This story begins with ..., Wait!
This story does not have a beginning. We cannot define 'beginning'. There is no concept of beginning or end. Remember, there is no time. But there is substance, so there must just be forever.
Not the forever 'we' talk about:
"I'm forever forgetting to clean the garage."
"It's taking forever for him to call."
"The meeting seemed to go on forever."
We are not talking about our normal use of the word 'forever' ...but, forever and ever.
The word 'we' was used three, now four times. I wrote the word and you read it, so I guess 'we' are admitting that 'we' do exist. So when you pick up this book to read, only you and I exist for sure ...no baby crying, no spousal ignoring, or shirking your duties.
What I'm saying is, there are times when you should not be pretending only you and I exist, so find a time when it is appropriate for only you and me to exist, okay?
So it's just you and me, right?
ix.
Wrong!! ... not yet.
Remember, there are just forever and this 'Essence'. So let us start there.
But that's the problem, where is 'there'? For there to be 'there', there has to be 'time'.
No problem, let's just create time.
Wait a minute!!
(You're right, if there's no time, then there's no minute.)
There's no choice at this point, so JUST WAIT!!
We can't create time because 'we' aren't here yet. And that's the biggest problem we've encountered so far: 'We' think 'we' are in charge of it all. But we forget that there's just an 'Essence'.
That's it!! The Essence, in the very beginning ...wrong again!
The Essence always was ...and is. Anything that comes after the Essence must be the beginning and that in itself brings about the concept of time.
Now we are getting, I mean, the story is getting somewhere. The Essence creates the "once upon a time".
Finally, the story begins. And since we don't come into the picture immediately, at this point the Essence has to tell the story. But since we don't usually understand what we can't see, the Essence has to soon create us. But we don't commonly see that which is in darkness either, so that will be taken care of first to avoid further confusion. We have to get out of darkness so we can start reading this story.
x.
So the Essence creates all that we see, and of course we are created also, so we can see it. But we have to get out of darkness first. Yes, the darkness. That is my focus. Okay, we'll back up a bit.
Everything that was, ceases. But if it ceases to be, then why the presence of the question? There is a big pause. Nothing has direction. Doubt riddles any thought or purpose. Everything is in darkness.
Suddenly, it is as if someone releases the pause button. There is Light. Everything becomes clear. There is no darkness to be found. Things resume motion ...rapid motion. Things take form under restored direction. Eagerness is for the revelation of renewed purpose.
One thing is very clear. The change is the result of the Light. And this change brings celebration, in song.
This song is not shared by all ...as darkness is restored. The song disturbs some. But the Light defines where darkness can roam.
The focus of the creative force is frighteningly restrictive at this point. Only a minuscule part of this universe realizes the importance of the focus. Life itself can only be measured by comparison and contrast; otherwise theoretically it could go almost unnoticed.
Among the familiarity of life eternal is an unfamiliar temporary existence. Creatures whose existence can scarcely be worth mention, provide an insignificant variation of form and function. Yet, life eternal is brought to this place.
There is one creature to whom it is to be bestowed upon a definite significance with a purpose that's difficult to comprehend. This selection supposedly has both a temporary existence and an eternal nature. Temporary existence, though seemingly of less importance, must actually be a key function of yet unknown nature. Up until now, there's been no concern …no limitations. The introduction of this new creature breeds a nagging curiosity.
Wrong!! ... not yet.
Remember, there are just forever and this 'Essence'. So let us start there.
But that's the problem, where is 'there'? For there to be 'there', there has to be 'time'.
No problem, let's just create time.
Wait a minute!!
(You're right, if there's no time, then there's no minute.)
There's no choice at this point, so JUST WAIT!!
We can't create time because 'we' aren't here yet. And that's the biggest problem we've encountered so far: 'We' think 'we' are in charge of it all. But we forget that there's just an 'Essence'.
That's it!! The Essence, in the very beginning ...wrong again!
The Essence always was ...and is. Anything that comes after the Essence must be the beginning and that in itself brings about the concept of time.
Now we are getting, I mean, the story is getting somewhere. The Essence creates the "once upon a time".
Finally, the story begins. And since we don't come into the picture immediately, at this point the Essence has to tell the story. But since we don't usually understand what we can't see, the Essence has to soon create us. But we don't commonly see that which is in darkness either, so that will be taken care of first to avoid further confusion. We have to get out of darkness so we can start reading this story.
x.
So the Essence creates all that we see, and of course we are created also, so we can see it. But we have to get out of darkness first. Yes, the darkness. That is my focus. Okay, we'll back up a bit.
Everything that was, ceases. But if it ceases to be, then why the presence of the question? There is a big pause. Nothing has direction. Doubt riddles any thought or purpose. Everything is in darkness.
Suddenly, it is as if someone releases the pause button. There is Light. Everything becomes clear. There is no darkness to be found. Things resume motion ...rapid motion. Things take form under restored direction. Eagerness is for the revelation of renewed purpose.
One thing is very clear. The change is the result of the Light. And this change brings celebration, in song.
This song is not shared by all ...as darkness is restored. The song disturbs some. But the Light defines where darkness can roam.
The focus of the creative force is frighteningly restrictive at this point. Only a minuscule part of this universe realizes the importance of the focus. Life itself can only be measured by comparison and contrast; otherwise theoretically it could go almost unnoticed.
Among the familiarity of life eternal is an unfamiliar temporary existence. Creatures whose existence can scarcely be worth mention, provide an insignificant variation of form and function. Yet, life eternal is brought to this place.
There is one creature to whom it is to be bestowed upon a definite significance with a purpose that's difficult to comprehend. This selection supposedly has both a temporary existence and an eternal nature. Temporary existence, though seemingly of less importance, must actually be a key function of yet unknown nature. Up until now, there's been no concern …no limitations. The introduction of this new creature breeds a nagging curiosity.
xi.
The breeding ground is this ridiculous orb. This orb, scarcely important enough to be named, is called Earth. This appears to be the only focus now. It seems the function of everything else is as an immense backdrop. But, why? Is this Earth to be presented as a stage scene; to a bit play of cruel entertainment? And how long can this torment of unanswered questions go on?
This Earth is populated with life in such a limited capacity, called plant life and animal life. The animal life exercises a preference called pairing. The pairing draws no significance to the uninterested observer, yet it is told that the pairing always brings together male and female. But the observer's curiosity goes well beyond this. And there's an uneasy feeling about this whole thing.
Curiosity's focus hones in on the significance of the newly introduced eternal creatures who join an already base order of function. These eternal creatures, called humans, also have affections to be paired up as male and female.
Beyond imagination, to this staggering insignificant detail on this orb ...is incomprehensible. Why is life limited to this singular orb within such a vastness of space? Such restrictiveness is maddening! Yet, the male and female humans are made to believe they are not restricted. They are told they can have the fruit of any tree that they want.
What is happening now? What crudeness is being formed out of the mud? The sun has not even set on six days of creation, and it's time to play in the mud?
Well, that was a different way ...all that to just form one more male human, and to set him upon a high rock to oversee the activity below?
Now what? Nothing like getting a little soiled ...a special bit of care for just a bunch of trees. They all look the same ...well, except for a couple of them. And why is this place out of the way, where others can't access it? This place is set apart for an obvious special purpose, but what is that purpose?
The breeding ground is this ridiculous orb. This orb, scarcely important enough to be named, is called Earth. This appears to be the only focus now. It seems the function of everything else is as an immense backdrop. But, why? Is this Earth to be presented as a stage scene; to a bit play of cruel entertainment? And how long can this torment of unanswered questions go on?
This Earth is populated with life in such a limited capacity, called plant life and animal life. The animal life exercises a preference called pairing. The pairing draws no significance to the uninterested observer, yet it is told that the pairing always brings together male and female. But the observer's curiosity goes well beyond this. And there's an uneasy feeling about this whole thing.
Curiosity's focus hones in on the significance of the newly introduced eternal creatures who join an already base order of function. These eternal creatures, called humans, also have affections to be paired up as male and female.
Beyond imagination, to this staggering insignificant detail on this orb ...is incomprehensible. Why is life limited to this singular orb within such a vastness of space? Such restrictiveness is maddening! Yet, the male and female humans are made to believe they are not restricted. They are told they can have the fruit of any tree that they want.
What is happening now? What crudeness is being formed out of the mud? The sun has not even set on six days of creation, and it's time to play in the mud?
Well, that was a different way ...all that to just form one more male human, and to set him upon a high rock to oversee the activity below?
Now what? Nothing like getting a little soiled ...a special bit of care for just a bunch of trees. They all look the same ...well, except for a couple of them. And why is this place out of the way, where others can't access it? This place is set apart for an obvious special purpose, but what is that purpose?
The only life in this guarded area are plants. That muddy male human looks over from his rocky ledge to the guarded area, and he is suddenly carried, as if by a wind, to that area. And he is given a sort of commission to tend to it. He was just becoming familiarized with the area outside the guarded area, with a bit of instruction and knowledge ...and now he is placed in a new position.
He doesn't quite understand ...outside this guarded area he had a sense of purpose as he observed what was around him and their interactions. And outside the guarded area he saw that everyone had more freedom ...as they didn't have to tend to any plants, and they could freely eat all they wanted. They hadn't been told they weren't allowed to eat from one of the trees. But, he is told he is special, that he was not just created, but that life was actually breathed into him.
There is much less around him now, and he wonders what his new sense of purpose is to fully entail. And he doesn't understand this special significance of breath that he has. Holding his hand up to his face, it does not seem as fresh as holding a fruit up to his nose, that is for sure.
He doesn't have to wait long, and two of each of the creatures called animals are also introduced to this area, making life a bit more familiar and interesting. Yet, only one human ...he seems to be the only human reserved with the right to roam here. It sort of seems like a privilege, but does he alone have purpose? Does he alone have direction? And he doesn't feel he likes this 'alone' thing.
He doesn't quite understand ...outside this guarded area he had a sense of purpose as he observed what was around him and their interactions. And outside the guarded area he saw that everyone had more freedom ...as they didn't have to tend to any plants, and they could freely eat all they wanted. They hadn't been told they weren't allowed to eat from one of the trees. But, he is told he is special, that he was not just created, but that life was actually breathed into him.
There is much less around him now, and he wonders what his new sense of purpose is to fully entail. And he doesn't understand this special significance of breath that he has. Holding his hand up to his face, it does not seem as fresh as holding a fruit up to his nose, that is for sure.
He doesn't have to wait long, and two of each of the creatures called animals are also introduced to this area, making life a bit more familiar and interesting. Yet, only one human ...he seems to be the only human reserved with the right to roam here. It sort of seems like a privilege, but does he alone have purpose? Does he alone have direction? And he doesn't feel he likes this 'alone' thing.
He doesn't have to wait long though. From his own being …the female is created.
These two eternal creatures alone ...stand separate from all others as they enjoy this guarded area, and it doesn't seem to be lonely anymore. The playful activity of the animals are often not even noticed as they gaze at one another. Having everything they need, they have no desire for anything else ...or anyone else. They are content.
xii.
The male and female are happy to communicate with each other. Nothing else seems to affect them. They only have affections for each other at this time. Though only the male had seen outside the guarded area.
Was he tempted by what he had seen outside the guarded area? Or is it more effective to tempt the imagination, the curiosity of what one has not seen?
And is it harmless to imagine things that are not actually true?
What about outside the guarded area?
The significance of that progression covers much time, inclusive of the influence of the two. The humans quickly find their own purposes. They divide into their own groups. They also desire each other's affections, but in groups which they call kingdoms and cities. They move from cooperation to corporations, from family loyalty to corporate loyalty, and then to no loyalty at all.
How about going back to the first corporation? That would lend to more understanding. But, that would require going way back to even before the darkness.
Okay, the thought came up ...so those thoughts will be explored, of how it may have been before the darkness.
The person who began this first corporation, heads the meeting ...and invites comments.
The most vocal member speaks up, "I'd like to try my own hand at this."
He senses the corporate head's disapproval, and quickly rephrases his statement, "What I'm really saying, is that I'd like to be a light unto you, per say; a chip off the old block. We could all be representatives in our own sectors. I'd like to take the responsibility of representing you, if you'd allow me to have my own sector."
The corporate head does not reflect disappointment in his tone, "But the corporation belongs to everyone. If anyone or everyone should separate themselves to individual singular sectors, then it would deny the mutual freedoms you all now have."
The vocal member persists, "I would gladly give up those freedoms to be able to represent you the best way I can in a single sector. I don't have a desire for all the freedoms of the corporation. I only desire to proudly represent you the best way I can. And I feel I can best demonstrate that in a single sector."
The male and female are happy to communicate with each other. Nothing else seems to affect them. They only have affections for each other at this time. Though only the male had seen outside the guarded area.
Was he tempted by what he had seen outside the guarded area? Or is it more effective to tempt the imagination, the curiosity of what one has not seen?
And is it harmless to imagine things that are not actually true?
What about outside the guarded area?
The significance of that progression covers much time, inclusive of the influence of the two. The humans quickly find their own purposes. They divide into their own groups. They also desire each other's affections, but in groups which they call kingdoms and cities. They move from cooperation to corporations, from family loyalty to corporate loyalty, and then to no loyalty at all.
How about going back to the first corporation? That would lend to more understanding. But, that would require going way back to even before the darkness.
Okay, the thought came up ...so those thoughts will be explored, of how it may have been before the darkness.
The person who began this first corporation, heads the meeting ...and invites comments.
The most vocal member speaks up, "I'd like to try my own hand at this."
He senses the corporate head's disapproval, and quickly rephrases his statement, "What I'm really saying, is that I'd like to be a light unto you, per say; a chip off the old block. We could all be representatives in our own sectors. I'd like to take the responsibility of representing you, if you'd allow me to have my own sector."
The corporate head does not reflect disappointment in his tone, "But the corporation belongs to everyone. If anyone or everyone should separate themselves to individual singular sectors, then it would deny the mutual freedoms you all now have."
The vocal member persists, "I would gladly give up those freedoms to be able to represent you the best way I can in a single sector. I don't have a desire for all the freedoms of the corporation. I only desire to proudly represent you the best way I can. And I feel I can best demonstrate that in a single sector."
xiii.
The corporate head looks over the membership, then back to the one who had addressed the group, "I still contend that we could best serve by all having the freedoms presently bestowed upon us, but if you venture to say you'd like to try it this other way, I will ask for a vote of the membership."
The corporate head looks over the membership, then back to the one who had addressed the group, "I still contend that we could best serve by all having the freedoms presently bestowed upon us, but if you venture to say you'd like to try it this other way, I will ask for a vote of the membership."
After the vote is held, the corporate head addresses the entire membership, "One third of you agree that you'd like to try the change. That is a large number. I will therefore assign special tasks in assigned sectors to those who voted for the change. I ask only that the third remain while I pass out the assignments. Everyone else is dismissed."
The third remains while the corporate head assigns the various sectors, "Here, you may look over the description of your sectors. Remain here and I will return to give you a more specific description of the duties and responsibilities of each sector."
The corporate head leaves. He stops temporarily outside the meeting place, and hands a stack of papers to one of his messengers before departing.
The vocal one watches the corporate head depart before he addresses the third left behind, "I would venture to say that though we have our own sectors now, we stand within a difficult arrangement unless we band together. We can hold our own meetings and vote on the activities we deem important for our new positions."
The messenger hurries to find the corporate head.
The messenger soon realizes that the corporate head is already waiting for him. The other two-thirds of the membership are there also. The messenger somehow feels the corporate head already knows. The corporate head invites comment, "What do you think? Do any of you want to join and have your own sector? And explain your reasons to me."
xiv.
Each one takes a turn, listing reasons:
"You've given us freedoms to everything there is within the corporation. I am grateful for that. I've always been happy to serve you. I'm content with the corporate arrangement."
"I too am happy with the arrangement. I don't need to build a name for myself. Everything began with you. You built it up. We could never manage the corporation as you have. Yet we still drink from the wells of prosperity of what you've solely invested. You put life into the corporation. Trying to separate from your ideals would surely take from what we now have. How could we ever trust anyone else to handle even a portion of the corporation with as much care as you have?"
"You are the corporation. How can we not accept that? Our loyalty is to you, to the corporation. Pride comes by us trying to show you what we can accomplish …as if we are doing it on our own. In reality, we can accomplish nothing without you. Pride is an excuse; lacking insight. We need to show gratefulness, not independence."
"Our own desires would only bring exclusiveness."
xv.
The meeting stretches on and on ...and on. Everyone has a turn and more than adequate opportunity to voice their feelings on the manner. Only the messenger, who'd entered in the back, is left to speak.
The messenger hesitates, "It is a grievous thing, those who've separated themselves from you. I believe I am who I am because of you. All my praise and thanks go to you. I could never imagine leaving your side, let alone bringing word of what would come of those who'd desire to do so."
The corporate head turns from the crowd and speaks, "I would have suggested it myself if there were no harm in it; but I know what seed sprouts from its core when sown in corruption. It bears fruit that delights in every way, but the appetite will never again be quenched. You could search forever and there'd be no more gratefulness tomorrow than there was earlier today. A decision was made today and there is no spirit of sorrow. What we've experienced is a spirit void of transformation. They've experienced the fullness and turned away from it."
The corporate head turns back to the crowd, and then focuses directly at the messenger, "Tell them what you overheard today."
The messenger repeats exactly what he had heard, then adds, "I see that they have decided to form their own rules and eventually their own corporation. I just can't believe they wouldn't realize it would be to their own demise. There is no transfer of sovereignty. I see contentiousness, not inner peace. There is no inner peace in deciding to draw life away from you." The messenger pauses before concluding, "But one more thing I realized when I came to report to you. You already knew. You know us better than we know ourselves. You knew before today who sincerely followed you and who didn't. You knew the third would depart."
xvi.
Wait! This could be the late 1900's as I remember it, or the present 2000's. Or is it the beginning of time? Or the end, and who would know it? Is this the first millennium, the last millennium, one in between, or inclusive of past, present and future? Is the head of the corporation symbolic or is it a corporation as we know it today? Or could it represent a head of a country, an international organization, or merely a head of household?
What did my husband mean by all of this? Okay, maybe I don't need to know. The spirit of it all ...the motivation, the commitment, or the lack of it is all the same.
I remember him speaking of a disaster drill he had to go through in the prison. The lights had gone out and it was so dark. Everything was at a standstill ...like I am with this writing. When you are in complete darkness, you search for answers. But you find little comfort. I'm also finding little comfort here. It's real difficult to think, let alone write. It was sweet of my daughter to try to write it for me. She showed a lot of interest for quite some time, gathering facts and news clippings. But then when it came time to write, I guess she struggled just like I am ...but in a different way. Her way is so healthy. She has the proper zest for life. I try to encourage her in those beautiful ways that she is unlike me.
I told her to join her cousin on their adventure; that I'd write the book. But even if I forget about everything else that went on, it's still ...I mean, I can't. And even if I could, I don't know whether that was the prologue and this should be the beginning chapter, or whether he intended for there to be two beginnings. But there has to be only one beginning.
The meeting stretches on and on ...and on. Everyone has a turn and more than adequate opportunity to voice their feelings on the manner. Only the messenger, who'd entered in the back, is left to speak.
The messenger hesitates, "It is a grievous thing, those who've separated themselves from you. I believe I am who I am because of you. All my praise and thanks go to you. I could never imagine leaving your side, let alone bringing word of what would come of those who'd desire to do so."
The corporate head turns from the crowd and speaks, "I would have suggested it myself if there were no harm in it; but I know what seed sprouts from its core when sown in corruption. It bears fruit that delights in every way, but the appetite will never again be quenched. You could search forever and there'd be no more gratefulness tomorrow than there was earlier today. A decision was made today and there is no spirit of sorrow. What we've experienced is a spirit void of transformation. They've experienced the fullness and turned away from it."
The corporate head turns back to the crowd, and then focuses directly at the messenger, "Tell them what you overheard today."
The messenger repeats exactly what he had heard, then adds, "I see that they have decided to form their own rules and eventually their own corporation. I just can't believe they wouldn't realize it would be to their own demise. There is no transfer of sovereignty. I see contentiousness, not inner peace. There is no inner peace in deciding to draw life away from you." The messenger pauses before concluding, "But one more thing I realized when I came to report to you. You already knew. You know us better than we know ourselves. You knew before today who sincerely followed you and who didn't. You knew the third would depart."
xvi.
Wait! This could be the late 1900's as I remember it, or the present 2000's. Or is it the beginning of time? Or the end, and who would know it? Is this the first millennium, the last millennium, one in between, or inclusive of past, present and future? Is the head of the corporation symbolic or is it a corporation as we know it today? Or could it represent a head of a country, an international organization, or merely a head of household? What did my husband mean by all of this? Okay, maybe I don't need to know. The spirit of it all ...the motivation, the commitment, or the lack of it is all the same.
I remember him speaking of a disaster drill he had to go through in the prison. The lights had gone out and it was so dark. Everything was at a standstill ...like I am with this writing. When you are in complete darkness, you search for answers. But you find little comfort. I'm also finding little comfort here. It's real difficult to think, let alone write. It was sweet of my daughter to try to write it for me. She showed a lot of interest for quite some time, gathering facts and news clippings. But then when it came time to write, I guess she struggled just like I am ...but in a different way. Her way is so healthy. She has the proper zest for life. I try to encourage her in those beautiful ways that she is unlike me.
I told her to join her cousin on their adventure; that I'd write the book. But even if I forget about everything else that went on, it's still ...I mean, I can't. And even if I could, I don't know whether that was the prologue and this should be the beginning chapter, or whether he intended for there to be two beginnings. But there has to be only one beginning.
xvii.
In the beginning there was only the Essence. And would I suppose he eventually created me so I could write this story and pass it on to others? Or is that all wrong? I feel the story was meant to be told, but it's too confusing to be certain. It's too dark to read. You read on without me. But don't add anything. Though it seems like I'm already adding a lot. Maybe the Essence should tell the story.
Okay, the Essence creates the beginnings of all that we see. And of course, we are created so we can see it. Now that we can see, we can really begin the story ...assuming somewhere along the way we learn to read.
This is becoming way too philosophical. We need some understanding, but let's not critique the story, let's just tell it. Or let's have the Essence tell it, as we agree.
xviii.
In the beginning there was only the Essence. And would I suppose he eventually created me so I could write this story and pass it on to others? Or is that all wrong? I feel the story was meant to be told, but it's too confusing to be certain. It's too dark to read. You read on without me. But don't add anything. Though it seems like I'm already adding a lot. Maybe the Essence should tell the story.
Okay, the Essence creates the beginnings of all that we see. And of course, we are created so we can see it. Now that we can see, we can really begin the story ...assuming somewhere along the way we learn to read.
This is becoming way too philosophical. We need some understanding, but let's not critique the story, let's just tell it. Or let's have the Essence tell it, as we agree.
xviii.
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