religion you choose …as long as you don't infringe upon the rights of others while exercising those rights. Our government represents the people …all people." 

    Truth begins to pace back and forth, "The government of this country was intended to be representative of the people, for the people, and by the people …but it just sometimes does not; and sometimes not at all." 

    The Judge stands up, "How can that be? You are saying they represent, yet they do not?" 

    The Sheik interrupts, "They lie!" 

    The little Indian girl calmly offers, "The government has not always represented all …nor held to the very standards which they themselves penned. What fair restitution has been done to atone for the wrongs that have been done to my people. We have been granted certain rights, but they pale in comparison to the wrongs and the empty unfulfilled promises." 

    The Judge asks, "That aside, what would it take for the government to make amends?" 

    The little Indian girl has a tear in her eye, "They could at least offer an honest and sincere public apology." 

    The Sheik's eyebrows rise, "You go, girl!" 

    The General frowns, "Great nations do not apologize! That would make us appear weak …and that is out-of-the-question!" 

    Truth stops pacing, "Great people apologize …so, if great leaders can't apologize, they are not great men or women. And soon the nations they lead will not be great." 

    The General turns to address Truth, "Okay, you apologize first!" 

    Truth answers, "You want truth to apologize? Are we to align ourselves with error?" 

 227 



     The General dismisses what Truth has said, with a wave of his hand, "Never mind! We have our man!" He grabs the Sheik by the handcuffs, shoving him in the back, "Let's get on with it! You have the right to remain silent …anything you say, can and will be used against you in this court of law …" 

    The Sheik is silent. 

    The General prods him, "Come on …come on! Say something!" 

    The Sheik begins talking in his own native tongue. 

    The General grabs him by the cuffs, facing him directly at the audience, "That's okay …that's good enough. We have interpreters. They aren't much good, but they're loyal. They'll interpret that you said what I want to pretend that you've said." 

    The mouth piece drops way down as the Sheik begins to shriek. His mouth remains open as the volume of the scream intensifies. It is a terrifying scream! 

    This loud sustaining scream gives several listeners a chill. The boy has perhaps great potential for future acting, though of what role or of what questionable value is uncertain. What is certain is the fact that Stephen has heard many well-rehearsed screams before, having helped in the church daycare, but none had ever reached the magnitude of this one. Even the most disciplined of parents would likely not be able to resist rushing to the rescue of a scream as terrifying as this! 

    The scream gradually fades, leaving the Sheik exhausted. Though the outburst has concluded, its lasting impression remains. 

    The Judge merely points, and the General does not hesitate in leading the Sheik away. 

    Stalin prepares to leave on his own, but adds before he does, "It's my personal feeling that you are making a big mistake. Your own sons and daughters will die because they will end up fighting the very enemy that the Sheik had already defeated." 

    The Judge turns to the young girl with her defense panel, "Do you have any more witnesses? And let it be known, I will not tolerate any more disturbances of that nature in my courtroom!" 

    The young girl stands, "Just one more witness, please! And I'm sorry about the behavior of my last witness. If I may, I'd like to call 'T'." 

    Truth speaks abruptly, "I have coffee and doughnuts …did anyone call for tea? Perhaps I could get some crumpets." 

    A child enters, dressed like a 'T', leading the Judge to ask, "What do we have here?" 

    The young girl introduces her witness, "This is T-square." 

    The Judge smiles, "I see you're dressed to the Te-e-th, not just a simple T-shirt. Anyway, what do you have to say, Mr. T?" 

    T-square squawks, "I'm a girl!" 

 228 



    The Judge laughs, "Would that be Mrs. T, or Miss? I guess at your age, it would be Miss …so, Miss T, before my eyes get too misty, what would you like to share with the court?" 

    T-square answers back, "I wouldn't want you to miss anything, so in case you don't know the function of a T-square, let me enlighten you and the courtroom. I am used in drafting. I draw parallels and right angles." 

    The Judge yawns, "Well, I do not want this to draw on and on. I hope you can soon draw a parallel between what you do and why we are here today. Please tell me Miss T, what angle are you coming from?" 

    T-square asks, "With your permission, I'd like to resource the Laptop computer again. I'd like us to look up the word, 'T-square'." 

    The Judge notes for the record, "I am familiar with the definition and function of a T-square. And your explanation was quite adequate for me, but for the benefit of the court, and as a courtesy to you …you may proceed." 

   Mom opens up her Laptop again, "I'll look it up and tell you exactly what it says …and this time I will refrain from adding my own comments." 

    The Judge smiles with approval, "I appreciate that! Just kidding, Mom." 

    The Army General returns without the Sheik. He resumes standing at his usual spot. 

    Mom reports, "There is something wrong with this computer. I typed in T-square, but I don't understand!" 

    The Judge instructs, "It is up to the court to decide these matters. Just read what you have there!" 

    Mom stares at her computer screen, "It says, thousands have been killed because they were seen as a threat …to peace?" 

    The General apologizes, "Sorry, Mom, I guess I really did mess up your computer." 

    Mom clicks her computer, "Oh, wait! Now I have something different!" 

   The Judge's voice reflects disinterest, "Let us have it …" 

    Mom reads, "We ask only an even chance to live as other men live. We ask to be recognized as men. We ask that the same law work alike on all men. Let me be a free man ---free to travel, free to stop, free to work, …free to follow the religion of my fathers, free to think and act and talk for myself ---and I will obey every law, or submit to the penalty." 

    The Army General shouts his approval, "That's what I'm talkin' about! That's worth fightin' for!" 

    The Judge does not share in the enthusiasm, "Anything else?"

 229 


    Mom hesitates, "Yes, here's another one: I lived like my fathers before me and, like them, I lived happily. I was born where the wind blew free and everything drew a free breath …" 

    The General interrupts, "The Sound of Music? World War II.?" 

    The Judge redirects with a sigh, "Let your mom finish!" 

    Mom continues, "But we were fired upon …a noise like thunder. And since, we have not known which way to go. I was told the land was ours, so why are we asked to leave?" 

    The General cannot contain himself, "I'm sorry, but that stirs within me the essence of why we enlist our services …that's what life is about! That's at the very center of our patriotic spirit. Those are the words of very intelligent men who understood the true value of life …who likely also had to fight for their country against savage threats to their sacred freedoms. Was that General Washington who wrote that?" 

    The little Indian girl speaks up, "I resent the immediate implications that any nation or culture of people are savages …solely upon the fact that we care not to look more closely at the reasons why they've enlisted themselves as our opposition. My forefathers have many times been labeled as savages. Well, if someone came with guns and tried to take my home today, I would likely call the police …and that may precipitate a savage shoot-out. Only very sick people welcome violence …otherwise violence most often is met with violence. And though I have many rights as a citizen of this country, I have certain rights that my forefathers equally had. Each of us have the right to choose in their heart what is right and what is wrong. King James and his Pages speak of these rights. As it speaks of Joshua, full of the spirit of wisdom, he chose what was right in following God. The walls of Jericho fell by marching six days with no sound aside from the trumpeting horns. Then as God instructed on the seventh day, they shouted victory. Those victories continued in consistent measure with how well they followed God. And the people grew to become a nation at the peak of their glory under King David's son, Solomon. But that is just it …it had become their glory, not God's. We are much like that nation …great and wise. But the wisdom can fade as quickly as it did with Solomon, as we choose not to follow God. Their nation fell, but they were to learn of a new Kingdom. Jesus came to speak of this Kingdom, but the message was new. He didn't tell them to take the land. He told them to go into all the lands …to teach. Repentance and remission of sins is to be taught, in His name, among all nations. That is what I was taught. I am now a Christian. Many of my forefathers were also taught this, but many more of them were not. They were taught unfairness and intolerance …not equality, freedom, and peace." 

 230 



    The General claps, "I applaud you for your great ability to speak. In spite of your past, you have somehow managed to be more educated than your forefathers. But I still prefer those great patriotic speeches of my forefathers. Mom, you never did mention whose speech you read to us …about asking only to be recognized as men; and to obey every law or submit to the penalty. Who were those wise and good men, Mom? Were they the men who penned our Constitution? Or maybe it was Lincoln, or General Grant? Or was it one of those other guys who were carved out on Mount Rushmore …Theodore Roosevelt and wasn't there one more? Was it Washington, Lincoln, Roosevelt, and George Bush? Which of those great men fully understood the breath of commitment to the values stated in our own United States Constitution? Tell me who, Mom?" 

    Mom looks up, "The first one was Chief Joseph, and the second one was Chief Ten Bears." She looks back down, "Wait, here's a real defining quote: The thrill of it! There's nothing like it! Planning out your strategy to experience the thrill of taking that young life …sorry, that quote is from the opening day of deer season, the American sportsman. Okay, here we have it …T-square: seven to ten thousand people brutally murdered." 

     The Judge is enraged, "That's a lot of people, Miss T, …can you explain yourself? What brought on such a magnitude of violence? That's truly horrifying …and inexcusable!" 

    T-square softly explains, "It was because they were voicing their opinion."  

   The Judge leaps up, shouting, "That's unheard of !! General, take Miss T away …immediately! Do with her what you did with the Sheik!" 

    The Judge then turns his anger upon the young civilian girl, "I also want to know why such a witness was called to my courtroom!" 

    The young girl suggests, "Perhaps you'd like to ask her to state her first name, before you have her taken away." 

    The Judge calls out, "General, before you lead her away, I will have the court take record of her first name." 

    Held within the General's grasp, she turns, "My name is Tiananmen." 

   The Statue of Liberty does not allow silence to share in any resolve, as she steps forward to center stage with her rifle held high, "Freedom comes at a cost!" 

    The Judge addresses the General and the young civilian girl, "I'd like the both of you to prepare your closing statements." 

    The young civilian girl speaks first, "The question I have is this: Is our war a holy war or wholly ridiculous?" 

 231 



    The General continues to stand in his own defense, "All our soldiers are volunteers. They have the right to choose and they chose to serve." 

    The young civilian counters, "Speaking of freedom of choice, for whom do our sons and daughters choose to die for …the freedoms of the born, or the freedoms of the unborn?" 

    The General answers, "Both! We fight so that generations to come can be safe, so we safeguard the freedoms of all." 

   The civilian girl challenges, "Freedoms for all? We've seen here that it is not freedom for all! How about a fully consistent Pro-life stance? How about the little child in the Darfur region, as well as the child in the Middle East? How important is each child's life? And are we going to save it through democracy …or are we more effectively demonstrating intolerances that in and of themselves expand the breeding ground for hatred? And what about our fur-hatted friend?" 

    The General attempts to draw away from the seriousness of what was said by his now attempted humor, "Fur-hatted or fur-hated? You're not talking about Dar-fur again are you?" 

    The civilian girl is quick to respond, "No, I'm talking about Stalin! What about people like him? Should the likes of people like him have weapons of mass destruction? And who says who can and who can't …what is the criteria? Oh yes, nations who don't initiate aggressions and those who can be trusted can have these weapons …and nations who cooperate with us, if we want them to!" 

    The General attempts to come across as the reasonable one, "Can't we just let the past be the past …and make them our friends?" 

    The civilian girl challenges that remark too, "Who? Are you talking about the victims or the aggressors? Yes, what if we make them our friends and set up our businesses there …and import all their goods and just ignore all the bad …then maybe they'll stop being so bad, or maybe we will be so happy with their business we can forget the bad, or at least ignore it. It's called selective ignoring …but it should not be towards those who do not accept the path of reconciliation, but rather for the benefit of those who are willing to make amends. It is just not acceptable to strive for self-preservation at the expense of the unborn, making exception primarily to those who one day will become soldiers …then expanding that vision to those who can contribute to the work force and the economy also. Those who are privileged to have life should be happy children, should they not …not the type who'd grow up to organize a peaceful demonstration for a desired freedom to be valued for the individuals they are, instead of the function they can perform. Should we not celebrate with them for those desired freedoms? Or should we ignore only what is to our advantage to ignore …making friendships only if it profits us to maintain them." 

 232 



    The Judge almost loses his wig. With a voice that sounds like he's about to wig out, the Judge insists, "It is not the practice of the court, or the law of this land to befriend those who are in the wrong! Friendships should be maintained for the purpose of mutual growth or mentoring. A friend should not be considered an accomplice …and I resent the insinuation of such." 

    The General joins in, "I don't understand what is our civilian friend trying to do? It appears she's attempting to create a very negative image of myself and our military. If our image is tainted, then less and less of our sons and daughters will volunteer. If that happens, we may as well inform the part of the world who hate us, which she believes is ever increasing, that they can start their victory celebration. Or to avoid that, we may have to re-institute the draft, returning to what she would argue as being no choice. So what would happen to the Pro-Life? It would be a matter of our youth just beginning life, not a case of life just beginning …something similar to what was mentioned in reference of a friend nation who had less respect for such things. By the way, my dear civilian friend, don’t you have a brother in the army?" 

    She has been expecting this question, "Yes, he's home right now, but he has to return next week." 

    The General smiles, as if he's got her on this one, "So, how does your brother feel about the war?" 

    "I asked my brother if he was afraid and he said no, he doesn't have time to fear." 

    "Your brother is a good soldier! You should support your brother and support his cause." 

    "Our Mom said it would be okay if he was afraid. She says the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. So I wonder if there is wisdom without any fear at all? I also wonder if having no fear at all leads us to have soldiers who do things no less barbaric than those who ruled before the war? I hear of rape and murder!" 

    The General's smile fades, "They'll be prosecuted if that's found to be true!" 

    The young girl looks right into the General's eyes, "But will their nation be held accountable for their actions? Will innocent women and children die through the due process of law?" 

    Stephen recalls how Fernye prays for the people that we go to war against.  

   The General tries to downplay it, "You are making too much of all this!" 

   The young girl begs to differ, "Too much? In many ways we are already hanging from a thin thread. And that is a thread of fraying morality …dwindling dignity and diminishing integrity. We cannot cut the thread that is woven through each of our stripes …on the old red, white, and blue. But we cannot expect it to endure in and of itself either." 

 233 


     The General appears not to have grasped what was said, "How would you have it? Who should rule …the children? They would never be able to act quick enough. They don't have any real methods of fast discretion, as far as decision-making goes. It would take them too long to deal with anything." 

   The young girl asks, "Why …because they've been taught to count to ten? That has benefited me many times …several times today, in fact." 

    The General pats her on the head, "Being so young, you don't have actual experience. It seems you have much to learn. You don't have any methods of past discretion." 

    The young girl speaks bluntly, yet politely, "You adults don't seem to learn much from your past either …though history repeats itself, over and over again. Perhaps it would be better if the fifth grade class run the country. However confused they may be, their motives are still somewhat pure and innocent. And they eventually get back on track. They aren't clouded by preconceived ideas and prearranged agendas. They just want to participate in government. As it is now, adults often are the ones who just sit around like sticks …we are the puppets!" 

    The General steps one step forward, "I don't follow any prearranged or secret agenda! Isn't that right, Mom? You told me not to keep secrets, though sometimes it's in the best interest of our nation to do so. And I will never commit to anything that will jeopardize our national security. I'm sorry that it's come to this, but I saw it coming and I deem it unavoidable. I am not only responsible for defending our nation's freedom, but also my own …therefore, Mom, I am presenting you with my own declaration of independence." 

    He holds out a lengthy document. 

    Mom had not anticipated this, "You can't do that …I'm your parent!" 

    "I'm just exercising my freedom of speech!" 

    Mom stands up, "If you don't stop talking like that …I'm going to ground you! I know how to deal with your little army games and your methods of crass discretion!" 

    The General takes off his costume. He has on a T-shirt that reads: "I'm just a child!" 

    The Emotional Wall gets up and leaves, crying. Mom relaxes a bit, "Now you can exercise your freedom of speech in the form of an apology to those whom you are responsible for honoring, beginning with your parents. You can apologize to Dad later!" 

    "Oh, Mom! Do you have to tell him too? Here, I'll tear up my declaration of independence." 

    Mom smiles with acknowledgment, "I know you worked long and hard typing that up." 

    "I know, Mom, …but I realize I better not stay that course!" 

 234 


                                                          ********** 

     Stephen holds the door for Shannon as she carries the video-camera into the house upon arriving home. 

     Cindy does not look at her husband, but instead addresses her daughter, "So, how did you like it, Shannon?" 

    "It was okay, Mom." 

     Cindy then turns to her husband, "You two didn't argue on the way home did you?" 

    "No, dear ….we didn't argue." 

    "Well, how did you like it?" 

     Stephen smiles, "I actually enjoyed it! They put on a very cute skit." 

    With surprise in her voice, "You liked it? I've gotten six phone calls already from moms who are considering banning the two moms who are responsible for putting it all together." 

     It is Stephen's turn to be surprised, "Banning the moms from Home Team? Isn't the only qualification for home team …that you Homeschool your children?" 

    "Yes, but they didn't just give their opinion …several moms had entrusted those two moms with their children, in being a part of the skit." 

     "I thought it was thought-provoking." 

    "From what I heard, it was provoking all right! The other moms believe those two are of the opposite political affiliation …and some believe they may not even be Christians!" 


                                                                 ******* 

     There was much to be considered. And this evening Stephen goes to bed with much on his mind. Seems like our children are small, then suddenly they're not. I guess it's that we often view them as small and we love them so …we want to protect them from everything. Never enough time for a parent to share all that needs to be shared …then they seem to be nearly grown-up, or grown enough to begin to leave the nest and learn to fly. Every dad who has a daughter dreams of the day she is set to get married. It is an awkward thing. The daughter dreams of the beauty and perfection of that day …and the dad dreams more of the perfection of the man she is to marry. But really, dads can't get beyond the dream. No man will ever come close to the dream. 

235 



     And certainly he never dreamed that Shannon would marry as early as eighteen! But what does he have to say about it? Truly he doesn't have the right to stand in the way. They say they love each other. They've been together through their entire youth …the years when love is the most sincere and innocent. They were even baptized together. A young man and woman now ready to bond together in the love of Christ …what more could anyone hope for? 

     The father of the daughter is to pay for the wedding. That is his responsibility. Cindy will help with all the details, but he has to find the caterer, and work out the expense. He will spare no expense! He will take their life's savings …fifty thousand dollars. It is his last chance to really do something for his daughter, who'd really never accepted him. But she will know how much he loves her. He will have the best for his daughter! 

    The caterer assures him that his daughter will have the best: at the expense of $179 for the knife to cut the cake; $500 for the cake itself, which is only 16 inches in diameter …and a single layer cake, at that! Well, everyone will at least get a mouse-bite. Everyone seems to be concerned about diet now-a-days anyway. 

    Stephen screams at the caterer, "No! No! No! If my daughter sees that cake, she'll cry! She'll say I ruined her wedding day! What is wrong with you! What if we took that approach with our troops …saying we are going to spare no expense, yet have nothing to show for it!" 

    Stephen leaps up in bed. What was that dream all about? I guess that Home Team skit affected me even more than I'd imagined. Got to get back to sleep …see if I can get some real rest. 

                                                                          236                                                                                                                                                                             



                                                                                                                                                                            X                                                             

    For the next several months, Shannon is convinced that Mom had always wanted a son. Shannon conceals most of what she feels. And she video-tapes everything.

   Shannon does great with Josiah. She is Mom’s best helper. And Mom needs a helper. After Stephen had attended the Thanksgiving Home Team event, it seemed like he was to blame for what the two moms had done. That was ridiculous, but after that, Cindy resumes what she considers her rightful spot with the other moms. She feels they need her. 

     Stephen tries to help around the house, but Shannon covers every need that Mom cannot fulfill with Josiah. Shannon also seems to be vying for her rightful spot with Mom, even if that translates into being just a helper. If Mom decides to shower while Josiah takes a nap and he wakes up early, Shannon runs to get him before Stephen can even get a chance to get involved. 

     Of course, with Josiah getting the double attention, Leah is still in need of some human contact. So Stephen continues to be the ‘Best Dad in the Whole World’, at least in one child’s eyes.



                                                                 ******* 

     Months, upon months, upon months …Josiah remains the main attraction. But at ten months, some of the attention temporarily shifts to Shannon for her twelfth birthday. 

     Stephen had observed Shannon using the video-camera enough that he finally figured out how to use it. Now it is his turn to video-tape the grand event.


    Stephen video-tapes as Ken and Fernye arrive. Shannon hugs and kisses Grandpa. Then it’s Fernye’s turn. She grabs Shannon’s cheeks. Shannon winces, but doesn't mind so much really. 

    When Stephen’s family arrives, Shannon gives them all hugs too. But as they all greet each other, Shannon turns her attention to Josiah. Only the video-camera shares in the moment as she grabs her little brother’s cheeks, copying Fernye’s style, “You’re so cute, Josiah Stephen.”

 As she gently pinches his cheeks, she kisses him, “You are the cutest!” 

237 



                                                                   ********* 

     Shannon had eaten too much birthday cake. She tosses and turns, then squints at the clock. It’s past midnight. She tosses and turns some more, then groans as she quietly gets up to use the bathroom.


    The bathroom is closer …closer to where she can hear. She hears Mom, “It was a wonderful day!”


    Stephen feels he is continually on the outside concerning Shannon, “Yes. But I wish Shannon would just call me, Dad. I hear the way she says, Josiah Stephen. I see the way she pinches his cheek.” 

    Stephen attempts to dwell on his exclusive treatment, “Hey, what was that?”


    Cindy tries to draw light to the darkness, “I pinched your cheek. I thought you were feeling left out.”


    Stephen is frustrated, “That hurt!”


    Cindy makes light of it, “I didn’t pinch you that hard!”

Stephen tries to bring light to his real point, “I don’t mean the pinch hurt. It hurts that neither you nor Shannon realize how much it does hurt. You both talk about how much he looks like me, and how he’s going to be like me. If he , Josiah Stephen, is so much like me, then how come the bigger version of him is so unhuggable?”



                                                              ************


    Stephen has a difficult time realizing how he fits into the family. Only Leah will beam with delight, at any moment with Dad or any mention of him. Leah is over two and a half years old now.


    Leah’s eyes light up and she smiles at Dad, “Daddy, you’re pretty.”


    Stephen laughs, “No, Daddy’s not pretty. Little girls like Leah and Shannon are pretty.”


    Leah persists, “Daddy’s beautiful.”


    Stephen smiles, “No, Daddy’s not beautiful. Mommy is beautiful.”


   Leah thinks for a second, “Okay, then Daddy is difficult.”


    Leah is a very sharp little girl. She catches on fast, even though some ideas are difficult to grasp. 

     Some ideas are difficult to grasp for most of us. But Mom is sure that reading the Bible to the children is not too difficult for them. Leah can already list the twelve tribes of Israel, and pronounce them better than Dad can. And if Leah doesn’t know something she just asks.


238 



     Leah asks Mom, “Why did Solomon have so many porcupines? Wouldn’t he get stuck by them?”


    Cindy merely replies, “He certainly did!”


    Stephen has nothing but praise for the job Cindy is doing with educating the children. But some things only Dad can explain. 

     It is a beautiful autumn day. Stephen is raking the leaves in the front yard.


    Leah inquires of Mom, “Where is Dad?”


    Cindy doesn’t really have a clue. But she looks about, “Dad is outside working.”


    Leah watches for a moment out the window, then tells Mom, “I want to help Dad work.”


    Cindy helps Leah get her fall attire on, then gets her that cute little rake of hers.


    Stephen is amazed by the way Leah works and tells her so, “Leah, you do better than most of the people at my work.”


    Leah beams with the expression of approval from Dad. When Leah works, she puts her all into it.


    Stephen and Leah finish up with the leaves just in time for Stephen to shower and get dressed for work. Leah takes it upon herself to change her clothes too, “I’m ready for work, Dad.”

    This is one of the most difficult things to do. His mind can tell him why he has to leave, but his heart does not want to accept it. It is especially difficult when touched by the loving heart of a child.


    Stephen attempts to explain, “That is a different kind of work. I work in a prison.”


    Leah sounds confused, “A prism?”


    Stephen smiles, recalling the small rainbow-maker that Leah liked so well, “Well, I guess there is some similarity between the two. We both try to reflect well on others.”


    Leah insists, “Why can’t you reflect here?”


    Stephen attempts to explain, “Because I need to earn money at work so we can pay for this house and give you food to eat and clothes to wear.”


    Leah disappears around the corner. Stephen hopes he hasn’t dashed her hopes. But Leah quickly returns with some Monopoly money, “Here’s forty dollars. Now can you stay home?”


    Stephen can’t help think of Leah’s precious little mind, turning over and over the question of why Dad has to leave. Leah hugs Dad’s leg and won’t let go, “Dad, don’t go to work!”


    Stephen kneels down to kiss Leah, then picks her up, giving her a big hug and handing her over to Mom. Leah rubs her eyes a couple times, but manages to get a small wave in, between tears. She softly whispers her final loving plea, “Don’t go to work, Dad!”


239 



     As Stephen backs out of the driveway, he looks to the window. Leah is standing at the window. She is just tall enough to look out. Stephen can see a tear trickle down her cheek. He can still hear her pleas echoing in his head. As Leah stands at the window, her silent pleas cut right to the heart. More tears gather to join the others. Her little hand waves as she wipes her eyes. 

    Cindy joins her in the window, resting her cheek against Leah’s, streaked with tears. In the background, Stephen can barely see the silhouette of Shannon video-taping this whole sequence of events.

**********

 For Josiah’s first birthday, Cindy has decided she wants to get him a dog. She insists, “Every boy needs a dog. They will be best friends.” 

Stephen tries to be polite and listen to the rationale.

 Cindy continues, “I’m going to be fairly busy this week. I have BSF today and Home Team tomorrow, then Women in Touch the following day. I was wondering if you could pick up the dog on your day off.” 

At this point, Stephen feels he has nothing much to say, “Sure.” 

The following day, Cindy is rushing around the house preparing to go to the Homeschoolers version of socialization ---Home Team. She tries to talk with Stephen amongst her flurry of activity, “I was dropping off Josiah at the nursery yesterday, so I could attend the BSF and . . .“ 

Stephen takes advantage of the pause, “I keep forgetting. What’s the BSF ?”

Cindy flows with the conversation, “Bible Study Fellowship …anyway, back to the point, there was a little girl there at the nursery who was weeping over mom’s departure. Just as the little girl might come to grips with it, one of the nursery workers noticed the little girl clutching onto a little stuffed animal. The nursery worker told the mom that one of their rules at BSF is that the children cannot have their own toys in the nursery. It’s just one of their rules. So, the mom, realizing that the study was about to start, grabbed the toy and left that little girl crying. She wouldn't stop crying and she cried intensely, the whole time. All for a silly rule!” 

Stephen asks, “Why do they separate the men and the women at the Bible Study?” 

Cindy's tone reflects the obvious, "Women have things in common ...things only they can discuss."

240


 Stephen realizes that Cindy did not get his point. He actually had a desire for a Bible study with Cindy and felt he had things to discuss with her. And besides, they have things in common too. They are husband and wife, and have children in common. He feels that is significant. Though Stephen also realizes that most of the women are not leaving their husbands alone to attend the fellowship. Most men are at work. It just so happens that Stephen works afternoon shift and this flurry of daytime activity frustrates him. 

Stephen tries not to pursue the point, but his frustration works its way out nonetheless, “So, what’s on the agenda for today? Away From Home Team again?” 

Cindy gets defensive, "That’s Home Team."

 Stephen does not relent, "Then why does the team stay home, while you go by yourself?"

 Cindy feels hurt by his accusations, continuing her defense, "We can't get any planning done with the children around. We have to have a plan! Our children can’t sit home all the time like you’d like. They do need some socialization. If we are Homeschooling, we do need to be responsible Homeschoolers and make sure our children receive all aspects of a balanced education …and that takes planning.” 

When the emotion begins to come out, it’s difficult to control. As much as Stephen would think he desires to stop, he continues, “And tomorrow you go to Women Out of Touch. I think I’m finally getting used to your schedule.”

At this point, Cindy does get Stephen’s point. But she also feels pressured by his expectations, and having been accused of being a woman ‘out-of-touch’, she responds as if she is, “Tomorrow, after Women in Touch, I’ll come back here for the children. The moms from Home Team are getting together at Caesarland to practice the skits for the children’s play. Since you also have tomorrow off, I thought it would provide the perfect time for you to get the dog for Josiah’s birthday. So, if that's all clear to you, I have to go …we have lots of planning to do!” 

As Cindy leaves, Stephen tries to look at the positive side …the side he should have focused on a few minutes ago, instead of having that negative exchange. Josiah probably doesn't know what a birthday is, tomorrow being only his first.

 Josiah is still very much at the exploring stage, spending much more time on his knees than he does with those awkward first steps. He appears to be in a good mood …very alert and seemingly focused on something.

 Leah is also very alert, always following after her brother with great concern. With closer inspection, she hollers out, "A ladybug!"

 241


 Stephen joins them, discovering countless ladybugs. They were taking over the house …a massive invasion!

 Stephen silently applauds Leah's sensitivity, as she asks, "Please, don't kill the ladybug!" And he captures one after another, releasing them back outside. Though he is certain that each time he let one out, three more entered in.

 Stephen wants to encourage Leah's sweet sensitivity towards the value of life …any kind of life being important. Maybe she will want to save the rain forest when she gets older …maybe join forces to save the environment. It is so good to have a child who is so concerned for life.

 Stephen spends the rest of the day carrying ladybugs outside.

 It is the same impression he will want to instill upon Josiah when he gets older. It's comforting to imagine your own children growing up without any negative learning in the form of cruelty, though surrounded by the likes of people who set up arenas to stage dog fights. The news has reported an increase in incidents of cruelty to animals, not to mention increased cases of child abuse and spousal abuse …which appears to be not looked into even as much as dog fights.

 Stephen doesn't want to get into another verbal fight with Cindy. She still is not home …and it is getting near bedtime.

 Shannon sits in the corner, reading a book. She is a great reader. She has kept to herself, saying nothing the entire time Mom has been gone.

 Stephen still feels compelled to fix sandwiches, or something. The children have not complained, but they must be hungry. Yet he is hesitant to fix something, half expecting her to return home at any moment. The last time he had fixed sandwiches, Cindy returned with the comments, "I already had a meal planned …I suppose you don't think I can do my job around here!"

 Stephen doesn't want to resume where he and Cindy had left off, so he attempts to distract the children in his usual way …by using humor, "Do you want to do something you've never done before, Leah?"

 Leah responds to the excitement in Dad's voice, "Yeah …Yeah!"

 Stephen offers his usual wide-eyed teasing expression, "How about brushing your teeth and going to bed without anything to eat?"

 Leah laughs, jumping into Dad's arms, "No, not that!"

 Josiah is distracted, eyeing up something on the window sill again. Nothing gets by Leah, it seems, "Look! Another ladybug, Dad!"

 Stephen laughs, "Okay, you can have a ladybug. But after that you're going to bed."

 Leah makes a face, "That would be yuck!"

 Stephen smiles at his adorable little daughter, "Of course it would be yuck …that's why you have to brush your teeth afterwards!" 

 242 



 Just then the door is heard. Cindy enters the room, "I can't believe how late it is! I sure hope you gave the children something to eat!"

 Stephen doesn't look up while he responds, "We were having so much fun, we lost track of the time too. But we were just about to have a snack."

 *********************

 It is Josiah's birthday …and Stephen is home alone, waiting for them to return from Caesarland. Stephen has dinner ready for the family. No one seems to like it much when Stephen cooks. It’s the thought that counts, except when Stephen is cooking …digestion counts for something too. At least he and the dog won’t go hungry.

 Even though they were supposed to have eaten long ago, they still probably weren't that hungry. And a cake purchased from Pete's Oven would suffice anyone's appetite.

 Stephen wasn't expecting a hug from Cindy, “A collie! You made such a lovely choice. Collies are such good dogs …just like Lassie.”

The dog already had a name …Lark. And it seemed like it was! Though it was more like a modest prank. Nevertheless, the dog wasn't at all like Lassie.

 And you couldn’t teach it. It would even flinch and draw back when you tried to pet it. It appeared to be afraid of everything, except your absence.

Lark was often left indoors, which Stephen and Cindy felt they had to do, being late autumn and getting rather cold. But once alone, the dog trashed the house. 

Eating a leg off the chair, gnawing on the china cabinet, and eating holes in the carpet were just modest things. The day the dog tipped over the multi-tiered plant stand and dragged the plants and black dirt throughout the entire house was enough for Cindy. She was ready to put an end to the Lassie privileges, the free roam of the house. 

Cindy is exasperated, “Whoever sold you that dog must have known something was wrong with it. We need to get our money back.” 

Stephen is matter-of-fact, “Can’t. I got it from the dog pound.”

Cindy tries to catch her breath, “The dog pound?”

 Stephen more than senses her disappointment in his decision, “Yes. We always did that when I was young. Knowing you’re saving a dog’s life is a good feeling.” 

Cindy cannot rid herself of her thought, “Well, this dog is nothing but a bad feeling. Are we going to save a dog at the expense of our children?”


243 



     Stephen dismisses that thought, “The dog appears to have been abused. But I don’t think the dog is at all vicious. With our extra care and consideration, you’ll see that the dog will become a very good dog. All we have to do is show the dog that there is a better life to be had.”

Yes. There is a better life to be had. Cindy feels she understands his point this time. It’s not the dog bite that needs to be feared. It’s the biting comments that the children are continually subjected to. Cindy chooses to bite her lip, per se.

 Shannon is in the next room video-taping Leah and Josiah as they play. But the audio of the tape would also pick up her and Stephen’s conversation in the background. Have to avoid that downward spiraling. There’s worse things in life than having to endure Stephen’s decision to keep the dog. The dog will probably be okay. Cindy will just pray about it.


*********** 

 It is Saturday night. There is a terrible windstorm. The dog, of course, is very cowardly. Even with the beginnings of a little rain, the dog will not go out. Then it turns to freezing rain, followed by terrible winds.


********* 

 Sunday morning appears like an entirely different day. And although it is probably still cold outside, the sun comes out. It appears warm from within, looking out. At least the heart is warm. It is Sunday. And every one is happily getting ready for church.

Even the dog seems to be in a better mood. The dog seems to be happy for the first time. Cindy is hesitant to conclude whether it is an answer to her prayer or whether the dog is in anticipation of soon relief from an overextended bladder. The dog had stayed in so long, extending into the previous day, it is probably in much pain.

 Anyway, the dog is let out first and Shannon is asked to take Leah out to head the happy parade to the garage.

That happy parade halts immediately as the dog begins barking so intensely that Leah bursts into tears.

 Shannon stands behind Leah encouraging her to move along. Cindy is holding Josiah in her arms. Upon hearing Leah’s cries, he begins to cry too. 

 244 



 A barking dog seems like no reason to halt the forward motion as far as Mom is concerned. She agrees with Shannon. It makes more sense to proceed on. Once on the way to church, the dog’s bark will soon fade away from the range of hearing. 

Cindy readjusts Josiah securely in one arm and attempts to steady herself by reaching for the fence. But before her reach can steady the situation, Leah’s tears turn into wails. Leah pushes Shannon, who in turn trips, falling against Mom, who clutches onto Josiah with both arms, bracing for her fall. 

Cindy cringes, anticipating a very painful landing. But instead she falls safely into Stephen's arms. 

Stephen calmly ushers everyone back inside the house. But Cindy’s frustration quickly builds, “Now we are not going to be to church on time!”

Stephen adds, “We seldom are.” 

The comment does not even register with Cindy. She is too focused on her own thoughts, “I don’t know what is wrong with that dog! I tried to take a positive attitude …I even prayed about it, but would God really want us to go through all this? Can we please get rid of the dog?” 

Stephen ignores Cindy’s request. He is staring out the window, appearing not to be even listening. This just adds to Cindy’s frustration. And to make matters even worse, Stephen suddenly bolts out the door, grabs the dog, and brings the dog inside.

 Cindy is in near tears. Not only is Stephen not listening to her concerns, he seems more concerned about that dog than he does her. And now they are really going to be late for church. 

Stephen finally turns to Cindy, “I think God has answered your prayers.”

Stephen grabs the phone by the door. He whips open the phone book. After a quick reference, Stephen dials a number.

 Cindy takes a breath of relief. She is certain Stephen finally sees it her way. He must be calling the dog pound. 

Cindy takes Shannon, Leah, and Josiah into the dining room for a small snack, a diversion from their tears …a diversion from Dad and Mom’s tense exchange. 

Stephen joins them after a few minutes. Cindy’s interest refocuses, “What did the pound say?” 

Stephen pops a cracker in his mouth, gathering his thoughts before speaking the words, “I didn't call the dog pound. That call was to Detroit Edison. Lark’s barking caused the domino effect that prevented us from touching the chain-link fence.” 

 245 



     Stephen takes a deep breath, “Do you realize what a close call that was? There is a downed power line against the fence. Lark saw that as an unwelcome intrusion and possibly spared you electrocution.” 

Cindy is embarrassed by her overreaction, “I think we should keep the dog …Lark, I mean.” 

Cindy takes a deep breath before her admission, “Why do we have to be continually shocked back to the realization that God’s ways are not our ways?”




                                           XI


    The following Sunday is nothing like the last. Everyone has been so thankful for Lark. Lark gets all sorts of love and attention throughout the week and is now acting less fearful and less mischievous.

 The sun is shining and bringing some warmth to the earth. And it is Stephen’s weekend off. That means that everyone can be more relaxed, not having to rush after church so Stephen can get to work.

On those weekends when Stephen doesn’t have to work, it means a trip to McDonalds after church. Cindy wants to try the food at a new carry-out restaurant. But the children will not let Mom get away with this. They have to stop first for McDonalds French fries. 

The French fries are demolished before they receive their order from the Luke Warm restaurant. It seems like a strange name for a restaurant, but the food is really good. 

Upon returning home, Josiah has a strange look on his face. And even stranger, this time he goes to Daddy instead of Mom. Josiah is always exclusively Mama’s boy. But on this occasion, he grabs Dad close. 

Stephen cherishes this moment and carries Josiah from the garage towards the house. Shannon runs ahead and is waiting at the door with the video-camera. But before Stephen can reach the house, Josiah vomits great volumes, all over Dad.

                                                                  246




    Cindy gets a panic look on her face and snatches up Leah, dashing past Stephen. She grabs a towel and meets Stephen and Josiah at the door. But the towel seems inadequate to clean up the stinking mess. 

Cindy gasps, “You’re shirt is caked in the stuff. It’s all the way down your pants and even in your shoes.” 

She gets ready to throw in the towel, then realizes something. More than inadequate, it seems even more insignificant …compared to the bonding that's taking place between Dad and Josiah. 

Cindy turns to Leah, “Let’s bake a cake. When Josiah gets better, we’ll celebrate and eat the cake.” 

Leah’s eyes light up, the way they do when she is with Dad. But then she takes a more serious look, almost pleading, “But not the kind of cake on Dad’s shirt, okay?” 

This is a special moment for Cindy and a breakthrough for her and Leah. At this moment, Cindy realizes she has not spent much time with Leah. And she had not allowed Stephen much opportunity to really interact with Josiah either.

Cindy does quite well with going to activities with her three children, but this particular event strongly specifies adults only. Most everyone would say that every couple needs time to go out without their children, but Stephen and Cindy disagree. They have no problem taking their children everywhere …they actually prefer it. They agree at least on being with their children. In truth, Stephen prefers being with them at home and Cindy enjoys going places with them.

But this particular occasion, they have no choice. Children are not invited. It was supposed to be a special time for only adults to relax and share.

Being as it is, Stephen and Cindy feel really awkward with the arrangement. But Cindy does want to go. And Stephen gives her the go ahead, “There are several single women in the church who might feel awkward going by themselves. You should call one of them to go with you.” 

Cindy feels hurt, “I want to go with you. All the husbands and wives will be together. I know you don’t like to go anywhere, but can’t you just this once? We’ll only be gone an hour.” 

Cindy makes sure that she feeds Josiah his favorite …sweet potatoes. Then Josiah is given several bite size portions of the pizza everyone else is eating. Then Cindy breast-feeds Josiah to make him both full and content. 

Shannon, Leah, and Josiah are all happy to be at Grandpa’s. As Stephen and Cindy depart, the children hardly notice. They are happily playing. Cindy reminds her Dad, “We’ll be back in an hour …or two. Thanks again, Dad.”


247



 It is the annual Christmas party. As they arrive, Stephen whispers, “Whoever heard of a Christmas without children!” 

Cindy grabs him by the back of his upper arm, “It’s not the Christmas part, but the party part.” 

As they begin to mingle, the host of the party points out the back table, “There’s plenty of good food. Help yourself.” 

As they approach the food table, Stephen kisses Cindy on the cheek and whispers in her ear, “So this is their Christmas party? Looks more like they are celebrating Secretary’s Day.”

 Lisa Stone approaches, calling out, “Cindy! ...Stephen!”

Stephen takes his eyes off the food for only a moment, “Oh, hi Lisa.”

Cindy shows more interest, “Lisa, I was hoping you’d be here tonight. How was your trip to Israel?” 

Lisa laughs, “You mean, besides being too short?”

Cindy wants to hear all about it, “I know, even a month would be too short. But I’m sure you must have visited some real interesting places. What did you enjoy seeing the most?” 

Lisa doesn’t offer much, “The Kibbutz.”

Cindy waits for Lisa to explain, but Lisa’s mind seems to be somewhere else, perhaps still on vacation. Cindy politely asks, “What’s a Kibbutz?” 

Lisa rushes her answer, “Oh, a Kibbutz is a collective farm. A small community anywhere from a hundred to a thousand members who all work the farm together, eat together, . . . they virtually do everything together. And they share all decisions about running the Kibbutz.” 

Lisa takes a deep breath, “I don’t mean to change the subject, but could I talk to you, Cindy, about something else?” 

Cindy welcomes almost any conversation, “Sure. We can actually talk now, if you’d like.” 

Lisa’s anxiousness is even more evident now, “Better yet, how about I call you in the morning. This place isn’t exactly the most ideal for private conversation. You almost have to shout to get heard.” 

Stephen and Cindy are about to leave, when Donna runs up to them, “Oh, you’re leaving so soon? We’re having so much fun. It’s so good to see you two together, without the kids. When is your husband’s next day off, Cindy?”

Cindy hesitates, “Next Friday.” 

Donna jumps right in, “It’s arranged then. Next Friday, I’m taking you out to lunch and a movie. You take care of those three kids all day, and all week. You need a break. I’m sure your husband won’t mind. Any loving husband should encourage his wife to get out of the house and have time to herself …at least once a week.”


248 



    Cindy politely declines the Friday outing. She doesn’t want to leave Josiah for that long. All the Homeschool moms always bring their children to their activities. It just seems like the right thing to do. She doesn’t want to go into detail to others on how she is still breast-feeding Josiah and doesn’t leave him, or the rest of the children for any length of time.

 Stephen reassures Cindy that she doesn’t need to explain her position to everyone. His advice is …just politely decline. 

***

 What Cindy does wonder about, is why Lisa never calls back. But she doesn’t want to call Lisa. It seems like one of those moments where you sense something important on the person’s mind, but you want to give the person the avenue of choice when to discuss the important matter. 

Cindy doesn't know what to do. Thinking seems to wear thin on discretion. Cindy decides that she’ll not intrude during the holidays, but she’ll call Lisa after the first of the year.

***

 It is New Year’s Day morning when Lisa calls, “Hi, Cindy. This is Lisa Stone. I’m sorry I haven’t got back with you sooner. It’s been rough on me through the holidays. Oh, no! He just pulled up in his squad car. I’ve got to go! Could you please pray for me and my husband? I have this Wednesday off and I’ll get into more detail at the Wednesday prayer group. Gotta go!”

Drake comes in the door, “Who was that on the phone?” 

Lisa feels intimidated, but also angry, “That was Cindy from church. I asked her to pray for us.” 

Drake counters, “What business does she have with our affairs?”

Lisa gets confrontive herself, “Prayer is God’s business. And you could stand to invest a little in that business if you care about our future. And let’s get one more thing straight …it’s not our affairs.”


*** 

 Wednesday, Cindy gets the children all ready to go to prayer group at church. With a few snacks in tow, the children’s behavior is usually fairly well in church. And Cindy feels it is good training for them to learn to sit still, listen to others’ needs, and then listen to the prayers.


249 



 Lisa’s soft tears transform. A tone of anger and bitterness replaces the genuine hurt, “I want prayer for all the wives who have husbands in law enforcement. Most of you know my husband, Drake. Well, he just notified me last evening that he is leaving me. Some people say that a working wife is one reason why trouble begins in a marriage. Well, the reason I started working was because I felt he didn’t respect me. I was never one to stand up for women’s lib. Nor am I for it. I would normally agree that a woman’s place is in the home. The problem I encountered a couple weeks ago, was another woman’s place in my home. Drake had thought I’d gone to work, but it was my day off. When I returned from grocery shopping, I discovered a female officer assisting Drake in patrolling my bedroom.” 

Cindy whispers a command to the children that brings immediate obedience, “We’re going to McDonald’s!” 

Cindy scoops up Josiah with Shannon and Leah marching in line out the door. Cindy doesn’t want stories of this nature to penetrate their precious innocent ears. She had made every effort to shelter them, from television and movies. She hadn't anticipated that some church members' lives are very much the same. Though she understands they need a place to bring their burdens. That’s why some churches probably decide to have separate children’s activity to avoid any possible censorship.

Shannon, Leah, and Josiah fall asleep early this evening. Cindy falls asleep while they are having prayer together, during her own prayer. It is now ten o’clock. Cindy wakes up. She is certain she heard the phone ring. 

The phone rings. Cindy is still half asleep, but manages to find the phone, "Cindy Razohn . . ." 

Over the phone, “Hi, Cindy. This is Lisa Stone.” 

Cindy yawns, “I put the children to bed. We prayed for you. Then I dozed off, I guess.” 

Lisa has much anxious energy, “Thank you so much for praying for me. I felt you may be the one person who really understands. I was praying for you, right before I called.” 

Cindy yawns, “Thank you.” 

Lisa has much to say, “I’ve been praying for you for over a month now. You may wonder how I know. Rest assured, your husband hasn’t talked to me about it. It’s just a gift of mine. But I didn’t know how to mention it, until I saw you leave church early this evening. I’m sorry I brought out the painful feelings you are having.” 

Cindy tries to be polite, but she is slightly agitated, “What are you talking about?”
                            250                           




Lisa is more than eager to explain, “Well, haven’t you noticed anything lately. It might not be real obvious. Sometimes husband and wife drift slowly apart and they don’t even realize it. It begins with a guilt that drives a person to become defensive all the time. Or they busy themselves with various things and become distracted and uncharacteristically quiet. Has your husband increased his time with his hobbies?” 

Cindy can’t hide her agitation, “My husband doesn’t have any hobbies. He stays home all the time. And you work with him. I’m sure you see how professional he is at work too.” 

Lisa agrees, “Yes. He’s very good with the female prisoners. Always a gentleman and always appropriate. But that’s not my point. I don’t just get those feelings for nothing. It’s a gift I have. I can tell you are not happy. And there are reasons you and your husband are drifting apart. It may not be at the stage where you notice it quite yet. But once it rears its ugly head, it’s too late. Believe me, I know.” 

Cindy can’t take this any longer, “I don’t know if I believe any of this conversation. Maybe I’m still asleep.” 

Lisa gets a little frustrated, “I can’t help it if you don’t believe me. And I don’t blame you. The first defense is always denial. No one wants to believe this is happening to them. But I just feel it’s my responsibility to say something. I’d hate to think I could have helped prevent it, but chose not to because I was afraid how you’d receive what I had to say. Just do me a favor. Sit down and talk to your husband. It could be that neither of you even realize you’ve been drifting apart. People don’t just fall out of love. It happens gradually and both people usually don’t even see it coming. Here’s a test …ask him how he feels about his commitment towards you. If trouble has already arrived, he will avoid answering you directly, or he will turn the question back on you.”

 Cindy doesn't see it coming, "If you feel you have a gift in this area, then why didn’t you see it before it happened to you?” 

Cindy immediately feels sorry that she said this.

 Lisa had asked for prayer and is obviously hurting. But Lisa takes it in stride, “Our own emotions sometimes block our gifts. That’s why we sometimes need another person to point out things concerning ourselves.” 

*****

 Shannon is playing with Josiah. She gets him his favorite toy. He moves the ladder up and down. He presses the button and Shannon makes a fire siren sound. Josiah had pressed the button so many times, the battery is worn out. He tries to imitate Shannon’s siren sound and Shannon laughs.


        251




Leah is reading a book. She loves books. She already has learned to read most of them, but she has Dad read instead. She loves the way Dad uses his different character voices.

Shannon video-tapes Josiah playing with the fire truck. When she plays the tape back, you can hear Dad’s character voices in the background.


Cindy comes through the door with McDonald’s. Leah shrieks, “Oh, Mommy, thank you. I love French fries.”


As Leah pops a French fry into her mouth, Dad kisses her on the top of the head, “I love Leah.”


Leah laughs, “I love Daddy and I love Mommy. But I love French fries too.”


Cindy approaches the table, “What about me?”


Stephen looks up, “She included you. She said she loves Daddy and Mommy.”


As Stephen sits down, Cindy remains standing, “I meant you.”


Stephen is bewildered, but aims to clear up any misunderstood
exclusiveness, “I love you all!”


Cindy confronts, “What type of person do you love, Stephen?”


Stephen is feeling very uncomfortable, “I don’t understand. I don’t love a type of person, I love my family. Is that a question you were asked at the Women in Touch meeting?”


Cindy recalls how Lisa said that a husband in a troubled marriage will avoid answering directly. She had tried not to recall that, but the thought keeps creeping into her mind, “Do you have to be so evasive? Can’t you just answer the question?”


Stephen had felt they were improving their conversation with each other, but he feels the old exchange making a comeback. He fights the frustration, “You are the type I love.”


Cindy questions with pointed concern, “The type you love? Not the one you love, but the type ?”


Stephen loses the battle against his frustration, “It was your question! I was just answering the question the way you asked it.”


Cindy can’t prevent that downward spiral feeling, “How much do you feel committed to my love?” 

Stephen doesn’t want to discuss it in front of the children, but at this point there’s no turning back, “Am I going to be graded on this? To be honest with you, I struggle with how much I feel you’re committed to me.”


Cindy cringes. She doesn’t want to hear this, but she knows she has opened it up.


Stephen is not through, “I feel you are committed to Home Team. I feel you're committed to Women in Touch. I feel you’re committed to the whole curriculum of the world’s activities, but not to me.”


252 



Cindy is hurt. She doesn’t speak. Stephen is sorry. He tries to soften it, “I know the things you do are good and honorable, but it often seems Christian activity does well in masking and distracting our family union. And what about our roles as husband and wife? Sometimes I feel you’re married to those activities and not to me.”


So much for softening it. He should've left that last part out. But he didn't …and now he is left out. 

     These are their last words. Stephen has to go to work. He doesn’t want to be late. As he heads out the door, they don’t share each other’s tears. Both husband and wife process their own pain ...each shedding tears the other cannot see.


******** 

 Cindy cannot see the hour. The van clock does not work. She is not aware of the actual time, but she knows it is late …especially late for the children.

 She does not have the convenience of an automatic garage door opener with a light. The garage door itself had recently malfunctioned. Meanwhile, it is left in the up position. Stephen had instructed Cindy to leave it that way until he could get it fixed. He also told her that the light switch was just inside the garage, and for her to please use it instead of turning on the interior lights of the van.


Yes, the highly esteemed van. It wasn’t just the garage door or the van lights, but the van itself. To say she received a van for their Anniversary seemed like a very admirable thing. What other wife could boast of receiving a van for an Anniversary gift? 

 But Cindy did not boast, nor was she inclined to. If she ever felt the slightest urge to, this event would shut the door on any future consideration. The never to be forgotten, Anniversary van! This would beat the dog pound birthday surprise.

 Stephen had purchased a 1990 Transport …for the price of one hundred dollars. Financially, they weren’t doing too well at this moment. Stephen happily announced that he felt it was a lot of money, but she could consider it a combined gift for Mother’s Day and her birthday.


Cindy had not been able to contain her tears. The van was old enough to vote. And a month later, Cindy still found herself in tears, now and then.


Stephen’s focus was obviously different. This was the fifth time in a month that Cindy had left on the interior lights, averaging at least once a week. Stephen had let her know of this detail as he returned inside. And they were on their second battery, increasing the price of the van to half again. 

253                                                                                                                         



For mid-Spring, it is a record cold day. Stephen has a cold, and is very congested. If that doesn’t create enough difficulty in itself, he has to go outside and jump start the van.

 He is familiar with the routine. First he’d have to push the van out of the garage, then back out the Cavalier that he takes to work. It’s not a difficult chore at all, it’s just so cold, not to mention this dreaded head cold.

 Stephen has been frustrated trying to make ends meet. He would not accept help from anyone. He wanted to make it on his own. He also justified not accepting family help by stating it was God’s provision and they were to live within the means God provided. 

Stephen knew he’d made a rather unpopular decision. He knew he wasn’t going to get away with stating the van was a combined gift, covering their Anniversary, Mother’s Day, and her birthday. So, for Mother’s Day, he bought Cindy a new car battery. And shortly afterwards, for her birthday, he gave her a cellular phone. The van had suddenly tripled in value. 

Stephen returns inside, coughing and wheezing after having jumped the van. He has the cellular phone in his hand. The phone still has a charge. It’s too new yet, to have experienced the same demise as the van. 

Cindy feels a need to defend herself, “I can’t just stay home all the time. Everyone needs to get out.” 

Stephen coughs a couple times more, “What if I’m gone to work and one of the children has an emergency and you need to get them to the hospital?”

Cindy simplifies it, “I’ll call my Dad.” 

Stephen hands the cell phone to Cindy, “Here, call your Dad.” 

The computer beeps out the number as Cindy attempts to call her Dad. She waits and waits, until conceding, “He’s not home.” 

Stephen is well-familiar with Ken’s routine, “Exactly. That is, assuming you’d be able to keep the phone charged, there’d always be the possibility that he wouldn’t be home.” 

Cindy feels Stephen is too reactive, “I’ll call the ambulance if my Dad’s not home. Okay, I’m sorry. It’s just a habit. I don’t know how to stop.” 

Stephen continues to pursue the point, “Do you ever hear the voice that says, don’t turn on the interior lights?” 

Cindy admits, “Well, yes I do have that interior thought, attempting to remind me not to turn on the interior lights.” 

Stephen does not accept a mere admission, “Well, it’s like the interior Light of the Holy Spirit. When the Holy Spirit speaks quietly to our heart and our mind, do we just dismiss the thought and do our own thing, or do we respond to the thought?”


254                                                                                                                         

Cindy confesses, “Okay, I know each time that I’m not to mess with the precious van light. But each time I rationalize how tired I am, how late it is, and I just turn it on …because I feel I have the right to! I’m sorry.”

Stephen looks at this as less than a confession. It’s more like a bold statement that she continues to run the battery down because she has the right to.

 He exposes his real frustration, “Well, you and your rights caused me to have to go outside in the cold. I’m already sick. Even the prisoners at work know that I’ve been feeling sick. A few of them have even prayed for me. They seem to care more about my health than you do.” 

Cindy feels really hurt. And the hurt carries into the next day. The next day is born with contrast. There is an unbelievable turn around in temperature. It is 86° outside and humid. And Stephen’s cold is without notice. It appears he is totally well. 

Things are not totally well with Cindy though. In a day of contrasts, she feels the same. Yesterday her husband felt the sting of the cold air, but today she still feels the sting of yesterday’s cold remarks, criticism, and rejection.


    Stephen does not acknowledge the hurt. He is no longer feeling lousy. He feels the sun has risen and born a new day. He returns inside from changing the oil on the van.  And he hugs Cindy. 

But Cindy pulls back, “You're sticky.”  She holds the hurt inside, “I’m sorry, but it’s not comfortable hugging you. You’re so hot.”


    Stephen isn’t going to let anything ruin the lovely day, “That’s what Miss Venture said.”


    Cindy’s hold begins to loosen, “Who is Miss Venture?”


    Stephen looks softly into Cindy’s eyes, “Our newest admission at work. She got sent to her room for two hours for saying it."


    Cindy had not been listening closely, “For saying what?”


    Stephen smiles, “For saying, I’m so hot.”


    Cindy doesn’t know why, but she laughs.

255    


                                      XII                                                                          



“I gotta pee.” Josiah is beginning to get it, finally. He had been a real struggle on the potty-training battlefield. Stephen blamed it on the hectic schedule of daily activity. Cindy is just thankful the day has finally arrived.

Cindy had tried to convince Josiah that it was okay to get rid of the pee. "It’s not part of you. The pee is the part that you can’t use." 

Cindy thinks of all the P ’s she needed to get rid of that she couldn’t use. Especially the Pain of Pride and Pretentiousness. 

She hadn’t really seen herself as being prideful. She did well in public and dealing with all sorts of personalities. But aside from that, she bordered on low self-esteem. How could someone who thinks so low of themselves, think so high of themselves? Was it the striving to achieve that which one never believes they can achieve? 

Cindy couldn’t get rid of that restless desire for something more or different from what she had. And Cindy was especially interested in a wide variety of ideas on childbearing and child-rearing. She did not explore every culture, but perhaps there would be some merit in seeking the range of Prime minister ideals of a parliamentary type to the elite class of a regular minister who thinks he is prime. 

While Cindy breast-feeds, she reads. There are not too many things you can do while breast-feeding, so Cindy reads. She reads all sorts of pretentious claims. Many of the authors seem to share the common thread. They also seem to struggle with their P ’s, though few would be found to admit it. A sincere search for truth, could separate the pious from the pompous, the paradoxical, paranormal ....the paranoia. 

 Cindy carries books with her everywhere. And she is an excellent reader. The trouble is in the fact that the excellent reader is often influenced by the excellent writer. And the writers are usually bent on competition and comparison ---pressing on, to impress. 

Cindy does well not only with reading, but with communicating the ideas as well. She is very congenial and bright. Others are drawn to her by her high level of positive energy. But they don’t see the driven force behind the power train. There remains that nagging feeling. That restless desire for something more or different. It can be summed up by one word, 'discontentment ’.
256 
    


During the years when Cindy was teaching, she felt she’d been steadier and more goal-directed. She had reached her peak with the national debate on prayer in school. But then afterwards, she felt she’d been duped.

 She tried to avoid admitting it to herself, but she was angry. She did well with controlling the anger outwardly, but inwardly it was a different story. She felt like she always had to be doing something. And her life became activity saturated.

 At times she tried to slow down, especially in response to the urging by Stephen. During these times she attempted to correct her path and walk in righteousness.

 She had attended a Basic Life Principles seminar with Stephen during their courtship. She had kept all the books. And in visiting their home you’d observe that, as a family, they were adhering to the principles. But inwardly, there were huge struggles. 

Cindy had friends who also adhered to the principles. Some tried to grow and step further into the principles and even develop some of their own standards which they felt were consistent with the principles. Cindy felt they were good friends with good intentions, but others quickly labeled them as 'legalistic '. 

There was no Pharisaism, no painful self-righteousness. And they didn’t force their beliefs on others. They just wanted to grow. Others didn’t agree that it was spiritual growth, therefore terming it 'legalistic ’. 

Cindy respected these people. They were not boastful, showy, or prideful. And the lengths they went to, were actually very humbling at times. Especially with the sometimes harsh and sometimes cruel guidance of others. While on one hand that guidance by others is often times untimely, the Holy Spirit brings us to the place of peace and confidence, in His time.


    Cindy sincerely wants to do what was right. She knows she has a problem with the husband-wife relationship, and she wants to do it God’s way. A flurry of activity during the day doesn’t leave much time for prayer or quiet reflection.



    Cindy feels she'd missed the avenue that the Holy Spirit usually travels. She hadn’t slowed down enough to realize it, so in desperation she decides to pick up a roadmap to find her way. A roadmap is difficult to use if you are so lost that you don’t have a clue where you are. But nevertheless, Cindy picks up her Bible, and tries to find her way.


    Picking up the Bible is not always well-received by friends. And good intentions are not always well-received. Good intentions, by themselves, may get you nowhere. On the other hand, good intentions in seeking out God, is a path to truth. That path may be easy, or it may be painful.  More often, it may be confusing ...because in trying to discern the avenue the Holy Spirit travels, we often lose sight that the Holy Spirit travels that path of truth with the Father and Son, the three being One.


257                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

    The avenue of change often is a paved road with signs directing others towards what they should change.  The change is mixed with a concern for what others think. And with the advice of others, there is always some in favor and some against whatever action is being contemplated. 

    The Holy Spirit is neither confusing nor whimsical. The direction that God desires to take us, though decisive, may not always be the path we may anticipate it to be. 

    Cindy locates a particular subject that had been on her mind. She reads what the Bible says about head coverings. She has some friends who, after having read the same reference in the Bible, had decided to wear a head covering. Cindy is undecided, and decides to read the passage again.


    Should she try it? She needs to try something!


    Cindy looks up at the clock. Suddenly she remembers that she had scheduled everyone for hair-cuts. Half an hour from now, at eleven o’clock, is the first appointment. Cindy closes her Bible and finishes getting everyone ready.


    Cindy looks at the clock again. Everyone is ready, except Stephen. Cindy loads everyone up. She leaves the motor running and returns to the back door, hollering inside, “I’m waiting on you! I'm waiting on you!”


    Stephen rounds the corner, “You’re not a very good waiter.”


    Cindy only detects his tone, “What?”


    Stephen grabs his wallet, “A waiter is one who serves, not waiting for someone.”


    Cindy gets defensive, “Waitress, in my case. Now why are you getting on my case. Are you upset because I’m asking you to buy us breakfast? Did you expect me to make you breakfast?”


    Stephen takes a deep breath, “No, I was just speaking in general terms.”


    Cindy observes, “Well, let’s avoid using terms like a General.”


    As they get in line at the McDonald’s drive-thru, they realize breakfast is through and they are serving lunch. They also realize that the line is not only long, but also extremely slow. 

     Cindy is behind the wheel, so she is in charge. She is in charge of her spontaneous decisions. She cuts the wheel sharply and cruises to the drive-thru at Taco Bell. There is no line. And Cindy orders for the entire family.


    It is still five minutes to eleven. Cindy smiles, “Right on schedule”, as she pulls in front of the hair salon. “You can go first, Shannon. I’ll save a taco for you. You’ll be done in five minutes.”


258                                                                                                                         

    Stephen follows Shannon inside. Shannon finds the lady who has cut her and Mom’s hair for several years now. 

     Cindy is still parked outside with Leah and Josiah. Stephen joins them as they are already inhaling their tacos. Shannon is in plain view from where they are parked.

Cindy sets a soft taco aside for herself and one for Shannon. She has already divvied up the rest. She decides to share with Stephen what she had been reading earlier, “In the Bible, it says that the women wore head coverings. Do you think I should wear one?”


    Stephen is familiar with the reference, “I don’t see the point.”


    Cindy informs, “To humble myself to you.”


    Stephen sees it differently, “Maybe a head covering humbled women back then, but the women you’ve told me about don’t really wear a head covering. It’s more like a head decoration. I remember reading somewhere, I think it was Benjamin Franklin, who said he tried once to see how humble he could be. And he said the closer he felt he was, the further he truly was.”

    Cindy tries to explain, “It’s more than humbling myself. It’s a way of showing my submission to you. You said I serve everyone else well, but have a difficult time serving you.”


    Stephen maintains his thought, “I still think it’s more like a head decoration than a head covering. But you say it’s not showing humility as much as it is a reminder to you …to submit to me?”


    Cindy feels no encouragement from Stephen in this area. She shows her hurt, “You think if I wore a head covering, it would just be prideful?”


    Stephen tries to avoid the trap, “I don’t know what it would be.”


    Cindy challenges, “I know I haven’t been serving you, but why do you oppose my trying? What do I need to do to show you that I want to try? I think you want more than humility.”


    Stephen refutes that statement, “No, I didn’t say that. I’m not suggesting this be a public confession. This is between you and me. I think it is enough that you try. It’s up to you whether you wear a head covering or not.”


    Stephen feels too much of his own hurt. He doesn’t notice the degree of hurt Cindy is feeling. He doesn’t realize how much she wants to change. She wants Stephen to believe in her. But Stephen doesn’t see it that way. He also doesn’t see what Cindy is doing.


    Stephen suddenly feels terrible. As Cindy goes inside the salon for her appointment, he suddenly realizes the extent of his failure to encourage. She has a soft taco shell on her head as a head covering …the shreds of lettuce and cheese completing the adornment.


    Stephen feels he is responsible for the coronation. He had brought Cindy not to humility, but provoked her to humiliation.


   Cindy has everyone’s attention as she approaches the desk, “I think I’d like a complete shampoo first.”

259 



     Stephen opens his eyes. Cindy is obviously already up. Shannon and Mom are talking downstairs. Stephen listens a bit longer, and hears Leah and Josiah playing. 

     As Stephen’s senses awaken, the smell of those delectable crispy hash browns add to the unfolding moment.


    Stephen is about to get up, but an alternate thought crosses his mind. Perhaps he should rest in bed a bit longer. He doesn’t want to ruin Cindy’s potential surprise. Breakfast in bed would be a wonderful Father’s Day surprise. 


    Stephen waits. He listens to the sound of forks skating across the plates. Stephen feels less and less that he will be served breakfast in bed. He gets up slowly and heads into the bathroom. After brushing his teeth and gargling with mouthwash, Stephen heads downstairs.


    Cindy meets Stephen at the bottom of the stairs, “Did you forget that church was moved up to ten o’clock?”


    Stephen covers a yawn, “Yes, this week and all the way through Labor Day. I'm up, am I not!”


    Cindy continues to smile, “Not giving much time for opening up your Father’s Day gifts. Happy Father’s Day.” 

     Cindy kisses Stephen, then grabs the video-camera.


    Josiah, Leah, and Shannon are all lined up on the sofa, each with a hand or two behind their backs. The clever concealment brings a smile to the faces of Leah and Josiah. Shannon is alert and observant, as usual, not missing a thing, except a smile on her face.


    Stephen approaches Josiah first, “How is my big boy doing this morning?”


    Stephen tickles the bottom of Josiah’s bare feet. Josiah laughs and falls to one side of the sofa. Stephen acts surprised, “Oh, what is this?”


    Josiah had temporarily forgotten about the gift. It is so cute. He shifts gears quickly from tickle mode to serious mode, “Oh, Happy Father’s Day.” Josiah hands over the gift.


    Stephen unwraps the gift. It is shaving cream, aftershave, and disposable razors. “Oh, thank you, Josiah. I think I’ll have to use this gift first.” 

    Stephen rubs a hand across his yet unshaven face, then kisses Josiah.


    Cindy adds, “I know you never use aftershave, but it was a package deal.”


    Leah beams as she pulls the package from behind her back, “Happy Father’s Day, Dad!”


    Stephen opens the gift, “Oh, a canteen! Thank you, Leah. Now Daddy will be able to survive if he ever gets stranded along the road. I've never seen a canteen this big before. It could last for days." 

    Stephen leans forward and kisses Leah, "But I couldn’t last too many without all of you. I hope I don't ever get stranded."

260                                                                                                                                                                                                         

    Leah reminds Dad, “You won’t get stranded. I pray to God every night that you will be safe.” 

     Stephen kisses Leah again, “Thank you, Leah.” Then he tries to quickly kiss Shannon, trying to catch her off guard. 

     But Shannon is too quick. She pulls the present from behind her back, and Stephen ends up kissing the gift package.


    Stephen opens the package. It is a shirt. 

    Shannon quickly pulls Leah on her lap as a shield. Stephen tries to smile through his frustration, “Oh, thank you, Shannon. You knew I needed a shirt!”


    Stephen picks up Josiah and places him on Leah, who is sitting on Shannon’s lap. Stephen puts his arms around them all for a group hug, “Thank you all so very much.”


    Holding them all together in one big captive hug, Stephen kisses Shannon on the forehead, “I love you all.”


    Shannon wipes the kiss off her forehead, making an obvious statement. Stephen hides the hurt, “You all make Dad feel so very special.”


    They are all loaded in the van, waiting for Dad. He rushes out the door, showered and shaved …and with his new shirt on. Cindy wants to say something, but bites her lip.


    Traditionally, they have a little fun on Father’s Day, handing out awards at the beginning of the church service. And tools are the common gift of choice. The main award always goes to the newest declared dad.


    Dave Stage proudly stands, “My wife Sherry gave us a boy, Jonah, just four days ago.”


    Ray Isaac stands, smiling and joking, as usual, “Technically speaking, Dave has been a dad for nine months and four days. Claudia and I are waiting until the birth to find out whether ours will be a boy or a girl, but in either case, I’ve been a dad for four months.”


    Pastor Tom smiles, “Okay, Ray…we all agree that upon conception, it is a child. We’ll give you a gift too.”


    At the end of the service, Ken and Fernye join a host of others gathering around Dave and Sherry with little Jonah at center stage. 

    Fernye gushes, “Now that’s the cutest baby I’ve ever seen!”


    Shannon stands behind the group, hidden from view. She peers through the group at baby Jonah. He doesn’t look that overly cute to her. She wonders why everyone seems to favor boys.


    Fernye leans over to try to conceal her words to Cindy, “Speaking of cute, where did that husband of yours get that shirt?”


261                                                 




    Cindy is surprised. Fernye usually doesn’t comment about anyone in a negative way. But that shirt definitely stood out as the ugliest shirt she'd ever seen. 

     Cindy whispers, “Don’t let Shannon hear you say that. She picked it out herself and wrapped it up. I didn’t see it until it was unwrapped today. I had to bite my lip ---twice. I certainly didn’t think he’d wear it to church.”

    On the way home from church, no one says much. Shannon breaks the silence as she blurts out, “You weren’t supposed to wear that shirt to church! It’s a work shirt!”


    At that moment, Cindy wonders whether Shannon had heard the conversation between her and Fernye. The way Shannon had blurted it out, she could barely contain herself. 

     Cindy feels terrible. She wishes she could be more like Stephen, and not care about those things.


    Stephen continues to wear the shirt to work. He has four work shirts. And every fourth day he wears the shirt, right in rotation. 

    Cindy keeps her thoughts to herself. At least with Stephen working on a woman’s unit, she doesn’t have to worry about any of the patient-prisoners being attracted to him. The Father’s Day shirt is the worst, but the other three shirts are rather hideous too.


    Stephen’s concerns at this time are not with the prisoners. Stephen considers it a blessing working with Lisa Stone, but the other workers are the problem. They either don’t care what goes on, or their care is in the opposite direction. It is difficult when co-workers are opposed to every thing you do. And this is the case concerning Elsie and Team.


    Stephen had never heard of the name ‘Team’ before. She is definitely not a team player, though she does team up with Elsie. The character, not the name, is what matters, but sadly enough, the entire facility has many characters like this …though only these two have the privilege of targeting Stephen. 

    Elsie and Team begin to complain to the unit supervisor, building their case. Continually, they accuse Stephen of being too lenient and providing no consistency. The complaints travel beyond the shift supervisor to the head supervisor, just below the Director. 

    Stephen has to come in early to meet with the supervisor. Elsie and Team are there also. They have a long list of accusations. Stephen sits quietly and listens as they read them off.


   The head supervisor turns to Stephen, “Do you have any problems working with Elsie or Team?”


    Stephen answers politely, “I feel they share the common goals of many who work here.”


262 



    Stephen hesitates, then surprises everyone present, including himself, “I often disagree with Elsie and Team, but that’s okay. Life in the prison has always held two different schools of thought. And each school of thought is represented by a rather large constituency. I personally believe that every person is a human being and is no better a human being than anyone else. I call that respect. I am thankful that God provides the opportunity to show that respect to those who seldom receive it. On the other hand, there are those who believe that prisoners are less than human. If a fight takes place and one prisoner is kicking the other in the head, they believe that’s okay. They’d prefer the prisoners do each other in. This appears to be a popular view, but one I do not share. I cannot stand by and watch this sort of thing, therefore, in principle, I often stand in opposition to my co-workers, creating an appearance of inconsistency. My question to you is, what would be most consistent with what you’d like to see be achieved?” 

                                                              *************** 

    Cindy is working on her ‘Mom’s in Touch’ booklet and study questions. Stephen walks into the room. He sits in a chair across from her, waiting for her to look up. Stephen feels Cindy is so in-depth in her study that she doesn’t notice he is even there.


    As Stephen gets up and walks to the other room, Cindy calls out, “How’s work been?”


    Meanwhile, Shannon sits in the chair which Stephen had just vacated. Stephen returns to the room and stands distantly to the side, “It’s been hectic. I’ve wanted to discuss some things with you.”


    Cindy does not look up, “Go ahead!” She keeps on writing in her booklet.


    Stephen feels he has less than her full attention, “It can wait. You probably want to concentrate on your study?”


    Cindy looks up now, “Unlike men, women can do more than one thing at a time.”


    Cindy wishes she hadn’t said that, but it's too late. Now she doesn’t know what to say to fix it. "Sorry" somehow escapes the moment.


    Shannon is reading a book. She is doing more than one thing at a time also. She is listening to her parent’s failure to communicate.


    Stephen sighs deeply, “My co-workers have been giving me a lot of difficulty lately. The head supervisor says I’m being moved off the woman’s unit. I’m supposed to meet with the Director next week, and I'm uncertain what that’s all about, but much good hasn’t come from work lately, so I don’t anticipate this meeting to be much different.”


263                                                                                                                         

 

    Cindy is thinking about all the things said at her last ‘Mom’s in Touch’ meeting. She is out of touch with what Stephen is saying. In fact, she doesn’t hear any of it.

    Stephen senses her disinterest. It is rather apparent that Cindy’s thoughts are elsewhere. He steps out of the room to attempt to validate the negative feeling he has. He hesitates. He listens. He hopes and waits, for her to call out to him again.


    She doesn’t. 

    Stephen feels he should have asked Cindy for prayer, but he doesn’t mention anything more about it. Stephen thinks about it. His wife is on the prayer-chain, yet he doesn’t even go to her with prayer concerns of his own.


    Stephen prays on his way to work, but he questions his own standing with God. The Bible makes mention of when two or three gather together in Jesus’ Name. Stephen feels the strongest two is the communion of husband and wife. And the impact that it has on the children makes it the greatest single thing a parent can do. Then if the third added is the child, it is the fulfillment of the greatest purpose that can be obtained for our children.


    Stephen feels he has failed in that area. He does not share his dreams and aspirations. He does not share his prayerful concerns with his wife. And he does not even have a relationship with his oldest daughter, let alone dream of joining her in prayer.


********* 

     As soon as Stephen arrives at work, the Staffing Office informs him that he is to meet up front with the Director. This is not the way to start out the shift. But at least this time he is not alone. As he enters the Conference Room, Lisa greets him.


    Lisa introduces Stephen to Laura, a co-worker she had befriended from another unit. There are three men grouped together in the front of the room. Stephen has seen them around, but doesn’t know them. Then in the back corner of the room is a man Stephen is familiar with. It is the infamous Casey. Just like the famous story of Casey at bat, this Casey is also known for his hitting …but he with his fists.


    Stephen had expected he was going to be confronted about another report against him, but is now confused over this strange assembly of people. As Stephen attempts to contemplate the possible scenarios, the Director walks in.


    Those still standing, quickly seat themselves …except Casey, of course.

    The Director gets right to the point, “I will not go into detail why I’ve individually selected each of you. But I’ve been asked to fund a research unit. This unit will be federally funded. Our facility has been chosen because of the uniqueness of our prison population." 

 264  



    The Director continues, "For years now, there has been a cry against abuse in the prison systems across our nation. Our state has been the first and has continued to be the foremost in accessing and addressing the specific needs of the mentally ill. Though a big problem we continue to face …is abuse. Abuse comes after confrontation. If we can avoid confrontation, or at least minimize it by channeling those emotions more constructively, we have solved the biggest aspect of the problem. Of course, I realize that there are those who thrive on confrontation. I’m referring to the prisoners, not your fellow workers. I’m talking about the prisoner who attempts to use confrontation entirely as a means to gain advantage.”

    Casey, having stood in the back, with arms folded, finally chooses to sit down. 

    The Director pretends to not notice, “They may use it for establishing dominance, intimidation, or diversions. Through precise and well-planned timely events, they can set up confrontations. Through the highly emotional state of any confrontation, they gain advantage through your error in judgment. At this point they can also claim abuse and/or neglect. But to help curb this exhaustive means aimed at proving abuse, we are installing video-cameras on the unit. Most of the prisoners on this unit have already cost the government exorbitant amounts of money. This must come to an end. We are just now realizing the effects of what began four years ago at Abu Ghraib.”


    The Director sips from a cup of coffee, “The pendulum has swung back in the direction which usually means prison reform. The Department of Corrections is focusing on a need for more standardized correctness in handling those behaviors that challenge our regimented expectations. Presently, there is heavy political pressure and that is no good for us. But two can play that game. Where there is politics, there is money. And where there is money, you’ll find politics.”


    The Director takes a larger sip of coffee, “As the Director of this facility, you well know, I've the power to place anyone I want on any unit I want. Don’t ask me why I chose each of you. I may come to regret it, but the fact is, I chose you as my core team of staff. You will work the research unit, and you will follow my guidelines. Soon we will be getting specially selected cases from throughout the United States. And throughout these next months, you will probably soon tire of me, if you haven't already, so I will leave you with only two more thoughts. The first of these will probably make you extremely happy. Each of you are presently employed by the State of Michigan. All of those benefits will remain the same. But in addition to your State pay, the federal government has agreed to send you a separate check for ten dollars an hour. That financial boost should more than compensate for the ever so slight inconvenience of my second and last bit of news.”

265                                      

         

{This is the introduction of The Evolution of Confusion, a book you may purchase, listed under the author by the name of Stephen Meiner. But, I decided to add the published book because through formatting failures on my part, some words seemed to disappear that were in the original that I submitted.  That does not mean there will be no errors ...just a few less. The 3rd part is: (https://whenwelastleftyou.blogspot.com/) clicking 'older posts' twice, with the second time not having any page numbers, but it will bring you to the next section a few pages further & (https://sometimesanovelidea.blogspot.com/) ...by clicking Part III at the bottom listed under 'archive', and the 4th part follows this one back here, by clicking 'older posts'.}